Chapter 10 – A Heart of Darkness
It is said that time is an invariable element, unalterable in its passage and forever moving at a constant speed. Sesshomaru had, of course, known this all along. Yet within a certain two minute time frame the great demon lord would have sworn upon his life that for just that small segment of flow, time itself seemed to have slowed down. His crippled mind, whilst unable to physically react, managed to catch every aching detail of those two minutes, managed to see every action she took as an agonising movement that could have gone on forever.
He had heard her voice, her voice. Sesshomaru had almost forgotten that Rin had chosen not to speak, so accustomed had he become to the silence. But as her mouth opened wide and a voice foreign, yet all at once familiar, erupted from her heaving chest he felt the significance of her muteness shatter in the ring of his name.
Rin had moved then, leaving time and sense beaten in her wake. She had moved onto the path of self-sacrifice and he had done nothing but stare at her as she did so. He had watched as the blade slid through her flesh effortlessly with a kind of detached empathy. His brain understood that the blade had entered through Rin's chest, probably tearing into her lungs and heart, and that such a wound was most definitely mortal. But his heart refused to connect that this observation was of Rin's vital organs, Rin's mortality. Not until her lips had quirked in that self-satisfied fashion and her ridiculously vivacious eyes had begun to glaze with the veil of death's heavy hand had he at last understood. His Rin was falling to the ground in death.
As soon as her small body had hit the soiled earth time fell back into place for Sesshomaru. Kagura was still beneath him, her eyes dancing with amusement and triumph and somewhere behind him someone else's voice cried out in an echoed agony to his own. "It would seem my aid has shown himself at last." Kagura raised her voice as she turned from Sesshomaru to carry her next words over his shoulder. "Were you just going to wait till I was dead Juromaru before you did anything?"
Sesshomaru leapt back from Kagura to gain a look at his new enemy. A demon had risen from a hidden pit a few yards behind him in the rubble. Soft dirt was still sliding from his lank violet hair as it stared at Sesshomaru with dark lifeless eyes. Where had the knife that this creature had used to stab Rin gone? Its hands were empty yet Sesshomaru had been sure the weapon had returned to him. He tried to keep his eyes on the strange silent creature as his brother brashly rushed forward to Rin. Inuyasha had never looked so large and hulking as he bent down to pick up her pathetic body and move it past their battle. When he joined Sesshomaru's side once more he steeled his face into stoniness, they had not the time to mourn yet.
"So what's the plan now?" Inuyasha whispered as his eyes drifted between foes. "How about you stay out of my way while I deal with this."
Sesshomaru fell back into a ready stance as he gauged which direction he would launch to first. "Don't be so pig headed! I-"
"If you remember it was you who dragged Rin into that trap in the first place. Your ignorant attack cost Rin her life!"
Beyond the bitterness of greif, Inuyasha felt shocked at the raw anger of Sesshomaru's words and for a moment watched his brother's blade carefully lest it swing towards him. It was the first time he had considered how much greif Sesshomaru would harbor over Rin's compromise. His older brother was a stone, emotionless and solitary amongst a sea empty faces that he refused to acknowledge….or at aleast, that is what Inuyasha had always thougth. But there was little time to consider this revelation as Sesshomaru leapt suddenly towards Juromaru.
The demon looked lax as Sesshomaru approached him, not even moving an inch until the blade was swinging down upon him. But his dumb expression was deceptive as Juromaru stepped away from the blades biting edge without fuss. The blank expression that stared back at Sesshomaru only fueled his rage as he leapt forward in a ground assault, swinging Tōkijin fiercely with both hands, yet each sword swipe only fell upon open air. He tore his right hand away from the hilt and let his poisonous whip crack against Juromaru's chest. He was rewarded with a fierce scowl and the sign of blood marring the pale creature's shirt.
Enraged by the wound on his chest, Juromaru began to counter Sesshomaru's attack. His swift steps always brought him just out of reach from Sesshomaru's sword and in that pause between attacks he swung out with sharpened claws. His moves were quick but there was little power behind them and Sesshomaru soon found himself at an advantage. His blade managed to slice down and rip through the flesh of Juromaru's left arm. The pale demon's foot step faltered and Sesshomaru found his opening.
But as he lunged forward to impale Juromaru the creatures mouth opened wide to emit a cold aura that crept across Sesshomaru's skin. He only had an instant to react as a small creature erupted from the depths of Juromaru's mouth, the blades on its small prey mantis like arms slicing through Sesshomaru's shoulder.
He clutched at the wound as blood gushed from the rent flesh, the cut was deep. "What rich blood you have." Shocked, the yokai whirled around to face the small creature that had injured him. It had similar features to Juromaru, though its body was small and slithering like an insect. It licked cracked, purple lips as it stared at the wound on his shoulder. "Much tastier than that human girl, though her heart was ripe and tender, I would warrant a yokai's guts would be of a more succulent flavor."
Sesshomaru tried to contain the rage that filled his mind and turned his vision white but his blood was literally boiling within his veins. The creature only mocked him further. "Ha ha! What's this then? Don't tell me you're angered about the girl? She was tasty to be sure but there are far more delicious beings to be had!" Its last words came out as a small shriek as it launched forward with its scything arms to slice two deep rifts into Sesshomaru thighs. As blood gushed from the wound to wet the ground Sesshomaru made no move or sound, only his eyes followed the movements of the small creature as a flame seemed to be igniting within their amber depths.
"Juromaru with me! Let us take this demon down to pieces and then devour him while his guts are still steaming!" The twin creatures leapt forward in unison with hunger widening their eyes. They were but a few feet away from the still demon when they stopped abruptly as a wave pulsed through the air, thick with power and static. As another wave beat out from Sesshomaru the rock beneath the demon lord's feet began to crack under the strain. His aura grew thick and red around him, swirling into a small tornado like wind before it hid Sesshomaru behind it completely.
Kagerōmaru tensed before shouting to his brother, "Get away from him!" But it was too late. A huge white paw darted out of the red whirlwind to pin Juromaru to the ground. An even larger white muzzle emerged then to tear at the pinned body, biting Juromaru's head off in a vicious wrench.
Sesshomaru turned his red wolf eyes towards Kagerōmaru, a sinister smile breaking upon his blood rimmed fangs. The small creature managed to come to his senses as the giant white dog growled towards him, diving beneath the earth as he tunneled desperately with his scythed hands.
Sesshomaru leapt towards the hole that was left in Kagerōmaru's wake, digging at the loose earth with his front paws to no avail. His mouth began to froth in rage and the acid spittle dripped from his jaw to sizzle on the rocky earth beneath him. He sniffed the air curiously before he managed to pick up Kagerōmaru's scent. The creature erupted from the earth behind the yokai in a last desperate move to pierce Sesshomaru's heart. But the white dog was ready and he turned his powerful maw towards the lunging creature and spat his acid saliva upon Kagerōmaru. The creature screamed out as the mist burned into his flesh and eyes. He writhed on the ground in desperation but the saliva only ate further into his skin. It eroded the outside shell of his body armor as if it were little more than paper before eating away at the exposed flesh beneath.
The blood curdling cries froze Kagura and Inuyasha mid battle, both pairs of eyes staring fearfully at Sesshomaru in his true form as he stood over the writhing Kagerōmaru. Inuyasha watched in horror as his brother's dog form lifted a large paw slowly before stomping upon Kagerōmaru. The cries of pain ceased.
Inuyasha had never seen his brother's true form before, but as he stared up at the huge white mongrel he didn't feel it as a loss. The thought occurred to him that if Sesshomaru was unable to return from that enraged state he would be powerless to stop his brother.
A draft blew through Inuyasha's tresses breaking him from his thoguths as he turnedin surprise, but too late. Kagura had abandoned their battle and was riding upon an enlarged feather in retreat, gaining altitude as she flew south with as much speed as her wind could manage to take her. Inuyasha called out to her but futilely, she was too high for him to even hope to reach her.
He turned back to find his brother returned to human form, his foot still grounding upon Kagerōmaru's lifeless body. The look that Sesshomaru threw at Inuyasha as he approached made the hairs on his arms stand on end. He didn't say a word or even look into his brother's eyes as Sesshomaru strode past Inuyasha towards the small body that lay still in the shadows.
Sesshomaru's steps faltered beside Rin as he stared down at her small pale body. It looked so fragile and slight, like a little wren that had been battered out of the sky mercilessly. He tried not to look at the horrible wound that had rent her chest open but Kagerōmaru's words were still ringing in his ears, her heart was ripe and tender…
How had he allowed it to come to this? After having battled and won her back he was to lose her again so easily? No! It could not be, would not be! How could he ever accept such a fragile fate? She was there; she had always been there! Her quiet footsteps always ghosted his own, her silent council…how could he ever accept that she was not going to be following right behind him when they left this place?
He stood over her lifeless body and something began to shake in his bones, what was that…panic? He had never felt so panicked about anything before; the thought of Rin never striding confidently by his side was filling the very marrow of his bones with an unrecognisable dread. "I won't let it end like this."
As the words were whispered past his bloodless lips Sesshomaru felt a thrum of power vibrate at his hip. He looked down upon the Tenseiga that hung at his waist. There was a faint light peeking out from the sheath as he took the hilt and drew the blade forth. Its edge was rimmed with a green aura that swelled in time with the beating of his heart. He looked beyond the sword in shock as figures danced across Rin's still frame, small creatures that seemed to be dragging away at Rin's life force and Sesshomaru suddenly realised what they were. They were pallbearers; demons from the afterlife that had come to carry Rin's soul on to the next world. But how could he see them?
"A blade that cannot cut to cause death…" Izayoi's words fell into context so easily that he wondered how he had never thought of it before. He raised Tenseiga high above his head and the blade seemed to keen in encouragement. He sliced down just a few centimetres above Rin's pale corpse and he felt the slight resistance as the edge cut through the pallbearers. They made no sound as their small transparent bodies' dissipated and fled from this realm back into the clutches of the afterlife.
Sesshomaru stood perfectly still, unable to even move or breathe in the intense anticipation that held him frozen. He watched Rin's face as two spots of colour rose on her lifeless cheeks and her chest suddenly heaved and shuddered with the burden of a breath. But he dared not hope, not yet. Not until at last she opened her dark brown eyes, the same shade as the willow's murky bark, and she blinked the light film of death from her glassy iris' that he dared allow himself to breathe again and let hope swell in his breast. Then a voice, weak with disuse but loud enough to almost deafen his senses sang out from that heaving, lively breast. "Thank you Sesshomaru-sama."
--/--
She hadn't felt this shy in a long time. Rin sat in front of the small campfire twisting the folds of Inuyasha's haori in her fingers nervously as the two demons stared across the flames at her. Having been silent for so long she no longer had any thought as to what to say to either of them.
She remembered the face that Inuyasha had made when he had given her his haori. Her own blouse was rent and bloodied so when the half demon had offered her his own she had thanked him in a quiet, croaky voice that had nearly made Inuyasha fall over in shock. She hadn't said anything more, save to Sesshomaru.
Sesshomaru…he had saved her life so many times, even going so far as to drag her back from the gates of death. She felt the debt weigh up in her heart and knew that no matter what came she would serve him always until that debt was repaid. Perhaps now she could start with so simple a thing as an explanation.
They both looked at her eagerly with a hunger for her words lingering in their twin amber eyes. She owed them the story of her past, for they had shared so much with her. Yet the curse of her own voice was still a fear that made her tongue turn dry and stick uncomfortably to the roof of her mouth.
She cleared her throat unsuccessfully and tried to begin. "I…I want to thank you again Sesshomaru-sama for saving me."
"Your thanks is not necessary, I told you that already." Sesshomaru's words were impatient, but she swallowed them down. Inuyasha looked a little more kindly upon her when she spoke again. "And of course, you too Inuyasha. It must have been tough facing an unknown opponent alone."
Inuyasha's mouth opened to reply but he was cut off, "But what a shame he could not even keep one woman from escaping in the end."
"What did you say!?" The half demon howled with injustice. "You heard me, unless we have a deaf invalid as well as a mute-" Sesshomaru caught himself on the last word but it was already out of his mouth and polluting the air between them. Rin pushed a weak smile to her lips, she had gotten used to being called a mute but somehow it bothered her now. She opened her mouth, determined to speak as if in proof against the word but there was little she could think to say. But in the end she didn't have to.
"Not anymore it would seem." Inuyasha filled in, and there it was. In his statement lay the unspoken question that was etched in the curious lines curving the demon brother's frowns. Why?
"No…not anymore." Her voice cracked with disuse making her seem younger than her estimated 16 years. She licked dried lips as she wondered how to begin, should she simply just begin from the start?
"I-I didn't always choose to be…um…silent. I think I was six when I stopped speaking. I was loud and remember laughing a lot. I had that innocent naivety that only a small child can have, the belief that the world was centred around your home and the people you knew and that no matter what happened they would be there tomorrow and the day after. The future, the outside world…. they are not important to the young.
"My father was a farmer who had begun cultivating the land that we lived on from scratch, and his hands were always dirty and calloused with labour. My mother…I can't remember much of her but I know that she smelled like oats and cook fire and her skin was always warm. And just beyond the borders of our house there was a little abandoned well with vines creeping all over it. My father told me not to play near it but I never listened to his warnings, I thought I understood everything. How wrong I was."
Rin paused from her narrative, daring to look up from the fire at her audience. To the unfamiliar eye it would have seemed that Inuyasha's captivated face was the only listener, but in the shadows behind him a pale figure lurked. One who did not know him might have thought that he was too far away to hear Rin's words, but she knew that his rigid stance was poised in concentration as he listened on from the darkness.
"The first time I heard the voice from the well I think I ran away without listening. But the second time, curiosity got the better of me. It was a woman's voice that beckoned me to the edge of the well and knowing no better I did. She said she was the spirit that guarded the forest but had been trapped inside the well long ago and had grown so weak that she could not free herself. 'If I am to die, so too shall the forest' she said to me. But I could help, all she needed was an enchanted knife blessed by a priestess to cut away the evil that held her. 'A brave and wise girl such as you must surely know where one can be found'. And I did of course. For our house sat on the edge of a small village and within that small community there lived a miko. I had only met her a few times but I knew where her house was and that during the day she ventured into the village and the outlying areas around us, leaving her hut full of miko secrets empty. I barely even hesitated to think of the consequences of stealing a priestess' belongings, let alone to take a weapon and give it to a stranger. I had been charmed by the voice of a being above me and I had little enough courage or want to turn away from such a grand voice. And when I arrived at the miko's hut it was exactly as the being had said. There was a small wooden box with a paper charm enveloping the catch but if I took it down it would not hurt me. And inside, wrapped in a velvet cloth was the small silver dagger the spirit had spoken of with blood still marring the blade. If I had stopped from my wild adventure to think I might have realised the suspicion in taking a charm from a miko to a nameless spirit but I was drunk with the power I felt in aiding a cause bigger than rice fields and keeping my room clean.
"I ran back to the well with such excitement and anticipation with thoughts of a reward and treasure filling my naïve head. But all the danger of my actions only came to me as the blade fell from my hands and into the darkness of the well and an unpleasant sound echoed off the stonewalls, the sound of a sinister laugh.
"I ran. Away from the mocking laughter and the knowledge of the dangerous thing I had just done. I ran straight for my home and did not stop until I was within the warmth of my mothers embrace. But I did not tell her what I had done. Perhaps if I had, things could have been different. But I was still holding onto thoughts of valour and rewards and a beautiful voice thanking me for my courage so I didn't say a word. And then she came.
"She came to our house first, whether because we were just outside the village's limits or because she had followed my scent home I will never know. But when she attacked the animals outside my mother took me and hid us in a storage cell underground. It was so loud, the noises above us as the demon tore our little farm to pieces and my father he…"
Rin choked on a sob and fell into silence. She knew she had to finish this tale, not just for them but also for herself. She had never spoken of that night before. She needed to let the guilt creep out from her soul and into her moth. She had to speak.
"It was so quiet!" She gasped as hot tears ran down her cheeks, "Our house had never been so still! While the chaos and noise had raged above our heads I had been able to just bury my face in mothers skirts and pray as the air filled with smoke and blood, I had been able to cry and plead but when the silence settled above us it was unbearable. The thoughts came then of my father who had rushed out when the attack had begun, the thoughts of what I had done. My mother tried to keep me quiet in the darkness,'You mustn't make a sound.' She said, 'You must be silent and strong Rin, silent and strong.'
"But I wasn't, the fear got to me the silence was crushing me and I screamed. My mother tried to push her hand over my mother but it was too late. A crash erupted above us and the demon tore the wooden hatch off of the cellar and tore down into the darkness. My mother pushed me towards the stairs and told me to run, to get out to go to the village. She died trying to protect me, never knowing that I was the one that had brought this upon our family. But I did as she bid and I ran but I didn't get very far. The demon caught up with me and suddenly the images I had of a beautiful spirit were met with the reality of this horrifying demon. She was like a giant centipede with a distorted feminine face and horrible pale spindly arms. She had blood all over her hands on her grinning mouth, my family's blood. I thought she was going to kill me but instead she just grinned down at me, 'don't look so forlorn child.' She said, 'for helping me I will let you live.' And then she was gone. I didn't follow her but I know that she went to the village and destroyed it. Everyone I had known, the world I had thought was constant and forever had been destroyed because of me, and my beautiful mother's noble death had come from my wretched voice."
Rin didn't dare look up from the fire again. She stared resolutely at the flames as a silence settled in the wake of her horrifying story, a silence that was unbearable just as the silence in that cellar had been. Her throat was soar from overuse and as she lifted a hand to wipe the tears from her face Inuyasha spoke. "Rin…I-"
"I should go get some more fire wood." Her voice was strained just to get that sentence out. She didn't wait for a reply from Inuyasha, only rose from her seat and wandered back into the darkness and away from the light of the fire and the horror that she had unintentionally glimpsed in the half demon's eyes.
She didn't bother to look for wood, knowing already that they had gathered more than enough earlier. Instead Rin just stood in the darkness with an outstretched hand resting against the rough bark of a nearby tree as she tried to keep the tears from falling. She had worked so hard to put the past behind her. When she had ventured off to live on her own she had assumed a different identity, she had shed the coat of guilt and adolescence and become something else. Someone who was strong who could take of herself. Someone who was alone and could not let her life taint another's. And she had done that, for nearly a decade she had managed to believe her life had begun when she left that place behind. She had been able to live a silent and solitary life and be content with just that. But she had never truly been rid of it. That life and those deeds had simply dwelled in the darker regions of her heart. The stupid naïve little girl she had been still ghosted her waking hours and came alive at night when she dreamed. But having spoken of that time out loud, and to Inuyasha and Sesshomaru no less…that other half of herself had risen up to takes its place within her. She couldn't hide from it anymore.
Rin didn't hear the soft footfalls that treaded behind her, so absorbed was she in her thoughts. The figure was still as he watched her shoulders tremble in the effort to keep from crying. She was only made aware of his presence when at last he spoke top her from the darkness.
"You should not lose yourself to the guilt Rin. What you did all those years ago was done in ignorance. You endeavoured to help another and your good intentions were only smited by the ill intentions of another. You were not the one who killed your family and the villagers; it was the demon whose hands were laden with the blood of those peoples not yours. You lost yourself to fear but we have all been down that road. The only thing one can do is to move forward, to face that fear again and conquer it for the past can never be altered, only the future can be saved. That world may have been lost to you but there are other worlds into which you can now enter and live. Your parents loved you and gave their lives to protect you, knowing where the demon had come would not have changed that. Do not let their sacrifices fall into futility. If you live and grow and are happy then that is enough, their souls will be at peace. I know your heart cannot carry evil, what you did you did with love and the belief in all that is good in this world and you should never feel guilty for the evil of others for you are pure."
The footsteps retreated once more and padded off into the night. Rin stood still in shock for a few moments before she allowed her tears to fall. But a smile crept across her lips and she felt the horror and the guilt flowing away from her soul in the vessel of her tears. She was free.
"Thank you Sesshomaru-sama."
--/--
That chapter seemed to take forever to get through, Rin's past was a tricky issue to get around because of course she hasnt ever had one that we know of.
In answer to a comment, yes I am completely leaving out Kagome's story in this. There was just nowhere for her to fit I felt (along with sango, miroku and shippou) sorry to any fans out there who were hoping for an appearance!
Also wanted to just let everyone know that next chapter is the last one! 0.o it is so hard and incredible to think that it will be finished in just one more chapter, But I have had a great time with this fanfic and would like to thank everyone so much for reading and enjoying!
Kind Regards, Eia