Chapter 10

Nightmares

"Anya? Wake up, Anya."

I slowly opened my eyes and I was in a field of flowers? I sat up from where I was laying and looked around. Someone keeps calling my name, yet I couldn't see anyone…

Where am I?

"Anya."

I turned my head and saw Goemon looking down at me. He had a small smile on his face while my eyes widened. If this is another nightmare about him then I want to wake up now!

"Why?" I managed to ask.

"Even though you are marrying another man, you'll never forget me, Anya. You belong to me," he whispered.

"No, I don't love you anymore. You betrayed me! I love Jun! He'll never leave me like you did!" I argued.

He crouched down so he was eye leveled with me and touched my face softly. "Keep telling yourself that… You'll always still love me no matter how much you try and convince yourself that you don't."

I flinched away from his touch and stood up to run away from him, but he wrapped his arms from behind me. I felt his hot breath on my neck; he felt… Warm.

"Let go…" I hate how I feel secure in his arms…

"My grip isn't that tight. You can break free, you know," he whispered in my ear.

I took a deep breath to get out of his embrace, yet I was hesitant… Why am I second-guessing? Do I truly want to stay in his arms?

"You'll always love me, Anya, and I'll always love you too."

*~*~*~*~*Mend My Broken Heart~*~*~*~*

I gasped as I sat up from my futon, but I immediately covered my mouth when I realized Jun is sleeping next to me. I don't want him to know I had another bad dream about Goemon.

I wish I could fall back asleep, but after that nightmare, I started to ponder the thought that I'll never be over Goemon. Is the reason why I'm marrying Jun is to forget about Goemon? I truly love Jun, though, yet I keep dreaming about Goemon…

"Anya?" Jun called out my name in a sheepish voice.

"Yeah?"

"Is something wrong?" He went to sit up from the futon, but I gently pushed him back down.

"No, I'm going back to sleep."

Jun pulled me down into his embrace and I snuggled into him. I closed my eyes, praying I will go back to sleep.

Why don't I feel as secure in his arms like I did with Goemon's?

*~*~*~*~*Mend My Broken Heart~*~*~*~*

It was morning and I didn't get much sleep. Goemon was haunting my mind the whole night. Am I going to keep dreaming about him even after I marry Jun? Maybe, I should reconsider getting married, but I do love Jun… The only bad thing is do I love Goemon more than Jun? Have I seriously not gotten over Goemon?

Jun and I were finally leaving my home village. We said our goodbyes to my family, promising to visit as soon as possible. Jun notice I wasn't myself… I tried to play it off, but I don't think I can… I think I am going crazy because of Goemon and he's not even here!

*~*~*~*~*Mend My Broken Heart~*~*~*~*

We were finally back at Madoka Village, and I still wasn't myself. I hope Jun doesn't figure out who is running through my mind. I don't want him to be mad at me. Should I tell someone about these nightmares I've been having about Goemon, or should I just keep it to myself?

Jun left me alone in his room to go train his men. I was going to train with Naomi, but I felt sick to my stomach. I do really miss Goemon… I can't get my mind off of him.

"Anya?" I heard a knock at the door.

"Come in," I muttered.

Falitna walked into the room and frowned. "Geez, you look like death."

I scowled at her. "Thanks."

"Did you and Jun have a fight?"

"No."

"Then what's the problem?"

I bit my lip to stop myself from tearing up. "I can't tell you."

"Hey! I told you my dark secret, so spill!" Falitna sat next to me on Jun's bed.

"You can't tell anyone! You're the only person I'm telling."

"Go on."

"I've been having nightmares about Goemon, and at first, I thought it wasn't a big deal, but last night I realized I'm not over him. I think I agreed to marry Jun just to get my mind off of Goemon, yet I don't think it's a good idea," I explained.

Falitna closed her eyes and inhaled. "I knew you weren't over him."

"I mean, I do love Jun, but I don't know if he's the one. I'm happy when I'm around him and he does EVERYTHING for me, yet deep down, I know I love Goemon more… Am I a bad person?"

Falitna grabbed my hands in hers. "You can't help how you feel, Anya."

"But, I don't know what to do! I don't want to break Jun's heart…"

"If you feel like Jun isn't the one for you, and someone else is, then you have to call off the marriage because if you don't, you'll be miserable for the rest of your life."

Falitna was right. If I marry Jun, then I'll not be happy here. I know I'll probably never see Goemon again, but what is the point of me marrying Jun when I don't love him with all my heart? I can't believe I'm realizing my true feelings now, or is it because I'm stopping myself from covering them?

"Besides, I know Goemon is thinking about you too," she whispered.

I snorted. "Goemon is in a different country, I doubt it, plus I know he's probably with another."

"That's not what I heard," she muttered.

"What do you mean?"

Falitna was silent, but she took a deep breath. "I have been getting letters from Hiroko about Goemon…"

"WHAT?!" I gasped.

"Let me finish, she wrote how he talks about you constantly and when a woman tries to seduce him he turns them down effortlessly. You really changed him, Anya. I mean, we all knew he stopped his playboy days, but you haven't seen him in a very long time, and he still cares and loves you."

"Did you tell her about my engagement?" I lowered my head.

"Yeah, but I told her not to tell him. I think you should be the one who tells him."

I sighed. "Why haven't you told me about those letters?"

"Because I wasn't sure if you were truly in love with Jun or not. I didn't want to ruin your relationship with him. I'm sorry, I should've known you weren't over Goemon."

I buried my face in my hands. "What am I going to do?"

"I think you should do what your heart tells you to do, and it says to be with Goemon," Falitna answered.

"You're right. How am I going to tell Jun, though? I'm going to hurt him."

"I don't know, but I'll tell you this, it has to be soon because Goemon is coming back here before you know it," she warned.

"Really?!"

"Yeah, his mission is almost over…"

I'm going to see him soon? How am I going to face him?! Is he going to be mad that I agreed to marry Jun?!

*~*~*~*~*Mend My Broken Heart~*~*~*~*

Falitna left me alone with my thoughts about Goemon, and how I'm going to call off my engagement with Jun. Should I wait until tomorrow? I think it would kill me more if I call it off because I do really care for Jun it's just not enough. I feel like a bad person for leading him on, yet I was leading myself on too. I'm such an idiot to think I can get over my one true love. I'm sorry, Goemon…

"Anya?" Jun came in his bedroom and my body immediately tensed up.

"Hey," I whispered.

He slowly walked up to me to give me a kiss, but I flinched away.

"Anya?"

"Um, I'm still not feeling good."

"Well, let me make you feel better," he said seductively as he went to open the front of my kimono.

"I SAID I'M NOT FEELING GOOD!" I pushed him away and stood up.

"What is with you today? Did I do something wrong?!" He shouted out.

"I just want to be alone!"

"It's about him, isn't it?!" His voice darkened.

"Who?!" I played dumb, but I knew he was talking about Goemon.

"You know who I'm talking about! You had another nightmare about him!" He snapped.

I felt tears forming in my eyes. It was now or never. "Yes, I had another dream about him…"

"Pathetic," he muttered.

"I'm still in love with him, Jun. I thought I could get over him, but I can't. I still have feelings for him," I confessed.

Jun's eyes widened. "So, our love is just a lie."

"No, it's not." I slowly walked up to him, but he took a couple of steps back.

"Get out of my face," he said harshly.

"Jun…"

"GET OUT!"

I studied Jun as he gritted his teeth. He's upset with me, but I couldn't blame him. I used him to try and forget about Goemon and it failed. I took Jun for granted… I feel awful.

"NOW!" He pointed at the door.

I didn't say a word as I left his room. Where am I going to go now? I shouldn't stay in his mansion anymore… I'm no longer welcome here.

*~*~*~*~*Mend My Broken Heart~*~*~*~*

I went to the town's bar to come up with a plan on how to get back to Asami Island. Should I ask Falitna to come with me? I'm sure she has better things to do than to help me, though. It's not too far of a walk to go to Takara's dock, right?

"Hey, did you hear about Jun's new mistress?" I heard a drunken man whispering to another man.

Mistress?

"Yeah, I thought it was a rumor, but a couple of people saw her. I heard the king signed the papers and everything…" The man answered him.

"I thought he wasn't going to bother with a mistress since he's so in love with his soon to be wife, but I guess it's a lie," a third man said.

So, Jun signed a contract for a mistress, and I was worried about breaking his heart! That two-timer! I should march back to the mansion to throw my engagement ring at him, but what's the point? I honestly never want to see him again. I'm glad I found out now before I actually married that jerk! He lied to me… He didn't just love me at all!

"Um, excuse me?" I called out to the three men.

They all froze in place. Did they just realize I heard their whole conversation?

I rolled my eyes and took Jun's ring off my finger. "Can you give this back to him?" I knew they might pawn the ring, but why should I care? He would've given it to the mistress anyways!

"Um, please ignore us. We were kidding!" One of the men blurted out.

There's no sense in talking about this. Jun's and I's relationship was already doomed before I even found out about this mistress. I didn't say a word, but I handed the ring to one of the men. I then left the bar to go to the woods. I can't wait to be back on my private island away from everyone. I am a little upset about this mistress, yet I should be happy Jun won't be heartbroken.

*~*~*~*~*Mend My Broken Heart~*~*~*~*

"Where am I?!" I shouted out. How can I get lost?! It's already dark out and I've been roaming around the woods for a good hour now… What am I going to do?! There's no one to help me.

"Well, well, well." I heard a voice from behind me.

I turned around and gasped when I saw Rokuro Shiori standing there before me. I went to go run, but he grabbed my wrist from behind tightly.

"Let go!" I yelled.

"Or what? You don't even have a weapon," he mocked as he pulled his blade out of his scabbard he then pressed it against my neck. "I'm going to kill you right here, right now. Not Jun or Goemon can save you now."

I felt tears rolling down my cheeks. This is it. My life is going to end and no one is here to witness it… I closed my eyes, hoping I won't feel any pain.

"LET GO OF HER!" I heard Jun's voice roar.

Jun?

I opened my eyes as Rokuro screamed from behind. Rokuro loosened his grip on my wrist and I immediately ran away from him. Jun must've stabbed him in the back…

"Damn, you!" Rokuro hissed as he kneeled down before his brother.

"You're the one who shall die!" Jun pointed his sword under Rokuro's chin.

I can't believe Jun has a good chance of killing his brother, but I cursed it when Chiyoko ninjas appeared out of nowhere. They then threw their smoke bombs at us, so we couldn't see anything. Jun and I coughed until the smoke cleared; the ninjas and Rokuro were long gone…

"No surprise," Jun muttered as he put his sword back in his scabbard.

I could've been dead, but Jun saved me…

"What are you doing here?" I asked harshly.

"What do you mean? I saved you and you have the nerve to use that tone with me?!"

"I'm going back to Asami Island!"

"You almost got yourself killed!" Jun snapped.

"Why do you care?!"

"Why are you being a brat?! I'm the one who should be mad! You told me you love Goemon more than me then you give three drunks my engagement ring I gave you, and now this!"

I rolled my eyes. "You're the one getting a mistress, yet you love me, right?" I laughed sarcastically.

"Mistress?" Jun tilted his head in confusion.

"Don't play dumb with me! Those men at the bar said you signed a contract for a mistress!"

"I did not! I told you I only want you, why would I want a mistress?"

"Whatever. I don't care! I'm leaving." I turned my back, but Jun hugged me from behind.

"I can't let you go. I swear I didn't sign for any mistresses because I only need you. I love you, Anya, even if you love Goemon more than me. I'll do everything in my power to get you to only love me!"

I felt my heart sinking. He still loves me even though I told him I love another…

"Jun, I don't know…"

Jun interrupted. "Just wait. Don't think or act yet. There's something between us, I know for a fact."

I turned around and wrapped my arms around him. "Okay…"

"Let's go back to the mansion. It's starting to get cold out," he ordered softly.

I let go of him and nodded. We walked back in silence because my mind is racing… Can Jun really get me to only love him?

*~*~*~*~*Mend My Broken Heart~*~*~*~*

It didn't take us long to get back to the mansion, but as soon as we got there, a woman dressed in a see through kimono jumped on Jun and kissed him firmly on the lips. I stood there in shocked while I watched the two of them.

"So, this is your mistress," I muttered.

Jun pulled the woman away from him. "No, this must be some kind of mistake!"

I snorted. "Save it. We're through."

"Good, I can have the king all to myself!" The mistress purred and threw herself on Jun again.

"Anya!" Jun tried to push the mistress away, but she had a tight grip on him.

I have seen enough and I turned my back on the two of them. Wow, Jun is just like my father; he's nothing but a cheater…

"ANYA! WAIT!" Jun pleaded, but I walked out of the mansion with my hand over my heart.

Why did he save me when he had someone waiting for him here?

Tears formed in my eyes as I walked slowly into town. I couldn't go back in the woods because it's suicide, but I can't be around him either… What am I going to do? I shouldn't care that Jun found another, yet it was killing me inside… Do I really love Jun more than I thought?