Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds or any of the characters.
A/N: Thank you to everyone who reviewed! You have no idea how many times I go back to re-read them. This is short (around 2200 words 'only') because it was supposed to be with chapter 9 but I decided to split it. Enjoy!
XXX
"Superglue...Scotch tape...Stapler...And, voila!" Emily finished stapling the last of the wallpaper back onto the wall, and nodded with satisfaction. "There. I think it's done."
Emily and JJ stepped back to admire their creation. Their expressions of pride slowly morphed into horror.
"We. Are. So. Screwed," Emily said slowly, burying her head in her hands.
JJ tilted her head to one side, examining the mess that used to be a wall with forced optimism. "No, we're not. That's the whole point. And it doesn't look that bad."
"JJ, it's obvious we've cut out like half the wall and stuck it back on! And this is the part that's not supposed to be obvious!" Emily scratched her head, going over to the bag of supplies and pulling out various colored tubes and pots- Rossi had been very generous with the art supplies. Finally, she straightened up triumphantly, holding a pot of hot pink glitter glue. "We can cover it up with this!"
"Yeah!" JJ asked as she grabbed a paintbrush and dipped it into the pot, quickly following Emily's lead. "Let's write something over it!" She was extremely enthusiastic about all their revenge plans- in fact, Emily had spent half an hour convincing her that they should only plot their revenge on Hotch and Morgan, not on Rossi for ruffling her hair, or Reid and Garcia for being 'too smart and making everyone else look stupid'.
"Okay, so is everything else done?" JJ asked as she slathered gobs of paint onto the wall.
Emily nodded, wiping the excess paint onto a particularly messily-glued part of the wallpaper. "Yeah, I-" They both froze as they saw Strauss's car pull up to the BAU from the huge glass window in the room.
"Out! Get out now!" Emily hissed, scooping up everything she could and running out of the room. The room they were in was conveniently located in a spot where anyone and everyone arriving on the floor after exiting the elevators could see them. That was why they had carefully planned their schedule to coincide with the lunch break, when all the agents would be gone for at least an hour- maybe two, if Strauss decided to take a break too, which she had. Thankfully, since their team had been bogged down with work, they hadn't come looking for them.
"Girls," Strauss said coldly as the doors of the lift opened- strangely enough, no one else had come up with her - and they pranced past her, trying their hardest to look innocent.
"Hi Mommy," JJ said, waving happily. "Guess what? I know a secret! And I can't tell you but I can tell you someting! You know what, you should-" Emily dragged her away before she could say anything else.
"Are you trying to get us caught?"
"What? I was just gonna tell her to go check the wall!" Just then, Morgan, Hotch, Reid and a host of other agents stepped out of the elevators. JJ ran to them, sticking her tongue out at the other agents when they immediately started walking off in the other direction. "Hi Morgan! Hi Hotch! Hi Reid! We had so much fun today! Where were you? Did you go to eat?"
"Damn!" Morgan said, smacking his forehead. "We completely forgot about your lunch."
"We went down to the third floor to straighten out some issues with filing," Hotch said apologetically. "Are you hungry?"
"Well, we were, but then we got started doing something. You know what you should do? You-"
"You should go eat something," Emily said brightly, forcibly pushing JJ away.
"Uh, midget?" Morgan asked, putting his hand out to stop them.
"Yes, giant?" Emily answered primly.
"Why are you both covered in...what is that, glue?" He sniffed at the white goop that was in Emily's hair. Hotch, who was about to go to his office, leaned forward and gingerly touched the white substance.
"It is glue, isn't it?" Reid asked, wondering, along with Hotch and Morgan, what they were doing.
"Yeah, sure." Emily scoffed, while JJ pshaw-ed. "It's glue. Now we have to go do something important, so excuse us...And we still hate you! Remember that!"
They waved at the men before running off to JJ's office, taking a seat on her black cushioned chairs while they waited.
"How long is this going to take?" Emily grumbled, playing with a stick of blue tack.
"Shh..." JJ said, her eyes focused intently as she tried to listen. "I hear her..." The unmistakeable sounds of Strauss' heels click-clacking on the floor confirmed what she said.
"Get ready..." Emily whispered excitedly, taking out a small remote. They crept out onto the hallway, where they had a clear view of Strauss' office. She was just about to enter.
"Now!" JJ whispered gleefully, and Strauss pushed open the door, causing a small pot of neon paint to fall onto her head. Her shriek was heard for miles.
Emily pressed buttons on the remote to manoeuvre a small remote-controlled helicopter, which flew over Strauss and knocked over a bag of feathers that was perched on one of her higher shelves. The moment the feathers fell, she called the helicopter back to them, and it flew across the bullpen to their office, where JJ grabbed it as Emily cut the power. They ran back into the JJ's office and slammed the door shut, quickly sitting back down.
"Quick, um, act natural!" Emily ordered, opening JJ's desk drawer and pulling out a ball of red string. She expertly threaded the string through her fingers and reached out to JJ, just as the door slammed open, revealing Strauss, who was spitting feathers.
"What is the meaning of this?" She hissed.
Emily looked up from the game casually. "What? We're just playing Cat's Cradle."
"Agent Prentiss," Strauss spat out, "Somebody rigged my office to squirt orange paint on me when I opened the door. And somebody dropped a bag of bird feathers on me when I walked in. And SOMEBODY painted 'Strauss is a Bitch' on my wall in BRIGHT PINK GLITTER PAINT!"
"You mean you didn't like it?" JJ asked in shock, taking the Cat's Cradle from Emily.
"Why," Strauss yelled, throwing her hands in the air, "would I like it?"
"Oh, that's strange, isn't it JJ?" Emily looped the string back around her hand. "Because Morgan and Hotch said she'd love it!"
Strauss sucked in a breath. "What was that, Agent Prentiss?"
"Nothing," JJ said, shrugging. "Only, we did it because Aaron and Derek told us it would be like a birthday gift for you! We didn't know what it means, but they told us 'bitch' means princess."
"Did they lie?" Emily asked, her eyes wide. "Is 'bitch' a bad word?"
"HOTCHNER! MORGAN!" Strauss screeched, sticking her head out of the office. "Get in here, NOW!"
Hotch and Morgan came running- or, in Hotch's case, quick-walking.
"What is it?" Morgan dashed into the office. "JJ, Em, you okay?"
Hotch appeared moments later, his attention immediately going to the girls, who were uninterestedly continuing their game. "Erin, is everything- Erin? What happened?"
"I could ask you the same thing!" Strauss shut the door with a loud Bang!, going over to stand at the front of the room and glowering at the two senior agents.
"What is going on in here?" Hotch asked sternly. "Did you two do something to the director?"
JJ had the nerve to look appalled that he would even suggest that. "But Aaron, you told us that she would like it!" she said, near tears.
"Derek, you told us that Mommy would love it!" Emily said tearfully. "We spent so long working on it!"
Strauss didn't even bother correcting the 'Mommy'. "So you coerced them into painting 'bitch' on my wall, and covering me in paint!" she screamed.
"What? I- We- I didn't! We didn't even know- We were with Meg Hamilton! We didn't even know!" Morgan spluttered. A piercing ringing sound broke what would undoubtedly have been a long blow-up by Strauss.
She looked furious at having someone break through her impending rage-full lecture, and snapped open her cell phone with an irritated 'Yes?'.
Neither Hotch nor Morgan missed the looks of glee Emily and JJ shot each other, and both felt the pit of dread in their stomachs double. But, although they would never admit it, they found themselves enjoying Strauss' torment- no one else had ever done it.
This better not be another prank, Morgan thought suspiciously, watching Strauss with hawk-like eyes .
She rolled her eyes over the phone. "Yes, this is Erin Strauss. Yes, the director of the BAU. What? No! Excuse me?" JJ and Emily stifled their giggles as her outrage grew, as did Morgan's suspicion.
"NO! No, that does not stand for Bondage And- What?"
Oh, God, no. Please say they didn't...
"Do you know who you are speaking to? Yes, ERIN STRAUSS! I don't care! No! No, I am not interested in any new customers! No, this is not a strip club! NO!" She snapped the phone shut and threw it onto the desk, where JJ quickly snatched it and turned the speaker on, then put it back.
"Who is responsible for that?" Strauss screeched, spit flying from her mouth.
Emily raised a shaky hand, her laughs disguised as sobs. "They logged in to some ads site for us...but they told us you'd like it."
"We're sorry Mommy," JJ said, sticking her bottom lip out. "We thought you'd like it. By the way, Mommy," she paused, pretending to try and remember a phrase, "Why would someone want to tie you up? I don't get it."
"Agent Hotchner, Agent Morgan. My office. Now." Strauss stormed off, followed by a very taken-aback Hotch and Morgan. They returned a few seconds later. "Never mind. my office is COVERED IN PAINT!"
"Ma'am, I can assure you, we had nothing to do with this," Morgan tried to explain. "They set us up!"
Strauss' pinched face became even thinner. "Do you mean to suggest," she said icily, "that these two little girls, who don't even know what," she lowered her voice, "'bitch' means, orchestrated this entire thing to frame you?"
"That is exactly what happened!" Morgan said, pointing accusingly at them. "And of course they know what it means! They know every word there is to know, probably in more that five different languages!"
"I can vouch for that." Hotch spoke up as JJ and Emily shot each other panicked looks.
"But Emily," JJ said pensively, "Didn't the doctor say we have no memories?"
"Yeah..." Emily agreed, "And JJ, didn't Aaron and Derek let us hang onto Mommy's leg and cover her in chocolate milk a few days ago?"
"You see?" Strauss said. "If they remembered who I was, you wouldn't have let them hang onto me the other day. Unless, of course, they do remember everything?" she added coolly.
"No, Ma'am," Morgan said quickly. "They don't remember anything, just like we said."
"Then I will see you," she said, checking her watch, "in my office, at exactly four pm, after it is cleaned. I have a few things to discuss with you."
Her phone beeped again. "Erin Strauss speaking."
A deep voice floated over the speakers, audible to everyone in the room. "Why, hello there, Erin. I'm having a bachelor party and we'd very much like you to be there with us. Do you think you-"
"I do not own a strip club!" Strauss' face was bright red as she turned off the speaker and stalked out of the room, slamming the door shut on her way out.
Morgan was about to explode with both anger and laughter before he caught sight of JJ and Emily. "Why are you both grinning like idiots?"
"What else have you done?" Hotch asked wearily, secretly hoping the victims was Strauss.
"Well, we didn't actually plan to write 'Strauss is a bitch' on her wall- that was just to cover up where we stuck the wallpaper back," JJ explained proudly, glad that their plan worked.
"So what did you put in there?" Hotch asked, picking JJ up off her chair, and depositing her on the floor, then taking her seat.
"A dead mouse," Emily informed them matter-of-factly.
Morgan's jaw dropped. "You didn't!"
"Did."
"And it'll stink!" JJ rubbed her hands together happily.
"But they'll never find it! Not for a few weeks, when they finally decide to start drilling holes in the wall!"
"We know," Emily said.
"Well-played," Morgan muttered grudgingly. "Well-played."
A/N: I feel weird because I've never ever gotten a flame, ever and I'm kinda freaking myself out because I want one so bad! Because some people I talk to were complaining about getting this really mean review, and then they were asking 'What was your worst flame ever?' and I was :S 'um...none?' And then I felt bad. Even though I should feel really good!
Not my best chapter ever, but I thought it was okay. BTW I have a new one-shot up!