Chapter Ten
Authors note: Well… It's been a really long time. Like almost 2 years. And I'm so incredibly sorry for that. I sort of lost inspiration for a very long time and I also never had time when inspiration hit. I've been meaning to post this for a while and I am so sorry I didn't. I hope you can forgive me and continue reading the story! As I said last time I posted, I fully intend to finish this story- still don't know how long I want to make this, but I am not actually that close to being done. This story started off as a small idea and one of my first fanfics, but it turned into my obsession and spiraled into a huge story that I truly enjoy writing. You guys who have been bearing with me through this whole journey are amazing, and it's fans like you guys and the fans that leave reviews to encourage and praise writers that make us feel special and make us want to keep writing. You guys are amazing, and I won't abandon this story. So, here is a bit of a longer chapter than normal to make up for my long absence. Again, so sorry for being gone so long!
Clarke looked at her reflection as the servants rushed around. She was getting into her new dress for the ball this evening. Her mother had insisted on her having a new one, but Clarke knew why. Her mother had invited a prince to meet her, and if all went well in her mothers eyes, she would be engaged to him before the next day.
Clarke sighed as she looked in the mirror. It was a beautiful dress, of course. A beautiful, deep turquoise skirt, with a black top that had a silver lace overlay that had sleeves that went just past her elbow. The lace overlay had a flowing, flower pattern and went to her neck. She had to admit, she loved the dress her mother had asked to be made for this, and she felt lovely in it… but she knew exactly what it was made for. She didn't want to be sold off like when she was an object.
And maybe she was…
No. She thought to herself. She nodded to the girls, and all of them bowed and left the room. She walked over to her vanity and sat in front of it. She opened the box that contained her jewels, choosing a short silver necklace with a emerald diamond in the middle. She put the necklace around her neck, then picked a pair of silver earrings, and a pearl bracelet.
A knock at her door brought her attention back from her thoughts.
"Come in," Clarke said without moving from her vanity.
"Don't tell me you wanted to get ready by yourself, Your Grace." The woman who entered her room said.
"Of course not, Elsie." Clarke smiled at the woman as she entered the room. "I'm guessing my mother sent you in to check on me?"
"She would come in herself but we both know how that would end." Elsie laughed lightly. "You know she means well."
"I know, but her version of well is not what I need." While she spoke, Elsie walked up to her, bringing her in front of the larger mirror again to examine her dress.
"Well, enough about your mother, let's finish getting you ready for that dance." She ushered her back to the seat at her vanity. She began to tie some of Clarke's curly blonde hair back into an elegant up-do. She finished tying back her hair and placed a hair comb accessory to keep it in place, all while Clarke sat in silence.
"What troubles you this time, child?" Elsie met her eyes in the mirror, applying finishing touches to her hair.
"Nothing, sorry, I'm only thinking." She smiled to the reflection.
"I do appreciate that you're honest with me." She replied sarcastically. "Do remember that I helped your mother raise you, so I know when you're lying to me."
Clarke said nothing as she looked at her hands in her lap.
"I'm guessing it had something to do with the possibility of marrying the prince, who you've never met?"
"I wouldn't really be marrying the prince. I'd be marrying the kingdom." Clarke turned her head back to her jewelry. "Not like I have a choice in the matter anyway."
"You always have a choice." Elsie whispered.
"Do I?" Clarke raised her voice a little. "It was not my choice to even go to this ball. Nor was it my choice to come back here. I didn't even choose to be princess! That was a decision made for me- like most things in my life!"
"But you chose to leave, going against your mothers wishes. You chose to stay and help the Rebels. You tried to choose to go back after that meeting. There is always another choice. Those choices may not be obvious, or they may be more difficult than the other option, but they're always there. You just have to look close enough to see your choices."
Clarke turned to look at her, shaking her head slightly.
"Sometimes, people just choose the easy choice, or they only see one choice. And sometimes it's the wrong choice." Elsie said quietly.
"What was the reason my mother decided to basically kidnap me?" Clarke demanded, still riled up from feeling powerless. "Was that her only choice? Or did she just ignore the other options?"
"To her, that was the only option she saw. She would do anything to keep you safe, and that was the option she saw would best do that. Since losing your father, she has tried to keep hidden all the pain- and especially the guilt. You are all she has, so she is continually trying to do everything in her power to keep you safe, and by her side. She's just afraid, Clarke. Afraid to lose you."
"Doesn't she know she's just pushing me away? Losing me anyway?" Clarke asked.
"Probably, but she must think that having you here, alive, instead of out there with no guarantee that you will stay alive, is worth the price of you hating her. Because without you, she has nothing."
Clarke walked toward the balcony, eyes searching the sky. While she had been so mad at her mother- still was- she was beginning to understand why she did what she did. It didn't mean that she had forgiven her mother, but she understood that she did it because she was afraid of losing her daughter, not out of spite or some bigger plan.
After a long moment of much-needed silence, a hand gently grabbed Clarke's shoulder.
"You should probably go downstairs and make an appearance, or we will both be in trouble with your mother." Elsie smiled at her.
"Make an appearance so my mother can have me marry." Clarke sighed.
"Something tells me you are more against the idea of marriage than you used to be." Elsie narrowed her eyes at her, but she kept her composure.
"It has never been very high on my list of things I wanted."
"Well, what does your heart tell you?"
"My heart?" Clarke scoffed. "If there is one thing I've learned, it is that listening to your heart can get you in trouble when in power. I have to do what is right for my people and try to minimize the costs."
"Even marrying someone you do not love?" Elsie asked, voice lower and laced with concern.
"Love." Clarke whispered, remembering her mother's words from the second night after she was kept unwillingly. She repeated them now to the woman who knew her as well as her own mother and who wanted nothing but the best for her. "Love is one of the few luxuries us royals, especially women, cannot afford."
Clarke left Elsie in her chambers and hurried down the stairs, knowing her mother was probably upset that she took so long. She paused before the doors, the only thing between her and a prince that could be her fiancé by the end of the night. She took a deep breath and held her head high, and opened the doors.
The moment the doors opened, Clarke was hit with all the noises of a party- people chatting noisily, trays with drinks being carried around, the music playing, and the people dancing. It had been a while since she was at a ball… The last one ended in flames and death.
One of the heralds stopped her in order to announce her properly.
"Princess Clarke Griffin of Arkadia." He announced loudly, causing everyone in the great hall to turn and all the noise to stop momentarily. Everyone gave her a bow, after which the music and chatter began again- except more hushed whispers and the music was significantly quieter.
Clarke made her way over to where her mother was talking with who she presumed was the king, next to whom was the queen and the prince.
"And here she is, my beautiful daughter, Clarke." Her mother said, gesturing to her with a smile that nearly split her face.
Clarke gave a small bow to the royal family. The king grabbed her hand and kissed it, something she was used to as being a royal. The queen gave her a small bow as a sign of respect and custom. And the prince hesitated a moment, eyes quickly glancing somewhere off to the right, then he kissed her hand.
"She is a pretty young thing, isn't she, darling?" The queen said, glancing at her son.
"Of course, mother." He seemed dismissive of his mother, almost as if he was embarrassed about her.
"Shall we get some refreshments?" Clarke asked him, sensing he wanted to get away from his parents. A feeling they had in common.
He nodded, seeming relieved that she noticed his obvious discomfort. He offered his hand, which she took, and he lead her to a place where there were drinks on a tray but on the opposite side of the great hall, away from both their parents.
"Thank you, princess." He said once they had both gotten drinks.
"Clarke." She said, probably much too quickly. "Call me Clarke. We don't need formalities."
"Alright, Clarke." He smiled at her. "You can call me Thomas."
Clarke looked at prince Thomas, who was staring somewhere off to the side. Since he was distracted, she took that moment to really take him in.
He had dark brown hair that curled and went just below his ears. He had a face that was strong and set, but still young and charming. His eyes were a shade of teal. He obviously had been training since he was young, because he was strongly built. She gazed back at his face, which held an expression she couldn't name.
She looked back to his eyes, following their path to find what he was looking at. When she figured out what he was looking at, she understood what emotion was betrayed on his face.
Longing.
The girl he was staring at was obviously beautiful. She had dark brown hair that waved naturally and came down past her shoulders. Like Thomas, she had a face that made her look younger than she was. But for her it made her look sweet and innocent, while for Thomas it made him look even more charming but still like a prince. Even from far away, Clarke could see her dimples when she smiled. She was wearing a dress of deep purple that appeared almost black, with beautiful designs on it. There had to be jewels in the overlay fabric because when she turned the light reflected off them and they sparkled.
Clarke looked between the two, catching the girl meeting eyes with Thomas and blushing before quickly looking away. Clarke smiled knowingly, but kept it to herself.
"Thomas-" Clarke started, turning to him as he interrupted.
"Would you like to dance?" He asked quickly. Then again, but back to his calm and collected manner of speaking. "Would you like to dance, Clarke?"
She just nodded, placing her hand in the one he offered. The previous song had just ended and people parted for them as they walked to the center of the room before the next song began.
Thomas bowed to her, and she properly curtsied and once again took his hand. They began dancing as the music floated through the air.
Clarke and her new friend, Octavia, smiled and laughed as they spun around in circles to the upbeat music in the ballroom. The two girls didn't care if people were looking, and they didn't care when a few other girls would join in around them. They kept dancing and laughing, not thinking about their lives outside of the moment and the current dance.
As the music started to near the end Clarke began to slow herself down and take in the surroundings once again. As she did, she noticed a guy that kept glancing at them- more specifically, Octavia- and smiling. He was tall and skinny with brown hair. He kept shifting his gaze towards her new friend, when he would a blush would spread across his cheeks. He kept talking with his friend, all while nervously glancing at Octavia.
The music ended and Octavia pulled Clarke into a big hug, telling her how much fun this was and that she was grateful to have her there. Clarke smiled and hugged her right back.
"There is someone over there who, it appears, you have caught the attention of." Clarke smiled, speaking in a half-mocking tone.
Octavia looked to where Clarke gestured, immediately looking to her feet and blushing when she met the gaze of the guy, who also looked down and blushed upon locking eyes with her.
"What are you waiting for?" Clarke asked her blushing friend. "Go over there and talk to him."
"What? I… I can't-" Octavia blushed an even deeper shade and stuttered out her thoughts. "I can't just-"
"You can't what?" Clarke gave her a skeptical look. "Just go talk to him. What do you have to lose? You're not afraid, are you?"
"I am not afraid." Octavia tried to sneak a look back at the guy who was still looking at her. They kept holding their gaze for a moment, then Octavia broke it to look back at Clarke. "But what about you?"
"Me?" Clarke let out a small laugh. "I'll be fine! I need some air anyway. Now go!"
Octavia squeezed her hand and gave her a warm smile before disappearing into the crowd.
Clarke smiled to herself, walking towards the doorway to the balcony that overlooked the garden. She went to the edge, seeing a small area with a bench to sit on- barely in sight- shaded by a beautiful tree and bushes clad with blooming flowers. It was obviously not a well-known spot and she doubted that many people would know if it or visit it tonight. She smiled again, deciding that was where she would get some air.
Once she was almost there, she realized that there was someone already sitting at the bench. Before she turned to walk away, she recognized the face of the person in front of her.
It was the guy from earlier- Bellamy.
"Had enough dealing with a bunch of commoners?" Bellamy joked as she walked over, moving enough for her to join him on the bench.
"Shut up." Clarke rolled her eyes at him. "Had enough of girls fawning over you?"
"Jealous much, Princess?" He smirked again, raising an eyebrow at her.
"Please," She sighed. "Try baffled. Why anyone would want to get your attention and spend time with you… I'm at a loss."
"Well, you're spending time with me. For the second time in one night. And you currently have my attention, so maybe it's not all the 'baffling.'" He replied, still smirking while looking at his hands.
Clarke said nothing, just took a deep breath of the fresh air. It was nice to get away from all the noise and the crowd. Even though dancing with Octavia had been fun, that was one of the only moments from this night that had been remotely enjoyable.
"See? You're still here, basking in the grace of my company." His words brought her out of her thoughts.
"Are you really that much of an arrogant ass?" Clarke looked at him with annoyance.
"Well, when you look like this," He began, but stopped and raised his hands in a surrender in the middle of the sentence. "Easy, I was only joking. Trying to lighten the mood since, and I'm only saying this as an observer, you don't seem to be having the best time. Better be careful, they might throw you out for sulking."
"Shut up." Clarke sighed, more annoyed this time though. Her next words were biting. "And I'm fine, thanks for that."
"You see, I don't quite believe you, although I'm not going to ask. Mainly because I don't think that would be a good idea, judging by your short temper."
"I do not have a short temper!" Clarke raised her voice slightly. When he raised his eyebrows and cocked his head at her, she narrowed her eyes at him. "I just have a low tolerance for your air of superiority and stupid remarks."
"Is that so?" He put his hand over his heart and feigned being hurt by her words. He was quiet for a minute or two, seeming as though he was deep in thought. Then he got up and turned to her as she remained seated on the bench. "Would you care to dance?"
"Did you not hear me just say I have a low tolerance for you?"
"I did. Is that a no?" He offered her his hand.
She took his hand, not saying anything. She kept her smile to herself, though.
In truth, she didn't really know why she accepted his offer. She was already in a state of annoyance, and Bellamy seemed to know exactly which buttons to push to make her more annoyed. On the other hand, there was something about him that she couldn't quite name… He helped her get rid of the unpleasant boy who wouldn't leave her alone, even though he didn't even know her. He guessed her noble standing immediately, yet said nothing about it. He kept her company for a while since she was standing alone, even though he could have just helped her and then left. And now, when he asked what was wrong, and, even though she was curt with him, still cared enough to ask her to dance.
She put her other hand on his shoulder, not letting go of his hand. He slid his hand around her waist and pulled her slightly closer, making her take in a quick breath. She met his brown eyes and lost herself in them as they began dancing. In that moment, she wasn't the future queen of Arkadia. She wasn't engaged to the future king, her best friend that she had endlessly blamed for years for a crime he didn't commit. She didn't have a mother responsible for her father's death. She didn't have the pressure of an entire kingdom weighing her down. She was just a girl, dancing with a boy.
Clarke lost track of how long they had been dancing and talking when they heard something coming from the ballroom they had both left earlier. They both looked to the castle where they could see the glow of the flames that steadily climbed. The fire wasn't out of control yet, but they could hear the shouts grow louder. With her hand still in Bellamy's, they ran to the balcony to go inside but it was blocked with burning debris. Bellamy turned and began to lead her around the side to the front entrance, but when he turned she could see his look of sheer panic.
When they reached the front entrance they saw people running out of the castle, smoke following along with the distant glow of the blazing fire. People were coughing as they stumbled out of the doors, and others were running around screaming the names of loved ones.
Bellamy was leading her towards the doors when her eyes met one of the guards helping one of the injured near the entrance. When he saw her his head tilted and his eyes narrowed as they seemed to be placing where he might know her face. She knew when he did, because his eyes widened and then narrowed in suspicion immediately.
She stopped, causing Bellamy to drop her hand. He turned back to see if she was okay, but seemed rushed to do so.
"Clarke, come on. Someone has to help the people inside and try to stop this fire."
"I can't. I have to get out of here." She kept glancing around, hoping no other guards would see her. She saw the look of hurt on his face.
"Come on, you can't just bail. People in there need our help, and you said you'd want to make a difference one day. Don't just be another vain member of the nobility." He was almost pleading with her.
"I…" Clarke knew she should help, but she also knew that her being there at the burning castle that wasn't belonging to Arkadia was not good and would end very badly for more than just herself.
"Clarke, you told me earlier if you could lead, you would want to be one of those leaders that makes the right choices, not the ones where you feel guilty later about someone innocent suffering. Well, this is one of those moments and you're choosing to go to safety rather than helping the innocents in this situation. How is this any different?"
"Bellamy there's more to the situation, trust me-"
"It's not any different, Clarke, and you know it. Do what you know is right."
"Bellamy-"
"It's the Royal Guards! Arkadia's coming!" Someone in the crowd yelled out, causing Clarke to whirl around and see the guards coming in the distance. Somehow she knew they were coming for her, so she desperately turned back to Bellamy, who was shaking his head at her with narrowed eyes.
"Go on. Run away and save yourself. It's what your type does best." Bellamy turned and ran into the burning building.
"Bellamy!" She called after his retreating form, tears stinging her eyes- and not from the smoke coming out of the castle.
"Clarke!" A familiar voice called out from behind her, carrying over the continuous shouts and cries of the frantic people. She turned in shock and relief.
"Wells?"
Clarke was brought from her memory when the song ended and her and Thomas stopped dancing. She was worried for a moment he would notice how lost in her own mind she was, but his attention was still transfixed on the girl with dark brown hair.
"Thomas?" She got his attention, although startling him slightly. "Would you care to get some fresh air with me?"
Thomas only nodded and offered his hand once more to her. They walked outside, feeling the eyes of both her mother and his parents as they went. Once outside, she led him away from prying eyes into a small garden-like space and tried to ignore the memory it brought up.
"I figured it might be difficult to get to know one another with all the chaos inside."
They began to talk about small things, like interests and daily routines for their kingdoms. She learned he enjoyed reading, being outdoors, and playing chess. She also learned about his prospering kingdom and his responsibilities as prince. As they continued talking, Thomas relaxed around her and started to enjoy their conversation more. Clarke really enjoyed talking to him, because it felt like she had known him for a long time. Thomas seemed like a great guy; he was caring, smart, kind, a strong leader, and he was fairly handsome.
All of a sudden she realized why she felt like she had known him for a long time even though they had just met. He reminded her of Wells.
"Thomas?" She cut him off in the middle of his sentence, giving him an apologetic smile. "There was a girl inside- dark brown hair, sweet face, beautiful-"
"Stella." He whispered.
"Who is she?" She asked, trying to catch his eyes.
"She is a noble that my family took in to live in the palace after her parents died. She was only six years old." He turned to look back at the ballroom where she was, as if he could see her through the walls. "She became the daughter my mother didn't have and had always wanted. She was trained by my mother and a few others in the noble ways, so she was always around me. We were always best friends, since we grew up together."
"When did you realize that you loved her?"
"What?" He looked back at her, startled. He started to deny it, but after seeing her knowing facial expression, he decided better than to argue. "It was only a few years ago, but I knew as the prince I had a duty to fulfill and I tried to fight my feelings. Turns out you really can't fight them." He laughed to himself, looking at her once again. "But, as tonight's event proves, love is-"
"Something us royals cannot afford?" She supplied. He only nodded, his smile fading slowly as he turned away. "Thomas," She said softly, making him look back at her with a small smile that didn't reach his eyes. "I'm not going to make you marry me."
Thomas just stared at her, processing what she had told him. She watched the emotions race across his face as he understood. Even though he was hopeful, his voice betrayed his skepticism. "Why?"
"Because neither of us wants this. You're in love with someone else, and I have people who need me. I don't know why it took me this long, but something made me realize how much I need to get back to my people."
"Aren't your people here?"
"In a way, yes. But the people who need me more- my people- that is where I belong. And I need to get back to them."
"If that was where you belonged, why would you leave them?"
"I didn't leave them willingly." Clarke then explained everything that happened when she came to negotiate with her mother and how she was drugged and kidnapped.
"Is there anything I can do to help you?" Thomas asked, still shocked over her current predicament.
"Actually, there is something…" Clarke trailed off, hatching a plan. "Alright, here's what we'll do…"
Clarke made it back to her chambers, the guard easily falling for the "I need a moment alone to think" lie. She shook her head thinking about that, knowing it shouldn't have been that easy.
She quickly grabbed something to stash her stuff in and began packing necessary things. She ignored her fancy dresses and expensive accessories, packing only things that would help when she reached the Rebels. When she had everything she walked quickly to her balcony and looked back once more on her room that had been her prison for so long. She gave one last sigh and went to the same place Bellamy had disappeared from weeks ago. She could see the vines reaching so close to the balcony- her way down. With the guards all working the party, that left no one to stop her from crawling down the vines and getting away.
Clarke took a deep breath and climbed over the railing. She tried not to look straight down, even if it was hard to see because it was night. It wasn't that she was afraid of heights- because she wasn't- but trying to climb vines down a castle wall in a dress seemed like a difficult thing to do. Luckily, all she had to do was climb down far enough to jump onto the wagon filled with hay that one of Thomas' guards had brought out for her. She could see the cart and the guard waiting for her, far below.
She didn't really know how to climb down a wall, but she knew she didn't have much time. As soon as her mother realized she wasn't there she would ask around and send more guards for her. She had to move quickly. So without any further hesitation, she grabbed the vines and began to slowly climb down. The vines were thin and more spread out near the top where she began climbing, making it more difficult to find a safe way down.
She was only a few feet down from the edge of the balcony when her foot slipped from it's spot, causing her to hold onto the vines for dear life, her legs swinging below her. She felt the vines tugging down with her weight. So she quickly pulled her feet back in and found sturdy footholds. Once she felt sturdy again, she took a deep breath to calm the adrenaline that coursed through her. After her deep breath she continued descending the wall, knowing she was nearly out of time.
After what felt like forever, but was only a matter of minutes, she reached a point where it was safe enough to jump slightly backwards and land in the back of the wagon on the pile of hay- which was exactly what she did. Once she landed in the wagon she gave a sigh of relief and crawled out, shaking off the hay from her body.
Clarke looked to the guard, who gave her a nod. "I need you to help me reach the north gate. There is a small hole in the wall I can escape through- I've done it before."
The guard nodded and they began to run through the night towards the gate, the path barely lit by the moon that hung full overhead. She could hear shouts from the palace that faded as they picked up their pace.
When they reached the north gate the guard nodded once more to her, giving her a small smile. "The prince thanks you, for everything."
"And I thank him for all his help. I know we will see each other again." And with one last smile to the guard, she disappeared through the hole in the wall and into the forest where she took off running.
She didn't stop running until she reached the Rebel gate- which was definitely further than she thought it was. Out of breath, she practically stumbled into the torch light near the gate.
"Stop!" A familiar voice called out. "Who goes there?"
"Jasper?" Clarke strained to see where he was.
"Who's there?" His voice seemed nervous as he called out from somewhere behind the gate.
"It's me." She tried to control her breath which was coming out in short gasps. "Clarke."
"Open the gates! It's Clarke!" The shout rang out from behind the gate, earning a chorus of other shouts in return.
The gate opened and Clarke was met with many confused and almost relieved faces as they ushered her in and closed the gate behind her. One relieved face stood out as she was pulled into a hug.
"Raven, am I glad to see you." Clarke hugged her friend, glad to be back where she belonged. "Where's Bellamy?"
"He's not here." Another familiar voice called out- one Clarke was shocked to hear.
"Octavia? How are you here?"
"My brother rescued me a week ago from a grounder. He lead this whole rescue party and everything. But a few days ago he left on a hunting trip with Murphy and a few others and he hasn't come back yet. I'm getting worried…" She trailed off, looking past Clarke where they had just shut the gate.
"He'll come back," Clarke reassured, slightly disappointed he wasn't here, and only a little worried that he hadn't come back yet. Hunting trips were usually a day unless weather made travel back difficult.
"Clarke how did you get here?" Raven asked her, looking at her beautiful gown and giving her a questioning look.
Clarke explained, knowing full well that many curious people were listening in on their conversation around them. She skipped over most of her conversation with Thomas, not needing to go into detail. She gave them only the important details and when she was done, Raven started leading her into the castle.
"You ran all the way here?" Raven's eyes couldn't have been any wider at this point. Clarke just nodded, still getting her breathing under full control. "That's miles away! You must be exhausted!"
Clarke hadn't had time to think about it, but now that she did she could feel how tired she was. "I guess I am, but-"
"You need rest, you can go back to helping these people tomorrow. Alright?"
"Is that an order?" Clarke joked.
"Shut up and go get some sleep." Raven rolled her eyes as she lead Clarke up to her room.
The moment Clarke laid down in her bed, she fell asleep. It was strange how easy it was to fall asleep when she wasn't being held hostage by her mother.