Chapter 10- Of Parties and Confessions

October 31st

She was going to keep it.

It had taken her a week to come to her decision. The nightmare had shaken her; it had remained stuck in her head. Whenever she considered the option of getting an abortion now flashes of the dream shot through her mind; the pain she had felt searing through her stomach, the desperate pleas of the little girl, the feeling of having lost something as she had been pulled away. The more she thought about it the less she could stomach the thought of terminating her pregnancy.

She had started to think of the foetus growing inside her more as an actual baby, she knew that as soon as she stepped into that territory it would be near impossible to consider killing it. The minute she started to think of it as a real person was always going to lead her to the point where there was no turning back. She had spent time looking through her baby book. She wandered whether it would look like she had as a baby? She wandered whether it would grow up to look like the child her mind had created in her dream? That child was beautiful, she had had her eyes but the rest had been all Malfoy, this terrified her. Yet for all that the child had looked like him it hadn't lessoned the feelings she had felt in her nightmare; it hadn't lessoned the need to try and reach the child and comfort her. Hermione was scared and intrigued all at the same time and it made her head spin.

All of this had set her decision in stone. She couldn't kill her baby; she couldn't give it up, no matter who the father was. Ginny had been relieved when Hermione had told her; breaking into a fresh batch of promises to be there for her and help with anything she needed.

Today was October 31st, Halloween. She was about 11 weeks gone now. She had just woken up and was certainly feeling scary. In the past few days she'd been sick a couple of times resulting in quick rushes to the nearest bathroom praying that they would be empty. She had hoped she'd be able to skip the sickness part of pregnancy and just suffer through the nausea. She lay in bed for a few minutes before the nauseas feeling she'd put down to low blood sugar in the past few weeks set in. She closed her eyes and took some deep breaths in through her nose and out through her mouth willing the churning in her stomach to settle. She turned over before realising it wasn't just nausea; she was going to be sick. She threw off her covers and ran to the bathroom.

She felt awful as she knelt on the freezing floor of the bathroom; the shock of having left the comfort of her warm cosy bed for this made her shiver instantly. The sound of retching filled the room and echoed off the walls as she brought up what little was left in her stomach. Her cheeks were now flushed pink yet she continued to shake. So this was what Mrs Weasley had been talking about when she'd mentioned morning sickness. However Hermione was slightly grateful that she only seemed to be getting it now, she'd read that some women suffered with it right from a few weeks in. She flushed the toilet and rested her cheek against the cold wall of the bathroom before closing her eyes. This soothed the heat that had built in her cheeks and helped rid her of the fading feeling of nausea. She was drawn out of her reverie by a knock at the door.

"Granger?" It was Malfoy.

Her heart seemed to skip a beat, as it had done every time she'd seen him since she had found out she was pregnant.

"Yeh." She replied.

"Oh you are still alive in there then."

"Unfortunately for you." She muttered under her breath.

"First you wake me up the other night screaming like you were facing a dementor attack and now you wake me up puking your guts up. Is it really necessary for you to do so?" He moaned.

"Yes Malfoy, it is necessary." She said huffily. "Now go away!"

"That's exactly what I plan to do. Just checking you're done throwing up so I can get ready in peace."

She heard his footsteps walk away from the door. You would never be able to tell he was the same boy who had been broken and beaten a few weeks ago. He'd obviously settled back into school life now that the bruises had faded and she saw more snippets of the old Malfoy than she'd been used to recently. Although he hadn't called her mudblood since the argument they'd had on the first night back at Hogwarts so it was still a much tamer version of the Malfoy she had known for the past 6 years. For the most part they still ignored each other though, rarely speaking and living their lives as separately as they could. The only problem was that she knew their lives were now bound in a way he had no idea. She didn't intend for him to have any idea either. Dumbledore might think he had a right to know but she wasn't ready. She was still settling into the idea that she was going to be a mother, adding him knowing into the mix would not be of any use to her at the moment.

She climbed to her feet shakily and splashed water on her face. Her legs felt as though they'd been filled with sand. She sighed as she looked at her pallid reflection in the mirror. Her skin was dull and pale and there were bags under her eyes. She wandered if it was normal for pregnancy to give you the appearance of being at deaths door. She certainly wasn't glowing that was for sure. She picked up a soft white flannel and patted her face dry before heading back to her room to get ready.

Once she had made herself look as acceptable as possible she walked into the common room only to be greeted by Malfoy again. He was lounging on the sofa as if he didn't have a care in the world. She knew fully well that he did; she wished she could be as good at hiding problems. She wrapped her arms around herself trying to conceal the fact that she was still trembling.

"I know what's wrong with you, you know Granger."

If it was possible Hermione's heart skipped about 3 beats. How could he know? She was sure he couldn't have heard her being sick before this morning as she hadn't been anywhere near the common room the other times. She'd already noted that she wasn't good at hiding problems but surely she wasn't that transparent.

"What?" She said trying desperately not to convey her panic.

"Well it's obvious, isn't it? I'm surprised none of your Gryffindor idiots have noticed yet." He said, his voice had a slight smug tone to it.

Wait, 'noticed, I'm not even showing yet.

"What are you talking about Malfoy?" She asked warily as he got to his feet and walked over to face her. She took a step back; he was making her nervous. If he knew she was pregnant then he was sure to be angry; she didn't know what he'd do to her. This thought made her feel even more shaky, she clenched her fingers into her arms to stop them from trembling. Her legs felt heavier than ever; she knew that if he was to attack her she'd stand no chance of running.

"You've gone and given yourself some sort of eating disorder. Only now instead of not eating at all your throwing all your food back up." He said as though he had worked out the secrets of the universe.

She let out the breath she'd been holding. If she hadn't been in such a panicked state she might have laughed at this. If her mind hadn't been slowly clouding over ever since she had been sick she might have launched into a tirade of words telling Malfoy how stupid he was.

"I don't need this from you Malfoy. I'm going." She said feebly but as she tried to push past him her legs gave out from underneath her. She felt herself falling to the ground before arms wrapped around her waist and held her up.

"What are you doing to yourself Granger?" He said as he supported her weight and led her to sit in an armchair. He sat down on the wooden coffee table beside it. "I thought you were talking to McGonagall."

"I'm seeing Madam Pomfrey now instead." She mumbled. This was the honest truth; since she was going to be seeing the school nurse once a week for a check up anyway it had made sense.

"Does she know you make yourself sick?" He questioned.

"Shut up Malfoy you don't know what you're talking about." She said before leaning her head back on the sofa and closing her eyes.

She could feel his eyes burning into her. She didn't dare open her eyes to meet his gaze; scared of the look she'd be met with. Would it be confusion, disbelief, frustration or perhaps just a famous Malfoy smirk telling her how stupid she was? She didn't know and she certainly wasn't going to find out. She heard him sigh and get to his feet.

"Stay there." He muttered before leaving the room.

Hermione opened her eyes and looked around. She could hear him in his room.

What on earth is he doing now?

He returned in a matter of minutes with a small glass vial. Hermione looked up at him as he stood by her chair and pulled the stopper out of the bottle.

"Here, drink this." He told her placing the bottle in her hands.

"What is it?" She questioned suspiciously.

"Pepper up potion. It'll keep you from fainting. Of course keeping food down would also do the same." He replied.

"What have you done? Poisoned it?"

"Don't be ridiculous Granger. If I were planning on killing you there are easier ways than poisoning you with a potion that you might not ever have needed to take." He scathed. "Just drink it ok."

She narrowed her eyes; his reasoning had made her claims seem foolish now. She hated being wrong. Despite her frustration she downed the potion in one go.

"Don't bother to throw it back up Granger. It's not likely to make you fat." He said before turning and walking out through the portrait door.

Hermione stared after him incredulously. She was beginning to wander whether he had some sort of split personality disorder. Only a few moments before she'd been thinking of how he'd been acting more like his old self and yet here he was now helping her after she'd nearly fainted because he thought she had an eating disorder. It was nearly enough to make her head start spinning again.

She hadn't totally denied his claims. At least if he thought she was bulimic then he wouldn't be looking for any other reason behind her symptoms. He'd been right about the pepper up potion though; she was already starting to feel better. Her mind felt more awake, she had stopped shaking and her legs no longer felt as though someone had put weights in her feet. She definitely needed to ask Madam Pomfrey for some more pepper up potion if this was how pregnancy was going to make her feel.

Hermione was now sat in the Great Hall at breakfast. It was an array of black and orange. It had been decorated with levitating pumpkins and bats that were flying high above everybody's heads. There were streamers spiralling down from the enchanted ceiling to the corners of all the tables in the room alternating between orange and black.

The food in front of her had never looked so un-appetizing, even during the weeks when she had hardly eaten at all she could have faced food more than now.

She was distracted. She couldn't help but feel shaken up from Malfoy's accusations. What if he had have guessed the correct reason for her throwing up and nearly passing out? She was drawn back to reality by Ginny, Harry and Ron.
"Hermione, you look absolutely dreadful." Exclaimed Ron.

"Oh thanks." She replied, sarcasm thick in her voice.

"Sorry it's just we were going to see if you wanted to come to the Halloween party in the Gryffindor common room tonight? But if you're sick then it's fine if you don't come." Said Ron.

"You know I have a feeling I might be better later." She exchanged a knowing look with Ginny.

"Good, so you'll come then. Everyone really misses you, it's not the same without you in the common room." Said Harry.

"You mean it's not the same when I'm not there to help you all with your homework." She raised her eyes although a smile was already forming at the corners of her mouth

"Not at all, although we do miss that too." Said Harry as they laughed.

"Alright I guess I could come for a bit." She replied. She was slightly nervous. To be honest she wasn't really in a party mood. What if she got sick there? It would be just her luck if she got evening sickness as well as morning sickness. However she was determined not to let this baby start to take over her life already. What harm could a little party do?

It was 7 o' clock on Halloween. Luckily for Hermione she was feeling much better now; she had managed to keep down lunch and dinner.

She was in her room getting ready with Ginny. Hermione was glad it wasn't a costume party, she had settled on wearing a pair of dark denim jeans with a black jumper. She didn't want to draw attention to herself, not that you could tell in the slightest that she was pregnant, but at least black fitted in with the Halloween theme. Ginny was standing behind her smoothing out her hair with Sleekeazy's hair potion.

"Hermione, I was thinking that maybe you could tell Harry and Ron tonight, about you know what." She said motioning to Hermione's stomach.

"I don't know Gin. I don't know if I'm ready to tell them and they certainly aren't ready to hear." Hermione replied.

"But it would avoid awkward moments like this morning when they noticed how ill you looked. They'll start to think you're going back to how you were at the start of the year." Ginny pressed.

"I know, but I don't want to spoil the party for them. They'll be having a good time."

"All the more reason to tell them tonight, get them while they're both in a good mood." Ginny reasoned.

"I suppose. I'm not sure, let's just see how things go tonight." She said as Ginny finished her hair.

Hermione walked into the Gryffindor common room with Ginny. There was music playing in the background, she recognised it as the weird sisters. Someone had enchanted pumpkins to float in mid air as they did down in the Great Hall. She could see Parvati and Lavender sat on the sofa gossiping and Seamus and Dean daring each other to try out the latest products they'd brought from Weasley's Wizard Wheezes. Standing near the arched windows she spotted Harry, he caught her eye and made his way over to them.

Hermione pondered over telling Harry and Ron that she was pregnant. They always thought of her as responsible and sensible, not reckless and impulsive as she had been the night of her parent's funeral. They would probably be more disappointed in her than anyone else. But she didn't think they'd abandon her. No she knew they wouldn't. It wouldn't make telling them any less daunting though

"Hey. How are you? You look much better than you did earlier." He greeted.

"Yeh I'm feeling ok now thanks." She answered.

"Hey Harry did you want some…" Ron cut off his sentence as soon as he saw Hermione. He put his hands behind his back. "Oh hi Hermione, didn't see you there." He said nervously, failing at the fact he was obviously trying to hide something.

"What are you hiding behind your back Ron?" Hermione asked getting straight to the point.

"Nothing." He said trying to sound nonchalant but his voice came out high and his ears were turning red

"Honestly Ronald do you think I'm stupid?" She said as she pulled his hands from behind him. "Firewhisky." She exclaimed.

"Yeh well it is a party."

"Have you forgotten that you're a Prefect and I'm Head Girl?" Hermione questioned.

"No, that's why I was trying to hide it from you wasn't it."

This made her angry.

"So what, you have to hide things from me because you think I'll grass you up? I'm no fun because I'm Head Girl now?" She snapped

"No, you've always been the sensible one haven't you. And weren't you just planning on grassing us up?" Ron said defensively.

"No! I was worried in case you got caught Ronald." Her voice had grown high and shaky.

"Well then there's no need for you to worry because it's not like we've got enough to get drunk."

"That's not the point Ron! What you're basically saying is I'm just some big prude who doesn't know how to enjoy herself."

Hermione felt inexplicably upset. All the burning anger she had felt before had simmered and now she just wanted to cry. She had no idea why; she knew her friends did see her as sensible, earlier she'd been worried about them realising she obviously wasn't. She now had tears in her eyes. She hoped her hormones weren't going to be this unpredictable for the whole pregnancy.

"Hermione there's no need to get upset. Ron didn't mean it in a bad way." Harry tried to console her.

"Yeh you know what I'm like, rubbish with words. I'm sorry if I upset you." Said Ron guiltily.

Hermione couldn't stop the tears that were building. She took deep breaths trying to control her emotions.

"Maybe we should get you out of here Hermione." Ginny suggested.

"Come up to our dorm." Said Harry, utterly confused as to why Hermione was now in such a state over such an insignificant comment.

They led her across the common room and up to the 7th year boy's dorm. Once they were inside Hermione let the tears fall.

"I'm sorry I don't know why I got so upset." She choked out as she sat down on a bed and wiped away her tears.

"I do." Murmured Ginny.

"What do you mean?" Asked Harry.

"It's not my place to say." Ginny replied. "Hermione?"

"Ginny I don't think they're ready to know."

"I think you should tell them. It would help, and you never know it might even stop my idiot brother making stupid comments." Ginny scowled at Ron.

"Will someone just tell us what it is? You're worrying me." Said Ron

"Me too. Whatever it is you can tell us, it seems my girlfriend knows and I don't. We're meant to be your best friends." Harry tried to reason.

"Harry I would've told you but it really isn't my place to say." Said Ginny.

"What isn't?" Ron said loudly. "Just tell…"

"I'm pregnant." Hermione cried, cutting Ron off mid sentence. It had been easier to just blurt it out like that. It had certainly stopped the arguing.

"You're what?!" Harry said in shock.

"You can't be pregnant!" Said Ron indignantly. "You have to have done it to be pregnant."

"Well obviously Hermione has done it seeing as she is pregnant." Said Ginny.

"Ginny!" Hermione tried to interrupt.

"You're actually pregnant?" Harry asked.

"Yes." Hermione nodded. She knew they'd be angry and she hadn't been wrong.

"What the hell Hermione. I can't believe you'd be this stupid." Said Ron.

"So I'm stupid now am I? I thought I was a prude downstairs a minute ago?" She argued.

"Well I was obviously wrong about that, wasn't I." Ron fumed.

Hermione opened her mouth to argue back.

"Stop!" Shouted Ginny. "All of you stop. You 2 are behaving like idiots. Can't you get off her back?" She motioned to Ron and Harry.

"We're behaving like idiots?" Harry scoffed. "You can't blame us for being shocked Ginny."

"I don't, I was shocked too. But I don't think anyone was more shocked than Hermione was. She's been through hell the last week ok." Ginny informed them.

"You've known for a week and you didn't tell us Hermione? Harry asked, he sounded hurt by this.

"Shows how much she trusts us mate." Muttered Ron.

"Of course I trust you." Hermione cried. "I didn't even know if I was going to keep it until a couple of days ago."

"You were thinking about getting rid of it?" Harry asked more gently now.

Hermione nodded running the back of her hand underneath her eyes to wipe away the newly fallen tears.

"You could have come to us you know. We would have been there for you." Said Ron who seemed to be getting over his initial shock too.

"I know." Hermione whispered.

"We didn't mean to get angry Mi'. It's just we're surprised. Even you have to admit that this isn't like you." Said Harry.

"I know and I promise you I regret it so much, but it's happened now. I'm absolutely terrified and I don't think it's even properly sunk in yet. But I've made the decision to keep it and I really need you both right now." She told them honestly.

"We're here for you, you know that. Look I'm sorry for everything I said before. It's just I would've said nearly every other girl in our year was more likely to get pregnant now than you. I don't mean that in a bad way at all." Ron explained now he had calmed down.

"I know you don't Ron. I wouldn't have expected myself to get pregnant now either." She said quietly.

"Hermione, I have to ask this. Whose is it?" Asked Harry.

Hermione's breath caught in her throat. She had told them she was pregnant but she couldn't tell them that. They were still dealing with the shock of her being pregnant, if she told them it was Malfoy's baby it would probably send them over the edge.

"I, I can't tell you." She stammered. "I do trust you." She added quickly when she saw their faces. "It's not that I won't tell you, I just can't tell you now. I'm not ready. He doesn't even know, that's if I tell him at all."

"You should tell him, make him take some responsibility." Said Ron.

"Trust me its better that he doesn't know." She insisted. She was sure that if Ron knew the truth he wouldn't be suggesting she tell him.

"Ok, we trust you, right Harry." Said Ron.

"Yeh and you won't be on your own. We'll all be here for you." Harry reassured her.

"Yeh, Ginny has already offered her babysitting services." She told them.

"We'll be the best uncles a baby could want." Said Harry

Hermione smiled slightly at this. She was still terrified but Ginny had been right, knowing her friends were all going to support her had made the future seem less frighteningly lonely.

Hey, I just wanted to say thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed, it really means a lot, thank you!