Disclaimer: Me No Own, as usual.
Hi guys! It's been such a long time, but I haven't been able to upload because my computer was down and then didn't want to log me on! Oh. The. Horror. But I'm uploading now. I'm having something called "Projektweek" and it consumes a lot of my time. So There's going to be some spaces between my updates. But please review, I almost got none last time :'(
Songs: Breathe (Until Tomorrow) ~ Paramore and A Lonely September ~ Plain White T's
I'm such a bad person. I'm wrong. Was I mentally interrupted? I was having an affair… or more like a relationship with my fiancée's brother. Jasper Hale. I didn't want it at the beginning, but my feelings…. I just simply couldn't control them. No matter what, I ended up hurting people. I am so wrong. So bad. But how could I stop my emotions? Jasper could control my emotions. But would he? Would he stop my love towards him, if I asked him to? I got the feeling that he felt the same towards me. Our feelings must be mutual. And that made it even worse! There was a blissful aching inside me. This was wrong, yet I yearned for it. I craved him. I was ready. At the beach I was so ready to… to do it with him. I know he felt my feelings.
My blisters were almost gone. It didn't hurt when I walked around, but sometimes I would have Jasper to carry me. I wanted him to touch me. To feel me after I had distanced myself from him. I know he was hurt. I… I want to be with you, Jazz. Those were the words I had used. I had been in a "relationship" with him, but we didn't touch. Barely. Even though I tried to touch him more after the beach episode. I tried to avoid it as much as possible at that time. I didn't want to make things harder. Like it wasn't hard enough. Jasper could kill me.
Those days I spend walking around, now that my blisters were almost gone. There were still rooms I hadn't explored yet. I tried to find excitement because Jasper were out hunting. There was an extra bathroom, a chamber to fill thing up with and then I found a small hall that led out to the outside. I went through that door and walked around the house. My black Converse shoes made weird sounds when the rubber came in contact with the asphalt. I spotted an extra, unexplored part of the building after walking halfway around the house. It was a garage. I walked over to it, closing in the distance. I opened the port to it and walked in into the dim lighted room. I gasped. There was a car. Actually it was a Jaguar XK 120 car from 1954, perhaps, in black. I was an open car and it had very nice proportions. I smiled. We could go to Spain now. I could see Edward! We would be with the ones we loved. But… Jasper and I couldn't be together anymore. I didn't really take notice of that fact. I just shut the gate and ran up in my room. My room missed one wall. On the side there were against the nature was a wall with glass. Not windows, but just… glass. It was also like that the day on our "date". The sky were clear as I sat on the bed and waited for Jasper to come back home. I couldn't wait to tell him. I watched out for about a hour. Then behind me there was a poking. I turned around and faced Jasper. How did he… ? He smiled gently at me and wrapped his arms around me. I smiled a heartbroken smile. Perhaps this were our last hug. Our last embrace. Our last everything. I recoiled a bit and he let go of me. I still tried to smile at him, even though my face must have looked like a masque.
Jasper, my mind said. I grinned at him and said: "Jasper, I've got a surprise." I could feel his excitement. I smiled even more and dragged him outside and into the garage. His excitement turned to frustration there burned me. I crept away from him, stumbling into the car. His face were as hard as a rock. "We-we can get away." He was angry. Then he was gone. Disappearing in vampire pace. I knew he wouldn't abandon me. He would probably just be angry. Had I ruined our little piece of paradise? I clenched my hands and walked to the kitchen in an angry and hurt mood.
The feelings between us escalated and became stronger and I snapped: "Then what are we suppose to do then? We can't stay together, Jazz!" - by the hurt feelings the words just poured out of my mouth - "I love no one but Edward!" The words were like ashes in my mouth, like something old. I didn't have to hurt him - but why did I then? Why did I always end up hurting him? His back… was is shaking? He clenched his hands open and then clenched them shut.
He turned to look at me. His eyes were small when his hurt voice hit my soul in its violence: "Don't you understand?" Was he implying that I was the only one that understood him? I couldn't help thinking. Yeah right, yeah right, my inner self said. I smacked myself inside. My thoughts seemed distanced to the situation. He looked even more hurt at me now. What now - could Jazz read my mind? "I don't want to lose you", his voice thin. I was stunned. I had said to him, that I was in love with Edward and I didn't loved anyone but him and that we couldn't stay together. Yet he said he didn't wanted to lose me. I was really stunned. I was paralyzed. I was mesmerized. He blinked quickly and I lost my breath. "I'll go pack your belongings." He walked up the stairs. "We'll leave in two hours", he said just before he was out of sight. My legs wobbled. Not that much that I needed a chair or anything. But they were still wobbly. I started moving, not really caring where I went. The first thing I noticed was the water. The devouring water of the lake. I sat on the beach. The water smelled different here. Was it because it wasn't salt water? The leaves turned and I could here the rasp of them. The air was warm but still cool. The voice of my conscious plunged into my head all of a sudden and started questioning everything. What would the consequences of our love have? Should Edward and Alice know? How would they take it if that's the case? I stood up, brushing crystals of sand from my jeans and walked towards the house.
"Should we call Edward and tell him that we're on our way?" I was unsure of what I should do. Ever since we got here I had been unsure on what to do. What to say, how to move, even the simple thing of how I should be dressed. Jazz answered her question: "No. We'll surprise them." He threw the bags in the back of the car. The Jaguar XK 120 reflected black paint on me. The car seemed to be warm on the outside because it was black and the sun had radiated on it for about two hours. I wonder what Jazz had spent his two hours with. Jasper jumped in the car, not even bothering opening the door and shutting it again. It looked like Jazz had taken some clothes from the house. There were more than we came. Jasper flicked his sunglasses up and sat them on his ears, looking like a god. Why did he have to dazzle me like that? I would just end up being blind of all that dazzling from the Cullens.
The air made my hair twirl and twist. It flew up and everything, but I didn't even bother trying to do something about it. I was numb in my conscious. It wouldn't have surprised me if my mouth were half open. I stared out my side of the car, trying to block out the thoughts and feelings I felt. It didn't work as I wanted it to. So I turned on the radio. The music was one I could sing along with. I think I did, sang. I wouldn't know. My mind was too far out.
I climb, I slip, I fall
Reaching for your hands
But I lay here all alone
Sweating all your blood
If I could find out how
To make you listen now
Because I'm starving for you here
With my undying love
And I, I will
Breathe for love tomorrow
Cause there's no hope for today
Breathe for love tomorrow
Cause maybe there's another way
I climb, I slip, I fall
Reaching for your hands
But I lay here all alone
Sweating all your blood
If I could find out how
To make you listen now
Because I'm starving for you here
With my undying love
And I, I will
Breathe for love tomorrow
Cause there's no hope for today
Breathe for love tomorrow
Cause maybe there's another way
Breathe for love tomorrow
Cause there's no hope for today
Breathe for love tomorrow
Cause maybe there's another way
I climb, I slip, I fall
Into your empty hands
But I lay here all alone
Sweating all your blood
The song could might as well have been about me. I felt more intensity. This song was doing something to Jasper. I wonder what he thought. Right now I would like to have Edwards ability to read minds.
We drove in a long time. We didn't take the highway, even though it would have been a lot faster than just going around on these small roads. The nightfall came slowly. It crept over the sky, making a beautiful landscape. Jasper pulled the car into the sideway.
"What now?" How could I not ask? "You're tired, Bella." I shrugged trying to make this clear. My head felt like it was filled with bricks. My eye lids were heavy. "No, I'm not." I yawned. Jazz smiled at me, his eyes saying oh really? to me. I crawled in the back of the car. Jasper jumped out of the car, of course without bothering opening or shutting the door as always, and plunged his hands into a bag. He pulled out a blanket to me. The stars were bright. Twinkling like diamonds on the heaven. My mind was dizzy as I cradled into Jazz's arms. Wait…
"Jazz, what are you doing?!" I yelled, disbelieving of his act. "I'm sleeping with you." My mind was confused. He smiled. And then intensity overwhelmed us. His eyes darker, not because he was hungry but because he was serious. The radio played another sung which Jazz hum to.
I'm sittin' here all by myself
Just tryin' to think of something to do
Tryin' to think of something, anything
Just to keep me from thinking of you
But you know it's not working out'cause you're all that's on my mind
One thought of you is all it takes
To leave the rest of the world behind
Oh, I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did
And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back
But I know you did
I'm sittin' here tryin' to convince myself
That you're not the one for me
But the more I think, the less I believe it
And the more I want you here with me
You know the holidays are coming up
I don't want to spend them alone
Memories of Christmas time with you
Will just kill me if I'm on my own
Oh, I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did
And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me backI
know it's not the smartest thing to do
We just can't seem to get it right
But what I wouldn't give to have one more chance tonight
One more chance tonight
I'm sittin' here tryin' to entertain myself with this old guitar
But with all my inspiration gone it's not getting me very far
I look around my room and everything I see reminds me of you
Oh please, baby won't you take my hand
We've got nothing left to prove
Oh, I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did
And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back
But I know you did
And I didn't mean to meet you then
When we were just kids
And I didn't mean to give you chills
The way that I kiss
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back but I know you did
Don't say you didn't love me back 'cause you know you did
No, you didn't mean to love me back
But you did
"Bella, we're still not with Alice and Edward", he pointed put. "I want to spend as much time with you as possible." He spoke something I didn't catch, I was already asleep. Yet, it made my mind upset. But I couldn't remember the words.
Review! Push the review button and leave a review! You knooow you want to! It will only make things faster 'cause I haven't even written the next chapter yet. - Marianne.