PART TEN
Interlude: The Living Spectre and the White Rabbit
"What terrified me will terrify others; and I need only describe the spectre which had haunted my midnight pillow."
Mary Shelley
The away mission was a disaster, nearly from the very beginning. Christ above, what sort of hell had he gotten his crew into now? He had been so sure... despite what Doctor Culbar, Lt. Stamets and others might think, his intentions weren't malevolent.
The path to hell is paved with good intentions, the adaged stared him in the face and laughed at him, maliciously, mercilessly.
You idiot, he thought harshly.
"Burnham?" He rolled over, finding it in himself to move his body after the initial shock had worn off, the attack had been sudden and they were taken by surprise. Their shuttle was adrift, but... that beast was still out there.
Michael was coming to, she winced in pain, there was a fresh cut on her forehead. He reached out and pulled her gently into a sitting position.
"What...?"
"Don't move too much, not unless you have to." He ordered her, touching her face to examine her head wound. It wasn't bad, not that deep. Looked worse than it actually was. He made sure the sigh of relief that passed his lips didn't seem excessive. Christ, if he lost her too...
There wasn't time for that now.
"Unknown vessel, your ship is badly damaged and there's nowhere to run. Prepare to be boarded." The same voice that had first threatened them with violence spoke again, the comm system sent out a burst of sparks and began shutting down. The computer began saying things like, "massive system failure" and "breach imminent".
"Weapons?" Michael asked. He went to a bin, opening it with a bruised hand. She crawled towards him, lights appeared and surrounded them. They were being pulled in by a tractor beam. He worked faster, popping off the lid and handing her a phasor.
"Set it to kill." He said easily, she hesitated, looking at him out of the corner of her eye. "We don't have time to be diplomatic, Burnham. They've already fired at us."
"Hopefully Discovery will receive our distress call." She added quickly.
Something clamped down on their shuttle and she gripped the phasor. The ship was massive, it almost looked familiar but neither captain or science specialist could tell in the nebula they had been caught in.
They had been on a routine away mission to observe the unknown space around them, when they were pulled in. Almost like a magnetic force. Once inside the nebula there was a brief warning and before Lorca or Burnham knew what had happened a ship had fired on them.
In her dizzy state she had thought she saw the beginnings of a Starfleet serial number... NCC...
But then she reminded herself she had a head wound. Another Starfleet vessel in this place...?
It was highly unlikely, especially after what Captain Lorca admitted to doing. He was attempting to use the sporedrive to go back to before the Buran was ambushed and destroyed. He was trying to save his crew.
Burnham found it admirable but selfish and foolish. He nearly killed Stamets. He was endangering his whole crew, risking his own life and theirs. And now they were in this new hell realm. And they were being boarded by god only knew what.
Her mind drifted to Ash briefly... he was ill, laid up in sickbay when she left. Doctor Culbar could only come up with was he was running a fever and was talking nonsense. He deduced it had everything to do with the female Klingon on board. Burnham had hated leaving him... but now she had bigger problems.
Captain Lorca told her to get back to the controls with him, she on one side and he on the other. The shuttle jerked a little but the two kept their balance.
When the landing doors to the shuttle didn't open they shared a look.
"What are they waiting for?" She whispered, he shook his head slowly.
"If that were me... I wouldn't use the front door."
Michael felt a queer chill run down the back of her neck and it slithered it's way round her body to make a home in her gut. She was afraid, but that wasn't unreasonable given the circumstances. This was more... primal. She was terrified.
No one was bursting through the door. The longer the moments ticked by the truer Captain Lorca's words seemed to be.
And then the gas began to fill the small shuttle. They began taking deep breaths, fighting the urge not to grow hysteric. He pulled her to him and pressed a hand over her mouth and nose.
His eyes panicked, like a cornered bear. She couldn't speak, nothing could be said. He wanted to tell her that if their captors wanted them dead then they'd already be dead. They wouldn't go through all this trouble just to gas them to death. But Lorca couldn't comfort her with words, he just held her.
Eventually, darkness took them both.
X
"Go ask Alice, when she's ten feet tall..."
What happened between the gasing to the cell they now shared together was an unknown. Their phasors had been confiscated at some point, most likely after they had lost consciousness.
"Cap...Captain?" Michael felt metal against her back, it was warm from her body heat but the rest of the brig was cold. The force field that kept them inside hummed lightly. She looked over to see Captain Lorca. And he looked terrible. She had to crawl towards him, the gas had made her brain foggy and the head injury didn't help. Which her captors hadn't healed.
That said a lot about them.
Captain Lorca groaned but was still unconscious. He had a black eye, his lip was split, his hand rested over his side, perhaps they had beaten him there too.
Michael found her feet, the brig was... it looked familiar. All too familiar. It looked like the brig of a Federation vessel except with minor differences. There were devices with upright body rests, with thick leather straps there to hold a person in should they wish to escape.
They looked like ancient torture apparatus'. Cold, sterile... as if the occupant of one were a guinea pig. The rat in the cage.
Distantly, there was... music? Another earth tune, it reminded her of her childhood. But only because of a queer similarity. As if the person in charge of playing such a song could see into her mind, her thoughts... her memories. She shook her head, rubbed her face. It was all in her head, it wasn't real... and something shiny caught her eye through the force field.
A plaque. Simple, square, the same size as it would be on any Federation vessel.
Michael's throat went dry as she scanned and memorized what little she could see from the silver square plaque.
"Captain. Captain, wake up." She shook him gently, but firmly enough to attempt to wake him. With a groan his eyes opened, but snapped shut when the light hit them. He didn't have his hypopen. His eyes were vulnerable and needed time to adjust, if they could at all. He kept them closed, she wrapped her hand around his and pulled him to his feet.
"What happened to you?" She asked him, steading him on his feet.
"I woke up first, your head must have kept you out." He rubbed one eye then the other, releasing her hand.
"You fought them." She said with an air of disappointment.
"I got information, if that means a black eye then so be it."
"What did you find out?"
Captain Lorca paused, swallowed and slowly opened his eyes again. Sighing, he glanced around their confinement. Their not so gilded cage, as if he had been there before...
"Maybe we should sit." He suggested.
Sitting crossed legged beside him she trained her eyes to remember to watch for her captors who could come back at any second. She collected they were definitely watching them, she believed the captain thought the same.
"First of all, everything I say will sound insane," he began. "I've... been on this ship before."
Michael leaned in.
"Can you be more specific?"
"It's the same ship but..." he paused and glanced around, shaking his head. "It's not the same ship."
Michael was beginning to wonder if he too had suffered a head injury that had gone unnoticed. But the sporedrive, Stamets' behavior; existing outside of the regular timestream... what if they had traveled too far this time?
"Captain-" he held up his hand,
"I told you I would sound insane-"
"You're not making sense."
Leaning against the wall Captain Lorca rubbed his eyes again, bringing his knees up to rest his arms on them. He looked at her, his eyes seemed... mournful.
"Michael, this is the Buran." No sooner had the words left his mouth did the brig's sliding doors open.
The two Starfleet officers stood, guarding each other in their cell. Michael briefly noted the protective way Captain Lorca moved in front of her, his arm grazing her midsection.
It should be she protecting her Captain. Then she thought of Saru... her heart clenched at the idea of him. And she wondered how Ash was holding up, if he was feeling better... she wanted to hold him.
Two men entered... they looked like Starfleet and didn't at the same time. Their uniforms were navy blue but far more revealing. The two men who entered wore black armored tank tops instead of fabric, their weapons were more lethal in appearance and something that wasn't standard issue were the knives on their belts.
"Computer, lower force field." A thuggish officer said. The other drew his weapon and pointed it at Lorca.
"Move." Thuggish said in a deep voice.
"Make me-"
"Captain." Michael cut in. She took his arm and he whipped his head to look at her.
"I'll be fine." She said, not believing the words entirely herself. The other officer who had his weapon drawn on Lorca laughed sinisterly. She tried to hide her fear, but she knew she could be brave.
Lorca shook his head minutely, his eyes searching hers. Begging her...
"You're the captain, I have to protect you. I won't fail again." She told him strongly.
Thuggish reached around Lorca and grabbed her arm, roughly yanking her across the threshold. The force field reappeared and Lorca watched her go, being lead away like a prisoner, like she was a degenerate. They looked like a bunch of idiot chimps.
"Fuck!" He shouted, punching a wall. He slid down the wall, massaging his now aching hand. He had to figure it out. He knew where they were but this wasn't possible. Or at least not in the way he intended. It was the Buran but it wasn't. It was the same faces he remembered but they were all altered. They were... savage.
X
Michael was pushed into a darkened room, the windows reflected herself mixed with star points and the nebula outside. It reminded her of when she searched for Sarek...
"Well, well," a voice cut through the darkness, British and imperial. "The one and only Michael Burnham, on my ship."
Suddenly Michael was having deja-vu... it was almost the same exact words Captain Lorca had said to her upon their first meeting.
Turning she saw a shadowy figure in the darkness.
"And you are?" She asked cautiously, holding her ground. A chuckle resounded throughout the room, he stepped forward a pace but still remained in the dark.
"Playing stupid has never suited you." Came his retort, she could feel the smirk on his face. Then, something Captain Lorca had said... it was the Buran and it wasn't the Buran. Stamets, rambling about alternate dimensions, "the enemy is here..."
If this really was the Buran then...
His voice, as familiar and unfamiliar as it was, she knew that voice. What applied was the uncanny way she knew had had this conversation before. The penetrating recognition, the height even shadowed in the darkness was similar.
Captain Lorca had joked that he liked to think the dark made him mysterious. Perhaps this man thought the same. Believed his own hype...
"If you think you're being mysterious you're mistaken. Come into the light." She said, her voice unwavering. There was no chuckle, there was no sarcastic comment or quip. Instead she heard powerful footsteps coming towards her, she couldn't help but take a step back.
"Lights." The voice ordered as he swiftly moved across the room and she stifled a gasp as a hand gripped the back of her neck tightly, she felt her nerves cringe in pain, the bones bending under his authoritative and capable fingers.
"I always liked that spirit." Captain Lorca sneered in her face. But it... wasn't- couldn't- be Captain Lorca. He was in the brig and he didn't have a scar going from his left temple down his left eye, he didn't have a strange tattoo on his bare forearm (that she knew of) bearing a strange insignia of some kind. A planet with a sword stabbed through the center at a vertical angle.
"Michael Burnham," he repeated her name, lower this time, "You're a hard woman to find."
"I don't know who you think I am, sir, but-"
"Oh, you are definitely not the Michael Burnham I'm looking for, but you'll do."
Michael narrowed her eyes, she saw an opening. Using her Vulcan martial arts experience she landed a quick and strong snap to his ribcage, sending him backward.
She went for the door but it was sealed.
Other Lorca coughed and a gravelly laugh followed.
"No use anyway," he said, rubbing his chest. "Force field on the other side will send you into a catatonic state. And I like you the way you are, frankly."
Michael swallowed, her hands pressed to the door in defeat.
"Quite the bounty on your head." He went on. "Well, not yours. The other one. My crew is still trying to figure out where you came from. And... that other one, the other me."
Turning, she saw he had come closer, but he kept his distance this time and had drawn a knife.
"Now, are you going to place nice, love?" He questioned, darkly, gesturing with the knife. She nodded curtly. "Good. I wouldn't want to mark up that pretty face of yours, again."
Michael tried not to tremble at the thought. She had faced down a Klingon warrior, three times! But this man... he was disarming her somehow. What was this place doing to her? Her head, it must be her head.
"Although, if you're anything like your counterpart," he paused. "I think I'll keep you on a short leash."
"Where am I?"
Other Lorca laughed at her question, like she was an idiot. She didn't care for it. She was used to condescension, even patronage, but she wasn't an imbecile.
"You're floating somewhere in the Milky Way, love. Check the starcharts, if you like." He pointed to a computer. Hesitantly she went to it, the system and programming was similar to her own dimension... Michael paused.
My own dimension... that must be what this is, she decided. Stamets was right.
And Other Lorca was right. The Milky Way, the charted star systems... everything was almost exactly the same.
Except...
"You're not the Federation." She said simply.
"Federation?" He questioned and she had her answer.
"The United Federation of Planets." She clarified. He stood over her, enclosing her with his arms, trapping her. The knife was at his hip again, if she was fast enough...
"This is the Terran Empire, love," he whispered in her ear, she recoiled away from it. "Not some Federation."
Michael slowly faced him, she felt a chill run through her. His eyes were vacant, unlike her captain's which had often conveyed many things to her. But the man before her was not her captain, he was a stranger and she was in a strange land indeed.
Oh, Alice, what have you gotten yourself into now? She thought grimly.
"Never thought I'd have a do over with you," he said leering at her, taking her chin between his fingers and she leaned back, he only tightened his hold, forcing her to remain still.
"Unhand me." She said through clenched teeth.
To her surprise he did. He pressed a button and the doors opened and the force field slid away.
"Take her back." He ordered.
The same two guards returned her to the brig, they shoved her towards Captain Lorca who caught her around the waist as the force field returned.
"Are you alright?" He asked, he still hadn't let her go. Michael nodded, but she was shaking. He rubbed her arms up and down in an attempt to relax her.
"I met the captain." She told him, unable to look him in the eye. Afraid the scar would appear, that this was all some trick. But this Lorca's hands felt different, they felt protective. They felt kind. They felt... safe.
Michael believed the man she had just met didn't know what kindness was.
"And?" Captain Lorca asked, fearing the answer.
"It's... another you." Was all she could say.
Realizing he had been holding her longer than what was appropriate he released her. Even if he yearned more than anything to hold her, to rock her gently in his arms and promise that everything was going to be alright. But he had never lied to her, he wasn't about to start now.
"We have to get out of here." He said decidedly.
"And quickly. Apparently there's another me in this dimension too. And she's got a bounty on her head." She informed him. He sighed and they decided to attack the guards the next time they came. They would have to feed them or provide water eventually.
However, when the food and water was simply beamed into their cell that option disappeared.
They sat together, trying to come up with another plan in silence when he spoke,
"How did he act around you?" Captain Lorca asked, conversationally.
"He was... distasteful, crass, and..."
"What?"
"Had a... flair for innuendo."
Captain Lorca clenched his jaw subconsciously.
"Captain, there is one thing we haven't said but I know we've both thought, judging by your question."
Captain Lorca shook his head and stood. Going over the cell again, inch by inch as he had already done several times.
"I'm not going to use you like that, Burnham." He said adamantly. Michael also rose, following his pacing.
"There may be no other way." She insisted, he stood close to her, looking down to meet her eyes.
"No."
"Why? It's of no consequence to me."
"It is to me." He said and before she could question it, barely process it, the doors to the brig opened again.
It was Other Lorca and two of his goons, and another man. He looked skittish and afraid. Captain Lorca- Michael's Captain Lorca- recognized him.
"Benton." He said under his breath. He had been his science officer on the real Buran, the one he had destroyed. He was a funny guy in Lorca's dimension, there was nothing humorous about this situation.
"Go ahead." Other Lorca said, looking his alternate up and down, his eyes flicking between Lorca and Burnham.
James... or me, he thought, shocked to see himself staring at himself was unsettling, alarming, ominous. This wasn't like seeing his brother, that would've been awkward but common place.
This was something else entirely.
"Well?" Other Lorca asked.
Michael looked to her captain. It must have been a truly surreal experience... seeing what else you became in another timeline, another dimension and you encapsulated in space and time. Their two worlds dangling just out of reach of the other.
"They check out, Captain. Genetic matches, both of them." Benton said, Other Lorca nodded and one guard lead Benton away. Michael's captain looked like he wanted to reach for the man.
It was like staring at a ghost.
Michael knew then she would always be able to tell the differences between the two half of this one man. Her captain's eyes could be serious, firm, dense even. But never callous or cruel.
Never intentionally ruthless. Michael believed she knew the man that well.
"I see why you like her," Other Lorca said approaching the force field. "She's tough."
The voice chilled Captain Lorca, as it had Michael. Because it sounded like him but it wasn't, looked like him yet that was not his face. This couldn't be the same man, and it wasn't but it might have been once. It could be, one day... if he let himself slip into those boots.
The two Lorcas stared at each other, observing, cataloging. Absorbing every inch of data.
"I do hate to tear apart lovers," Other Lorca joked and Captain Lorca's upper lip curled over his teeth.
"I don't care for what you're implying." Gabriel said, in a startling and dismaying tone. Michael had never heard such a level of contempt in his voice before, he had never even spoken to Stamets like that.
"No?" Other Lorca said, crossing his arms over his chest and feigning a sigh. "Shit, I'm sorry. I don't think you spent enough time with our doctor."
Other Lorca snapped his fingers and the force field fell away, the two officers dragging Gabriel from the cell. Michael tried to reach for him but he shook his head. He had endured Klingon torture, he would endure this. For her.
"Captain." Was all she could say as he was dragged away, shocked at her own need to protect him, stunned that her voice was breaking. She had at least wished they would do it in front of her, it would be painful and humiliating but at least she would know he was alive and what they were doing to him.
"Looks like it's just us." Other Lorca said coarsely, entering the cell, commanding the computer only remove it under his command. She backed away from him.
"What am I going to do with you?" He asked, and once again the words from the real Lorca echoed in her mind.
Michael wished Ash was here, but was also thankful he was spared this. He was fragile now, he needed rest. But she ached to be near him, to be there for him during his recovery.
Other Lorca approached her slowly, knife strapped to his hip. She watched him carefully. He was toying with her, stalking her. She was nothing but meat to him.
"If I'm worth so much, whoever you're delivering me to won't want me damaged." She said, trying to appeal to whatever humanity he had. Which she believed was little. And, trying to buy some time.
"Oh, they just want you alive. They don't care what kind of state you're in. Broken leg, fractured skull..." He said as if he were reading a menu, Michael made sure to watch her footing, kept her eyes keen to her surroundings.
"Are you so desperate for goodwill in your Empire that you'll use me to get it?" She asked, trying to get him to talk instead of whatever horrible things he planned to do.
Other Lorca shrugged.
"A man's got to eat, love." He said.
When the space between them began to close he stopped, feet from her. Resting a hand on the wall next to her head.
"Think of a song." He ordered, she frowned. His eyes luring her in.
"What?"
"The first song that comes to mind. I assume you have music where your from."
And the curious thing was, she did.
"White Rabbit." She answered, she felt defeated, collapsing into herself.
"Computer, play White Rabbit by Jefferson Airplane."
The music began low naturally but slowly built to a finer pace.
One pill makes you larger, and one pill makes you small
And the ones that mother gives you, don't do anything at all
Go ask Alice, when she's ten feet tall
Michael felt the irony. How many rabbit holes had she fallen down now? She felt his shadow over her, she raised her eyes.
Other Lorca took her hand and put it on his shoulder, with his other he cupped her waist and took her small hand in his. She clenched her eyes shut as he pulled her against him.
"Dance much at home?" He crooned into her each, his lips grazing her skin in turn making it cawl.
This. Isn't. Captain Lorca, she kept reminding herself.
"Not really." She managed to answer.
It was all so surreal, he felt like Captain Lorca might've felt. The voice biting into her eardrums, it wasn't him. This wasn't Captain Lorca. But he felt like him. What he could be, what he might feel like... touching her, dancing with her, using his hands on her...
"Computer, amplify room 1-6-1-2." He ordered and the sound of yelling assaulted her senses. She tried to pull away from him but he gripped her closer to his body.
"Stop." She begged him but he didn't. She heard the sound of a fist meeting a face.
"He's a tough son of a bitch. Got my best bruiser working him over." Other Lorca said.
And if you go chasing rabbits, and you know you're going to fall
Tell 'em a hookah-smoking-caterpillar has given you the call
And call Alice, when she was just small...
"Why are you hurting him? It's me you want." She demanded, clenching the hand that held her tightly. Then she remembered how he put her other on his shoulder, she could pinch him and have him on the ground before he knew what had happened. But there was still the matter of the force field.
The sounds intensified and a body dropped to the floor.
"Why?" Other Lorca yanked her harder against him, crushing her to his form. "You don't see how he looks at you?"
Michael knew he was distracted, she had to keep him on that path if her plan was going to work. She kept struggling against him, ignoring the way his body seemed to be reacting to her wriggling.
"Let me go." She hissed at him.
"Oh, love, we're going to have some fun first." He whispered against her neck. "I'm going to make you scream."
"You're a pig." She seethed and he laughed.
"Your captain is no better." He informed her knowingly. He had her back into the wall again.
"He's a better man than you."
Other Lorca sighed and nodded, boxing her in, his body language more than obvious. He tried to kiss her and she recoiled again.
"In some ways. But not in this way. He wants you, I can tell. Because I do. And if he's anything like me, I'd have you on your knees-"
Michael moved her hand up only a few inches and pinched harder than was necessary. His eyes widened in shock for a split second before he fell to the ground. She backed away from him, wanting to scourge his touch from her body. She wiped her hands, as if he had infected them somehow.
What he had said... there was no truth to it.
Was there...?
There was no time to dwell on that now. She had to figure out another way, preferably before his goons returned with her real Captain Lorca.
When the doors slid open her eyes widened. Captain Lorca stood there, his split lip freshly bloodied and his knuckles equally as red. He also held a weapon in his hands. He approached the force field, stumbling a little, observing the unconscious Other Lorca.
"Are you alright?" He said, coming as close to the force field as he could without it harming him. Michael nodded, relieved and happy to see him.
"It won't open without his command." She told him and he thought for a moment, clearing his throat.
"I never was good at impressions," he said with a sigh. "Computer, deactivate force field on my command."
There was a hiatus between the command and the computer trying to discern his voice from the Other Lorca.
The force field disappeared.
As Michael stepped towards him the ship lurched, phasor fire. He went to a computer console, she followed him.
"Looks like the cavalry's arrived." He said and he took her hand in his, and she felt something she hadn't felt before in regards to her captain. An unusual discharge of energy, a tingling sensation... a spark.
They managed to communicate their position to Discovery and they were beamed aboard, leaving the other Buran disabled for the time being. But they needed to create some distance, their ship would be repaired sooner than later.
X
In sickbay, Michael was looked after and she sat by Ash's bedside. He was still ill and sleeping. Captain Lorca entered and she went to him, letting her boyfriend's hand lie gently at his side.
Doctor Culbar and informed her that there had been no change in Ash's condition, but he was asking about her.
"How are you feeling?" Lorca asked and she sighed.
"As well as can be expected." She said, vaguely. He nodded.
"I understand. I still... well, I think we can both agree that's something not worth reliving."
Michael did agree, wholeheartedly. Something nagged at her though and it wouldn't go away.
"Captain..." she began, gently, but she faltered.
"Yes, Burnham?" He asked.
Michael shook her head, wringing her hands.
"It's nothing. Are you alright?" She asked, hoping he was. She couldn't imagine what he was going through. Seeing the dead, walking and talking and living but not themselves must have been harrowing in it's own morbid way.
"I'll live." He assured her and he touched her elbow for only a second but the same tingling sensation ran up her arm and burrowed it's way under her skin. The fine hairs on the back of her neck stood up.
Did he feel it too?
Releasing her and departing from sickbay, Michael watched him go with a confused look on her face. She quickly returned to Ash's side, holding his hand, attempting to recreate what she had just felt when Captain Lorca simply touched her elbow in a friendly way to comfort her. But it didn't happen.
Whatever seed Other Lorca had planted that day, it would resonate with her for the weeks and months to come.
It was the day she stopped seeing Captain Lorca as just her captain and began seeing him as a man.
AN: short chapter before I leave for the weekend, I just wanted a quick interlude between chapters. I hope you enjoyed it regardless. Love you all! : )