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"So what's the verdict?" Charles asked as I walked into the bedroom. Charles was sitting on the edge on the bed, his elbows resting on his knees and his hands held together, he was obviously in deep thought. He scooted over slightly to the left as I walked towards the bed and took a seat next to him. My grip on the test tightened even more and I hoped that if I squeezed it hard enough the test would just disintegrate and I could pretend this was all over. I could feel the blood rushing from my hands as my knuckles slowly turned white due to how tight I was holding onto the piece of plastic, Charles noticed too. He put his hand over mine, stroking my knuckles just like he did in my tent before I went back home from Afghan.
"It's ok Molls".
I took a deep breath out and unfastened my grip on the test allowing Boss Man to take it from my hand. He turned the stick over so we could both see the little window. There were two blue lines.
I felt like a tank was on my chest and I couldn't breathe, the whole room was spinning and my hearing had gone fuzzy just as though I was underwater. I lost all grip on the test and it fell to the floor, my heartbeat was getting louder and I was starting to lose control of my breathing. The slow breaths out weren't happening and all I was doing was breathing in, the in breaths were getting faster. I could hear a muffled voice and I vaguely felt something touching my shoulders. The voice was getting further away as if it was running into the distance. I tried to stand up from my position on the bed but my legs had obviously forgotten how to walk and I fell to floor. A shadowed figure leant over me before it all went black.
I opened my eyes and immediately had to squint due to the bright lights that were blinding me, was I dead?! I thought when I died I would be in the Afghan desert not in a hotel room in Bath, I mean what was I even doing in Bath? Girls like me don't do business in Bath or Barrth as Charles liked to call it.
"Molly?" A voice next to me called out. It was soft and quiet not the tone of voice I was used to hearing him use when we were on tour together. I turned my head to the side and there he was, my Boss Man.
"Hi", I croaked; immediately noticing how dry my throat was causing me to have a rough and deep voice not at all lady like. Charles turned slightly from his seated position next to me, he looked so stressed and tired as if he had been up for days worrying out his head. He grabbed the water jug on the bedside table with the little plastic cup besides it and poured a drink.
"Here drink this", he said as he leant down with the cup allowing me to sit up slightly and take a sip. "Just take small sips it will make your throat feel better". I took a few more small sips then leant backwards and lay back down.
"I hate hospitals. Ever since I was a kid", I mumbled as my eyes readjusted to the bright lights around me. Charles put the jug on the bedside table turned back to me and leant forward on the hospital bed. He placed his one hand in mine and put the other on my arm as a way of comfort, just like I did when I saw him lying there in the hospital after he was shot by Badrei. Charles had the same look on his face now as I had on mine; a look of fear, relief and hope.
Charles moved the hand from my arm and stretched across to cup the side of my face with the palm of his hand, he used his thumb to gently stroke my cheek. "The difference is I'm here now to take care of you. I'll be there for you".
I couldn't help but smile which caused Charles to raise an eyebrow at me, well that then set me off. I started laughing and couldn't help it, Charles moved his hand off my cheek and rubbed the stubble on his cheek. "What's so fucking hilarious about that?" He asked smiling.
Images of me and Smurf talking at the tea tent in Afghan came back to me as though it was yesterday, my god I missed that Welsh tosser. I carried on chuckling then started to feel tears pricking the corners of my eyes but these weren't tears from laughing. I choked on one of my laughs and before I knew it I was full blown crying. What the hell is wrong with me?!
"Oh God", I groaned as I withdrew my hand from Charles' and covered my face. "What the hell is wrong with me?!"
"It's called hormones, this sort of thing happens when you're ... Never mind".
I knew he was trying to be helpful; he was trying to comfort me and be there for me as much as he could. I really did appreciate it and I needed him so much but hearing them words just made me feel like my stomach had risen into my throat. I didn't know what the right thing to say to him was anymore. I didn't know if he was happy or sad, whether he wanted to pass out cigars or jump from the hospital roof. I wonder how he reacted when Rebecca told him he was going to be a dad for the first time, well they were married s they did have the stability. It probably helps that his parents loved Rebecca and she was a well spoken woman who was quite well off. She was a VIP gold membership package holiday; two weeks all inclusive, first class flights, five start hotel with a private beach. Whereas I was a last minute holiday to Blackpool that will just about scrape you a bed and breakfast.
Me and Charles were from two totally different worlds, we had gone down two opposite paths in life but found each other. If we chose to have this baby how would we cope? I wanted to go back on tour, possibly do some humanitarian work, but couldn't do that if I was pregnant. If I chose to go after the baby was born would I even be able to walk away for six weeks?
"I know it's not ideal", Charles said breaking me from my thoughts. I placed my hands from my face, wiped under my eyes and looked directly at him. "I know we didn't plan this and well we fucked up really didn't we. In Afghan I promised you that I had no intention of ever hurting you, that I just wanted to make you happy. That still stands. Seeing you collapse, well my heart felt like it was in my throat. I was so scared Molly... They didn't ... They wouldn't tell me what was going on they just rushed you off straight away. When the doctor came back through and said you would be ok, well I have never been so relieved!"
He moved his hands to grasp mine, his eyes kept going from my hands to my face as I waited to hear what he was thinking. "You're my everything Molly Dawes".
"Ditto", I said smiling down at him.
"A woman of many words aren't you Dawesy".
"I learnt from the best Sir", I replied.
"Right, now I've been reassured there is something I need to ask you ..."
"Well you've already proposed and knocked me up so what more is there to ask", I said chuckling nervously.
"Actually it's very important! Now you can say no if you want to but I'm really hoping you don't say no as I think you will really like the idea. If you were obscenely uncomfortable about it though just tell me and I can cancel the whole thing. It's just I thought it was the right time and you would enjoy it and ..."
"Hey!" I interrupted as I moved my hand to touch his cheek, "you are rambling. Just spit it out already".
Charles chuckled as he leant into my touch, "well Rebecca rang me and asked if I could have Sam this weekend. I told her I was visiting my parents, she said that was ok and that she thought it would be nice for Sam to spend some time with his grandparents. She even offered to drop him down in the morning, just after we arrive actually and..."
"You want me to meet Sam?"
"Yes. I want you to meet my son Molly, properly this time not just in a hospital room, you are both important parts of my life".
I would love to meet Sam properly and see his cheeky little face again. However I didn't want to come face to face with Rebecca. I wasn't sure how she would react if her ex husband brought along his new Cockney girlfriend.
"I would love to meet Sam", I answered looking at Charles. His eyes suddenly started sparkling as he grinned from ear to ear, he looked like a child on Christmas Eve all full of excitement and anticipation.
He moved closer to me and bent down, putting his head into the crook of my neck and wrapping his arms around me.
"Thank you so much Molly", he said as he placed soft kisses on my neck and shoulder. I wanted to just get lost in the moment but the resolution I had made with myself came to the forefront of my mind.
"What does Rebecca think about me meeting Sam?" Charles stopped his attack on my neck and whispered in my ear.
"It will be alright".
I moved slightly away from him as Charles removed his head from its resting place on my shoulder and I gave him a stern look. "What do you mean will be? You haven't told Rebecca that WE are visiting have you?" He continued to stare at me without saying a word. "Well have you told her you are bringing your girlfriend with you?" I said as an attempt to coax him into saying something.
He bit the middle of his lip and squinted his eyes slightly, obviously worrying about the reply he was about to give to me. "I may have forgotten to mention that you would be there aswell but I'm sure she will be fine with it. She has met you after all".
I scoffed, "ha! She gave me the dirtiest look ever when I said 'ditto' to you she probably thought I was well dodge!"
"If I understand what you were saying I would know whether to agree or disagree with you" he said so I responded and pushed his shoulder. He fell backwards slightly and pretended he was in a lot of pain. "Ouch Dawesy that hurt".
"Oh man up you aren't in Barrrrth anymore", I said exaggerating the pronunciation. "How is your ex wife going to react when she sees the medic who followed you through Afghanistan, brought you home and apparently provides you with the relationship she never could. I'm pretty sure I would be mega pissed if my ex husband did that to me".
"Well we must make sure I never become your ex husband then".
"...Charles".
"We have to make sure we are together until the day one of us dies and then we won't hurt one another in that way".
"...Charles".
"We will never be like Rebecca and I".
"Charles! You're avoiding the point. Why haven't you told Rebecca that I am coming with you".
He looked down at the bed sheet covering my legs and pulled one hand through his hair. "I don't want to hurt anyone".
I grasped his free hand and stroked my thumb across his knuckles, "you could never hurt me boss".
He let out a breath, "but I did Molly! I didn't tell you initially about Rebecca or Sam, I kept a huge part of my life from you and I hurt you. I was meant to be protecting you in Afghan and I didn't. You got hurt from a mine, from Badrei's son and you lost your best friend. Smurf's mother was right. She has had her two sons taken from her and what did she get ... A fucking flag. I watched you throughout his funeral I saw how hurt you were and I saw how you blamed yourself. It wasn't you fault Molly, it was mine. I don't want to hurt you by facing you with Rebecca because to be honest she can be a bitch. She will try to ruin what we have and rip every strand of what we are apart. She doesn't want me to be happy even though we are divorcing; she wants me to be ripped away from you just like the Army ripped me away from her. I won't let that happen".
I could see his eyes glistening as a stray tear fell down his cheek. I wiped the tear away with my thumb and felt a lump in my throat. I had never seen this side of my boss man before he had never appeared so vulnerable to me.
"It will be fine. I promise you I'm not going anywhere, we are going to go to your parents together and I am not going to leave your side. At least with my army training I can defend myself if she lunges at me with her Gucci handbag!"
Charles laughed, "she's more of a Chanel person to be honest".
"The clutch I've brought with me was four quid from Primark! I'm going to look like a right scratta in front of your parents now ain't I!"
He shook his head, "I love you and I'm happy with you. My parents will love you just for that".
"Making you happy Sir".
"Yes Dawes. Are you happy?".
"Yes boss".
"Well then why don't we call your doctor through to give you a check and see if we can take you out of here. If it's rest and recuperation you need then I am at your every command Molly Dawes, I can make up for all those six am PT sessions".
"So what happens if I can leave?"
"Then we are going back to our hotel and I am going to order room service whilst you have a nice long bath. We are going to watch some really corny romance films in bed wrapped up in the fluffy white hotel robes and slippers. Then in the morning we shall have breakfast in bed, grab our things and head to my parents. We will get there earlier than Rebecca so you can settle with my mum and dad".
"Then face Rebecca and Sam", I muttered under my breath.
Charles nodded, "yes, WE will face Rebecca together. With my mother by our side, she's a very conservative woman but if anyone pisses off her little Charlie ... well they will regret the day they did".
"Charlie?" I laughed.
"What's so fucking funny about Charlie?"
I carried on laughing as tears streamed down my cheeks. Looks like me and Charlie have a busy day tomorrow.
So the next chapter will be very busy! I am trying to upload every week but it may be every other week to be honest, sorry guys! I work, go to uni and have a one year old so I'm mega busy. Most of my chapters are written on the bus then typed up and edited in the middle of the night!
Anyway please review, share, favourite, follow! Thanks! H xx