A/N: i'm back!
and here is the chapter meant for yesterday :)
warnings for supernatural references and stand by me spoilers.
As far as kisses go, it's not a particular good one. It's just a hard press of lips against lips, and it's over just as quickly as it began. Derek pulls back as soon as his mind processes what he's doing, and that the other part isn't responding, only to find a stunned Stiles staring back at him. His eyes are impossibly wide, and Derek thinks that kissing the boy just after he had a panic attack was probably not the best idea he ever had. He is about to regret this whole thing ever happened and apologize when he feels Stiles' hand on his cheek.
"Well," the boy says, leaning in close to Derek. "This is an unforeseen turn of events."
Derek huffs a laugh, "I don't think that's how it goes."
"Yeah," Stiles grazes his lips against Derek's. "I don't really care right now."
And then they're kissing again. Stiles' lips pressing softly against Derek's and then parting against Derek's tongue, his hands coming up so Stiles can get a good grip on Derek's hair, making him groan. He retaliates by biting down on Stiles' lower lip and running his tongue over it before breaking the kiss and resting their foreheads together.
They don't move for a while, expect for Stiles' running his fingers through Derek's hair.
"We should probably stop for the night," Derek suggests, pulling back from Stiles.
Stiles' hands drop from where they are to come rest against his shoulders, "Do you want to get a room somewhere or sleep in the Jeep? I have some spare blankets in the back."
"Do we have enough room in the Jeep?" Derek raises an eyebrow at Stiles.
"Nope," Stiles grins back. "Absolutely not."
They arrange themselves in the back seat, Derek using a backpack as a pillow with Stiles half on top of him, their legs crammed against one of the doors in a weird angle, and Derek is sure they'll wake up sore and in pain and feeling like shit, but he couldn't care less. He can feel Stiles' breath against his neck, and he moves so that one if his arms is holding on to Stiles' shoulder, keeping him in place and making sure he doesn't fall off the seat, and the other resting against the boy's hip. Even if it doesn't feel like the most comfortable position in the world, being like this with Stiles gives Derek some sense of right. Like this is exactly what he should have been doing since he agreed to let Stiles come with him on this trip.
He feels Stiles move so that the boy's mouth is right against his pulse point, brushing the skin there, and one of his hands slide up and under Derek's shirt, resting on his ribcage. Derek just holds him tighter in response.
It's like Derek is in the cusp of something desperate and dangerous, but he doesn't know what it is. And then it doesn't matter because he's asleep.
Derek was right about waking up sore and in pain, he just didn't think the pain part would come from Stiles elbowing him in the stomach while trying to get up. After reassuring Stiles that he is okay, that there is no need to apologize because he is fine, they both got out of the Jeep to stretch their legs. Stiles yawns and stretches his arms above his head, which makes his back pop loudly, while Derek rolls his shoulders and neck.
Derek goes through one of his bags and grabs two granola bars, handing one to Stiles as the boy offers him a bottle of water. They both eat and drink in silence, and then brush their teeth by the side of the road. When Derek is about to head back into the car, something pulls him back. Stiles managed to get one of his fingers on one of his belt loops, so he finds himself pressed chest to chest against the boy.
It's good they don't have much of a height difference so that when they're this close Derek can take in the counters of Stiles' face, the way his eyes change from brown to molten gold in the sunlight, how his nose is slightly tipped up, and how for some reason his mouth always seems to be opened, lips red and shining from constantly biting down on them and wetting them with his tongue.
If it hadn't been for the fact that Derek has been staring at Stiles' lips for a while, he probably would have missed that the boy was talking to him.
"I'm going to guess that by the look on your face right now you don't think last night was a mistake," Stiles says.
Derek's gaze moves from Stiles' lips to his eyes, and he almost smiles at the wicked glint in them. The only reason he doesn't is because Stiles' question caught him a little off guard. It's not that he thinks last night was a mistake, it's the opposite that, and that's what makes it, this, scary. Derek has never been good with emotions, or words, or at liking people. And as much as he'd like to learn all those things with Stiles by his side, he can't help but feel like this might not be the right time. The only reason why he's with Stiles right now - why he's getting to know him, why he's spending time with him, and specially why he's making out with him early morning in the middle of nowhere -, is because his sister killed herself. As right as being with Stiles feels, it still feels more fucked up for it to be happening now.
Stiles must read something in his face, because he drops his hands from where they were gripping at Derek hips, and he takes a step back.
"Or maybe not," Stiles says, rubbing the back of his neck and staring at his shoes.
"Stiles."
"No, dude, it's fine. Don't worry. Really. It's totally okay. I mean, I know you probably weren't feeling all that great because of the panic attack and kissing me might have been like a spurt of the moment kind of thing or something and if you want to forget about it we can do that. I can totally do that. Yep. Whatever you want. Just say the word."
Derek stares at Stiles for a beat or two, taking in the tense shoulders and clenched fists, and says, "I don't want to forget about it." But he still stops Stiles' with a hand on his chest as the boy takes a step closer, "But my sister just. I don't. I don't think. I don't know if I can handle more than just making sure I get her ashes to New York right now."
"Yeah, I get it," Stiles brings on of his hands to rest on top of the one Derek has across his chest. "But what if we just, I don't know, make it up as we go?"
"Stiles," Derek sighs.
"No, dude, listen to me. I'm not asking you to marry me or anything. I just," Stiles takes a deep breath, gathering his thoughts. "In the time we've been spending together stuck in my Jeep we kind of got to know each other, right? And I got to see that under all that frowny face and perfect cheekbones and broodiness you're actually a really nice guy. Sure, your jokes suck most of the time, but you have an amazing taste in music and tv shows, so I can totally forgive you for that. And you don't mind listening to me talk all the time, and you sometimes laugh at things I say or just at me, but I'm totally down with that because I think you could use some laughter in your life right now. And, I don't know, I guess I just sort of really liked what I got to see, and I liked even more when we got to kissing, and I would definitely be okay if we continued down that path. No strings attached? Just because we, well, just because we want to and we like how it feels? Assuming that you do. Since, you know, you said you didn't want to forget about it."
Derek can feel how fast Stiles' heart is beating under his hand, and he gets that same feeling he had when they were standing in the skywalk. Like he's falling. So he places his other hand on the back of Stiles' neck and says, "Don't call me dude."
He feels more than sees the smile that breaks across Stiles face as they meet up in another kiss.
They pull apart after a while and get into the Jeep to drive their way to Albuquerque. Stiles drums his fingers on the steering wheel to Aerosmith's Mama Kin, and smirks when he hears Derek mumbling the lyrics under his breath.
They don't bother with finding a hotel right away, because even with Stiles' enthusiasm they know they won't be staying here for long. Stiles stops to use a payphone because his cell is dead, and checks in with his dad. Derek gets that similar twist in his gut at the thought that he doesn't have anyone to call anymore, that no one is waiting to hear from him that he's okay and safe. Stiles gets back to the car and they go in search of a place to eat.
After they finish lunch, they walk around town for a while, stopping to buy more bottled water and snacks. They're in the health and beauty aisle of the grocery store - Stiles trying to decide which sunblock will be more efficient in avoiding sunburns, while Derek grabs some pain relievers and mosquito repellent -, when Stiles says, "I need a shower."
"You had a shower yesterday."
"Yeah, but I'm sweaty," Stiles whines. "It's like Satan's asshole out there."
"Isn't that colorful," Derek says, but he has to agree. His shirt is clingy to his back with sweat even in the cool store, and he knows it'll be worse once they get outside again. Derek stares at the repellent in his hand, and gets an idea. "We could go camping."
"Camping," Stiles says flatly. "In this heat?"
"It will be cooler at night," Derek shrugs.
"So will the perfectly nice motel we could rent a room in," Stiles points a sunblock bottle at him. "Plus, what do you know about camping?"
"I used to do it with my family all the time," Derek tells him.
"Oh," is all Stiles says.
"We used to go deep into the woods for a whole weekend every couple of months," Derek is not sure why he's sharing this. Maybe is just to reassure Stiles that he, in fact, knows what he's doing when it comes to camping and making it easier for Stiles to agree to the idea.
Stiles stills look a bit skeptical at the idea, so Derek says, "Where's your sense of adventure?"
Stiles' eyes narrow at the challenge, and Derek knows there won't be any more arguments about whether they'll go camping or not. He doesn't doubt Stiles will make this as annoying as humanly possible, but at least Derek will get to sleep outside, staring at the stars.
Derek isn't wrong, as soon as they got a tent and directions for a campground, Stiles starts complaining.
"What if I get eaten by bears? Or get all by blood sucked by bugs? Or what if I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and get lost and fall on a lake and drown? And what if there are leeches on the lake and one of them gets stuck on my dick?"
Derek stops him at this point, "There are no bears. If there's anything you need to worry about here are scorpions, spiders and snakes. You're not going to fall on a lake and drown. And this isn't Stand By Me. There won't be any leeches on your dick. And even if there were, I don't think you'd mind, because apparently you would have drowned first."
"Scorpions, spiders and snakes?" Stiles asks, arms flailing. "Dude, that's so much worse than bears. At least with bears I know I'll just get eaten, and not poisoned and left to die a slow and painful death."
"Stop talking," Derek pinches the bridge of his nose.
"You know, you could at least say you'll protect me," Stiles says, smiling goofily at Derek. "That you won't let anything happen to me while out in the wilderness."
"If I do that, you'll stop whining?"
"Yes," Stiles nods.
Derek moves closer to Stiles and cups the boy's face between his hands, leaning in to whisper against his lips, "Stiles, I'll protect you. And I won't let anything happen to you while we're out in the wilderness."
Derek seals the words by pressing a soft kiss on Stiles' lips, and then pulling back completely from him. Stiles has a dazed look on his face, and he blinks a couple of times before zeroing his gaze on Derek again.
"Okay," Stiles says. "Let's go camping."
They're sitting on the hood of the Jeep - their tent and sleeping bags a few feet away – and staring up at the night sky. Stiles is tapping his fingers against his knees to a beat that only he can hear, and Derek feels that familiar peace of times long past swiping deep into his bones. They don't say anything until Stiles starts humming under his breath, so Derek asks, "What song is that?"
Derek can tell that by the way Stiles jumps and almost slides off the hood, he was caught off guard. Like he didn't even notice he was humming anything in the first place.
"It's, uhm…," Stiles says after he settles himself in a better angle on top of the Jeep. "You'll think it's stupid."
"Stiles," Derek sighs. "Just answer the question."
Stiles turns his body so that's he's lying with his head on Derek's shoulder and an arm thrown across his stomach, "It's Starman."
"Starman?" Derek asks, bringing his arm to hold Stiles flush against him. "David Bowie's Starman?"
Stiles moves so that he's propped on one elbow, staring down at Derek with his lips curved in a small pleased smile, and Derek really shouldn't be that surprised when Stiles starts singing the lyrics to the song. He has a nice voice, and his fingers go back to tapping a rhythm against Derek's stomach as Derek smirks back at him. It's when Stiles hits the chorus that Derek joins in, earning a surprised laugh from the other boy. They sing while smiling, getting louder and louder until they come to the end of the song, Stiles with his face smashed against Derek's chest and shoulder shaking with laughter, Derek chuckling and rubbing his hand up and down Stiles' buzzcut. They stay that way for a while, but it's not long before Stiles starts getting restless again.
"It's so quiet here," Stiles whispers.
"Why do I feel like this is going to end with us playing a game again?"
"Dude, that's an amazing idea," Stiles says, tone laced with mock surprised. "We should play Truth or Dare."
"Because we're fourteen year old girls," Derek says flatly.
"And we're cute," Stiles answers. "Okay, Truth or Dare?"
"I never agreed to this."
"You also didn't say no," Stiles points out. "Truth or Dare?"
"Truth," Derek says, and he has a feeling he's going to wish he hadn't.
"What are you thinking, right now?"
"I'm thinking that…" Derek breathes in, just for a moment. "Laura would have loved this. Going on this road trip, I mean."
"Really?"
"Yeah," Derek nods. "She used to say that the best thing a parent can do is take kids on road trips. I would say she wasn't a parent, and she would answer me in her I-know-better-than-you-tone that she wasn't, but she had been a kid once."
"That sounds like her," Stiles says, a small smile playing in his lips. "My turn. Truth."
"Did you have any idea," Derek starts. "With Laura, that she would-or why she would-" His voice cracks, and he doesn't say anything else.
"No," Stiles says quietly. "I think. Some people are just sad, all of the time. And they're good at pretending otherwise. I don't know. There doesn't always have to be a reason, I guess." His face softens. "I wish I knew."
"Yeah," Derek says, because he understand wishing for things he can't have. "And I wish she had left a note."