I had ordered a cappuccino and Rachel ordered a black coffee. We sat at the table in the cafe in silence, her staring at me and me staring down at my hands. I didn't really know how to start the conversation.

"Why haven't you asked Quinn?" I questioned her, finally lifting my head to meet her gaze only to find that she looked away with a guilty expression on her face.

"I did. A significant number of times. But she won't answer me so I came to you."

I nodded, understanding her curiosity. And she had a right to be curious. Quinn kept her past to herself and I had a feeling that she hadn't told Rachel anything about high school because it might lead to Rachel hating me.

"I take it she told you all the stuff that happened after you transferred?" I asked her, thinking that it was pointless telling Rachel stuff that had happened that she was there to see herself.

Rachel shrugged in reply. "Not everything. But I would like to know what happened before I joined McKinley High."

I nodded again. I still wasn't sure how to start and I was fiddling with my hands nervously. I really hoped that by the time I had finished explaining Quinn and mine's high school life, Rachel didn't want to tear my guts out. I wouldn't blame her if she did though.

I took a deep breathe and started to speak about the point I believed to be of most importance in this conversation. "Well, me and Puck had known that Quinn was gay since junior high but she only came out to us when we started high school. I mean, she came out to me, not Puck but he was second on her list."

"She came out to you?" Rachel asked, confused. I bet Quinn had told her that she came out to her sister first, like she told everyone. I think that her making up her coming out story was perfectly alright. After all, she didn't want everyone to know exactly what I told Rachel next.

"She had a crush on me," I muttered, quietly but I knew Rachel had heard anyway because her mouth dropped open. "She told me one day after Cheerio's practice once everyone else had gone. I ran home afterwards. We weren't as good friends then as we are now and I didn't know how to take it. I mean, I always thought she was gay but it shocked me to know that she had feeling for me."

Rachel was looking at me with accusatory eyes. I felt sick in my stomach, knowing that what I had told her wasn't even the worst of it.

"After a while, I forgave her," I said, my voice full of guilt. "I knew that she couldn't really help what she felt. But, even though I knew I was straight, I still used her to... satisfy my needs. I feel so bad about it now but I was sixteen at the time; I was curious and I was a hormonal bitch."

"That doesn't excuse your actions, Santana," Rachel growled and she made me gulp. I had barely even gotten to the worst of it and she already looked like she hated me.

"I know it was wrong," I argued back. "And, once I realised that her feeling for me were growing, I tried to stop it. But she was wondering why and she started asking if she'd done something wrong and when I told her it was because she was a girl she... she just broke down. She was still my friend, Rachel. I just... I wanted to make her happy. So I carried on sleeping with her but then Puck and I started dating and she got angry. At the time, I thought she had no right to be. I had explained to her a million times that sex wasn't dating and we were free to continue relationships outside of our little... agreement. She blamed me for treating her like a sex toy and that was the end of it. We stopped being friends with benefits and we stopped being friend's altogether."

Rachel's eyes looked like they wanted to kill me. I didn't blame her. I felt so guilty about what I'd done as a teenager that sometimes I wondered why Quinn was still friends with me at all. She looked after me better than my own mother had, like she was the one trying to apologise to me. I guess, after all of these years, I hadn't really changed. I was still using her.

I watched as Rachel's face turned from glaring to confused and I knew that she was piecing one and one together. "But, Quinn was pregnant with Beth when she was sixteen. If you were dating Puck-"

"She slept with him while we were dating," I shrugged. I hadn't really cared at the time. The only reason I ever dated Puck was because he was on the football team and I was on the Cheerio's. Everyone knows that, in high school, those couples rule.

"But she had a-"

"Crush on me?" I interrupted. "Yeah, I know." I paused as the waitress came over with our drinks and thought about commenting on the ridiculous amount of time she had taken but I was in the middle of a conversation with Rachel and I knew she didn't want me to sidetrack. I took a sip of my cappuccino before continuing. "She told me, after she did it, that she just wanted me to leave Puck and go back to her. I tried explaining to her that there was never any me and her.

"A couple of months later, when I found out she was pregnant, I felt so guilty about what I had done. She was pregnant because of me. At that point, I was still the only one who knew that she was gay and, when everyone else saw her baby bump, their suspicions of her being Queen Lez were gone. I was the only one who knew the full truth and, because I felt so guilty, I stayed with her through her pregnancy and even offered her a place in my home when her parents kicked her out."

Rachel's eyes softened but I could still tell that she was angry at me.

I continued to tell her everything. "Puck tried to get her back when he found out that she had been kicked out and he tried to explain to her that she'd do everything for her and the baby." I laughed mirthlessly. "She eventually screamed at him that she was gay and after that he left her alone. He was still her friend and wanted her to keep the baby but he stopped telling her that he loved her and that he would make the best husband ever."

"I doubt that," Rachel interjected.

"I do too," I agreed. "Anyway, Quinn became more and more emotional throughout the pregnancy and she kept telling me that she loved me and she wished that I loved her back. She once told me that she knew I loved her too and I realised that she thought I was taking care of her because of that, not because I was her friend and I felt guilty. Anyway, I tried to keep telling her that I was straight and I wasn't interested in her like that and, after she gave birth to Beth, she seemed to accept it.

"I was really happy when you transferred, Rachel," I admitted, flicking my eyes away from her. "As much as it pained me, you were probably the best thing that had ever happened in Quinn's life and I think you still are. She had been so down and she was sulking around our house for days on end. And I knew it was my fault and that me constantly being around her wasn't helping her in the least but I could hardly move out. She even started to smoke and she got some weird tattoo and she dyed her hair pink. Fucking pink!

"And then, at the beginning of tenth grade, you appeared. And you saw her straight away and you made her change into the amazing person she is now. I don't know what you did, Rachel, but I can't help thinking you performed some sort of miracle and I am so thankful for that."

I sighed and finished my cappuccino, knowing that I'd said everything I needed to say. My explanation had reinforced in my mind why I couldn't tell Quinn about Brittany. If she knew that I was willing to be with a girl when I hadn't been willing to be with her, she'd hate me. Because of me, she had fallen pregnant and been kicked out of her house and she had started smoking (a habit that she still needed to quit). Not to mention she still had that awful tattoo on her lower back. I didn't want Quinn to hate me. Not only because of the fact that I was the most dependent person on the earth but because she was my best friend. She was my 'sista from anotha mista'. I couldn't handle her not being in my life.

"I understand if you want to punch me or something," I sighed to Rachel. "But can you wait until we get outside? Then we won't break anything."

Rachel chuckled and shook her head. "Santana, I don't want to hurt you. I don't approve of what you did and I think that you still need to earn Quinn's forgiveness but you weren't to know. You're straight, Santana. You can't help that."

That made me feel even more guilty because I wasn't entirely sure I was straight anymore. "Can I tell you a secret?" I murmured.

Rachel frowned. "Of course, Santana. I like to think that we're friends and, despite your past with Quinn, I am happy that you feel that you can trust me with private things."

I paused. Did I really want to tell Rachel? "You won't tell Quinn, will you?"

Rachel's frown deepened and she looked a little concerned. "Once again, you can trust me, Santana. Although it makes me unhappy to keep things from Quinn, I will not inform her of anything you tell me."

I nodded and hesitated again. Then, looking down into my empty cup and feeling sick to my stomach, I said the words that made Rachel's eyes widen in shock.

"I have a crush on Brittany."

Author's Note: I know this is really short but I wanted to update to make up for me not updating for ages and also because I won't be updating for ages again on Wednesday. This is only part one, so don't worry, I plan on writing more to this chapter tomorrow. Anyway, that's the thing with Quinn :)