Disclaimer: Don't own..Stephenie Meyer does.
Author's Note: *hums* Here comes the bride, all dressed in white. Okay, I'll stop. So, here it is...the second to last chapter of For Better For Worse (not counting the epilogue). Second to last you ask? (haha that kinda rhymes) Well, you see it takes two to tango.
I present to you..
A brief look into the mind of Edward Cullen. :D
"I came to see the light in my best friend
You seemed as happy as you'd ever been
My chance of being open was broken
And now you're Mrs. him.
My words they don't come out right
But I'll try to say I'm happy for you
I think I'm going to take that drive
I want to give you something
I've been wanting to give to you for years...
My heart"
- "Congratulations" by Blue October
Saturday, the day of the wedding.
Edward Cullen.
I couldn't believe the thought of running away from everything crossed my mind. Bella was everything I ever wanted in a wife, and I was stupid for not fighting harder. For giving up after she told me no, after Angela put whatever we had on hold so I could get my shit together, even after Jasper told me I disappointed him. Yet, all I could so was sit here theoretically running away.
When you're little and you fall and scrape your knee the first thing you do is run home to mommy. When you're in your rebellious teen years and your "cool" friend dubs you no longer cool, you find yourself running to the safe haven of your mother's arms. That's exactly what I was doing.
Running home...to my mother. I knew it was the place that I would be safe or at least that's what I thought.
When I got home, I was welcomed with open arms and a homemade dinner, although it wasn't without question.
Flashback:
Friday night
"Edward, son, I love you but what is wrong with you?"
I looked up from the black and white piano keys and saw my mother standing in the door jam. Her arms crossed against her chest, a worried look on her face. Everyone used to always joke around that my mother wore her emotions on her sleeve. I never used to believe it until today.
The look on her face crushed me. The worry lines in her forehead, the way her beautiful smile was turned into a frown. She was concerned about me.
"I'm just playing, mom. What are you doing?"
"Let me rephrase that..." She stepped into the room and began walking towards me. "Is there a reason why you're here? Not that I mind you coming home once and awhile, but if my memory serves me correctly isn't their some dinner of sorts going on tonight for Bella."
I felt my body stiffen up at the mention of her name. After last night and the way she broke down I felt like my heart had been ripped out.
"Something like that." I let my attention wander to the piano keys again.
"Then why are you sitting here wallowing in front your piano? Your best friend is getting married. I'm sure she wants to spend her last day as a single woman with her friends, you included." Esme took a seat on the piano bench next to me.
"Eh..."
"Eh?" She flashed me that evil motherly glare. The one she would always give me when she knew I'd done something bad. "Edward Cullen, what did you do?"
I didn't do anything wrong, but love a woman with all I had, only to have her love me back and throw it all away.
"Nothing, mom, we just had a falling out that's all," I admitted.
"A falling out, huh?"
Yeah, she didn't believe it one bit.
"Mom..."
"Edward, don't lie to me," she interrupted.
"I'm not lying to you. Bella and I had a falling out, end of story."
"Then, what about? And what is with this Angela girl? Edward, she's great and everything but, you don't seem happy."
"Angela is a great girl."
"But, son, you're not happy. Not like you are when you're with..."
"No!" I slammed my hands against the piano keys interrupting her. "Don't say it, don't say 'not like I am when I'm with Bella'."
"It's true, Edward. You know it is, the same goes with Bella. I've seen her with Mike and that horrendous mother-in-law of hers, she's not happy."
She didn't need to tell me twice. I know that no matter what Bella said I knew she wasn't happy with Mike. I could see it in her eyes. He couldn't make her eyes twinkle with bliss like I could. He couldn't make her blush with the slightest touch of my hand against her skin. He couldn't make her genuinely laugh like I could. And there wasn't a laugh or smile that I didn't remember.
End of Flashback
I didn't need my mother to tell me how Bella felt deep down inside. Anyone who really knew her, like I did, could tell she was drowning in the lake of Newton, struggling for a fresh breath of air. It wasn't my fault that she refused my hand when I tried to help her out.
Bella used to walk around a bright smile on her face, that extra hop in her step, but nowadays she bore that fake smile and forcefully laughed.
Most of the time I tried to remember the good times that we had together, I loved the girl and it killed me to see her upset. My mind wandered off to a picture that I had hanging on the wall in my room. Amidst the group pictures and family pictures was a picture of Bella and I. It was my favorite picture by far of us, of her. It was taken when things were easier, before Mike complicated things by proposing to her.
Flashback:
"Come on, Bella, smile for me, please?" I asked, focusing the camera in my hands on her.
Bella turned towards me, sticking her tongue out. She returned her attention to the ducks swimming in the lake in front of her. She was wearing that plain, simple light blue cotton dress the fell just below her knees, which she knew I loved. The sun shined bright giving her dark brown hair light subtle highlights.
We were in Central Park to attend a Shakespeare in the Park at the Delacorte Theatre. Bella had been bugging me for weeks to take her and I surprised her this morning with tickets to this afternoon's show.
"Bella, please?"
She turned around and smiled, brushing a piece of hair out of her face. "Why, Edward? Why should I smile?"
"Because, Bella, you look beautiful when you smile."
"Do I?" She flashed me that killer smile I was trying to get out of her, while batting her eyelashes at me.
"As a matter of fact you do, maybe even more beautiful than when you laugh."
The sounds of her twinkling laughter filled the air between us. "Well, I happen to enjoy your smile as well, Edward. Come, take the picture with me."
Skipping over she grabbed my hand pulling me closer to the water's edge.
"Bella, if I'm in the picture with you who's going to take the picture?"
She just smiled looking around her.
"Excuse me, sir?" She called out to an elderly gentleman walking by.
"Yes?"
"Will you do me a huge favor and take our picture?" Bella took the camera out of my hands, holding it out for the man to take.
"I'd be happy to." He took the camera from Bella's hands and took a few steps backwards.
"Come on, Edward, smile!" Bella wrapped her small arms around my waist. "At least pretend you like me."
"That won't be too hard," I whispered into her ear as I wrapped my arm around her shoulders pulling her closer to my body and rested my head just on top of hers.
"Alright on the count of three. One…two…three."
The camera flashed and the elderly gentleman began walked towards us.
"Here you go kids. It's a beautiful picture, you two look great together," he said with a smile, walking away.
"Let me see!" Bella whined, trying to look over my arm.
I pressed the review button and our smiling faces stared back at me.
The old man was right. The picture was beautiful; the sun was hitting us at just the right angle, brightening our faces. We looked great together; there was no doubt about it.
End Flashback.
Things were so simple back then, when everything first started. It seemed to be that the closer to Bella and Mike's wedding things started getting complicated. The feelings I tried to suppress were coming out full force. I found myself wanting and needing Bella more than usual.
I thought that maybe if I talked to Bella, let her know how I felt; she might feel the same way too. She might be able to leave Mike and we could be together. I wanted, no I still want, nothing more than to make her happy. It killed me when she told me no, every time I brought it up.
I don't know what I expected to happen between Bella and I. It was plain to see that Bella was content with Mike and he was giving her everything she needed. What more could she want? I knew getting into things with Bella would be complicated, but there was just something in my gut that hoped things would work themselves out between us. That we would be able to live like we always dreamed about.
Flashback:
"You know I could get used to waking up like this every morning," I said, pulling Bella closer to me, our bodies were tangled up together covered by a thin cotton sheet.
This weekend was special. It was the first time the two of us managed to get away from everything. Mike was off in Houston, Texas at some conference thing for the week. Bella was conveniently "meeting" him for the weekend. Or at least that's what she told everyone. I made up some excuse about some medical conference.
Case in point. Bella and I were alone.
Together.
With no distractions or limitations. We both needed an escape from reality.
So, I made reservations at her favorite bed and breakfast in the Hamptons, Seatuck Cove House, which was right a long the water's edge, rented a car and we drove up for the night.
We got in yesterday afternoon and had dinner at The Soundview restaurant right over the harbor just as the sun was setting, which led to a bottle of wine and a night full of sweet, sweet lovin'.
"Of course you could," Bella flirted, her finger drawing small circles against my bare chest.
"Yeah imagine, we'd wake up after a long night full of lots and lots of sex..."
She looked up at me, through her lashes, wiggled her nose and smiled. "Lots of sex, eh?"
"Yeah, lots of it, because in that's just what married people do." I was taking a big leap saying that, but hey when in Rome...
"So we're married and having lots of sex?" she asking, propping her head up with her arm.
"Yes, lots of mind blowing, earth shattering, can't walk in the morning sex."
"Well, that certainly does sound appealing. What else?"
"Well..." I reached out, resting one hand on Bella's hip, snaking the other underneath her; pulling her body on top of mine. Her mahogany locks were fanned out against my chest, her hand resting over my heart. "...because we are having mind blowing, earth shattering sex-"
"Hey!" she interrupted. "Don't forget the…can't walk in the morning part. That's an important part."
"Sorry... because we're having mind blowing, earth shattering, can't walk in the morning sex...we have a few kids. Because hey, shit happens..."
Bella let out a soft chuckle. I was relieved to see she was going with the flow and not taking this the wrong way.
"...we'd have a few kids. Our daughter would have your smile." I traced my finger along the soft curve of her lips. "I'd buy you a house, with a yard outside the city. Every Saturday night my parents would pick the kids up, leaving us all night and all day Sunday to lie in bed-"
"And fuck." Bella interrupted once more.
"And fuck," I said with a smile, because hey let's face it, If there was one person I wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life sexing it up with it would be Bella.
"Hmmm...doesn't sound like too bad of a life there, Mr. Cullen."
"Of course not and do you know why?"
"Cause you'd get to wake up next to me every morning?"
"Exactly."
"I wouldn't be opposed to that idea. Too bad it'll never happen, Edward. It's just not...us."
And I wanted to shut her up and ask her why, but I didn't. There was a reason behind everything...and once again, in this moment, time wasn't on my side.
End of Flashback
I had no idea what the future would hold for me now.
No matter what I do, I already screwed myself over. Bella was one of Alice's best friends, my parents loved her, I wouldn't be able to get away from her and Mike. She'd be around for family parties, at the house for the holidays...with Mike. I'd have to sit back and watch her fall into the motions of married life. Watch as her belly would swell up when she got pregnant with Mike's child.
All because I fell for my best friend.
I fell for my best friend...my engaged best friend.
And now, I was alone.
Flashback:
Thursday Night, Rehearsal Dinner.
What had I done?
I left Bella there to deal with Mike by herself. She deserved it though, or did she? I wanted to say yes, I wanted to believe that walking away from her at the moment was the right thing to do. But I was scared of what the outcome would be.
"Edward!" Angela exclaimed, walking towards me. "There you are, I've been looking for you."
"Sorry, Ang, I just, yeah sorry…" I ran my hand through my hair. How was I supposed to face Angela now, after what just happened? I couldn't look her in the knowing that just a few minutes ago I was kissing Bella's exposed flesh, running my fingers through her hair.
"It's alright." She gave me a hug, resting her head softly on my chest. "You alright? You don't look too good. You look worried."
"Yeah," I lied. "I'll be fine. Can we go sit down?"
"Yeah, sure." Angela let go, grabbing my hand and leading me towards a table a few feet away.
As we were sitting down Bella and Mike breezed past us towards Bella's soon to be mother-in-law. Her face was still flushed; in the light you could see the redness in her eyes from crying. She looked horrible, and it takes a lot for her to look that way, but she did. She looked lost and hurt.
I walked out on her again.
"Is Bella okay?" Angela asked, breaking my attention away from Bella.
"Um, I don't know. She looks a little upset."
"Yeah, I would say so. Mike's mom is horrible. She's like bridezilla, but she's not the bride. I'm so afraid she'll rip my head off because I do something wrong." Angela laughed and I couldn't help but compare her laughter to Bella's.
Bella's laugh as light and airy. It sounded like bells chiming. Versus Angela's whose was plain and simple like anyone else's laugh.
"Yeah…" I sighed, closing my eyes.
"Edward, are you sure you're okay?" I felt Angela's hand rubbing circles on my back.
"Yeah, I'm fine."
"Okay…I think you should go talk to Bella. It looks like she's having a bit of trouble with Mrs. Newton." Angela gestured over to where Bella was standing.
"No, she's a big girl; she can take care of herself. I'm done taking care of her."
"What do you mean you're done taking care of her?"
Did I say that out loud?
I shook my head. "It's nothing."
"Edward, I'm not stupid."
I looked up at Angela who still looked at me with a smile on her face.
"What are you-"
"The rest of your friends might be blind to it, but I'm not. You and Bella, you guys have something there, something deeper than just friendship."
"I don't know what you're talking about, Angela." I couldn't let her break me down. Bella was going to marry Mike and essentially Bella was right, I had Angela now.
"I know exactly what I'm talking about. When we went out before you constantly talked about your friends, but Bella in particular. Your face lights up when you talk about her. Don't think I don't notice the cold shoulder she gives me, either. She's not my biggest fan and I'm okay with it."
"Angela…"
"Edward, it's okay." She reached over placing her hands on my arm. "I'm here for you, you know that, right? In whatever way you need me to be, I'm here."
Angela looked at me with a smile. She was an amazing woman with her head on her shoulders, she knew exactly what she wanted out of life. She took me into her life without any question. I owed it to her to at least be honest.
"It's complicated."
"Of course it is, Edward. No one said love was easy."
"Is it that obvious?"
Angela laughed. "Edward, I know you. I've worked with you for a long enough period of time to see you through some pretty bad times. You know the sleepless nights stuck in surgery, sometimes I think you forget I work with you. On those days I've noticed there is one thing that makes you smile…Bella. She would come into the hospital early in the morning and bring you breakfast and coffee. The moment you'd see her walk through the elevator doors you'd get this look on your face. I had my assumptions, but it wasn't until last Sunday when you brought me to dinner at Alice's that I knew. I saw the way you reacted when she was standing there with Mike, his arm resting around her shoulders. I saw how her polite smile was diminished the moment she saw you walk in with me on your arm. It was the look of a jealous lover. Frankly, I'm surprised Mike hasn't realized it yet."
"There's a reason Mike hasn't realized it yet. He doesn't pay enough attention to her. I don't know why she's still hell bent on marrying him. Yeah, I know she claims to love him and what not, but I can give her everything he can give her and more. I wouldn't dare leaving her for long periods of time like he does. Bella is a great person and she deserves to be loved. Mike, I'm sorry to say, doesn't love her like I do. Wait, why am I telling you this? I'm sorry, Angela. I'm not even thinking of your feelings."
"Edward…" Angela paused, shaking her head. "You silly goose, I told you I'm here for you in whatever way you need. Right now, you need a friend. Don't worry about me, it's not like we're getting married and I'm forcing you to tell me about all of your previous trysts." She looked across at me and the sincerity in her eyes told me that she really did care about me. No matter what it was about, she was there for me. "Let it all out. I bet this is first time you've talked to anyone about this huh?"
"Yeah, Bella is the only other person that knows anything."
"Then talk, Edward."
I sighed. "I just wish I understood everything. She says she loves me, she says she wants me, but yet when I've given her plenty of opportunities she practically laughs in my face and walks away. She claims being with Mike is easier, but I don't see how."
"Think of it this way, Edward, Mike, is her scapegoat. It's her excuse for whatever goes wrong in her life. She'll blame things not working out between the two of you on Mike. Because if it wasn't for Mike then the two of you would still be whatever it was you were. It's easier for her because everything is already laid out for her. If Mike's family is anything like mine, their lives are planned out for them…."
"She might've mentioned that a few times," I interrupted her.
"So see, with Mike she doesn't have to do any heavy lifting. With you, Edward, she doesn't know what the future will hold and it scares her. If she chooses you she has to deal with everything that comes with it."
"What are you trying to tell me?"
Angela took my hands into her and looked at me with all the sincerity possibly. "That you need to pull whatever stick that's stuck up your ass and go get your girl."
"Ang-"
She interrupted me, placing a finger on my lips. "I'll be here if you need me, but if anything between the two of us is going to work out you need to work things out with Bella. If that means that you let Bella go and marry Mike, be happy with the life she chose, and come back to me then so be it. But if the two of you work out whatever differences you may have and find that she is what you want, what you need, then I'll accept that. I can't be the one to stand in between fate, in between love. You're a great person and I'd hate to loose you in my life, Edward. I'll take you anyway I can, whether as friend or more. I want you to be happy. For once, do what makes you happy."
"Angela..." I pulled her into my arms. She really was a sweet and thoughtful person. "You have no idea how much this means to me."
She pulled away from my body and smiled. "Yes I do, Edward. There's no use in forcing you into a relationship with me if you're not going to be happy. I couldn't do that to you."
End Flashback
Everything pointed towards Bella.
My mind screamed Bella, and my heart yearned for Bella. Even after everything that we'd been through the past week, I still needed her. I could forgive everything she said, everything that happened, if it meant that we could be together.
Everyone I talked to, who knew, told me to be with Bella.
Except for Bella.
Maybe Angela was right. Maybe I needed to find some sort of closure with Bella. If I was going to let her walk away, slip through my fingers, like that; I needed to know that everything was okay between us. We'd been through so much together; losing Bella meant that I was losing my best friend.
I couldn't lose her.
I needed to give it one last chance.
I glanced at the clock that was hanging on the wall of my room.
It was twelve-thirty; I had thirty minutes to get to Saint Bart's before the wedding started.
I grabbed my cell phone and darted downstairs, praying I wouldn't trip and end up at the hospital instead.
I hailed a cab and it came to a stop right in front of me. Flinging the door open, I slipped into the back seat of the cab and the driver looked at me through the rear view mirror.
"Where to, son?"
"Saint Bart's, please. And hurry."
"Oh, what's at Saint Bart's?"
"My best friend is getting married."
Once again the cab driver looked at me through the mirror a weary look on his face. "You're not dressed for a wedding."
"Yeah, well, mind you're own business."
The drive to the church couldn't have been any longer. It seemed like we hit every red light, got stuck in the slow lane. Time definitely wasn't on my side right now. I was being punished for what I happened.
The cab pulled up in front of the church and the cab driver looked back at me.
"Here you go, son, Saint Bart's."
I took a deep breath. "Thank you."
I reached into my pocked and handed the guy enough money to cover the cab fare and stepped out on to the sidewalk.
The ceremony was due to start soon and the last few guests were walking into the church. She was going through with it; she hadn't called it off just yet.
A door slammed to my left and Emmett came stammering out, laughing, closely followed by Rosalie and Alice. Alice looked behind her and smiled when she stepped out...
Bella.
They say a girl always looks her best on her wedding day and Bella was never one to disappoint. In the bright New York City sun she looked amazing. She stepped out of that door a smile on her face, laughing with her friends.
The smile on her face though, let me know that she was going to be okay. Even after all we had been through, she would be able to move on with her life. Mike would be there to take care of her. Ultimately that's all that mattered. If I knew that Bella was going to live a happy life with nor regret, I would be able to pick up the pieces of my life and attempt to move on.
Bella picked the front of her dress up, running to catch up with Rosalie and Alice. Jasper then stepped out of the room. He looked around, almost as if he was hoping he would find me there.
Jasper turned towards my direction and he looked hopeful. I sighed, shaking my head before turning away from him. I couldn't look at him. Not after what he said yesterday, when I asked him to tell Bella I skipped town….
Flashback:
"Tell her I left town," I pleaded with Jasper as we stood outside on his front lawn, away from the sleeping Alice and Bella in the living room.
"She came over last night, was up until three in the morning crying with Alice. I only caught bits and pieces of what they were talking about, but man-"
I didn't need to hear it. I caused her even more pain last night. She was confused and lost, she needed someone, she needed me and I ran away from her, all because I was too stupid to fight harder for her.
"You don't know what you're talking about, Jasper," I interrupted.
"Edward, she's hurting."
"You don't think I don't know that?!" I yelled.
"Aren't you going to do something about it?"
"Yeah, I'm leaving. I can't sit around and wait like a fish in the water waiting for someone to throw bait in. She's strung me along for too long."
"Edward, you don't mean that."
"You don't know anything. Jasper, just please, I never ask you for anything. Just tell her I skipped town." I was going to have to resort to getting down on my knees and begging wasn't I?
"You'll be hurting her even more."
"She's already hurting. I'm hurting, we're even."
"Edward, don't be like that. She's your best friend, she was your best friend first, and she'll always be your best friend. Are you really not going to be there for one of the biggest days of her life?"
Jasper was right. Bella was always there for me, no matter what it was. The whole reason this gigantic mess happened was because she pleaded with me to go out that night, because I'd been sulking around my apartment like a girl. Bella always put her needs before mine. She always made sure I was happy. But I couldn't get over the fact that she led me to believe that we actually had a chance.
"Yes."
"You're not the man I thought you were."
"Well, I'm sorry for the disappointment. Can you just tell her I skipped town?"
"Yeah, but I'm not happy about it. I love Bella like a sister, Edward and I hate that she's hurting on the inside because of you. You should be thankful I haven't woken Alice up to give you her two cents." Jasper shook his head and turned away from me.
I let Jasper down, but if only he knew how much it was killing me inside knowing she was going to be marrying Mike today.
"Yeah, well I'm hurting too!" I yelled out just as Jasper was walking in the house.
End Flashback.
When I looked back towards Jasper he was gone, walking right into the church.
I came here with one thing in mind...Bella. To try and stop her from whatever mistake I continued to claim she was making. But when I saw her walk out and into the church, with that smile on her face, laughing, I remembered why I let her go in the first place.
Everything I did in the past few months had been for Bella. I lived every moment to see her smile. Every step I took was towards Bella.
I want you to be happy. For once, do what makes you happy. Angela's voice lingered in my mind. For once, do what makes you happy.
I needed to snap out of this self wallowing pity party I was wadding in and get my girl.
Taking two steps at a time I ran to the doors of the church. I needed to make it. I needed stop it.
When I finally reached the church doors and had my hands gripped around the brass handle I heard the ceremony inside and stopped.
"...for better, for worse, in sadness and in joy, to cherish and continually bestow upon her your heart's deepest devotion, forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto her as long as you both shall live?"
"I, I do." Mike's words hit me like a ton of bricks. But it couldn't have prepared me for what came next...
"Do you, Isabella Swan take Michael Newton to be your husband – to live together after God's ordinance – in the holy estate of matrimony? Will you love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in sadness and in joy, to cherish and continually bestow upon him your heart's deepest devotion, forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto him as long as you both shall live?"
I could imagine it now. Bella was looking deep into fucking Mike Newton's eyes. That heart warming smile shining brightly on her face.
"I..."
My hands dropped from the handle and I turned away. I couldn't stand it any longer.
For better, for worse…she was his.
I know that was a lot to handle in one chapter, but hey! it's Edward Cullen and he's hurting. He needs time to in the spotlight too! :D
HUGE thanks to Miztrezboo & Nostalgicmiss for holding my hand through this chapter. I was all over the place writing it and sometimes all I needed was a quick slap in the face from them and I would be back on track. I heart you both!
Don't forget to check out the Fornication Station for some fic reviews and all sorts of amazingness..and if you haven't already heard we're hosting another contest. The "Save a Horse Ride a Cowboy" contest yee haw! Details are on the profile..check the "Fournikation Foundation" contest under my stories. We'd love for you to come and play!