Chapter Nine

Buffy ended up staying with Faith in her room. She didn't want to deal with anything at the moment. She helped Faith onto the bed and laid down next to her. She reached for Faith's hand wordlessly, intertwining their fingers together as she laid her head on Faith's shoulder. She was so tired and not tired in the physical sense, more so in the emotional sense. With their hands trapped between their bodies, Buffy moved her left hand over Faith's stomach slowly.

"I don't want to fight this without you, Faith."

"Gotta heal up first, B. Gonna take a little bit of time unless Red and Danu work their witch-fu on me again and get this leg of mine healed up."

"They don't even know it worked," Buffy said softly as she lifted her head and looked at Faith. "I should have told them that it worked."

"Can it wait 'til tomorrow? Kinda enjoying this."

"Hmm, me too," Buffy smiled as she laid her head back down on Faith's shoulder.

Buffy felt at peace for the first time in a very long time despite the apocalypse that was surrounding them at the moment. She wanted to tell Faith that when she quit, she wanted Faith to come with her wherever she'd go and to stay with her wherever she ended up. She wanted more nights like tonight, but without those supernatural beings ruining her moment with Faith. All she wanted to "ruin" the moment was her insecurities when it came to taking things further than a kiss. A soft hum had filled her body as soon as she'd laid down next to Faith. Even when she'd kissed her, that hum had pulled her in and she wanted more. So much more.

But she needed to know where this was going. She wasn't blind or stupid. She knew Faith had feelings for her. It was evident, so clear and right in her face just as it had been for a long time, probably longer than she was willing to admit herself.

"Faith?"

"Yeah?" Faith asked, her voice so quiet Buffy barely heard her.

"What's going on between us?"

"Well, right now we're cuddling and I can safely say that ain't somethin' I normally do," Faith replied with a chuckle. "I don't know what's going on between us, B. All I know is that whatever's happening, I ain't gonna do a damn thing to stop it. Tired of fighting what I feel. Tired of trying to convince myself I don't feel the way I do about ya."

"And how do you feel about me?"

"You're gonna make me say it again, huh? Don't know if I can say it again right now."

Buffy sighed, understanding what she meant. She couldn't even say it. She wasn't sure how to get the words out. Love was always an uneasy subject and feeling for her. She hadn't had the greatest luck in love so far in her life, but she was open to the idea of it, maybe a little too open if she was willing to let it happen with Faith. Faith on the other hand, she could have anyone she wanted, however she wanted them, and yet she'd chosen Buffy this time around. Thinking back, she hadn't recalled Faith talking about seeing anyone, even casually, and that alone made her wonder if Faith had truly changed from who she'd been before.

She'd changed too. She barely recognized who she'd become since the fall of Sunnydale. Every day had been routine. Wake up, shower, eat, have a cup of coffee or two, meetings with Willow and Xander, training, meetings with Kennedy, Satsu, sometimes Faith if she was even awake at the time, more training, dinner, patrol, sleep, and repeat. The Neqa'el showing up had thrown everything off balance, and even though she was almost thankful for the change in their everyday pace, she missed how...easy things had been before.

"When you quit, where ya gonna go?" Faith asked, pulling her from her thoughts. "You think about that yet or what?"

"I don't know. Someplace where there's no vampires or demons crawling around to make my life a living hell."

"Impossible."

"I know," Buffy sighed and she turned her head and inhaled before she planted a soft kiss on Faith's neck. "I just want a break. Six months minimum. No slayer stuff, just normal life stuff. The only thing I want to worry about is what I'm gonna cook for dinner."

"You can't cook," Faith chuckled and Buffy pinched her stomach. "Well, I know you can cook, but it kinda sucks."

"I'll take lessons."

"I could teach ya," Faith said with a shrug and Buffy lifted her head to look at her. "What, you don't think I can teach ya how to cook, B?"

"I never said that."

"It'll be fun. Soon as I'm back on my feet and we deal with this Neqa'el business, I'll teach ya the basics starting with breakfast. Soon as ya master the art of cooking eggs, you can make me breakfast in bed."

Buffy laughed and rolled her eyes as Faith smiled deeply, her dimples flashing. It was a smile like that that made Buffy's heart race. Without even thinking about it, she leaned in and pressed her lips softly against Faith's. She felt the smile against her lips before Faith pulled back. She didn't even need to ask, she just knew Faith was tired. It was just meant to be a simple kiss, nothing more, nothing less.

"Ya gonna head off for the night, B?"

"I'll stay here if you want?" Buffy said softly as she laid her head back down on Faith's shoulder. "But only if you want me to."

"If I say no, you ain't gonna be pissed, are ya?"

"No," Buffy replied and she moved to get up from the bed slowly. "I was getting clingy there, wasn't I?"

"Don't mind the clingy. I just want a little time to myself. You get me, B?"

Buffy nodded, pausing before she stood up from the bed, wanting to kiss her again, but held herself back this time. They were still a long way from being...whatever they were on their way to being. Buffy still wasn't too clear on that. There was kissage and the subtle groping on Faith's part, but there wasn't much more there other than unspoken feelings they both had.

"With that many Neqa'el we just saw outside, I'm betting Wood and his team are here now."

"You're probably right," Buffy sighed and she straightened out her clothes as she slid off the bed. "Do you need me to get you anything?"

"Not a cripple here, B. I need anything I can manage."

Wow, what's with the attitude? Buffy shook off Faith's sudden change and made her way to the door. "Goodnight, Faith."

With that, Buffy left, closing the door behind her and letting out a heavy sigh when it clicked shut behind her. She headed straight down for the control room, already hearing the sound of Robin Wood's voice as he, Xander, and Andrew discussed the latest gadgets and gizmos. She stopped short of the control room door, not quite ready to face Robin at the moment. Things were still awkward between them for reasons she'd rather forget.

"Where've you been?" Dawn asked, managing to sneak up on her, which was never an easy feat unless she was distracted. "I've been looking all over for you and for Faith. Do you know she's out of the infirmary? All healed up? Well, almost all healed up."

"I know. We were out on the balcony...talking. She's in her room now."

"Vi and Rona are with their team down in the common room," Dawn said and she grabbed onto Buffy's arm before she could walk away. "Can we talk?"

Buffy hesitated for a moment before nodding. Whenever Dawn wanted to talk and used that tone, it always made her feel a little uneasy. Her little sister had grown and matured so much since Sunnydale, but underneath it all she was still the same old Dawn. Whatever Dawn wanted to talk to her about, she knew she would regret agreeing to have a talk in the first place. When she saw that pointed glare Dawn gave her, she knew it wasn't going to end well at all.

It was sometime after three in the morning when Faith woke up with a jolt. It wasn't a dream or a nightmare that had woken her. She wasn't even sure what had. She struggled to get out of the bed and into the chair, cursing under her breath as the dull pain throbbed through her right thigh.

She'd always liked this time at night. The castle was quiet and dark as everyone slept in their rooms, the younger slayers in the two dorms. It made her feel alone and at peace, two things she'd never felt until she'd followed Buffy and the Scoobs there to Scotland after Sunnydale. She managed to get the door open and wheeled herself out into the corridor. She hated being so limited, but the chair wasn't that bad. She headed for the elevator, stopping at Buffy's door on the way.

Buffy was in there, she could feel her. She could always feel her even before they'd met back in the day. She never told Buffy this, but when she'd been called that night she felt full, she felt in that one breath that she wasn't alone. It was a feeling that had driven her emotions wild when she'd finally came face to face with Buffy that night in the alley behind the Bronze. It was the same feeling, those same emotions she was feeling now, but this time it was different. She was allowing it to consume her, not drive her away and insane with the madness that came with trying to repress it all.

As much as she'd wanted Buffy to stay with her, she needed some time to herself. She regretted it now though, just wanting to reach out and hold Buffy close to her. She wasn't used to having thoughts like this, not about Buffy or anyone else either. It made her wonder just how hard she'd been hit on the head by that Neqa'el down in the caves.

Faith rubbed her throbbing temples before moving towards the elevator. She reached for the button and sighed heavily as she heard Buffy's bedroom door open. She turned to look over at Buffy and she couldn't stop the smirk from slipping out as Buffy leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed over her chest. She was wearing the most ridiculous pair of cow pajama pants and a plain white tank top.

"What are you doing?"

"Goin' down to get somethin' to eat, B."

"At three in the morning?"

"Why not?" Faith shrugged as the elevator door slid open. "You comin'?"

Buffy sighed and quickly made her way to the elevator as Faith wheeled in. Buffy hit the button and crossed her arms as she stared down at Faith. "Dawn knows."

"About?"

"Us."

"How does she-"

"She saw us out on the balcony," Buffy cut her off. "She kept asking me all these questions. She thinks I'm under some kind of a spell or something. I told her that was ridiculous and that the way I feel about you is not because of some spell."

Faith tried to read Buffy's thoughts about how she was feeling now that Dawn knew about the two of them. But her face was nearly expressionless as she let out a heavy sigh, closing her eyes as she leaned against the wall.

"Might be though," Faith said quietly. "A spell I mean. Hell, you and I both know anything is possible."

"It's not a spell, Faith."

"How do you know for sure?"

"Because I've felt this way for a long time," Buffy blurted out. Buffy's face went red as Faith stared up at her in mild shock. "Yeah, so not riding the denial train anymore. There's no point. But this? You and me? This isn't happening because of some spell or anything like that, Faith. It's happening because it's meant to happen now."

Faith had no words; she could only look up at Buffy feeling a bit dazed by her honesty. Before she could say anything, the elevator came to a stop and the doors slid open. Buffy moved behind Faith and pushed her out quickly. The kitchen was dark aside from the light on over the big stove. Buffy went straight for the fridge and pulled out one of the yogurt cups, offering Faith one before she grabbed a spoon and leaned up against the counter. Faith grabbed and apple out of the bowl on the table after a bit of an effort to reach it and she bit into it, unable to take her eyes off of Buffy.

"You aren't going to say anything?"

"About what?" Faith asked, feigning innocence at the question. Buffy rolled her eyes, looking annoyed and Faith couldn't help but smirk a little at that. "What do you want me to say, B?"

"I don't know. Something. Anything."

"Well," Faith drawled out and paused to take another bite of her apple. "I could ask ya just how long a long time is, but I think it's better if I don't know."

"Right," Buffy sighed and she stared down at the yogurt in her hand. "I thought it'd be easier now."

"Easier?"

"To talk to you."

"You're talkin' to me, B," Faith chuckled and she moved to toss the apple core into the garbage before she folded her hands in her lap. "Maybe it's not easier 'cause you're thinkin' of using that mouth of yours in a different way right now."

Buffy laughed and placed her half-eaten yogurt on the counter behind her. "Maybe," she said coyly and Faith winked at her, loving the fact that she was pretty much right. "I was sleeping and all of a sudden woke up. I'm not sure what it was, but then I...I felt you."

"So ya feel it too then?"

"Always have."

"It's like bein' drunk," Faith said quietly. "The buzz I get. Pulls me in, surrounds me. It feels like you're in me and it makes me have all sortsa naughty thoughts."

Buffy blushed and her eyes darted away from Faith's intense stare. Just as she was about to say something, the soft footsteps coming from the corridor that led to the kitchen broke whatever moment they were having. Kennedy walked into the kitchen, looking a little surprised to find them both in there.

"Hey," Kennedy said with a nod as she walked over to the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of water. "Couldn't sleep either, huh?"

"This is weird," Buffy said under her breath. "What are the chances we're all unable to sleep tonight?"

"I couldn't sleep because Willow and I have been fighting most of the night," Kennedy said with a heavy sigh. "I think it's over."

"Over?" Buffy asked, frowning when Kennedy nodded her head. "Wow. So never thought that'd happen."

"She doesn't love me. I know it, she knows it, and everyone else here knows it. We keep trying, but I'm tired of trying. And now that she's spending a lot of time with Danu, she doesn't want to be around me at all. Almost starting to wonder if there's something going on between those two."

"Don't be ridiculous," Buffy laughed and she picked up her half-eaten yogurt. "Willow wouldn't do that. She and Danu are just figuring out how to stop this before things get any worse."

"Whatever," Kennedy scoffed.

"I'm gonna go..." Buffy said wearily and she looked down at Faith and frowned. "Goodnight, Faith. Kennedy."

As soon as Buffy had left the kitchen, Faith wheeled over to Kennedy and slugged her in the shoulder, hard. Kennedy groaned as she rubbed her arm. It had hurt. Faith really punched her with almost all her strength.

"What the fuck was that for?"

"For comin' down here and ruining the moment I was having with Buffy!"

"Take a chill pill, Faith," Kennedy grumbled. "I didn't know you were down here. So, you two were having a moment?"

"We were talking."

"About?"

"Our connection. Slayer connection," Faith replied. "Your timing fuckin' sucks, Ken."

"Jesus, I'm sorry! I told you I didn't know you two were down here. Besides," Kennedy said and paused to take a sip of her water, "you know as well as I do that getting alone time doesn't happen here. Too many people live here and with the team from Cleveland and the one from Italy here, it's getting cramped."

"They're here?"

"Yeah," Kenned nodded. "Robin, Rona, Vi and the team from Italy just got in maybe less than two hours ago. How's the leg feeling by the way?"

"Sore, not as bad as yesterday though. Where are they all sleeping?"

"Most of them are in the dorms with our girls. Robin is bunking with Xander. Vi and Rona completely took over Dawn's room," Kennedy replied and they both laughed at that. "Yeah, as you can imagine, Dawnie isn't too happy about that. She's like you and Buffy when it comes to her personal space."

"You wanna talk about what's goin' on with you and Willow?"

"It's over."

"Just like that, Ken? Gonna give up the woman you love 'cause you've lost the fight in ya? You know what? I think you're just a pussy. Too afraid to stand up and claim your woman, win her back."

"I didn't want to say it in front of Buffy, but I overheard her and Danu talking earlier. She wants Tara to come back and I think...I think Danu is going to do it for her."

"No fuckin' way. Wouldn't that be a selfish wish?"

"Yeah you'd think it would be, right?" Kennedy sighed. "Apparently it's not selfish when it comes to true love."

"So, that's it then, huh?" Faith asked, shaking her head, not able to believe what she was hearing. "What you gonna do now?"

"I wanted to leave, but I've been thinking about it and I know I'm better off here with all of you even if things get pretty fucking awkward between me and Willow. So...I was thinking maybe I could bunk with you for a little while."

"You're sleeping on the fuckin' floor," Faith replied, trying to keep a straight face as Kennedy scoffed and crossed her arms over her chest. "Guess it's a good thing Buffy went clean crazy on my room."

"God knows what you had living under those piles of clothes on your floor."

Faith laughed and grabbed another apple from the bowl and took a bite. "Do ya think she'll really get Danu to bring Tara back?"

"It could happen."

"Wonder if I could make one of those wishes for Buffy."

"What kind of a wish?"

"She wants a normal life. I think she wants her mom back, Sunnydale to still be there, stuff like that. This whole slayer gig isn't what she wants anymore."

"It's not her choice in what she wants. She's been destined to be a Slayer. It's her Calling and she knows it better than any of us do."

"She died. Twice. I don't think she's ever been the same since she was brought back."

"We all heard the story before," Kennedy replied bitterly. "You'd honestly do that for Buffy?"

"I'd do anything for her. Got my ass beat for her down in the caves, so yeah."

"You were ready to die for her. I can't believe you'd do that for her."

"Wouldn't you do that for someone ya love, Ken?"

"Depends," Kennedy replied with a shrug. "You know me. I'm a selfish brat. The only life I'm saving is my own."

"Good to know you have my back," Faith chuckled and she playfully slugged Kennedy in the shoulder. "Come on. Let's get some sleep. Who knows what kind of a day we got ahead of us."

"Probably another day in Hell," Kennedy said, smirking as she wheeled Faith towards the elevator.

Buffy paced the floor in the control room, stopping every couple of seconds to glance at the monitors. She had stayed last night and listened to Kennedy and Faith's conversation and what Faith had said had been stuck in her mind since. But she had other things to worry about such as the dozens of Neqa'el that had been spotted flying around the barrier, trying to find a way in since dawn. Danu informed them that one of her brothers had a sword they'd need and the plan was for them to go down, fight, retrieve said sword and bring it back. The only thing missing was the Priest they needed to bless the sword, but Giles had Percy working on that.

"Will, how long is that barrier going to hold?" Buffy asked as she turned to face Willow.

"I'm not sure. I reinforced it an hour ago."

"Satsu?"

"Ma'am?"

"Round all the girls up and get the weapons ready," Buffy said firmly. Satsu nodded and quickly exited the control room with Kennedy following close behind. "Robin?"

"Yes?" Robin said from where he stood leaned up against Andrew's desk.

"I need you to get a squad together to protect the castle in case they get past the barrier before we reach them," Buffy said and smiled a little when Robin nodded and left without a word. She turned to Giles and took a deep breath. "How soon are the others going to be here?"

"Within the hour," Giles replied. "The coven in England is working on teleporting them here safely."

"Where's Faith?" Buffy asked as she looked around the room. "Don't tell me she's still sleeping."

"Your guess is as good as mine," Xander replied and he chuckled uneasily as Buffy scowled and headed for the door. "Buff? Where are you going?"

"I need to talk to her, let her know what's going on. She might not be able to fight, but she deserves to know what's about to happen."

Buffy ran up to the third floor, panting slightly as she reached Faith's closed bedroom door. Finding it locked, she let out a soft growl and knocked loudly. She stopped and listened, hearing nothing, and resumed pounding on the door.

"What?" Faith called out from beyond the door and Buffy sighed out softly and waited for her to unlock the door. "B, what the hell?"

"I uh," Buffy said and took a deep breath as she looked at Faith in only a robe, the cast on her leg covered with what looked like a garbage bag and her hair dripping wet. "Were you having a shower?"

"Attempting it," Faith chuckled. "And look, I can actually almost walk with this thing on my leg. Gonna take a good guess and say I'm pretty much healed up now even though it hurts like hell."

"You shouldn't be walking," Buffy said quietly and helped her over to the bed. "You know that Dr. Ritz wants you to do the whole rehabilitation thing once you're healed. Just 'cause you're a slayer doesn't mean you're..."

"I'm what?" Faith asked, cocking her head to the side. "Ya seem to forget when I woke up from that coma I bounced back pretty quickly. Ain't nothing holds me back for long, B."

"Right," Buffy nodded, choosing not to remember that particular memory at the moment. "I uh, I came to tell you what's happening today. Soon actually."

"What's happening?"

"We're going after them. There's too many, Faith. We need to fight. We need to try to bring down their numbers as much as we can. There's a sword we need and we're going down to get it."

"And I'm gonna take a wild guess and figure you're all goin' into this fight without me, huh?"

"You're not-"

"I know that!" Faith spat. "Jesus, Buffy, things could get really bad."

"Even if you were there it could get really bad too, Faith. We have to do something. Willow's barrier won't hold out forever. I want you there, but you're better off to stay right here. I'm not letting you fight when you have a cast on your leg that's still pretty broken."

"What's the plan then?"

"We're going to fight, kill as many as we can then retreat as soon as we get the sword we're going down there for."

"Not gonna be that easy," Faith said and she closed her eyes, breathing heavily. Buffy knew she was pissed and trying to control it, but when Faith's anger bubbled inside of her, it always ended up coming out one way or another. "Just don't get yourself killed, B."

"I won't."

"Who's stayin' behind to protect the vulnerable?"

"Robin is getting a squad together."

"Whatever. Guess you know best, huh?"

"Faith..." Buffy sighed, hating the way Faith was closing herself off. "If it was any different, we wouldn't be having this talk right now."

"Nah, we'd be out there fightin' side by side like we should be."

Buffy forced a smile, almost leaning down to kiss her, but stopped herself when Faith only laid back on the bed and closed her eyes as she let out a quiet, annoyed grunt. Buffy left her room, stealing one last glance at Faith before she closed the door behind her.

She needed to get her mind off of Faith, of what was going on between the two of them-or lack thereof now it seemed-and get her mind on the fight they were about to walk into. But all she wanted was to go back to where they'd been last night, when they'd been in Faith's room just lying there, talking, before Faith basically kicked her out. They had miles to go before their "relationship" was anything close to a normal and real relationship, but she was ready for the ride even if it meant trying to find love in the middle of an apocalypse and fighting a completely different fight to make it work out in the end.