Chapter 10 – Many Firsts
Ness's POV
I applied mascara to my eyelashes as carefully as I could considering my hands were shaking like a leaf. Putting the finishing touches to my appearance, I examined myself carefully in the bathroom mirror. Tonight was my first official date with Jacob.
I didn't look like someone who was about to go out with the man of their dreams. I looked anxious and tired. I had done my best to cover up the dark circles under my eyes, but I hadn't slept well the night before and it showed. It was a good thing we were only eating at the house.
Jake had ordered Jenny to take the day off. If she thought it was weird, she didn't say anything. Since we weren't going out, I dressed semi-casual. I pulled my hair back into a simple ponytail. For clothes, I decided to wear navy colored slacks and a navy and cream striped top. I loved the comfortableness of the outfit, but I still felt nervous. Sighing, I turned to exit the bathroom door, but stopped before I reached the handle.
If I left the sanctuary of this room, I had a feeling nothing in my life would be the same again. In the week since Jake asked me to give him a chance, I must have changed my mind a thousand times. Yet, I never once voiced my opposition. Instead, I pretended like everything was normal.
We'd played it cool all week, not wanting to give Jenny any clue as to what had transpired between us. But Jacob had been relentless in the privacy of our workouts. He flirted with me in ways that reminded me of the days before he was married when he'd bring girlfriends over to our house.
I remembered my parents had invited him and some floozy over for dinner once when I was around eleven. I'd had to endure him flirting with the woman at our table as we ate. It had made me want to vomit all over my plate. After I got done doing the dishes, I'd walked in on him and the woman making out on my parents' couch. They had left shortly after with his hand on her butt, and I'd spent the night writing in my diary how much I hated the woman.
I knew he'd had a lot of women before he married Leah. I was also aware that he knew how to work all the angles. But he didn't seem insincere in his flirting with me. When Jake wasn't putting the moves on me, he asked me a dozen questions, all wanting to know more about the adult me. I had to admit, I was thrilled by the attention. Jacob was finally seeing me. I should have been ecstatic.
And I would have been if I wasn't living with gnawing guilt over Nahuel. By going out with Jacob, I was cheating on Nahuel and he didn't deserve that. He'd been so sweet to me the previous weekend when I had gone to visit him in Seattle. I'd been stiff and unnatural the entire time I was with him. When he tried to make a move on me, I'd rejected him and told him I had a headache. All I could think about was returning home to Jake. I knew I had hurt his feelings with my cold behavior. But he never once let his frustration show. I cried the entire way home, the remorsefulness of it all overwhelming me.
I was being selfish. I knew I needed to end it with him. Nahuel deserved someone better than me. It was hard though, because I did love him. The problem was that I didn't love him enough. Jacob had owned my heart for as long as I could remember. And now he was offering me a chance to actually be with him. It was like all my fantasies were coming true.
That was the problem. I feared that this would be one big fat fantasy, and when it was over I'd have nothing. I knew I'd never love anyone more than I did Jake. Yet, Nahuel made me happy. Wasn't it stupid to give up a guy who could make me feel like that? With Jake, I foresaw heartache. Nahuel could give me everything I wanted in life; marriage, kids, all the while supporting me in having a career.
But I knew if I did stay with him, I'd just be settling and that wasn't fair to Nahuel. As conflicted as my feelings were, I knew I needed to let him go…just as soon as I got up the nerve. That was the right thing to do, no matter what happened between Jake and me.
With that decision finally made, I took a deep breath and stepped into the hallway. The scent of something burning and Jacob swearing greeted my senses. Hurrying into the kitchen, I saw him in his wheelchair near the oven door, waving an oven mitt back and forth over what I assumed was pizza.
"Dammit to hell and back," Jacob muttered as he inspected the piece of charcoal in disgust.
"Problems?" I asked, trying to hide a smirk.
Jake's head whipped in my direction. His eyes ran over me briefly before he smiled. "You look nice."
"Thanks," I replied, trying not to blush. I still wasn't used to Jake's compliments. "So was that our dinner?"
"Yeah," Jake grumbled, rolling his wheelchair over to the sink area.
He opened up a cupboard door and pulled out the garbage pail inside. Grabbing a spatula off the counter, he rolled back to the oven and scooped the pizza into the trash. I opened up the refrigerator and pulled out the items I'd need for our new meal. The scent of scrambled eggs soon filled the kitchen.
"Sorry about this," Jacob said in a frustrated tone as he watched me work. "I wanted tonight to be nice and casual, and here you are cooking our meal."
"It's fine," I told him, scooping some eggs out and putting it on a plate for him.
He still looked disappointed. "This doesn't really set the mood though."
"And frozen pizza does?" I joked.
Jake gave me a half smile. "Probably not, but I thought that…"
"What?" I asked curiously when he stopped.
He shrugged. "I've been watching you all week. Sometimes you seem so tense I was afraid you might break our date. I wanted to keep tonight as light and informal as possible."
My heart melted a little. I didn't even think Jake noticed my unnatural behavior.
I bit my lip before admitting, "I'm not going to lie. I'm not entirely comfortable with this. You're still technically married and I…I don't want to hurt Nahuel and-"
"But you know it's only a matter of weeks and then I'll be divorced, right?" Jacob interrupted.
"I know," I said, reaching over to cup his face tenderly. "I just can't help but wonder if we aren't making a mistake."
"Nessie." Jake grabbed my hand and held it against his skin. "We don't have to do this. I want us to try…God, I want it more than you could know…but I don't want you to do anything you're uncomfortable with."
"I know that, too," I returned. "Like you said, I want to see what happens between us."
I badly wanted to sit on his lap and kiss him. He had a full bottom lip that made me ache to run my tongue along it. Instead, I moved away from him and grabbed my food, saying, "We should eat before our food gets cold."
Jake kept the conversation light during our meal. He carefully avoided bringing up anything that would remind me of Nahuel. I got up once while we ate and grabbed a bottle of wine. After we managed to finish it off in a relatively short time, our conversation became a lot more loose, probably having to do with the fact that I was feeling lightheaded from the alcohol.
"How old were you when you lost your virginity?" Jake asked, as he poured the rest of the wine into my glass.
Picking it up, I swirled it into my glass sophisticatedly before swallowing some. Giggling, I answered, "I lost it on my twentieth birthday."
"Your birthday?" Jake sat up in his chair. "You mean the night of your party when you were wearing that purple dress?"
"Yep," I answered, making a popping noise when I emphasized the "p."
"Who'd you sleep with?" Jake questioned. I frowned as I picked up underlining anger in his tone.
"Mike Newton," I said, watching his reaction carefully.
"Mike Newton!" Jake practically shouted. "That geek your dad works with?"
"He's not a geek," I defended. "He's very sweet."
"He's a loser," Jake spit out. "Why would you sleep with someone like that?"
"Why are you getting pissed off? That was two years ago."
"Because I…" Jake stopped, looking frustrated.
"Because what?" I asked, bemused by his reaction. "Are you seriously judging me here? As I recall, you had sex with Leah on my father's desk at that party."
"That's only because I wanted you and couldn't touch you," Jake answered angrily before a look of surprise crossed his face, as though he had let that last part out by accident.
"Oh," I said before giggling. "You're jealous."
Jacob's face relaxed before he chuckled. "Maybe a little."
I finished off my wine before I put my elbow on the table, resting my head in my hand. "All right, I've admitted my dirty little secret, now spill. How old were you when you lost your virginity?"
Jake suddenly looked very awkward. He wouldn't meet my eyes as he told me, "I was fifteen."
"And who was the lucky woman?" I questioned, secretly planning to root through Jake's house for his yearbook so that I could see what the girl looked like.
"Uh…no one you know," he replied, grabbing his plate quickly from the table and wheeling himself over to the dishwasher.
"Yeah, but what was her name?" I insisted.
"It was a long time ago," Jake countered.
"And you don't remember the name of the first girl you slept with?" I asked in disbelief.
"Something like that," Jake muttered as he made his way into the living room. I cleaned up the kitchen quickly before joining him. Jake settled himself on the couch and I sat next to him, sitting closer than necessary.
"I think you remember her name, you just don't want to tell me," I finally said.
"Hmm," was his only response.
"So why wouldn't you want to tell me?" I analyzed more to myself than him. "Could it be because you loved her so much that she broke your heart, making it impossible for you to even mention her without breaking out into big, weepy girlish tears?"
Jake raised an eyebrow at me but I continued, "Or maybe it's because I know her and the sex was so bad you don't want me to find out."
My mind started to race as I tried to think of acquaintances from my parents and Jake's past. All I could come up with was Aunt Alice. The idea of him sleeping with her made me feel queasy.
Jacob snorted at my comment. "If that's what you want to think…"
He reached out and grabbed my arm, running his fingers up and down the length of it. If his plan was to distract me, it was working. I tried not to shiver as I reacted to his touch.
"I can't see you being bad in bed though…" I murmured absentmindedly.
Jake chuckled, the sound deep and throaty. "Thanks. Been giving this a lot of thought, have you?"
"No," I said, my attention returning instantly as I realized what I'd said. I felt my face flush in embarrassment.
Jake gave me a seductive smile, but instead of pursuing me, he said, "Why don't you put in a movie?"
Getting up eagerly, I went over to the DVD cabinet to peruse his selection of movies.
"What are you in the mood for?" I asked.
"How about a classic," Jake suggested.
"Ghostbusters?" I questioned, pulling the movie off the shelf to inspect the cover.
I heard Jake laugh before he said, "I guess that would be a classic to you."
I glared at him and grabbed another movie I saw. "How about The Godfather?"
"Ha, ha," Jake grumbled in return. I smiled in victory. Jake didn't like being reminded that he was my godfather because then he was forced to remember our age difference. He was touchier about that than any woman I knew.
We finally decided on Casablanca. It was pretty fitting considering it was about a forbidden love. As I watched the hero and heroine part ways at the end, I felt slightly depressed. Granted, it was just a movie, but they had an epic love and it hadn't worked out.
Jacob, sensing that my spirits had suddenly taken a nose dive, picked a comedy for us to watch next. I spent the next couple of hours laughing at the antics of the characters. When it was over, we decided to call it a night. Ever the gentleman, Jake walked me to my bedroom door.
"Tonight was fun, Jacob, thank you," I told him honestly.
"Does this mean you'll go out with me again?" he asked warmly. The look he gave me sent my heart pounding against my chest. All I could do was nod.
"How about next Saturday? We can go to Port Angeles for lunch and maybe a movie," he offered.
"I'd like that," I replied. "But you have to drive."
Jake instantly frowned. "I haven't driven since before the accident."
"I know," I said. "I've been giving this some thought, and I want to reintroduce you to the world of independence. Let's try getting you behind the wheel sometime this coming week."
"Nessie, I don't know…"
"What do you have to lose?"
Jake snorted. "Just our lives. What if I lose control?"
"I'll make an appointment for you to meet with a Driver Rehabilitation Specialist. He or she will be able to assess what equipment you need to get you back on the road. And I'll be with you the entire time."
Still looking unsure, Jacob finally nodded before his mouth formed into a wicked smile. "Okay, I'll do it under one condition."
"What's that?" I asked suspiciously.
"You have to give me a good night kiss," he replied, looking mischievous. I rolled my eyes and bent down, lightly brushing my lips against his.
"I would have done it without the bribe," I whispered against his mouth. Before I could back away, Jacob grabbed my hips and pulled me onto his lap. I landed, making a slight "oof" noise.
"Yeah, but this way is more fun," Jake retorted, moving me so that I was more fully on his lap.
He cupped the back of my neck and reclaimed my lips with his. His kiss was gentle at first, before his lips became more demanding, pressing more urgently against mine. I felt a spurt of ecstasy shoot through me as he nibbled lightly on my bottom lip. I turned and pressed my breasts against his chest and felt his arms encircle me in response, holding me tightly to him. His tongue peeked out and traced the seam of my lips before pushing in to explore the recesses of my mouth. My own tongue met his eagerly, seeking. I squirmed on his lap as I began to ache for him and heard Jacob moan in return as his body began to harden underneath me. He broke away, his breathing heavy as he rested his forehead against mine. Jake closed his eyes for a minute, before opening them to look at me tenderly.
"Good night, Renesmee," he finally murmured. I tried not to let my hurt show as I slid of off his lap.
"Good night," I mumbled. Before I could take a step away, Jake grabbed my hand.
"Ness, I'm sure you felt how much I want you. But I want to do this right," he said, giving me a sheepish smile. "I'm trying to court you here."
The sting of his rejection dissipated as though it never existed. Though the idea was completely archaic, it was also quite possibly the most romantic thing I'd ever heard in my life.
Trying not to smile, I said, "Oh, I see. Well, good night then."
He kissed my hand before whispering once more, "Good night."
I entered my room and closed the door behind me, leaning against it and trying my best not to squeal like a schoolgirl. The next day, Jenny was back. I think she had a pretty good idea what Jake and I had been up to from the way we kept smiling at each other, but thankfully she didn't say anything.
Monday morning, I made an appointment for Jake to meet with a Driver Rehabilitation Specialist in Forks. Being the granddaughter of Dr. Carlisle Cullen had its perks. I was able to get Jake in the next day.
We met with the specialist early in the morning. The man showed Jacob the latest technology in driving with paralysis. It was decided because of Jake's full upper body mobility that they would put a control stick next to the center console in Jacob's Escalade which would then be connected to the car's main controls. If Jake pushed the stick backwards, the car would accelerate. If he thrust it forward, the car would come to a stop. He could also move the stick from side to side to activate the left and right turn signals. Not only that, but he could activate the headlights, windshield wipers, and horn all from the control stick.
The specialist took Jake onto the rehabilitation center's driver's range so that he could get a feel for the controls. After a few hours, he was maneuvering around without even the slightest hesitation. The specialist was so pleased with Jake's progress, he let Jake drive him on the open road. Jacob passed that little test with flying colors as well.
The sheer joy on Jake's face reminded me of his expression when we'd gone swimming, and he was able to move around for the first time without his wheelchair. I had to turn my face away so that Jacob wouldn't see my emotional tears. Much to Jake's excitement, the specialist, who was also a qualified driver's trainer, certified that Jake was able to drive again. After we left the center, we grabbed a light lunch before heading over to the Washington State Department of Licensing office. Though Jake had been driving for years, he needed to be issued a new license that accommodated his disability. After waiting for about an hour, we left the office with Jake's brand new driver's license in his pocket. He paused once we reached his car.
"Well?" I asked.
"You want me to drive home?" he questioned, his voice nervous.
"I just watched you drive around a driver's range for the past few hours," I told him dryly. "I have absolute confidence that you'll be able to get us back to La Push in one piece."
Smiling at me shakily, Jake got behind the wheel. Operating the controls the way he'd been taught, we were soon on the road and headed for home. Once we reached La Push, he kept driving, going straight past the turn off that led to our house. We drove from one end of the reservation to the next and then repeated the same journey several times. I started to laugh and he turned the car around so that we could do the drive once again.
"Are we going to be joyriding all evening?" I asked.
"Sorry," Jake chuckled. "I just can't get over it. I'm driving again."
He finally pulled the car into a parking lot that overlooked First Beach. Easing the control stick forward, he brought the car to a stop. Putting it into park, he sat back in his seat and stared out at the ocean. It was getting cloudy. I had a feeling we were going to be getting a storm any minute, yet Jacob had a contented, carefree smile on his face. He reached over and grabbed my hand, bringing it up to his lips so that he could kiss my palm.
"Thank you," he whispered.
"I didn't do anything," I said simply, cupping his cheek in my hand.
"You have no idea of how much you've done for me," Jake returned. "I would be completely lost without you."
"You would have found your way eventually," I countered.
Jacob instantly shook his head in disagreement. "I don't think so. My life has been dark and miserable for a long time, Nessie, even before the accident. You make me feel alive again. I always feel alive when I'm with you."
He leaned close to me and ran his thumb against my bottom lip. I closed my eyes at his touch. They jerked open when I felt his mouth plant a series of light shivery kisses against my lips. My emotions were about to skid out of control when Jake pulled away.
"Jenny's probably wondering where we are," he murmured.
"Yeah," I replied, trying not to show my disappointment that he ended things again when they were starting to get good. I got that he was trying to "court" me, but if he was secretly trying to drive me out of my mind, it was working.
The rest of the week flew by and before I knew it, Saturday was upon me. This time, I got ready for our date with a lot more enthusiasm. I decided to wear a white Calvin Klein Jeans dress, which had a wide scoop neck, eyelet trim, and a thin relaxed fit belt to go around my waist. I matched it with long, dangly earrings and gold strappy sandals. I decide to leave my hair down. Jacob had mentioned during one of our weekly workouts that he loved to see it when I left it loose and wild.
As I was about to leave my bedroom to join Jacob, my phone rang. Looking down at it, I sighed when I saw it was Nahuel again. He had called me a few times since I last saw him, but I hadn't had the nerve to answer the phone. I had to talk to him soon though. Perhaps tomorrow, I would make a special trip to Seattle to see him. I felt sick with myself for letting things go this far without ending my relationship with Nahuel first. My heart broke as I brought his handsome face to mind. It killed me that I was going to hurt him, but it had to be done. Now that I was officially cheating on him, there was no going back anyway.
Filled with despair, I tried to mentally shake it off as I went into the living room where Jake was waiting for me. I took a moment to examine him unnoticed. He was busy looking at the movie times listed in the newspaper. I felt my heart turn over as I stared at him. He was so beautiful, even in something as simple as a blue plaid shirt and khaki shorts. Even with my heart torn up over Nahuel, I couldn't regret going out with Jacob.
"Hey Nessie, you look nice," Jenny said, causing Jake to snap his head in my direction. I went over to the kitchen area.
"Thanks Jen," I replied. "So what are your plans for today?"
"Well, since you two are hanging out today in Port Angeles," Jenny answered, giving us a suspiciously knowing look. "Rachel and Paul invited me over for a game of cards."
"Give my nieces and nephew a hug for me," Jake said as he rolled over to us. He looked at me and his eyes softened. "You do look really beautiful. Ready?"
I nodded and Jake headed out the front door. I was about to follow him when Jenny called out, "Ness, be careful."
I turned and looked at her. "We're just going to have lunch and a movie."
"You know what I mean," Jenny replied. "I'm not stupid. I've seen a change in you two this week. And I'm happy for you. But you're playing with fire, honey."
I felt my shoulders sag, but I nodded at her in acknowledgement before following Jacob outside. I already knew that this could be the biggest mistake of my life. It was still worth the risk though.
Jake and I talked and laughed the entire way to Port Angeles, Jacob being in an especially happy mood as he got to drive again. By the time we got to the restaurant, I was completely relaxed. After we ate our lunch, we headed over to the movie theater. We made it to our seats just in time for the previews. Jake had insisted that we sit in the back row, which would have been a problem due to the fact that the theater had stadium seating, but we were able to take an elevator to the second floor and enter the theater from a back side entrance.
I went into the row first. I was about to sit in the end seat, when Jake put his hand on my butt and gave me a little push. My heart skipped a beat at his touch, but I turned around and looked at him with a raised eyebrow.
"I'm going to sit there," he said lowly and I nodded. Using his arms, he grabbed the seat's armrests and maneuvered into it. Folding his wheelchair up, he placed it behind him and out of the way before smiling at me proudly. I giggled and sat down next to him.
The movie was just underway when Jake leaned over and whispered to me, "Do you know what I like about this theater?"
"No," I shook my head, hypnotized by the hints of seduction I could hear in his voice.
"This," Jake said with a smirk. He reached for the end of the armrest that was between us and lifted it up and out of the way. Without the barrier blocking us, he wrapped his arm around me, and brought me close to his side. I sighed in contentment.
Halfway through the movie, I was so completely engrossed in what I was watching that I almost jumped out of my seat when I felt Jake's hand on my thigh. He had moved his arm from around my waist some time ago, but I'd hardly noticed. Now, I was completely focused on him as his fingers made circular patterns near my knee. My stomach did a somersault when his hand became bolder, running from the inside of my knee to just stopping inches from the juncture of my thighs, before returning back to the same spot. He did this repeatedly. I wondered briefly at the wisdom of wearing a dress today even as my legs parted without conscious thought. He took this as a signal of consent. His hand bunched my dress up as he went straight to the top of my inner thigh and froze. I could feel the heat of his pinky finger millimeters away from my center.
I continued to stare at the screen, praying that no one would look over and see what Jake and I were up to. Thankfully, we had the back row to ourselves and the theater was only half full. But to act like this in public was something I'd never done before. And I had to admit, I kind of liked it. There was the element of the forbidden, of possibly getting caught. I could feel myself becoming slightly damp at the idea.
Jake must have felt a change in me because his finger finally made contact with my aching need. He began to move his pinky back and forth against my mound. My breath became shallower as pleasure began to radiate throughout my entire body. Jake's hand shifted and I suddenly felt his index finger and thumb touch my tender bud, playing with it through my panties. I closed my eyes as a new wave of desire hit me. Needing more, I slid down in my seat so that my lower half could arch up. Jacob's hand covered me completely, caressing me gently until I was pressing myself frantically against him. My own hand moved over his and together we began to massage me. I completely forgot that we were in a public theater at that point. I felt myself getting close when Jake stopped and pulled away. I let out a mew of protest, which earned me a devilish laugh from my tormenter.
"Baby, you have to keep quiet," Jake whispered and I nodded.
I felt his hand return, only this time he went under the barrier of my panties and straight to the heart of me. My eyes rolled as I felt his fingers run along my aroused flesh.
"Fuck," Jake muttered thickly as he felt my wet heat.
His finger circled the outer lips of my warm center before dipping inside. I grabbed onto his arm and held on tight as he began to move his hand. His pace was tauntingly slow, sending pulses of bliss-filled agony through me with every thrust. I didn't know how much more I could take when he added a second finger and picked up the speed. I was just starting to climb towards my peak when Jacob twisted his hand slightly, found my pleasure spot, and I was done. I went skyrocketing, turning my head to bite his shoulder in an attempt to keep quiet as I burst into sweet release. I closed my eyes and feared that I might blackout as my entire body began to tremble.
"You okay, Ness?" Jake murmured near my ear. I opened my tired lids so that I could stare at him.
I wanted to tell him that I loved him.
Instead, I leaned in close and pressed my lips to his, whispering, "Thank you."
"You're welcome," Jacob replied, giving me a kiss that was surprising gentle after the recent eruption of pleasure I'd just experienced because of him.
The movie soon ended and we left the theater and headed for home. Unlike the relaxed journey to Port Angeles, the drive back was filled with unspoken sexual tension. Neither of us made much effort to speak. Jake flicked on the radio and I turned my head to stare out the window, watching the world get darker as night set in. I couldn't wait for us to get home. If what happened in the theater was a preview of things to come, I had a feeling I was in for a night to remember.
What I didn't expect was what was waiting for me when we finally reached our destination.
Nahuel. Sitting on the front porch. His face thunderous.
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End Note
In case some of you forgot, Jake mentioned in another chapter that he and Bella lost their virginity to each other. That's why he was being so secretive…kind of awkward for him to admit he slept with her mom on their first date…ahh, love. ;)
I uploaded the dress Nessie wore to the movies on my photobucket account if you want to see it. Also, please review!