A/N:
I don't own Twilight. If I did, Jacob would've imprinted on Leah and Renesmee would never have come into existence.
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For months I had been trying to forget him. Logically, it shouldn't have been hard. He was a stranger, someone I shared a brief intimate moment with. I held out hope that one day, some man would come along and sweep me off of my feet, effectively making me forget about Club Guy.
But now I know that will never happen. Now that I've gotten a taste of what being with him is like, I'll never be able to forget him. His taste. His smile. His laugh. His touch... all forever embedded into my memory. Into my soul. Now I know that compared to him no one will ever be enough. No one will ever be good enough. No one will compare to him.
Somehow, fate has yet again made my life into some big ass cosmic joke.
He has a girlfriend.
He's taken.
I wrap my arms around myself to try and dull the pain in my chest. To hold myself together.
He has a girlfriend.
I hunch over as I feel all of the air leave my lungs. It's as if someone punched me in the gut. The pain is almost unbearable.
"Get out."
"Bella, please. Just please hear me out. She--"
"NO! I do NOT want to hear about her! How dare you? Making me... feel this way. Giving me some false sense of hope, thinking we could... knowing ALL along that we can't be together! WHY?! Why would you do this? NO! I don't wanna know. I DON'T! You need to leave." I'm gasping for breath. I can't get enough oxygen into my lungs.
"It's been over for a--"
"Shut up! Get. Out."
"No."
"Excuse me? Get out of my fucking house before I call the police!"
"I can't leave you. I can't be without you, Bella. Not again. What I feel for you, I can't explain it. This is so real, Bella. You feel it. We belong toge--"
"Don't even! Don't you dare! If you feel so strongly about me, why the hell are you in a relationship?! You came to the club tonight with the intention of meeting me. Why? You. Have. A. Girlfriend!"
I'm seething with rage. Sometime during my rant I made my way over to him and began roughly poking him in the chest.
"It's complicated."
"Complicated?! Well, allow me to uncomplicate things. Get the hell out of my house. You're no longer welcome here!" I begin pushing him with all of my might, but he won't budge. He grabs my hands and I struggle to break free.
"Let go of me!!!" I yell, thrashing around violently trying to get out of his hold.
"Bella, I don't love her. I do not want to be with her. Only you. You're the one, Bella. I... this is unmistakable. Feel this, Bella. We fucking belong together."
"Let me go, Edward. Let me FUCKING GO!" More thrashing and yanking and pulling.
"Never."
"Why?!" I screech, "Why are you doing this to me?! You want your precious girlfriend while keeping me on the side? Why would you even think to put me—or anyone in this situation? Knowing how I feel... this is so unfair to me, Edward. Why? Just please, let me go." I drop my hands and lower my head in defeat.
By the look on Edward's face, he knows I'm not just talking about his letting go of my hands. He needs to let me go, so I can move on with my life. If he's not willing to break up with his girlfriend, then we just can't be together. If he can't do this one thing, get rid of this one obstacle in our way... tears fall from my eyes. Angry tears? Dejected tears? Tears for what could have been? Who knows? But I won't let Edward see my weakness. I turn my head away from him and shield my face with my hair.
"Please. I need you so much, Bella."
"No you fucking don't! If you need me and want me and feel all of this shit for me, then WHY are you with her?! This one fucking hurdle that's keeping us apart and you don't even care enough about me to end things with her! You don't fucking care. You're still with her! I don't wanna hear anymore bullshit, Edward. No more! I will not be some side piece, some goddamn late night booty call. That's not me and it will never be me. You're wasting your breath. Leave!"
"Bella, I... her parents died."
"What?!"
"Her parents. They died and she's going through a hard time right now. I was planning on ending things with her, but her parents died and she's taking it really hard. I can't leave her in the state she's in, Bella. She's suicidal."
"How convenient. So you're a therapist, now?"
"No," he pinches the bridge of his nose and I snatch my hands from his grasp and back away from him. He looks hurt that I've put distance between us. "She won't see a therapist. I've been trying to talk her into it, but she's just not being... rational."
"I don't even know what to say right now. How am I supposed to respond to that? What do you expect me to do?" I'm so confused. I'm cursing the alcohol flowing through my system, fucking up my thought process.
He slowly walks over to me and pulls me into his arms. I keep my arms crossed in front of my body, but lay my head on his chest. The chest that should be mine.
"I don't expect anything from you. I'm not asking you to be some kind of mistress. I would never ask that of you."
"Then what do you want? This is so much to take in... I'm hurting so much right now." I can't control the tears anymore and my body shakes with my quiet sobs. I uncross my arms and fist his shirt in my hands while I release my frustration and pain and anger.
He rakes one hand through my hair while rubbing my back with the other. His touch is so soothing. I don't want it to be. I'm so angry and embarrassed for feeling this strongly about him. I want to punch him and kiss him, kick him out and make love to him. I feel like a fucking fool. A weak and pathetic fool.
"You don't have to think about anything or make any decisions tonight, Bella. But please know that as soon as she's better, I'm leaving her. The second she shows improvement, I'll come running to be with you and only you. Only you, Bella. I promise. Please."
I'm so confused. All of these emotions running through me over this man I hardly know anything about. How can it be this powerful in such a short amount of time? None of this makes sense. What I feel for him... defies logic. It's insane. I feel so helpless against what I'm feeling and I hate it. I. Hate. It.
I fucking hate him, but I can't be without him. Nothing makes sense. As pitiful as it makes me, I know without a doubt that I'll take Edward in any way I can have him. I won't be the other woman. But I can be his friend. I can't fathom not having him in my life. I hate this.
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I wake up to the sun shining cheerily in my face. I squeeze my eyes tighter and throw my blanket over my head. My head is pounding.
"Oh god."
Maybe last night was all a dream. A horrible nightmare. Maybe Edward and I had hot sex last night and I can't remember because of the alcohol. Yeah, that's it. I look down and see that I'm still in the dress I wore last night. I groan. If I'm still clothed, then sex is taken off the table.
"Hey, Beautiful."
I jerk my head to the right and see Edward. Then immediately close my eyes and grab my head. The rapid movement makes me dizzy.
"Hey," I croak out. "Please tell me last night was a nightmare."
His silence answers my question and I groan again.
"Why are you here?"
"I told you, Bella, I can't leave you."
I scoff.
"So what now? You leave and go back to her? Then expect me to sit at home, waiting for you?"
"We don't live together. It never came to that because I don't have those kinds of feelings for her... I need you to know that I'm not and will not be intimate or affectionate with her. I promise you, Bella. I'm yours."
"No," I say sadly, "you're notmine."
He runs a hand through his hair. "This is so hard for me..."
"Hard for you? This is hard forYOU?" He can't be serious.
"It is for both of us. I can't imagine how you feel right now and I wish more than anything that I could fix this."
"You can fix it, Edward."
"I can't and you know that. I can't have someone's blood on my hands. If I leave, I have no doubt that she'll kill herself."
"Why don't you get her committed?"
"Only family members can have someone committed. I've wracked my brain and I can't think of a way out of this that doesn't end badly."
"So what now?"
"Whatever you want... that doesn't involve us being apart."
"I won't be the other woman."
"I'd never ask you to be. You're worth so much more than that." He lifts my hand and kisses it gently. My arm breaks out in goosebumps. I hate the effect he has on my body. I hate that I can't control it.
"We need rules."
"Rules?"
"Rules."
"Okay, so what are the rules?"
"While you're in a relationship," I grimace, "we can only be friends. No cheating on your girlfriend."
"What constitutes as cheating?"
"Well, um... sex, obviously. That includes oral... and anal. Kissing--"
"Not everyone thinks kissing is cheating."
"If I were your girlfriend, would you mind my kissing other guys?"
"Good point. So... no kissing?"
"Kissing on the cheek is fine. Friends kiss each other on the cheek. Uuum, hugging is fine. Friends hug."
"So no kind of sex or kissing on the mouth. Got it."
"How long can you stay?"
"As long as you want me to stay."
"What about your... her?"
"She's fine, for now."
"Did you ever love her?"
"No."
"So if you never had feelings for her, if you weren't serious, why didn't you break up with her a long time ago? What's the story?"
"Well... I met her a few months ago. We were friends and things just... progressed, I guess you could say. One day we were friends and the next she was kissing me and telling people she was my girlfriend. I enjoyed her company, so I just went with it. I thought she really cared for me, but after a while, I realized she was just using me--"
"Wait, using you?"
"Yeah. My family is pretty prominent in the community. That's part of the reason Alice had such a hard time finding me. No one wanted to give her any information and risk getting on my family's bad side, so to speak. So, yeah... she was using me, trying to talk me into marriage a few weeks into the relationship. We were always fighting; I was so miserable. After some pretty intense arguing, she finally talked me into letting her meet my family and that was a complete nightmare. Needless to say, they hated her and pleaded with me to break up with her.
"After a while, she didn't even try to hide the fact that she was after my money. She'd sneak my credit cards and go on shopping sprees... I tried to break up with her so many times before, but she'd always run away, hang up on me or disappear for a few weeks. And now her parents have died and even though I want nothing more than to be done with her, I can't. I'd never be able to live with myself."
"I understand."
"You do?!"
"I don't like it, but yes, I understand."
"Can... can I... hold you?"
I slowly nod my head and scoot over to him, laying my head on his chest. I feel him kiss the top of my head before letting sleep take over.
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A/N:
So what do you guys think? Edward's not a total asshole, now is he? He's just trying to keep ol' girl from blowing her brains out. Noble, right?
For some reason, the link to that damn dress won't show up! Grrr!
You guys have to read Twilight Chat Room by ., it's soooo fuckin' funny!
A big ass thank you a boob grope to coachlady1 for being full of win!
Oh! I'm on Twitter now! Don't know what the fuck I'm doing, but you can come and follow me or some shit. Maybe we can talk about Edward's loverly peen. My name is Tiffnificent. Awesome name, am I right? :-)
Until next time! Smooches! ^_^