Oh, Crappy, Ideas!

"So can you show me what you really look like? Please."

"No." Jubilee pouted with her bottom lip pout sticking out, and tried to do her best pouty putty tat eyes she could. "Hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, oh don't do that."

"Why, because it's working?"

"No, because you'll get your pretty face stuck like that."

She playfully whacked him in the leg, "Oh come on, just show me."

"Not now, I will later, I promise, I'll show you what I really look like, if you keep it to yourself, that I'm still a teenager, okay, I'd still like to go out on missions."

"Not be stuck at home, like me all the time."

"Exactly. "

"But at least this time I would have company."

"True, but considering what happened, I think we will need all hands on deck now, to face the troubles ahead. Sigh, though I do want to drop the guise and just be myself. We'll see; I have to pray about it, see what the Lord says. But you will be the first to see the real me."

"So, can you, will you, now? After all, it's later now."

Morph had to admire that in her; he could be just like that too, sneaky, to try to catch someone in their words. "Later, later, okay, and certainly not here, not in the car, and certainly not in public. I don't want to draw attention to myself, by changing. I'm gonna try to restrain myself from doing any shapeshifting, in public, if I can. If anyone sees that, they might figure out it was me, and or worse, Xavier's not really around anymore, and we just can't have that."

"Right, I guess not. Just don't do anything illegal then."

"Why would I do that?"

"Just saying, you don't want a cop pulling you over, and asking for your license, and ID."

"Right, good point. Uh-oh, oh no, not now." They had been moving slowly along but it wasn't very fast and on off stopping and stuck idling for a minute or two before moving along again, but now there was a new problem. "Oh, no, ohh, come on, oh hurry up, what's the holdup?"

"What's the matter?"

"Ohh, I gotta go to the bathroom, really badly, shoot, I hate this."

"But you went pee before we left." Not unless he drank a lot of water right before they left, he couldn't have to pee that badly now, in about an hour or hour and a half or 2 hours' time. She wasn't sure how long it had been. Uh-oh, not unless, oh dear. "Oh, you don't mean…"

"I'm afraid so. The good news is now I'm not constipated anymore, apparently, the bad news is I can't get to a bathroom right now to take care of it." Obviously, it was far too late now to turn back to go to the Dunken' Doughnuts. So there was no choice they had to keep moving forward, and hopefully, he could find a rest stop someplace so he could take care of it before there was an even bigger mess to take care of!

"Oh no. Well, think of the bright side of things."

"Like what?"

"Well, as you said, now you're not constipated, and be thankful it isn't diarrhea you have, that would be way worse," Morph smiled and giggled at that with a few nods of his head. "Or just a really full bladder," Morph looked up and nodded again. "Although you could easily take care of it, being a guy, it's not a problem for a guy."

"No, actually, I can't, since I really don't like the idea of peeing in public. In fact, I'll hold my pee in, or make my bladder bigger before I will dare to use a public restroom. I can't stand using them, public restrooms."

"I can't blame you for that, they are pretty nasty sometimes. Um, you're not gonna fart in the car are you?"

"Hey, it's my car, if I want to or need to fart mark my territory, you'll know it," he giggles, "but I'll try not to, and I'll crack open a window if I do stink it up in here."

"I hear when you gotta go really bad; you're supposed to think of sex. But I think that's just for when you need to pee really badly, I don't know if it works for when you need to poop."

Morph made a face, and then slowly smiled and eyed her as he swatted her leg for saying that. "Shame on you, I can't believe you just said that‼ I don't even have a sex life! To think of!"

"How about thinking of planting a big wet juicy one on the lips of your dream girl." Morph looked at her and shook his head and looked off and away and smiled and shook his head. "You have no idea do you?"

"Have you had your first kiss yet?"

"No."

"Neither have I. That's why."

"Well, you were doing a pretty good job of that earlier, when you were running your mouth off, about having your first kiss, with me, yet, and or more. Besides, you have an imagination don't you?"

"Yes, a very overactive one at that," he said with a grin. Sometimes that overactive imagination got him into a lot of trouble, and it was usually or partly due to his powers. Not that he minded getting into trouble, because he had an uncanny knack, for getting out of it, one way, or another.

"You did say you're a hopeless romantic, so just slip into a little fantasy about smooching and necking, and making out, with your dream girl. Maybe it will help take your mind off of it some."

Blushing profusely, but hiding it with his powers so Jubilee wouldn't see, but his voice betrayed his emotion of embarrassment as it pitched slightly. "Forget it. I really have to release a sewer snake so badly right now and I'm trying hard to keep the beast in me that I can't think of much else; let alone necking right now." The fact was, aside from that, he did not need his mind to wander off to what he really wanted to fantasize about doing right now, Jubilee's suggestion. Morph knew he has a special someone he was still longing for, and to be with her right now. So it was best that he did not peruse unwholesome thoughts about that. Then of course, further embarrass himself, by working himself up, in that little fantasy, only to make his body react, to the mental thoughts.

"Well, that's a new one. I like baking brownies."

"So do I and my brownies are so ready to come out of my butt oven, right now, hot, fresh, and stinky. Best of all it runs on gas!"

"Ohh, good one, Morph, ha, ha, ha, heh, heh, heh, heh, you gotta download a brown-load."

"Oh, that's a good one for a computer nerd like me, I like that one."

"Touching cloth?"

"Never heard of that one and it doesn't make sense."

"I was asking you if you are touching cloth yet."

"Uh okay, but what does that mean exactly?"

"You never heard of touching cloth," Morph shook his head no. "Well now we're even then, now I know what mutable means. Touching cloth means you gotta poop so badly that the turtlehead or part of the poop has already come out of your butt and it's touching your underwear. Similar to prairie dogging, only worse."

"Ohh! Oh, I'm sorry I asked! Oh, that's gross! Oh, that's nasty! I like it!" Laughing about it, "All the more incentive for me to buy new underwear, today, huh!" Laughing loudly about it.

"Oh, are you?"

"Getting there, but I'm keeping the food baby in for a little longer." A few seconds later, "Ooh, unfortunately, the baby is talking back to me already the stinking little brat," he says opening up all the windows. "Sorry, I tooted."

"Ohh, well don't try to fart anymore or you're liable to shart."

"Well, at least I know what sharting means."

"So you said you would get married, right? So have you, really had a dream, about your perfect soulmate or wife?"

"In I fact, have, yes, very similar to yours actually; but that was back at Muir Island when I actually started getting better, thanks to your help. Oh gosh. Ohh, ooh, oh it's pushing to get out oh I can't take this anymore; I have to go, right now."

"Where? We're stuck in traffic."

"I know! Uh, do you want to switch places with me?"

"Uh sure, guess you can't drive or concentrate on the road when you have to poop that badly."

"Well, that, and I'm gonna take off and go find someplace to take care of this mess before I do make one in my pants."

"In public?"

"If I have to. Oh that, no I'll find a restroom, somewhere first. I can use my powers to try to camouflage and hide myself if I do try to unload my bowels in public, but that's the very last option for me. I'll try to find a restroom, first."

"But you said you hate using public restrooms."

"I know, but I will use one, in an emergency situation, and this is one, even the mall bathroom if I can make it that far. Unh and I don't think I can make it that far. You're gonna have to take over driving, so I can go find a bathroom. Ah, shoot, just hold on, we're moving again."

"Maybe we're actually, moving; moving now, oh I hope so, seems that way. Maybe whatever it was is finally cleared up now. Can you make it to the mall? It should only be another 10 to 15 minutes depending on how long this takes to get past. Or do you need a pit stop sooner? Maybe you can try to use your powers to help yourself out?"

"I know I can use my powers, for sure, for a full bladder, but I'm not so sure about the other end…um….? I don't think it works so much that way. I guess I can physically plug my butt up with skin, so it doesn't come out, but still. I've been waiting for this for 4 days now; so I don't want to do that. Ohh, I'm gassy and I really need to go, I can't take it, I can't stand this."

Jubilee watched as Morph shifted a bit in his seat to try to get comfortable but was getting very antsy, he probably would have an accident if he didn't get to a bathroom soon. "Maybe umm," it was worth a shot at least, if it didn't work, no harm in trying it out, but if it did work, great. "I heard this works as a distraction as well as to help hold it in for peeing, so, it might work for popping."

He glanced at where her hand was headed to; and would have no part of it, but that's not quite, where she put it. "Hey, what are you doing? Hey what wait, hey, hey no, ohh, never mind, ohh hey hmmm ohh mmm." Jubilee did something to help him out that worked well, or at least it really did distract him slightly from his problem. She rubbed his leg, and thigh, a bit, and that was enough.

"Just hold on, clench it back in, you can make it, I believe in you, Morph, you can do it," she patted rubbed his leg a bit. "I can help you. Tense up that poop holding muscle, clench those cheeks, and just concentrate on the road and holding it. But don't think of it, how bad it is. You can do it; you can; and will make it. Just try not to think about that, anything but that, like um…" What does he like to do that's fun? "Pulling a big prank, on Scott. Yeah, think of one, a really good one; a big prank to pull, one that maybe we can do together, to really get him. Scott really deserves it. To get him back for not letting you go see your family."

Voice pitched slightly, "Why are you rubbing my leg?"

"I read this helps you hold it in when you have to pee, hey, it was worth a shot for the other end, but it seems to work. It's mostly for women, but it might work for guys too. Is it working for you?"

"Ah. Yeah, really good. Works nice, ahh, I uh mean it feels nice, good."

"Really good? So it is working?" Morph nodded. "Oh good, glad I can help. We'll stop as soon as you can, to, you know, to take care of that." Jubilee kept an eye out for any place that might have a washroom, a gas station, a restaurant, fast-food place, grocery store, anything.

"Ahh feels so good yeah works nice, mmm, so good." Well it worked, the leg rub had really worked, his mind was drifting away from his bottom end, to other things, as well as the road.

"Ha, ha, ha, heh, heh, heh, that look on your face is so funny. Now, what can we do to get back at Scott, for being a douchey jerk, hmmm?"

"Umm…" His mind cleared slightly from the slightly disappointed and depressed state he was feeling, a few minutes ago, as a new spark of hope hit him. "You really like pranks and pulling them? Or are you just saying that for my sake, to help me out?"

"Oh yeah, big time. It's not just for your sake, I really do love pulling them, just as long as they don't really hurt anyone, you know. Because then it's not fun. I just couldn't pull any pranks, with you gone, or rather supposedly dead. I made Wolverine pretty upset with that one prank I pulled."

"Really? What did you do?"

"Taped up the sprayer attachment on the kitchen sink with clear tape."

"Always a classic."

"Wolverine got doused with it in the crotch when he went to go get a drink of water; he looked like he wet his pants."

"Hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, well, he did in a way, because of you."

"True, true."

"So I take it he got pretty ticked off with you for that and scared you away from pulling another one, or at least on him, right?"

"Sort of. I had told him I'm a prankster, and he just screams at me and tells me to never ever pull another one ever again, or else. I knew he would be upset, so I had expected anger, but not this. Not what he did. Instead of sounding angry, about it, Wolvie sounded upset almost like he was going to start crying. I had no idea why. Turns out, he was about ready to cry. I had followed him to go say sorry to him, to try to smooth things over, and I overheard him, crying in his room, about you. 'I can't believe Jubilee's a prankster just like you are, Morph, but no one can or will ever replace you. I won't let them.' I knew at that point I couldn't pull another one, at least not for a good long while. Not until they got over your death, or at least he did."

"Wow, Wolverine crying. I didn't think he was much of the crying type, very rarely, he's a tough guy. Guess my supposed death really hit him pretty hard."

"Really hard, we all felt it. Me especially. I didn't even get a chance to get to know you, but I felt so bad, and like a part of me was missing, like a part of my heart got torn out of me that day."

"Really," he smiled. "So uh, why do you like to pull pranks? Got a reason why you do it?"

"Well I just like doing it for the fun mischief partly, I'm a brat, and I'm a fun-loving girl, aside from my usual bold Aries nature."

"Oh, you're an Aries huh. I didn't think Aries's are much for being pranksters, you know given their usual bold nature, I thought they were more of the serious type. When's your birthday? I guess I missed it. But I'll get you something nice, to say happy belated birthday to you." That's when it really hit him. Wait a sec, if it's that date, then it's another tick towards her, not away, if she was born on…

"Thanks, appreciate it. Uh, and that's part of the reason why I like pranks so much. Is because of my birthday, when I was born."

"No, way! You are not!" Could it be? But she's got that dream… Maybe it is. I couldn't be could I, no; it's ordinary, nothing special about it, certainly nothing like has she described. But then again, if something is special is in the eye or mind of the beholder, so, maybe… "Really, April Fool's Day, you were not!"

"Yes, I am, I'm an April Fools baby."

She is, like in my dream. I have to wonder. Maybe she really is. I can't get her out of my mind. With a big wide grinning toothy smile, "Oh man, you are so my new partner in crime then, for sure! You bet we're gonna team up and pull a few good ones, for sure." I have to find out, for sure.

"Right after you start to feel more like yourself, to pull pranks again."

"I'm already feeling much better already, especially now that I need the can. Although there's one problem that I have that can't be fixed of so easily, besides from the homesickness." What I have no medicine can cure me of, and frankly, I'm glad I do have it, it's so wonderful. I got new hope now.

"Really, what is it?"

"Hmm, I think you'll all find out soon enough. Huh, and if I'm wrong about what I do suspect, then I'm gonna be suffering from something much worse, than what I have now."

"Oh no, is it bad, contagious bad? Please tell me I have to know. You're not gonna die from it are you? We just got you back."

"No. I wouldn't call it contagious, but it usually happens to everyone some time in their life, and sometimes more than once. You, by the sounds of it, from what you told me and over the phone, have had it a few times. As for me; same too, in my own way."

"What is it, please tell me."

Blushing slightly, "I've fallen in love with someone so special to me. It's lovesickness. I met someone very special and dear to me, while I was recovering at Muir Island."

"Awww, so you might have found your Mrs. Right, huh. That's; great, Morph," she hesitated slightly in her words to congratulate him. "I hope she says yes, and loves you back, so you don't have to suffer from a broken heart. Whatever you do, don't let her kiss you unless you know for sure; unless it's on the cheek, or head or something like that. You know, the heartbreak will be so much worse if you get too involved with her, when she doesn't love you back. Kind of like the virginity thing, you only have one first kiss; so just make sure she is the one before you do kiss her."

"Yeah, good advice, I think might even wait until our wedding day when we're actually married before I do have my first kiss. Then it will really be memorable, for the both of us."

"Awww, ohh, that is so romantic, I'm gonna do that too, you've inspired me, that's a great idea. Then it really will be a dream white wedding." Perhaps that was what the dream also meant, to save herself, not just her virginity, obviously, but her first kiss as well. Sighing deeply with a bit of stinging regret, she pondered that dream as they moved along. But that didn't last long as her mind trailed back to the first day they met. Then back to his current problem. At least his poop problems had gone away, it seemed, well aside from the fact that he needed to go but couldn't get to a toilet right now to take care of it. So her mind was now on that idea a bit, and then it hit her, a prank to play. "Hey, uh, ever play a prank with Ex-Lax?"

"Oh, yeah, I have, and I think I know where you got that idea from. Can you cook?"

"Yeah a little, just so long as it doesn't involve any or very little measurements. I rather cook without a recipe."

"Me too. Believe it or not, I can cook, I just don't. My way of cooking is a bit, different, from what the girls usually do. The girls cook in a bowl trying to make the least amount of mess as possible; my way involves my hands and the counter. So they think I'm making a mess, maybe a little, but that's part of the fun of cooking."

"Well, the important thing is it tastes good, maybe not so much what it looks like. Or how it's made. Besides you can always work on your presentation skills later."

"So true. So, you're thinking of chocolate Ex-Lax poop prank, are you?!"

"You got it! Hot chocolate actually, I can't screw that up."

"Well, I make really good brownies, and you can certainly help me make them. Then brownies are what Scott is gonna be making, in the toilet, and maybe in his pants!"

"Know what else we can put in there is Metamucil and Magnesium Citrate for the bubbles."

"Metamucil I get, but Magnesium Citrate, what does that do to you?"

"Makes you poop, if you were still constipated, well, you could have taken it, it's really natural, and something your body needs anyhow. Maybe that's what Beast was going to give you, was some Magnesium Citrate. Well, now you know for next time it happens, it will help you get going and get things moving along. You can get the stuff in powder or liquid form. So if you want to take something natural, to help you go, take a hefty dose of that, your body needs it, the magnesium anyhow, to help you function properly, and it works as a good stool softener as well. The liquid Magnesium Citrate would be good to put in juice or something like Kool-Aid. But the Magnesium Citrate powder will act like baking soda in the recipe. It will give it the bubbles the recipe needs, while also adding an added extra little kick in the pants if you know what I mean."

"Oh yeah, I know what you mean. We could so make it for the whole crew, right before you leave, put them all in a real, shitty mood," he laughs.

"Oh yeah, really shitty, and best of all, I won't be there, to clean up the mess. But we so gotta videotape that; you gotta video tape that for me, okay. Promise me you will videotape that for me."

"Oh you're devious; you want to watch that, the others mess themselves or almost not make it?"

"You're shitting me; that would be the best part! Especially if I can't be there in person to watch it all, go down. Besides, I want to put it up on YouTube, for everyone to watch and enjoy it!"

"Oh, I love it! I love your style! Oh no, all this poop talk, it's back again." He was not paying full attention to the road as he was more squeezing it back and back in. "Ooh, ohh shoot, rub my leg, rub my leg. Ohh okay, oh man." He didn't know why it felt so good when she rubbed his leg but it did and it seemed to work for a minor distraction. "Oh, it wants to come out so bad right now. Forget it; I have to go, now. Or I won't make it to the mall."

"Um, maybe you don't have to, don't you see it up the road, you can stop up there, I see there's a gas station up there, and maybe they have a washroom you can use."

Morph looked to where Jubilee was pointing he had really great eyesight, better than 20/20, but the problem was he wasn't even paying attention at all, to notice that, that a gas station was not far off. Between his need to poop, the leg rubbing Jubilee was giving him, and their pranking mischief ideas, he had got too distracted to notice to look ahead of the road rather than what was in front of him, what was coming up ahead, relief! His Sagittarius luck had saved him again, from an accident. Now to just get there in time. "Okay quick, while we're stopped, get in the driver's side, while I make a run for the border." Morph got out and took off running holding his belly tummy area while Jubilee got in and took over driving.

"See you in a bit, Morphy. Have a good one." It was still slow going but they were moving. So she would either be at the gas station by the time he got out or maybe be up the road a bit more.

"I will if I make it in time. Oh man, oh man, oh man, hold it, squeeze it in, hold it, ooh, gotta go, so badly, oh shoot." He dashed inside the door, and looked around, to spot it. "Do you have a washroom I can use? Please tell me you do, it's an emergency."

"Yes, it's in the back, but it's for paying customers only."

"Oh come on!"

She was well past the gas station when Morph got in. He smelled clean so that must mean he did make it in time. "Did you make it; feel better?"

"Ohh, yes, so much better, yeah, I made it. Sigh, tons better, and 5 Lbs. lighter."

"I'll bet, after 3 or 4 days of not pooping. What are you eating? It smells like peaches."

"Here," tossing her the package. "Take a couple, but I want most of it though."

"They made you buy something didn't they?"

"Yeah, but it's all right, I like bubble or chewing gum anyhow, and I know so do you."

"How did you know?"

"I saw you chewing the stuff and blowing bubbles when you video called me."

"Oh right. Mmmm, peach chewing gum. I had no idea they made this stuff. I just go for the bubble gum not chewing gum."

"Hey if I'm buying it I'm getting the kind I like."

"I really like this peach chewing gum too, but I think grape bubble gum is still my favorite. So you did make it right, you didn't uh, touch cloth."

"Totally clean; sigh, but boy I tell ya that poop sure felt so good coming out, especially after 4 days. Any longer and I would have been really worried."

"Tell me about it, relief in more ways than one, I'll bet it did feel good."

"Okay, I will. That caca felt so good coming out; and I didn't flush the big stinker I left in the toilet, either, because that jerk made me pay for something before I could use the washroom. But I got my vengeance on him for that move, after I moved my bowels. I looked; it was a big Lincoln Log. I used my powers to help me get it out, so to be sure, it is a big and long toilet clogger I left in there. So to be sure, they will have to take their chances, in flushing that sucker down, or pull it out by hand, and dispose of it," Morph laughs joyfully loudly!

Jubilee jaw dropped at his blunt honesty, as she sputtered and snorted at the shocking revelation and shot her head over at his smiling goofy face. "Morph‼ Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, oh gosh, I really can't believe you admitted to that that you didn't flush! Oh, the decimation of the toilet bowl you must have left to exact your revenge! I can't believe you! I can't believe you did that, just to get him back."

"Well you did ask me about it and I'm not one to mince words, I always tell the truth. I think I made my point, it stunk really badly in there, and I didn't use the air fresher they had in there either. But don't you worry, I did wash my hands, I always wash them after I use the bathroom."

"Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, I can see that I should never get on your bad side if those are the things you do to get back at people, who've done you wrong."

"It's over now, however, they will have to deal with it for sure, I warned the jerk after I left, that I left him a little something, to teach him a little life lesson about being fair. When someone has to go, they mean it; and don't keep them waiting, or you will be the one cleaning up the mess you caused. I punish prank sometimes, that's me. I love doing it too, ooh, I really love it a lot, a whole lot."

"Really, is that what turns you on, or something?"

"Or something, yeah. I have no idea, what really turns my crank, to put me in the mood. But yeah, pranks, do, I guess in a way. I do get a real big thrill every time I do pull one, especially if it's successful. Maybe that's why I like pulling them so much, I always get that thrill going off too when I get into a good one, it's like totally wow, yikes, so good. Plus I'm a little obsessed with it too."

"Really, well, whatever floats your boat. Want to hear my weird one?"

"Sure thing."

"Haircuts, I love it when someone touches my hair and head especially. So whenever I get my haircut, I always get a shampoo, before and after, and some places even give head massages. Oh, and don't get me started on what that does to me."

Giggling a big, "Interesting, I can imagine, and that's not weird at all. Um, just out of blatant curiosity, can you rub my leg again, like you were doing earlier, to help me hold it?"

"Uh, sure, why, did it feel good or something?"

"Yeah, really good. Just uh, wondering something."

"If this also floats your boat?"

Chuckling sheepishly, "Uh-ha, uh yeah. Oh-ohh man, oh that feels even better now, now that I don't have to poop. Okay, you better stop, man, you hit the right spot, ohh that's where I like getting rubbed right there, and you do it so well, mmm; I almost don't want you to stop. But for politeness sake, I think you better."

"Hey, maybe you also like it if someone sits on your lap."

"Probably." There was a minor motorcycle accident, the motorcyclist had tried to pass a car but couldn't quite slow-down in time. Whoever it was, apparently, wasn't terribly hurt, but had gotten into a collision from that. However, they were only letting the vehicles go by in the one lane now from the 3-lane highway, hence, why it was slower going. They finally did arrive at the mall, and shopped, and had a wonderful fun time there together, buying and getting the things that they both needed, talking, catching up a bit more, and just plainly having fun together in each other's company.