I pinched the bridge of my nose and I heard Bella sigh.

Then I opened my eyes and saw that Bella was glaring at Jasper. That cheered me up. As long as I knew that she wanted it to happen as well, that would do…for now.

Who would've thought reaching for spices and squeezing tomatoes could be fun.

I cringed.

Scratch that. That did not come out right.

Ah, what's happening to me?!


Chapter 10: The Loudest Sound

It's been three weeks since now since Bella invited me over for dinner and Thanksgiving was just around the corner. I guess it's safe to say that Bella and I were officially dating but I don't think we were on the level of commitment yet though it didn't make any difference on my part as I was fully, irrevocably committed to her and her alone. I wondered if she felt the same…

Those three weeks were nothing but bliss for me. Yet I wasn't able to spend everyday with her. She was busy, as Jasper said. I only saw her every Wednesdays and Fridays. So that made only six official dates with her – three of which were indoors as I saw how tired she was. If only I knew what it was really that kept her so preoccupied.

The dates we had were limited to only movies and dinners. I kept it that way though I had other grander things in mind because she was busy and I could sense the exhaustion from her despite her happy demeanor. Those dates we had… I was going all out to show her how I felt, being as open as I can but I was too cautious to tell her… say what I really yearned to say to her.

Why?

I sighed. It's because she… I can't fathom what it is she really feels. She's holding back, if I may be bold to say. I can see in her eyes that she was being cautious – restrained that I couldn't but help to think that she's hurting. I didn't know why. What could I possibly be doing that made her feel that hurt?

She was hot and cold. There were times when I would hold her that she would lean back against me and sigh in contentment but then if I as much as make a move on her like a simple kiss on her forehead, she would stiffen then casually move out from my embrace and I would see the sadness in her eyes again. I'm really confused, wasn't it that only three weeks ago we almost kissed twice? No make that thrice as I remembered the time when Alice and I found her place. She didn't seem to hesitate in all those instances. She even kissed my cheek before! Why was she suddenly cautious now?

I frowned. I thought back through the dinner when Jasper interrupted our almost kiss. Even for a millisecond, I my lips were brushing over hers so lightly like a butterfly's wings yet it was enough to send shivers down my body and let the fire blaze into me. Sure it was awkward after but we both just laughed it off and the rest of the night went well. It was only on our official first date that I noticed her caution – her evasiveness… her inner struggle.

Then I remembered the look she gave me on our last date when I finally got to kiss her. I sighed and closed my eyes, skimming the ivory keys of my piano lazily.

There we were, standing in front of her door on her porch.

"So, I'll see you on Friday?" I asked eagerly.

She turned to look at me and gave me a wide beautiful smile of hers and nodded.

I smiled crookedly at her and our eyes were locked in a silent conversation as always. She was so beautiful - inside and out.

I knew we only had seconds left before I turn around and drive home but I didn't want to leave. I wanted to be with her even to just stay here and hold her and never let go. I wanted to be the one to watch her sleep. I wanted to be the one she sees when she wakes up. I wanted to be in every part of her life as much as she was already a part of mine.

Looking at her gazing back at me with her beautiful smile and startling eyes that were so loving despite having sadness in them, I wanted her to be mine.

I don't want to just go out with her on dates or just settle for being a friend. I don't even find satisfaction in just merely being her boyfriend if that's what I even was at the moment. I wanted to be the one to watch her sleep at night, me being the one she sees before she slept. I wanted to be the one she sees whenever she wakes up. I wanted her to know I was hers.

I wanted more.

I wanted more of her.

I wanted more of us.

I stepped in closer to her not taking my eyes off her. She didn't step back but there was caution in her eyes. I'm sorry but I couldn't handle it anymore. I placed a hand on her arm and she shivered in my touch but her eyes never faltered. I placed my other hand on the side of her face and my thumb rubbed her cheek and she closed her eyes to get a better feel of it. Her hand went up to cover my hand on her face and her she placed gently on my chest. My heart was beating fast now and my breath came in heavy heaves. She opened her eyes in shock as her hand felt the hammering in my chest and her breathing quickened as well.

I saw her eyes soften and she looked at me with such an intensity that could burn the coldest eyes. Was that an invitation? Slowly, my mouth parted and my eyes shifted to hers and found that they were parted as well. I looked back into her eyes to seek permission and I waited for her to close her eyes like before and wait until our lips would finally meet. I saw her eyes slowly closing that I smiled and didn't wait anymore as her breath caressed my face. I leant down and my lips were only an inch from hers when I saw that she had opened her eyes suddenly.

Something was wrong.

So I pulled back and was shocked from the emotion I saw in her eyes.

There was fear.

My eyebrows furrowed in question. What are you afraid of? Were we going to fast? What's wrong?

She blinked and frowned as she looked at me with apology and dismay. Then I saw that there was wetness brimming from her lids, threatening to pour.

I cradled her face with both my hands. "What's wrong, love?" Oh no. That slipped. Her eyes grew wide at hearing that. She shook her head but I saw that she was blushing.

I cleared my throat, "You're sad. Please tell me what's wrong?"

She looked up at me and forced a small smile then shook her head.

"Bella…" I said pleadingly.

She sighed and shook her head still. Fine, I'll let it drop now but she would have to explain this to me somehow.

"Okay. You must be exhausted. I'll take my leave now. Goodnight Bella. Sleep well." then I turned around and started towards my car when my arm was yanked. Bella was probably going to apologize again knowing she upset me.

I turned around to face her, "Listen Bella, its okay you don't have to say anything you don't want to –

I got cut off.

I got cut off with her soft mouth on mine and I didn't think about what I was doing next. I just simply wrapped an arm on her waist pulling her closer to me and let my other hand rest on her neck as I kissed her back. Her kisses were eager and I replied with the same eagerness. Her arms were wrapped around my neck and then she started playing with my hair.

I pulled her closer to me, relishing in the feel of her small warm body pressed up to mine. We kissed for a long time but then I froze.

I froze when my hand caressed her face and felt hot liquid – tears.

I pulled back and looked at her and she had her face turned away from me though both my hands were on the sides of it. I stared at her aghast as I saw that she was indeed crying. Normally, one would be endeared by this as they could be happy tears but would someone crying from happiness look away?

"Bella, why are you crying?" I asked softly.

She looked at me pained and my heart ached at the memory.

"Bella, please."

She took a deep breath and smiled at me then shook her head. She didn't want to talk about it. What was that then? That amazing kiss we shared? Was it just a show for me to just so my feelings won't get hurt that she kissed me? But remembering the kiss, she wanted it. Then I remembered, they were too urgent, as if she was convincing herself. I don't understand this.

I can't let this go but I heard Jasper's car pulling out the driveway. This conversation had to wait.

"So, I'll still see you on Friday, right Bella?"

She looked at me then gave a small nod.

I forced a smile at her, kissed her cheek then walked to my car passing Jasper whom I bid goodbye as well.

Opening my eyes I looked up the ceiling. I sighed. That was the most amazing experience I ever had, kissing Bella. I kissed her passionately, showing her how much she meant to me but her kisses were conflicting like she was afraid that something might happen. Today I would know for sure what's troubling her. It was killing me, not knowing what's going on in her mind. It's bad enough that she communicates with me using gestures and expressions only.

With one last deep breath, I stood up, grabbed my coat and made my way to pick Bella up. Today we could finally spend the whole day together and she promised she won't be that busy anymore.

…

When I got to her house, she was waiting on her porch. As always, she was breathtaking. Under her favorite white trench coat, I saw that she wore a deep blue dress that made her skin look like cream and roses. Her long mahogany hair was down and cascaded into waves on her back.

I saw her smile, no trace of awkwardness in her eyes when she saw me approach. Not waiting for me, she walked towards the driveway just as I had parked and stood in front of the passenger seat. I opened her door for her and she got in.

She was blushing and smiling. She was in a cheerful mood today. Normally, my heart would sputter at that and revel in joy but her cheerful mood was…patronizing.

She looked at me with confusion in her eyes and caution again.

"You seem to be in a good mood."

She sighed but smiled widely at me then pointed outside towards the direction of the sun. Oh, I get it. She was happy that we finally had a whole day together.

As much as I wanted to ask right away about our last meeting, her good mood and bright smile was too irresistible and it felt almost a sin to dampen the day.

…

We spent almost the whole day driving around the city looking for, don't laugh, sampling ice cream. We were in a coffee shop when she read an article about ice cream. So I had an idea that we should go around and try different kinds of ice cream around the city. We had nothing to do so we might as well. I didn't want to watch another movie. I smiled as I watched Bella's joy. So little things made her happy!

We were walking now near my apartment that I parked my car there and we went to Central Park yet again just for a walk.

We were walking side by side and when her shoulder brushed with mine, I longed for more contact. I glanced down at her and saw her shiver. It was starting to feel gusty. So I took her hand in mine and rubbed it. She didn't pull back, which made me glad. I even saw a hint of a smile and of course, her lovely blush. So we stayed that way, walking like that in silence.

Then I heard music, and so did she. A small blond girl was playing Pachelbel's Canon in D. Bella looked at me with a request in her lovely deep brown doe eyes and I nodded. We stopped walking to watch the girl. She looked like she was twelve and she was good. She saw us watching her and she smiled at us.

When she was done, Bella made a motion to clap but then we both realized that our hands were still interlaced. We chuckled then let go to applaud out little entertainer.

"That was very good." I commented and Bella nodded in approval. The girl grinned.

"Thanks. I've been practicing that for a long time!" she said.

"Pachelbel?" I asked.

She nodded, "Do you play as well?"

I didn't want to admit it but I did study violin as well. I didn't want to show off, wait, I wanted to show off a little to Bella but I don't know…so I just smiled in response.

Bella looked at me with awe and curiosity.

"Will you play?" the girl asked, handing me her violin.

"Well…" I hesitated, then I looked at Bella and she smiled at me, her eyes sparkling.

"Well?" the girl prompted.

"Ok." I took the violin from her and sighed but one look at Bella's smile had me automatically playing a tune that was going on an on my head whenever I think of Bella.

My eyes were closed the whole time I played and I gave it my all because this song was for her and only her – Bella.

When I was done I was greeted with applause.

"Wow, I don't recognize that melody but I'm guessing you composed that," the blond girl commented but I merely nodded at her as my eyes were fixed on Bella.

The look on her face was glorious and heart warming. Her eyes were closed and there were tears in them and a small sigh escaped from her lips. Her hands were clasped together. I blushed, embarrassed yet pleased all the same because I knew she liked it. She opened her eyes and grinned at me. I must've looked like an idiot because I was smiling like one with the same crooked smile that I always seem to give only to her. I wonder what she must think of that.

I handed the violin back to the girl and thanked her as she left and I made my way over to Bella and wiped the tears from her eyes.

She blushed but continued to smile at me in awe causing my own cheeks to flare up.

"So, um, did you like it?" I asked, breaking the silence.

She nodded earnestly and my smile grew wider.

"Really? It's just a draft… I know it needs more work…"

She cut me off again by placing both her hands on my face and making me face her.

When she was sure my eyes were locked with hers. Her eyes were serious and held intensity in them. Shook her head slowly then smiled at me, as if telling me not to doubt myself. I smiled back at her and she grinned.

Then she removed her hands on my face but before I could protest, she took hold of my hand and started towing me.

I smiled wider at her and looked at her softly. She was really amazing. So we started our walk again.

Side by side in silence they pass away the day
so comfortable, so habitual...and so nothing left to say
nothing left to say
nothing left to say

It was the best walk I have ever been on. It was just simple. We were just walking, enjoying the scenery, watching people… just enjoying each other's presence.

Side by side in silence his thoughts echo round

He looks up at the sky...she looks down at the ground
Stares down at the ground
Stares down at the ground

Her silence didn't bother me, not at all. Though of course it would be very helpful if I could know exactly what is what she wanted and I'd give it to her in a heartbeat. Also… I also wanted to know her… really know her. It wasn't as if Jasper wasn't helpful, telling me things about Bella and relaying messages. I just wished that… she'd open up to me more. I knew she was hiding things from me, and I didn't want to upset her by asking what that was, but I knew whatever those things were, they upset her. What is it does she want from me? How does she see me? What am I to her?

Side by side in silence they wish for different worlds
She dreams him as a boy...he loves her as a girl
Loves her as a girl...

There was no doubt about what I felt for her and I knew that she had feelings for me, I've seen it in the way she looks at me and how she would touch me but I wondered about the depths of those feelings. Why was she so guarded? Why was she so afraid of me? Was it really me or was she afraid of us? I didn't get it.

I love her. That's the truth. But I was as silent with her in saying that. Too many times that I wanted to say it out loud to her but her hesitation with my gestures refrained me. I was too scared to let go of what we already had. What if this was the only thing she wanted? What if I told her I wanted more that she would shut me out? But I knew that she knew I loved her. Though I didn't say it, I let her feel it.

And side by side in silence without a single word...
It's the loudest sound
It's the loudest sound...
It's loudest sound I ever heard

…..

It was getting darker and it had started raining. It was a good thing I had an umbrella in my bag. So I retrieved it and held it over to us. The wind started to pick up and a sharp flash came out in a distance followed by a loud crashing sound. There was something ominous about the weather and I immediately glanced down at Bella.

I gasped at what I saw. Bella was ghostly pale, paler than usual. It was like all the blood on her face was drained but that wasn't what I found alarming. No, there were no adjectives appropriate enough to describe her. She was terrified.

I squeezed her hand, "Bella?" I asked softly but worry coated my voice.

She didn't flinch but she started to shiver and I doubt it was from the cold.

Her eyes were wide in shock and alarm and her mouth hung agape. What was she so afraid of? I wanted to release her hand and put my arm around her instead but when I tried she only grasped my hand tighter and looked at me with scared eyes.

"Bella!" I yelped in shock and nervousness at her action. I looked around us frantically, searching for any sign of danger that could cause her fright but I saw nothing but rain and people scrambling to find shelter. Then another flash followed immediately by booming thunder came and I was shaken when Bella jumped and covered her ears.

I immediately wrapped my arms around her, dropping the umbrella not caring that the wind swept it away. All I cared about was having my Bella safe and secure.

Another flash tore the sky and the earth shook from crashing sound and Bella jumped again and was now shaking in terror in my arms. And it dawned on me; she was frightened of thunder and lightning.

I moved my hands to her face making her look at me but she refused to open her eyes.

"Bella, love, its okay, I'm here." I tried to soothe her so we could leave.

She sniffled and I saw her mouth tremble as tears streamed down her face. I was panicking already. I did not expect this! Had I known she was scared, I would not have left my car or bring her here when I knew that there was a chance it would rain. Stupid. I was such an idiot.

"Come on Bella, let's get out of here." I tried to move her but she wouldn't budge.

"Please Bella, please?" I begged for her to move so we could get away and so I wouldn't have to watch her like this. My heart was breaking watching her suffer like this.

Then I had an idea.

"Bella, sweetheart, do you trust me?" I almost shouted amidst the downpour. No answer.

"Bella?" I tried again. And I felt her give a small nod. I sighed in relief and kissed her hair, thankful that I had gotten a response from her. In one swift motion, I carried her trembling body, crouching over her to shield her from the rain as much as I can and ran as fast as I can to my apartment, thankful once more that I lived not far from the park. She didn't object.

I asked her if she trusted me because I was going to take her to my place and that would've implied a lot of meanings but this was hardly the case. When I reached the building I set her down carefully and was again relieved that she made a motion to walk and follow me – not that I mind carrying her but I knew she would feel embarrassed.

When we reached the elevator, I carried her once more and again, I was met with no objection. She must really be terrified. She wasn't being stubborn right now.

I carried her into my unit and set her down on my arm chair, not caring if it got soaked. She was drenched and she was still shivering and in shock. She would get sick if I didn't get her out of her clothes.

I swallowed hard and knelt in front of her then took her hands and held them in mine.

"Bella," I said softly and she looked at me, her eyes still scared that my heart was shattering.

"Bella, I… need you to trust me again."

She blinked.

I blushed, "Please trust me. I don't have any intention of making you feel any level of discomfort but I have to get you out of your wet clothes or you'll get sick," I explained gently.

"Do you trust me?"

She looked at me and gave a nod. I smiled at her then stood up.

"Wait here." I went into my closet and took out a black long sleeved shirt and a pair of khaki shorts then took a white big towel as well and went back to Bella. She seems to have calmed down a bit.

I breathed out a sigh of relief. I think she was calm enough to do this herself which was good because I don't think I could do it.

She looked up at me and saw the pile of clothes.

"I'm sorry that you have to wear my clothes but these are all I got and you really need to get out of your soaked clothes. The bathroom's over there, you could take a hot shower if you wish."

She looked at me still shocked then her eyes softened and she slowly stood up, still trembling and tried to take the pile of clothes from me. I frowned at her shaking hands and stopped them, holding them instead while I shifted the clothes to one arm and led her to the bathroom then she closed the door.

"Call me if you need anything." I said through the door then I took my coat and shirt off as well, grabbing a towel and drying my hair.

Then the bathroom door opened and I saw Bella's head peeking out.

"Something wrong, Bella?" I asked concerned.

She looked down and blushed when she saw me but then with her hand asked me to get inside. My cheeks heated up but I complied and I frowned when I saw that she was still wearing her wet clothes, her coat included.

"Why are you still in your wet clothes?"

She bit her lip and sunk down the toilet, wherein the lid was closed and showed me the problem, not once looking at me.

She started to fidget with the button of her coat and I gulped.

"W-what are you doing?" I almost asked when I noticed that her hands were still shaking and clearly she could not undo her buttons. I swallowed once more at what she was asking me to do as she looked into my eyes, embarrassed by completely trusting.

I stood in front of her and nervously touched the button she was undoing and looking into her eyes to see if I got the message right. She nodded. I could see that she was still shaken up.

Taking a deep breath, I started undoing her buttons, my own hands shaking as well. Doing this to her… even from necessity was like touching something so pure… so innocent that I felt like I was sinning. How many times have I imagined doing this, touching her, showing her how much I loved her but it wasn't right, it wasn't the right moment. Everything had to be perfect for her.

At first I started slowly, because of my nerves but I realized I should hurry as I know she was freezing. I knew I was. So I finished unbuttoning her coat and once in a while I would glance at her and would see complete trust in her eyes.

I stood up and ushered her to stand as well and she obeyed then I went behind her and gently pulled the coat from her and saw that her blue dress was drenched and I forgot she was wearing boots so I took them off next making her sit again. When Jasper talked about her, she was someone who needed looking after. Someone so fragile but someone who wanted to prove she didn't need to be taken care of.

When I first saw her, I saw that same fragile quality over her and a compelling need to protect her rose in me. Yet I have always seen her selfless courage and determination and desire to be the one who takes care of people, not be doted upon. She was stubborn and had great inner strength but looking at her now, she was vulnerable.

Now the only thing that remained wet was her dress…and what she wore underneath.

"Bella, do you think you…can manage?"

She looked at me with gratitude and embarrassment but she sat still as a statue. Then she stood up shakily and slowly and turned her back to me.

I thought that that was a yes so I started for the door when she put a still shaky hand on my arm.

I swallowed again; I was very much hesitant to help her out off her dress. Not that I didn't think she wouldn't be worth to look at, on the contrary, there was a desire for that but not this way. Esme and Carlisle did not raise me like that.

She turned around and pointed to a zipper on her back. Oh so that was all… surely I could handle that…I hope…

So I touched the zipper and shakily pulled it down gently and sucked in my breath when I caught a glimpse of her lustrous skin…and lace… I looked away blushing and continued my task not looking at her and when I was done I immediately went out the bathroom and took deep breaths.

I waited for a while and once I was sure she didn't need me, I went into my closet and changed my clothes gathering my wet ones to put in the washer.

I knocked on the bathroom door and Bella went out wearing my clothes… which elicited… desire from me but I shrugged it off immediately.

"Are you feeling better?"

She nodded at me weakly and gave a small smile but I could see she was still dazed.

"Why don't you go into the living room and make yourself comfortable. I'll put your wet clothes in the dryer." I smiled at her warmly.

She smiled at me again and she reached out and squeezed my hand while she looked at me with nothing but gratitude in her eyes.

I kissed her head then went to retrieve her wet belongings. When I put her clothes in the dryer, my cheeks heated up as I saw lace once again. Closing my eyes I dropped them delicately in the dryer and made my way over to Bella. She was sitting on the edge of the couch this time, eyeing the soaked armchair guiltily.

I went to sit beside her. Startled, she looked at me then she blushed and averted her eyes.

"Are you okay?"

No sooner that those words came out when a loud bang came from outside, the storm was brewing awfully quick and in an instant Bella flung herself to me. She curled her small body like a ball against me so I scooted over to give her more room. She hid her face on my chest, clutching at my shirt, trembling once again.

I wrapped my arms around her, resting my chin on her head while rubbing her back to soothe her. "Don't be afraid. I'm here. I won't leave you. It's okay. You're safe with me." I said comforting her.

This must be what Jasper was telling me about… the consequences that he mentioned… I was sure of it.

I just held her to me, rocking her gently until she calmed down. After an hour, her breathing started to even out and I knew she had fallen asleep.

I carried her into my bedroom and tucked her in my bed. I would have to call Jasper and tell him about this, surely he trusted me as well. I would never take advantage of Bella.

I sighed in relief to see Bella sleeping peacefully. I brushed a strand of her off her face and kissed her forehead then I sat up from the bed but she grabbed my arm.

I looked back at her and saw that she was awake but exhaustion was evident.

"Go to sleep, you need to rest." I said then I started to walk away but she didn't let go of my arm. Surely she wasn't suggesting that I…

She gave a weak tug at my arm and attempted to shift her body to make room… for me?

"Do you want me to stay with you?"

She nodded and I saw the pleading in her eyes that I automatically laid beside her, leaving an ample amount of distance between us. My heart was pounding at this and I almost had a heart attack when she moved closer to me and rested her head on my chest, closing her eyes, trusting me completely.

Slowly and gently, I placed an arm around her looking at her reaction, ready to pull away at once when if she didn't want to but her reaction surprised me as she always did because she snuggled closer to me and wrapped her arm around my waist as well.

My heart soared and I couldn't help but smile. I reveled in the way her body fit to mine as if she were designed to be. She trusted me. She felt safe with me.

I closed my eyes as I pulled her tighter to me and inhaled her scent, feeling utterly in bliss right now. If only I knew how she truly felt for me, I would give her the world and love her every second of everyday and wouldn't make her forget that.

If only I knew if she loved me as well.

I opened my eyes and was dazzled when I saw that she was watching me, her lips curved up in a content smile. I could only gaze at her when I looked into her eyes and saw for once, without hesitation of how she saw me. In her eyes, there was no doubt, in her deep brown eyes that she mirrored my own reflection in her eyes that there was love.

Without saying anything, this was the purest form of expressing love that I have ever seen or experienced.

It didn't need to be said in bold grand gestures.

It didn't need to be said in out loud.

It didn't need to be said at all.

In this silence, it is the loudest sound.

I can't wait anymore. I've made up my mind. I know I can't live without her and that I know that it's her I want to see every waking moment in my life. I smiled at Bella and she smiled back at me, softly, the softest and sincerest smile I've ever seen her give me.

With that smile, I knew what I needed to do.

She sighed wistfully as if knowing what I was thinking then she closed her eyes and waited for sleep to come.

I smiled wider.

Tomorrow I'm going to ask Isabella Marie Swan to marry me.

And side by side in silence without a single word...
It's the loudest sound
It's the loudest sound...
It's loudest sound I ever heard


AN:Next Chapter, Edward will finally know WHY Bella can't speak. And the chapter that follows will be in Bella's POV. Just a little incentive for you guys to review. :)

Thanks for the awesome reviews! I received a lot of love and I couldn't wait much longer to type up this chapter! It's a very long chapter and I worked really hard on this so please, please review. It's only fair! Hehe. See? I write a whole lot faster and not too mention, longer when I get a lot of reviews!

A hundred plus readers have this story on alert and it would be very nice to hear from you guys. I already have a rough draft for the next chapter and I promise to finish typing it and upload it tomorrow if I get at least 30 or more reviews (reaching 200 would be lovely but I understand if that won't happen). I'm not being greedy but this story is really not the number one thing that I should be doing so I'm merely requesting a little of your time to leave a few kind words or critique if you wish as I have invested a lot of my time here as well. But no pressure, it's fine if I don't.

The song here is "The Loudest Sound" by The Cure. I honestly didn't know about this song until I looked it up, hoping to get lucky and I did!

Until next time then,

Margaux