Title: Secret Identity II
Author: Black Rainbow
Chapter: 10/?
Status: on-going, unedited
Genre: AU, yaoi
Archive: pinkbutterflies, if for some reason you want it, e-mail me. ^^
Disclaimer: me only own the original characters and story… Takehiko Inoue owns SD characters, Jahnna N. Malcolm band name, and songs.
Warnings: crossdressing. characters will probably be very OOC, as I don't really know a lot about them.
-__- Sorry about that.
Chapter Ten
"Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
I don't want to wake up
On my own anymore" [1]
As soon as Hana finished the song, he murmured good night to the crowd shouting for an encore, and left the stage. The rest of Androgynous Zone followed suit, wondering if he was okay. Backstage, people were crowding to congratulate Androgynous Zone for the show, and for the upcoming concert, or just to talk. Hana ignored all of them, even Kiminobu, who was waiting backstage for him.
"Hana," Kiminobu said, softly. "Hana."
Hana just looked up blankly and smiled at his brother. "What is it?"
"Are you okay?" Kiminobu's eyes looked wide and full of anxiety. Hana just handed his guitar to his brother and walked past Kiminobu. "Hana!" Kiminobu called out, but Hana just continued walking.
As Mitsui, Fujima, and Rukawa entered the backstage area, everyone swarmed around them, now wanting to ask about Hana's well being as well. Fujima just sighed and resigned himself to answering questions from everyone, while Mitsui rushed to find Kiminobu, and Rukawa went to the dressing room to find a decent place to sleep.
Hana meant to go straight to the dressing room to change, and then head out to another club or something. Except that he saw something that made him stop, and forget – a tall, familiar silhouette walking towards the small office at the back area of the club.
/Akira./
Hana followed the figure quickly, almost tripping over his skirt twice. /Stupid things/, he thought, as he headed towards Sendoh's office. /Why can't people wear more sensible things?/ By the time he reached Sendoh's office, his heart was beating heavily in apprehension. He slowly turned the doorknob, and opened the door.
Sendoh was talking to another guy, who had to be the tallest person Hana had ever seen. Hana stared for a while. /He must even be taller than Haruko's brother!/ he thought, before realizing that both Sendoh and the other guy were looking at him expectantly.
"Is there anything you want, Hana?" Sendoh asked. Hana just blinked a couple of times, unused to Sendoh speaking to him so brusquely. His eyes smarted, and he swallowed.
"Um," he said, in a small voice. "Um. Can I talk to you for a while?"
"I'm sort of busy right –"
"That's okay," the other man said smoothly. "I was just telling Sendoh-san about how good you were today."
"You saw us play?"
"Hai. Your new song, what was it called? A Fool Like Me? It's excellent." He smiled at Hana, and extended a hand. "Hi, I'm Hanagata Toru."
"Miyamoto Hana," Hana said, shaking Hanagata's hands. "Hanagata… aren't you –"
"Hanagata is representing DO, one of the regular bands that play in *crush. Well, used to. We're offering his band a chance to open for Androgynous Zone for the concert, so he'll be touring with you. Didn't you have something you want to talk about or something?" Sendoh sounded irritated, like he couldn't wait to get back to work. Hana began to feel smaller inside, like his heart had shrunk or something. Hanagata said his goodbyes and shot a curious look at the two of them before he left.
"Akira?" Hana spoke softly. "I –" he stopped. He didn't know what to say. He had wanted to apologize, to explain, but Sendoh didn't look like he wanted to listen to any apologies of explanation. He only looked… impatient. /Like he didn't care/, Hana thought, feeling the steady ache in his chest grow. /Maybe he never really cared. Maybe he was just using me. Maybe that's why he gave up so easily./ "I…"
"I don't have all night, you know," Sendoh said. Hanamichi blinked the tears that threatened to come. His heart was beating so fast breathing had become a difficulty. This was mostly due to the fact that they were standing close to each other, and all he wanted to do was to wrap his arms around Sendoh and cry. Or just be quiet.
But he was afraid that Sendoh would push him away. He shook his head. "I…" he tried again.
"Dammit, can't you just –"
Hana snapped. He threw himself at Sendoh, and when he felt the other boy stiffen, he just tightened his arms around Sendoh, burying his face in his neck. "Please don't leave me," he whispered. "Akira, please don't leave me…"
"Hana…"
Sendoh's voice was edgy, and laced with pain. He barked out a short, bitter laugh. "You don't have to do this anymore…" He tried to unwrap Hana's hold on him, but Hana wouldn't let go. So he did the only other thing he could think of to do at the moment.
He lowered his head and his lips found Hana's.
This time his kiss wasn't as gentle as the last one. It was almost an assault of his need and pain. Hana just shuddered, and closed his eyes, feeling Sendoh's lips, hard and hot, on his. Later, the kiss gentled, but only a fraction, as Hana opened his mouth to Sendoh's. At that moment, Hana was in bliss. He needed Sendoh's warmth. He needed Sendoh's arms around him, Sendoh's lips crushed against his, their body pressed close.
When Sendoh finally broke the kiss, Hana held on to him, and leaned against Sendoh. "I love you," he whispered softly.
Sendoh closed his eyes, and asked achingly, "Do you, really?"
Hana stiffened, and pulled away. "What do you mean?"
"I don't want you to be with me just because of who I am, Hana. I mean, I know Androgynous Zone will make it big, and I will be there for the band throughout the whole process, but you don't have to… you don't have to pretend to be in love with me, if you're not."
"What?" Hana stared at Sendoh, incredulous. "What gave you the idea that I was pretending?"
"If you love Rukawa…"
Hana's eyes narrowed. The tenderness he was feeling earlier ebbed away, as a new anger rose in him. "Can't you shut up about that baka kitsune already? I don't love him!" He glared. "So, he likes me. It's not my fault, and it's not his either. I mean, no one can resist the tensai, right? You can't – you can't just give up on me just because of that. I can't believe this!" Frustrated, he walked over to bang his head against the hard wooden office desk. Sendoh winced, but Hana didn't seem affected at all. He stood up continued rambling. "I thought you didn't love me at all, because you left me so easily. How could you do that? How could you -" the rest of his words were muffled as Sendoh's mouth covered his own in another kiss. He sighed when Sendoh pulled away.
Resting his forehead against Hanamichi's, Sendoh murmured. "I love you, Hana. Don't ever doubt that." He was going to kiss Hana again, when the door to his office burst open. "What now…" he groaned.
"Sendoh! We have to find Hana! He was looking really upset…" Fujima slowed down to a stop, when he saw Hana in Sendoh's embrace. "Oh," he said, embarrassed. "Um… sorry to interrupt."
Hana grinned. "It's okay. What took you so long?"
"Did you notice the amount of people backstage? I swear, I almost couldn't breathe, it was too packed. And everyone's asking the same questions… 'when are you going for the tour?' 'do you know which band is taking up your slot in Lost Souls?' 'Is Hana okay?'" Fujima listed, making a face at the last one. "Well, as you obviously are…"
"Where are the others?" Sendoh asked, amused.
"All left me there to die in the crowd," Fujima muttered. "Ungrateful bastards…"
"Let's all go out tonight!" Hana suddenly said, getting excited. "Kenji, it will be like the old times, except, of course, Youhei is not here and Akira is instead, but…" he gave the older boy a pleading look. "Let's all go out! In fact, lets take a long drive to Osaka[2] again; maybe we could visit Youhei or something."
"That's a long drive, Hanamichi."
"We can crash at his place or something! Come on, it will be fun…" he beamed. "Something for all of us to do before the tour…"
Sendoh smiled at him, catching on to Hana's enthusiasm. "Well… I guess it's okay…" he said slowly. He was rewarded by a kiss from Hana, and Fujima coughed.
Pulling away, Hana said, "Right," with a red face. "Guess I was overenthusiastic about the whole thing, huh?"
"Oh, I didn't mind," Sendoh murmured with a smile.
"Baka! I wasn't talking to you!" Hana looked down at himself. "I guess I should change into my normal clothes first. Fujima, you go find the kitsune and wake him up first. Then look for my brother and Micchy." He looked at Sendoh. "You can look for Hanagata. I think we should invite him and get to know him better so we get along during the tour, ne?"
He remembered Hanagata from the crowd [3], and he remembered that the guy only had eyes for the kitsune. /Maybe I should play cupid or something/, he thought impishly as he walked towards the dressing room. /Then he would leave me and Sendoh alone…/
He didn't know what to feel. He was happy that Sendoh and Hanamichi made up, obviously, and was even slightly excited about all of them going off together like they used to. But he could only think of Jin. /I wonder how he's doing…/
He found Kaede first. The raven-haired boy was sleeping next to his guitar, in a sitting position with his back against the wall. Fujima smiled softly when he looked at his cousin, knowing what Kaede must be feeling at the moment. Pain over the fact that he never had Hanamichi, guilt over making Sendoh break up with the redhead and causing Hanamichi to be so upset, and probably a lot more things that Fujima would never know about. "No one knows what goes on inside you, do they?" he murmured, nearing his cousin.
He gave Rukawa a sharp poke at the sides. "Kaede. Hey, Kaede..."
Rukawa stirred, and opened his eyes sleepily. "What do you want?" he growled, forgetting to hit Fujima. Meanwhile, Fujima was feeling foolish, with his arms raised above his head to protect himself from the blow that didn't come. He lowered his arms.
"Um... we're going to Osaka. All of us. For fun. Wanna come?"
Rukawa grunted, and got up. Fujima took that as a yes. "Just meet us at Sendoh's office, okay? I have to go look for Mitsui and Kiminobu now."
"Toilet," Rukawa grunted, still rubbing away the sleep from his eyes.
"Nani?"
"They're in the toilet. I heard them."
"Okay, thanks," Fujima said, confused. /What did he mean, he heard them?/ He walked out of the dressing room and towards the toilets, and he realized what Rukawa meant. From one of the stalls, he could hear stifled moans and sighs. His eyes widened, realizing what Mitsui and Kiminobu were doing, if it were indeed Mitsui and Kiminobu in the toilet.
/Oh god, I am in hell…/ he thought, thinking about how pissed Mitsui would be if he interrupted them. He looked around. The toilet stalls were empty save for one. Silently cursing Hanamichi for making him get everyone together, he raised his hands and rapped the door sharply, and waited.
In a couple of minutes the door opened, and a very flushed, disheveled Kiminobu came out of the toilet stall. His face became redder when he saw Fujima looking at Mitsui, who came out after him. "We're going to Osaka," Fujima told them, looking at the floor, feeling stupid for interrupting them just because Hanamichi had a whim. "You guys wanna come?"
Mitsui raised his eyebrows. "Whose idea is this?"
"Hana."
"Figures." He rolled his eyes. "You do know that it's a long drive, right?"
"We're probably staying over at Youhei's – you remember him, right? Hanamichi's friend?"
"Oh, yeah…" Mitsui looked at Kiminobu. "You want to go?"
"As long as I don't have to carry you back home…" Kiminobu answered with a smile, at which Mitsui replied with an indignant look as Fujima forced a grin. He felt a sharp tug of pain and envy in him when he saw how much Mitsui and Kiminobu cared for each other.
/Soichiro…/
Jin lay hugging himself in his bed, singing himself to sleep. Rei had come over and brought him food, but he couldn't eat. His sister didn't ask what happened; she didn't need to. She could see it in his eyes. At least parts of it. She didn't say 'I told you so', like he thought she would, though. She just kissed his forehead and said everything was going to turn out fine.
He sighed, thinking about Kenji. Was Kenji really going to tell him everything that day, or was he just saying that because his secret was out? He remembered telling Kenji about the Androgynous Zone demo that Himiko gave him, and about how much he loved it. /It must have been so funny for him/, Jin thought now, /I must have sounded so stupid to him… what if… what if he was just playing with me?/
He blinked back the tears burning in his eyes, and wished that he never found out. /They were right when they said ignorance is bliss…/ To find out right after he realized he loved Kenji made the shock even worse for him. /I could've ignored the phone call…/ he thought again. /If I ignored it… I wouldn't have known… I would've woken up in his arms…/
Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
I don't want to wake up
On my own anymore
-tsuzuku-
[1] 'asleep' by the smiths… the paragraph at the ending too, because it's the same paragraph, hee hee… ^^
[2] I dunno how far Osaka is from Kanagawa… but… oh, well… ^^
[3] no, I did not INTEND to make that guy Hanagata when I was writing the previous chapter, but now I'm thinking, what the heck, it's convenient, y'know? ^____^
Author: Black Rainbow
Chapter: 10/?
Status: on-going, unedited
Genre: AU, yaoi
Archive: pinkbutterflies, if for some reason you want it, e-mail me. ^^
Disclaimer: me only own the original characters and story… Takehiko Inoue owns SD characters, Jahnna N. Malcolm band name, and songs.
Warnings: crossdressing. characters will probably be very OOC, as I don't really know a lot about them.
-__- Sorry about that.
Chapter Ten
"Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
I don't want to wake up
On my own anymore" [1]
As soon as Hana finished the song, he murmured good night to the crowd shouting for an encore, and left the stage. The rest of Androgynous Zone followed suit, wondering if he was okay. Backstage, people were crowding to congratulate Androgynous Zone for the show, and for the upcoming concert, or just to talk. Hana ignored all of them, even Kiminobu, who was waiting backstage for him.
"Hana," Kiminobu said, softly. "Hana."
Hana just looked up blankly and smiled at his brother. "What is it?"
"Are you okay?" Kiminobu's eyes looked wide and full of anxiety. Hana just handed his guitar to his brother and walked past Kiminobu. "Hana!" Kiminobu called out, but Hana just continued walking.
As Mitsui, Fujima, and Rukawa entered the backstage area, everyone swarmed around them, now wanting to ask about Hana's well being as well. Fujima just sighed and resigned himself to answering questions from everyone, while Mitsui rushed to find Kiminobu, and Rukawa went to the dressing room to find a decent place to sleep.
Hana meant to go straight to the dressing room to change, and then head out to another club or something. Except that he saw something that made him stop, and forget – a tall, familiar silhouette walking towards the small office at the back area of the club.
/Akira./
Hana followed the figure quickly, almost tripping over his skirt twice. /Stupid things/, he thought, as he headed towards Sendoh's office. /Why can't people wear more sensible things?/ By the time he reached Sendoh's office, his heart was beating heavily in apprehension. He slowly turned the doorknob, and opened the door.
Sendoh was talking to another guy, who had to be the tallest person Hana had ever seen. Hana stared for a while. /He must even be taller than Haruko's brother!/ he thought, before realizing that both Sendoh and the other guy were looking at him expectantly.
"Is there anything you want, Hana?" Sendoh asked. Hana just blinked a couple of times, unused to Sendoh speaking to him so brusquely. His eyes smarted, and he swallowed.
"Um," he said, in a small voice. "Um. Can I talk to you for a while?"
"I'm sort of busy right –"
"That's okay," the other man said smoothly. "I was just telling Sendoh-san about how good you were today."
"You saw us play?"
"Hai. Your new song, what was it called? A Fool Like Me? It's excellent." He smiled at Hana, and extended a hand. "Hi, I'm Hanagata Toru."
"Miyamoto Hana," Hana said, shaking Hanagata's hands. "Hanagata… aren't you –"
"Hanagata is representing DO, one of the regular bands that play in *crush. Well, used to. We're offering his band a chance to open for Androgynous Zone for the concert, so he'll be touring with you. Didn't you have something you want to talk about or something?" Sendoh sounded irritated, like he couldn't wait to get back to work. Hana began to feel smaller inside, like his heart had shrunk or something. Hanagata said his goodbyes and shot a curious look at the two of them before he left.
"Akira?" Hana spoke softly. "I –" he stopped. He didn't know what to say. He had wanted to apologize, to explain, but Sendoh didn't look like he wanted to listen to any apologies of explanation. He only looked… impatient. /Like he didn't care/, Hana thought, feeling the steady ache in his chest grow. /Maybe he never really cared. Maybe he was just using me. Maybe that's why he gave up so easily./ "I…"
"I don't have all night, you know," Sendoh said. Hanamichi blinked the tears that threatened to come. His heart was beating so fast breathing had become a difficulty. This was mostly due to the fact that they were standing close to each other, and all he wanted to do was to wrap his arms around Sendoh and cry. Or just be quiet.
But he was afraid that Sendoh would push him away. He shook his head. "I…" he tried again.
"Dammit, can't you just –"
Hana snapped. He threw himself at Sendoh, and when he felt the other boy stiffen, he just tightened his arms around Sendoh, burying his face in his neck. "Please don't leave me," he whispered. "Akira, please don't leave me…"
"Hana…"
Sendoh's voice was edgy, and laced with pain. He barked out a short, bitter laugh. "You don't have to do this anymore…" He tried to unwrap Hana's hold on him, but Hana wouldn't let go. So he did the only other thing he could think of to do at the moment.
He lowered his head and his lips found Hana's.
This time his kiss wasn't as gentle as the last one. It was almost an assault of his need and pain. Hana just shuddered, and closed his eyes, feeling Sendoh's lips, hard and hot, on his. Later, the kiss gentled, but only a fraction, as Hana opened his mouth to Sendoh's. At that moment, Hana was in bliss. He needed Sendoh's warmth. He needed Sendoh's arms around him, Sendoh's lips crushed against his, their body pressed close.
When Sendoh finally broke the kiss, Hana held on to him, and leaned against Sendoh. "I love you," he whispered softly.
Sendoh closed his eyes, and asked achingly, "Do you, really?"
Hana stiffened, and pulled away. "What do you mean?"
"I don't want you to be with me just because of who I am, Hana. I mean, I know Androgynous Zone will make it big, and I will be there for the band throughout the whole process, but you don't have to… you don't have to pretend to be in love with me, if you're not."
"What?" Hana stared at Sendoh, incredulous. "What gave you the idea that I was pretending?"
"If you love Rukawa…"
Hana's eyes narrowed. The tenderness he was feeling earlier ebbed away, as a new anger rose in him. "Can't you shut up about that baka kitsune already? I don't love him!" He glared. "So, he likes me. It's not my fault, and it's not his either. I mean, no one can resist the tensai, right? You can't – you can't just give up on me just because of that. I can't believe this!" Frustrated, he walked over to bang his head against the hard wooden office desk. Sendoh winced, but Hana didn't seem affected at all. He stood up continued rambling. "I thought you didn't love me at all, because you left me so easily. How could you do that? How could you -" the rest of his words were muffled as Sendoh's mouth covered his own in another kiss. He sighed when Sendoh pulled away.
Resting his forehead against Hanamichi's, Sendoh murmured. "I love you, Hana. Don't ever doubt that." He was going to kiss Hana again, when the door to his office burst open. "What now…" he groaned.
"Sendoh! We have to find Hana! He was looking really upset…" Fujima slowed down to a stop, when he saw Hana in Sendoh's embrace. "Oh," he said, embarrassed. "Um… sorry to interrupt."
Hana grinned. "It's okay. What took you so long?"
"Did you notice the amount of people backstage? I swear, I almost couldn't breathe, it was too packed. And everyone's asking the same questions… 'when are you going for the tour?' 'do you know which band is taking up your slot in Lost Souls?' 'Is Hana okay?'" Fujima listed, making a face at the last one. "Well, as you obviously are…"
"Where are the others?" Sendoh asked, amused.
"All left me there to die in the crowd," Fujima muttered. "Ungrateful bastards…"
"Let's all go out tonight!" Hana suddenly said, getting excited. "Kenji, it will be like the old times, except, of course, Youhei is not here and Akira is instead, but…" he gave the older boy a pleading look. "Let's all go out! In fact, lets take a long drive to Osaka[2] again; maybe we could visit Youhei or something."
"That's a long drive, Hanamichi."
"We can crash at his place or something! Come on, it will be fun…" he beamed. "Something for all of us to do before the tour…"
Sendoh smiled at him, catching on to Hana's enthusiasm. "Well… I guess it's okay…" he said slowly. He was rewarded by a kiss from Hana, and Fujima coughed.
Pulling away, Hana said, "Right," with a red face. "Guess I was overenthusiastic about the whole thing, huh?"
"Oh, I didn't mind," Sendoh murmured with a smile.
"Baka! I wasn't talking to you!" Hana looked down at himself. "I guess I should change into my normal clothes first. Fujima, you go find the kitsune and wake him up first. Then look for my brother and Micchy." He looked at Sendoh. "You can look for Hanagata. I think we should invite him and get to know him better so we get along during the tour, ne?"
He remembered Hanagata from the crowd [3], and he remembered that the guy only had eyes for the kitsune. /Maybe I should play cupid or something/, he thought impishly as he walked towards the dressing room. /Then he would leave me and Sendoh alone…/
He didn't know what to feel. He was happy that Sendoh and Hanamichi made up, obviously, and was even slightly excited about all of them going off together like they used to. But he could only think of Jin. /I wonder how he's doing…/
He found Kaede first. The raven-haired boy was sleeping next to his guitar, in a sitting position with his back against the wall. Fujima smiled softly when he looked at his cousin, knowing what Kaede must be feeling at the moment. Pain over the fact that he never had Hanamichi, guilt over making Sendoh break up with the redhead and causing Hanamichi to be so upset, and probably a lot more things that Fujima would never know about. "No one knows what goes on inside you, do they?" he murmured, nearing his cousin.
He gave Rukawa a sharp poke at the sides. "Kaede. Hey, Kaede..."
Rukawa stirred, and opened his eyes sleepily. "What do you want?" he growled, forgetting to hit Fujima. Meanwhile, Fujima was feeling foolish, with his arms raised above his head to protect himself from the blow that didn't come. He lowered his arms.
"Um... we're going to Osaka. All of us. For fun. Wanna come?"
Rukawa grunted, and got up. Fujima took that as a yes. "Just meet us at Sendoh's office, okay? I have to go look for Mitsui and Kiminobu now."
"Toilet," Rukawa grunted, still rubbing away the sleep from his eyes.
"Nani?"
"They're in the toilet. I heard them."
"Okay, thanks," Fujima said, confused. /What did he mean, he heard them?/ He walked out of the dressing room and towards the toilets, and he realized what Rukawa meant. From one of the stalls, he could hear stifled moans and sighs. His eyes widened, realizing what Mitsui and Kiminobu were doing, if it were indeed Mitsui and Kiminobu in the toilet.
/Oh god, I am in hell…/ he thought, thinking about how pissed Mitsui would be if he interrupted them. He looked around. The toilet stalls were empty save for one. Silently cursing Hanamichi for making him get everyone together, he raised his hands and rapped the door sharply, and waited.
In a couple of minutes the door opened, and a very flushed, disheveled Kiminobu came out of the toilet stall. His face became redder when he saw Fujima looking at Mitsui, who came out after him. "We're going to Osaka," Fujima told them, looking at the floor, feeling stupid for interrupting them just because Hanamichi had a whim. "You guys wanna come?"
Mitsui raised his eyebrows. "Whose idea is this?"
"Hana."
"Figures." He rolled his eyes. "You do know that it's a long drive, right?"
"We're probably staying over at Youhei's – you remember him, right? Hanamichi's friend?"
"Oh, yeah…" Mitsui looked at Kiminobu. "You want to go?"
"As long as I don't have to carry you back home…" Kiminobu answered with a smile, at which Mitsui replied with an indignant look as Fujima forced a grin. He felt a sharp tug of pain and envy in him when he saw how much Mitsui and Kiminobu cared for each other.
/Soichiro…/
Jin lay hugging himself in his bed, singing himself to sleep. Rei had come over and brought him food, but he couldn't eat. His sister didn't ask what happened; she didn't need to. She could see it in his eyes. At least parts of it. She didn't say 'I told you so', like he thought she would, though. She just kissed his forehead and said everything was going to turn out fine.
He sighed, thinking about Kenji. Was Kenji really going to tell him everything that day, or was he just saying that because his secret was out? He remembered telling Kenji about the Androgynous Zone demo that Himiko gave him, and about how much he loved it. /It must have been so funny for him/, Jin thought now, /I must have sounded so stupid to him… what if… what if he was just playing with me?/
He blinked back the tears burning in his eyes, and wished that he never found out. /They were right when they said ignorance is bliss…/ To find out right after he realized he loved Kenji made the shock even worse for him. /I could've ignored the phone call…/ he thought again. /If I ignored it… I wouldn't have known… I would've woken up in his arms…/
Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
I don't want to wake up
On my own anymore
-tsuzuku-
[1] 'asleep' by the smiths… the paragraph at the ending too, because it's the same paragraph, hee hee… ^^
[2] I dunno how far Osaka is from Kanagawa… but… oh, well… ^^
[3] no, I did not INTEND to make that guy Hanagata when I was writing the previous chapter, but now I'm thinking, what the heck, it's convenient, y'know? ^____^