For as much as he secretly looked forward to this day, a day when he'd have a good reason to put his arms around her, he suddenly found himself reluctant to do it.
Not because he didn't want to, but because keeping control was becoming a hard game to play. Although he had expected it to reach a strenuous level-it was a possibility in his calculations-to be honest, he did not expect it to get as physically and emotionally exhausting as it has been, so far.
And while he really wanted to play it safe, he wasn't about to eat his pride, and not try anything, because he was too afraid to slip up.
At the end of the day, he was Sawada Shin. And Sawada Shin did not lose control.
It was these thoughts that bothered him, as they walked hand in hand, to his apartment. He had picked her up, just like the week before.
And just like last week, they were both dressed to go out, with Kumiko wearing her hair down, without the glasses.
His heart beat erratically, as he squeezed her hand a little, as if assuring himself that it was really there, linked with his.
"Let's start with the footwork." He said, as he heard her walk into the living room, after she informed him, moments earlier, that she was going to change.
He turned to look, and stared, in open-mouthed shock.
She was wearing...a skirt. To be precise, she was wearing a small, white, sleeveless top, and a wispy, thinly layered black, cotton, ankle-length skirt, that had slivers of gold threading here, and there.
"Shut your trap." She snapped, as she walked forward, stopping right in front of him, a militant expression on her face. "I don' wanna feel strange, when I do end up wearing a dress."
She had her hair down. She was wearing feminine clothing. And those dainty feet of hers were peeping out of a really nice skirt.
If this was really Kumiko...where did that skirt come from?
More to the point, she had more of an elfin quality to her that looked...so...cute.
He was blushing furiously, like an idiot, and he hated himself for it.
"Actually...I was going to say it looks surprisingly good." He mentioned, a hint of surprise and disbelief, evident in his tone, as he stood there, looking down at her upturned face.
"You didn't have to say 'surprisingly,' you jerk. I know how to dress." She pointed out, in ill-temper.
"So you consciously dress badly, to keep men away, is that it?" He asked curiously. Should he ask her if she was trying to attract him, then, since she was dressed up so nicely, or should he point out the many times that she should have, but didn't?
"You got that right!" She said, as she gave him a happy smile.
There was a part of him that wanted to cultivate this happy mood he had her in.
Yeah, right.
Another part of him demanded he either try to make a move, or say something obnoxious, just to wipe that goofy grin on her face.
He was obviously doing either one of the latter two.
Her 'devil glare' was way more fun to look at, anyway, if he was really going to piss her off.
Sure he loved her. But he enjoyed picking on her.
"Ah sou." He replied idly. She looked at him suspiciously. She knew him too well, and there was no way he'd just up and agree with something like that, right away.
These days, she was getting better at reading Shin...when it came to certain things.
"Are you trying to attract me, then...?" He asked, in that low, quiet voice. "...ne, Ku-mi-ko?"
He watched the blush that slowly spread across her features, as first a look of surprise, then uncertainty, and finally, indignation flashed on her face.
"You wish." She said, disgustedly.
"Well," He replied in that annoyingly smug tone. "It looks like you're finally catching on."
"WHAT?!?!" She gasped.
"Wasn't that the general idea?" He asked innocently.
"Dammit, don't use that 'innocent' look on me!" she yelled, obviously getting worked up. "I know what you're doing!"
Did she, really?
"It's not working, is it?" He asked, fanning her temper.
"My, we sure got a lot to say today, don't we?" she asked, sarcastically.
"Maa." He said, shrugging her irritation off, though making a note that she allowed him the use of her name. Getting this far, he sure as hell wasn't pushing his luck and have her take it back. So he took a sort-of 'conciliatory' route.
"If we're going to stand here talking, we might as well practice, while we're at it."
She wisely refrained from replying.
Kumiko had never had a problem with any physical activity, so they were able to clear it on the first few tries. They played the cd Shin brought with him, and was successfully able to keep to the tempo. They took a five-minute break, and talked about whet else they could try to refine her movements.
This time, they stood in front of each other, close and physically in contact. Kumiko, still troubled by this awkward closeness, was having difficulty meeting his gaze.
" 'Been thinking too much, haven't you?" He asked. "You know, social dancing was also used as a means to allow intimate conversation between people. That's why I said what I said, earlier."
She looked up at him, expecting another mysterious sort of emotion on his face, or another ploy to piss her off and was promptly disappointed. It seemed as if he was only making conversation.
Again, why was she disappointed? For the last few days she was hoping her emotions would start making sense, if she tried to really think about the reasons behind them, but all of the possibilities were just so unreal.
1) she was on the way to the 'period' he implied her of having...but to be like that for almost two weeks straight?
2) she couldn't handle the stress from work (which really seemed nonexistent, since 3-d was on strangely good behavior. (and 3-d being good is just sooo...suspiciously strange.)
3) She was an emotionally imbalanced, perverted woman in real life, she just hasn't realized it yet.
4) She was in love with Shin. She seriously wanted Shin. The Shin that held her hand, made her laugh, listened seriously when he should, and even when he shouldn't. The Shin who showed always showed up at the right place at the right time. The Shin that was there when it was hard, painful and close to unbearable
She wasn't even looking at him. Apparently, thinking wasn't doing her any good. It seemed to confuse her more, and he wondered if there was an end to the woman's denseness.
There she was. At it again. Thinking to no avail. For such a smart woman to be such an idiot...it defied logic. He tried to twirl her around, and she managed to pull it off, without paying an iota of attention to what she was doing. It was beginning to grate on his nerves, he was seriously considering shaking her violently.
"I'm in love with you." He mentioned instead, looking at her.
No reaction. Well, maybe what he said had yet to sink in. He watched as her face slowly changed from the rather blank, slack-jawed expression it had, to one of growing surprise and shock.
3...2...1.
"EH?!?!?" She screeched, her eyes, round as saucers, gaping at him as if she'd just been molested by a stranger, in a way that she did not positively appreciate.
"Baka. You were spacing out. I was just checking." He replied.
She felt an overwhelming urge to strangle him.
"I'm in love with you." Her mind played back, repeatedly. At first, she thought she had just imagined it. Hehehe...for some strange reason, she'd been having dreams about him, saying something along those lines...
Then she looked at him, and saw the interestingly curious stare he was giving her, as if he was waiting for her to understand something.
Then, she realized again, that he did, in fact, say those words to her aloud.
Then, of course, he took it back.
Just like that.
Yanking her chain like the jerk he was.
Did he get some satisfaction out of pissing her off?
If she knew, she was almost sure she wouldn't appreciate the answer.
"Oi, oi. Shouldn't you be paying attention?" He asked again, his face showing a growing lack of interest. "It's not like I'm the one who needs to learn this for some date."
Looking at her, all dressed up and looking...so nice, had once again spurred his (dare he admit it?) jealousy, towards that lawyer, which was made worse by her lack of reaction He clamped his mouth shut, pulled a tighter rein on his temper, his confidence in his self-control, wavering just a little.
So he did what he thought would put him in a better temper. Or possibly get him in more trouble. Or both. Whatever. It was probably just going to mess up his tenuous hold over what little control he was exercising.
"Ne, Kumiko." He said, calling her attention, twirling her once, as he did. He caught her against his chest, a moment after, and placed his hand against the flat of her back, pressing her to him closely. Their faces were so close, she could feel his breath on her cheeks. He leaned in, a little closer, his cheek brushing lightly against hers, as she gave a little startled gasp, and whispered softly;
"Never let anyone hold you this close...unless you want them to."
His breath tickled her ear, and the feel of his lips lightly against it, brought a flush to her cheeks. Just as suddenly as he pressed her to him, he twirled her once more, and caught her by the waist, resumed position, and the small distance between them, was like a cold draft between them where, a moment ago, there was only warmth.
When the music finally stopped, he let go of her slowly, lingeringly, and went directly to the kitchen to get cold water from the ref.
She was doing so well. After going through the basics, she could adjust to his lead, and any additional changes or steps he tried, while keeping to the music's tempo. With a little practice, he was sure she would be able to dance gracefully, like any female should.
Forget that-he was slowly but surely losing his mind.
He could've tried to say so many other things, to snap her back to reality, or to feel less annoyed at her inattention to him, like how seemingly flat her chest was, that the Lawyer she liked was in reality, gay-a lot of other things. So why did 'THAT' suddenly pop out.
I'm in love with you. And with another derisive snort, he once again realized how seriously, stupidly, disgustingly in love with her he was.
He ought to just seduce her. And not in short, careful moments like he'd been doing, either. She'd respond. He knew she would. That one was holding onto the last vestiges of self-control. He should know. He was in that particular state, too. And that last time he pressed her to him, all his mind kept playing over and over was how nice it would feel to just slowly move his hand up and down against the smooth warm flesh of her back.
That, and something soft actually buffered her chest against his body. Where were those, he wondered. And considering that she definitely seemed flat-chested, it had to be what he thought it was, else, what was it? The lack of visual just spurred his imagination.
Apparently, Shin enjoyed sleep, because his imagination was a very creative thing, indeed, that real life bored him, or disappointed him...immensely.
But, seriously. Seducing her would be a quick, flawed, impermanent fix that would likely backfire with Kumiko either feeling too disgusted with him, herself or both of them, and he would end up losing her though it would probably work better than this slow manipulation of her feelings, if all he wanted was 'release' (emotional, psychological. physical) of some sort, which was why he was doing this, instead. It's just that, if he didn't do this, it would take more than the hundred years she slapped him with over and over, before she'd allow such a thing:
Allow herself to fall in love with him.
So, forget that. He now felt very little guilt in the fact that he was using any and all available means, to get her to notice him.
Forget the fact that it put both of them through a nearly unbearable amount of stress on so many different levels.
Forget the fact that he just might be ruining some other person's genuine emotion to be hurt.
Because someone will hurt. The fact that the Lawyer was making his move, must mean that he finally realized his feelings for her (or something.), and if Kumiko fell in love with him (Shin), that Lawyer would finally know how he (Shin) felt like, everyday for the better part of 2 years.
If she chose that lawyer, and this...so-called brilliant idea failed miserably, or even backfired, bringing those two together...
That wasn't really any different from now, was it? Of course, it could get worse. He could see it personally happen, since he was attending the gala, after all.
Then he would hurt a hell of a lot more than he already did. Because it would've been thanks to all his efforts.
But he was already prepared for that. Besides. He wasn't a man who decided to do something he had no chance of winning.
But really...to tell her like that...
He must be losing it.