Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
"I might be getting out." The words were not spoken with joy or excitement. From the tone of Nicky's voice one might have thought she was telling news of a death sentence. "I'm going up in front of a committee next week."
It was a cold day in the beginning of February, and the temperature inside the greenhouse was almost as low as outside. Nadia's cheeks were tinted a rosy red by the winter air as she sat on her mother's lap, with a blanket around her, sucking her own fingers, while Red was listening to what Nicky had to say.
"I don't know if I actually want to go. I mean… I wouldn't know where to go, for a start. My folks don't want anything to do with me and I don't really wanna see them either." She sighed. "In here, I've got a family. You, and Nadia, and the others. And I know what I'm doing, I'm in control. I can make baby-schedules or fix wires or say the right things to make Luschek snap out of a bad mood. Out there, I can't do anything. Except drugs. Those I can do."
"That's bullshit." Red wasn't sugarcoating her reply. "You get a chance to get out of this hole, you go. Or, even better, you run." She got up from the box she had been sitting on and placed the baby on her hip. "This is not real life, Nicky. What we have in here is a waiting room, a departure hall. We're all waiting to take the next step, moving on, to get somewhere. Since I got Nadia, I'm waiting more impatiently than ever." She walked closer to the younger woman and ran her fingers through Nicky's messy hair. "If you get a chance to actually live your life, the way you're meant to live it, than you have to take that chance. For all of us."
"But what if I can't? What if I fuck everything up, like I always do? You won't be there to reel me in and yell at me."
"Oh, I'll find a way. My wrath extends beyond prison walls," Red said, slyly. "Besides, you're a big girl now. You don't need your mama to hold your hand every step of the way." She placed her hand under Nicky's chin and lifted it so that they looked each other in the eye. "But that doesn't mean I won't miss you. I will. Very much."
"Stop that. I might not get to go. Nothing's for sure yet, you know… We'll see." Nicky shrugged and stood up. "Anyway, we should get back inside. They'll start looking for us."
The routine when Nadia was taken from one place to another was always the same; it was a two-person-job minimum. This time, Nicky was the "scout" who secured each area, before whistling a certain signal to Red, who would follow a short distance behind, with the baby. Moving in this manner took some time, and all of ten minutes had passed when they finally arrived in the empty dorm.
"I've got to go get some stuff while commissary's still open. Need anything?" Nicky asked, after having double-checked the hall to make sure there were no guards approaching.
"No, I'm good. I have to go and put Nadia down for a nap." The baby on Red's hip was beginning to whine."
"You're staying here with her all evening? Or should I save a seat at movie night?"
"Save the seat. Maria and some of the others said they'd take her." Red lifted Nadia up to her shoulder and stroked her back, hoping that would stop the whimpering. "They've had her a lot lately, sometimes I swear it sounds like she's crying in a Puerto Rican accent."
Nicky giggled. "All right, catch ya later."
Red kept stroking the baby's back as she went into her cubicle. Once she rounded the corner, she was startled by what she saw in there. On her bunk, sitting quietly in the corner in the foot end of the bed, was Mr. Healy.
"The game is over, Red," he said, standing up and taking a few steps towards her. "It's time to give up the baby."
It was as if someone had turned a switch. Suddenly everything was dark and indistinct. When she found herself sitting on a chair in front of Mr. Healy's desk a few minutes later, clutching her now crying daughter to her chest, she wasn't quite sure how she'd gotten there. Out in the hallway, voices were already beginning to whisper.
"They're taking Red's baby! I saw it, Mr. Healy's caught her!"
"They've found out about Nadia! I knew Red couldn't keep her here forever."
"Little Pink is being taken away! Can't we do something? Can't we stop them?"
"I've known for a while," Healy said as he sat down opposite Red. "I remember the day I saw you go into labor. You thought you'd fooled me, but that wasn't really the case." He began pouring coffee from a pot into a mug. "And I've seen her since. I've seen you sneak around with her in the hallways. You're a clever one, Red, but you're not as clever as you think."
Sam Healy's words were in fact lies. The truth was that he'd known nothing of Litchfield's youngest inmate until the day before, when he'd happened to notice that Red was carrying a suspicious looking bundle as she slipped out of the dorm. At that point he had put two and two together.
"Why didn't you say something before?" Red asked, as she gently rocked Nadia from side to side.
"Well…" Healy took a sip from his mug. "I kinda wanted to see how long you could keep it up. But it's gone too far, now. I've alerted the board, already. It's time someone else takes care of her from now on."
Red bit her lip. His words felt like a stab in her heart.
"She's a pretty little thing. What's her name?" Healy asked.
"Nadezhda. I call her Nadia," she whispered into the little girl's hair.
"Well, I'm sorry, Red, but little Nadia is going to have to live with one of her brothers for a while. She can't stay here. You know that." He waited for her to say something, but Red didn't respond, she just kept rocking her child.
"Ok, then…" Healy sat up on his chair, put his mug down on the desk, and picked up his phone. "I'm calling Child Protective Services."
Author's note: Next update will be sometime next week.