Prompt by kaguneko on Tumblr: more trans girl Izaya.
Namie/Izaya + Shizaya.
Warnings: internalized homophobia.
Another side-fic to my story Made A Fool Out Of Us.
The first moment of no that Namie experiences around Izaya is the moment she meets her; thin-boned and long-haired and framed red by the sunset, her voice soft and deep in a way that makes the dark hairs along her arms rise in a shiver.
Namie is cornered in more ways than one that night. The sacrifice she is making to keep herself alive feels less important than the one she is making in looking at Izaya for too long. It's hard to say if Izaya notices, because she looks like she notices but doesn't, really. Not always. Izaya doesn't say anything. She bears the weight of Namie's eyes through the evening as Namie struggles to answer without sounding like a fool—without sounding like a child—as Namie unravels the deepest itch inside her, the darkest and filthiest of all the secrets she's been made to keep, and finds herself with burning eyes and trembling fingers.
Izaya has no idea. No one has any idea. Namie feels like a teenager and knows she looks like one too, because she hasn't slept in days and because she knows the forty-eight-hour deodorant she abuses doesn't really last forty-eight hours. She watches Izaya pace around her room and she hears her talk, and she can't keep her eyes off of the line of her collar because it's better than looking at her legs—
"I think we can come to a compromise," Izaya says to her, leaning over where Namie is sitting so that Namie can only see the red sun's glow on her.
She's so beautiful. Namie's never wanted anyone before she's wanted her.
She says yes with ten years' worth of repressed want burning under her skin.
The second time Namie can hear her mind say no is when she arrives at Izaya's place a few days later. This one is painted in anger and despair rather than crushing realization; it rings through her body when the door open before she can touch it and out comes a man, saying his goodbyes. He stops in front of her with a frown but she isn't looking anymore.
Izaya's face is pink as she says goodbye too. And her hair may have been mussed up by sleep in another lifetime, but in this one, Namie knows a hand has already been where she wants to reach.