"What are you doing?" Nightmare asked curiously, watching me as I stood on my toes kneeling down in front of the over. He blinked multiple times, trying to read my mind and figure out what I was doing. "What's the occasion for the cheesecake?"
"N-Nothing s-special..." I'm just attempting to make something for Pierce, that's all. Can't you read minds?
Nightmare huffed indignantly, looking a little offended. "Of course I can! I happen to be very powerful, you know!"
I deadpanned, "I never said you weren't."
"...Does this mean I won't get any cheesecake?"
"I don't even know if it'll come out right!" I responded, feeling a bit of panic rushing through my veins. D-Did I follow the directions correctly? Will-Will Pierce even...
Damn it. I don't know. Leia pointed it out to me-she might as well of had smacked me across the face. I know I would have deserved it. I can be nice to those I consider friends, but Pierce...
Why was I mean to him? Out of all people it was him. It was really only Pierce that I hurt all the time-that I yell at and deny, that I hit on a daily basis and make him cry...and then I go and hug him and try to show I care. Which I do. I hate seeing him cry, and it pisses me off that I'm the one who makes him cry! Damn it-ARGH! I stood up and ran over to a wall, and was about to slam my head against it as hard as I could.
"OWW!"
"Holy-Nightmare!?"
The Incubus was shaking his hand, tears welling up in his only visible eye. W-What did he- "Ow, ow, ow-why do you have to be so self-inflicting!?"
"Wh-WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT YOU IDIOT!? ARE YOU TRYING TO BREAK YOUR HAND!?" How stupid is he!? A-And I'm not self-inflicting!
"I'm stupid; you're the one trying to crack your skull open!" I opened my mouth to argue, but closed it, only to open it again and re-close. After a few moments of me making the fish face I scowled. Nightmare pouted, rubbing his poor abused hand. "You need to stop injuring yourself..."
My fingers twitched, and I had the strongest urge to punch the wall. Why... Why? Why does he even... When I go and...
DAMN IT ALL TO HELL!
Nightmare let out a small shriek when I suddenly created a dent in the wall next to his shoulder with my left hand.
"...YOWWWWW!" Ow, ow, ow, ow, ouch-okay! Okay, not ever doing that again, but damn it why isn't anyone yelling at me!? Why aren't they scolding me or-or lecturing me!? Why aren't they getting on me for being a bitch to Pierce!? To them!? I cradled my fist to my chest, tears welling up in my eyes. W-Why are they...
Wonderland had been changing me. Or has it?
Maybe I really was a bitch, and I was only pretending to be nice back in my world. Maybe I was like Ami from Toradora at the beginning of the show, putting on a facade of kindness until she finally snapped and her real personality showed. But unlike her, I was a complete jerk through and through. I-I just...
I just wanted to get told off for my behavior. The people I was treating harshly didn't deserve it and yet I keep... Why didn't they yell at me for it!? W-Why do they just keep... acting like it was okay!? Like it was okay for me to trample on them and push them around!?
It-it's not right... It's not right...
Everything was wrong...
It suddenly became difficult to breathe-like someone had placed their hands around my throat and started to strangle me. My legs started to feel weak-like something was trying to force me to my knees. I wanted to curl in a ball, to hide and never come out.
"Alexis!?" I felt hands on my shoulders. I was being shaken for a moment, and my gaze lifted and blearily stared into a single gray eye. "Alexis, calm down."
"W-Why...? Why aren't you mad at me? I-I keep..."
I never wanted to be one. I never wanted to act like those snobby girls in my High School... but I was. I was just like them. I hated it. I hated them... I hated me.
It was because of me that mother died, wasn't it? I remember dad saying something about someone hating me when I was first born...
My head started to hurt and my breathing just got worse.
I saw a hand coming towards my head, and for some reason... I screamed. Something in the back of my mind told me not to let myself get touched- to let that hand touch my head. I didn't understand why. It was just Nightmare, wasn't it?
Was it Nightmare? I-I don't... I can't...
I found myself falling and crashing onto the floor, before scrambling away in a hurry and slipping on the floor. I curled into a ball and pressed myself against the corner of the wall against one of the cabinets, cradling my head with my hands.
Who... Who hated me? Why wasn't anyone yelling at me? Who's that man!? Where's the voice coming from!? Why can't anyone just tell me they're sick of my attitude!?
"And the brat returns." My head shot up and I stared wide-eyed at Joker-Black Joker who had a hand on his hip. "You look completely pathetic."
P-Pathetic...
It sounded like an insult coming from him. I didn't want to be here. Anywhere but here...
"Stand up already. I got something to show you." W-What? Why...should I trust you? "Damn it, don't just sit there! Get you lazy ass up and wipe that nasty snot out off your face! And quit crying-it's annoying." A-Annoying...
Why is he being so rude again?
Why am I complaining about it? I wanted someone to yell at me...
I'm such a hypocrite.
Shakily I stood up, a hand against the wall to keep me steady as my legs beneath me trembled. The stone floor, if I were barefoot, probably would have felt like ice. But since it was Winter at the tower I was wearing double the socks and a pair of boots. "O-Okay..." Just...follow Joker. Follow the mean Joker.
He was going to hurt me... but I'd deserve it.
As we were walking, I thought I saw White Joker smiling at a bunch of men and women with their wrists together in connecting chains, animal masks that covered their entire head on their persons. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion, not understanding what I was seeing. My face felt cold and I realized I was still crying. I swallowed thickly and shakily raised a hand up to my eyes, wiping the tears away slowly, lost.
I shouldn't even be in Wonderland. I shouldn't even be alive...
Why couldn't that man have killed me instead of the torture he put me through? Why did Blood follow through with Nightmare's request of help? Why did Nightmare even bother requesting Blood's help? I deserved to be locked up... or better yet killed.
Funny how I kept asking myself these questions when I already knew the answers, but the more mean I became the more I wondered.
Black didn't say anything about White and the prisoners, and I didn't bother asking. We kept walking along the prison halls, before stopping in front of one particular cage that held someone. Black smirked and pointed his riding-crop at the man inside the cage, saying, "Recognize him?"
I looked up at Black blankly, before slowly turning my head.
My legs almost gave out, and it felt like someone grabbed my heart and tried to crush it with their fist. Wh-Why...? I don't know this man! But...
He looked so familiar.
His eyes were near-impossible to make out, but his wavy and messy shoulder-length hair was similar to the color of a blonde beige. He was paler than me, but had freckles that went across his cheeks and nose. He wore red earrings, and a messily buttoned pink-shirt with a black tank-top underneath. He wore khakis and mismatched socks.
The man looked around mid-twenties, unhealthy and like he didn't take care of himself. He appeared to be glaring at a wall, but it was hard to tell since his eyes were hidden from view. I could barely make out a pair of dark red glasses.
I felt like crying again. Slowly I reached a hand out and wrapped it around the steel bar of the cage, peering closer into the cell the man was in. "Who...Who is he?"
Black smirked. "So you don't know. Interesting. Does he ring any bells?"
"...Y-Yeah..." I breathed in deeply, ignoring the urge to slide between the cell bars and tackle the blonde man in a hug. Why would I want to hug him though?
-"Hey! What the hell do you think you're doing, squirt? Don't touch that-I said the screwdriver, not the wrench! And stop stealing my clothes!-"
I remember a man yelling at me when I was younger. I was trying to help him with work, but kept messing up. He once yelled at me for wearing his shirts, because I kept wearing them as pajamas. That man wasn't my father, I knew that, but...
My brother?
That thought alone gave way to a whole new migraine. I flinched and pressed a hand against my head, not understanding where it was coming from-or how I had a brother.
If I had one, don't you think I would have remembered?
"Just who do you think made you forget?" White pressed, suddenly appearing next to me. I jumped, startled, and stared at him with wide-eyes. "Did you perhaps repress him from your memory?"
"Such a stupid kid... Damn hilarious how she keeps hurting that rat, though."
"Now, Black, don't go off the subject."
"Shut it, White! This isn't any of your business!"
"But it is my business, just as much as it is yours. We are one, after all."
Black scowled at White's smiling, and I could only look back-and-forth in utter confusion as they argued.
That was when I realized something. Temporarily moving my attention away from the man inside the cell, I looked at White in complete curiosity, "What-What are you doing down here with Black!? Aren't you supposed to be at the Circus or something?" He was the Jester, wasn't he?
"Ah... Yes and no," White replied politely with a smile. Black scoffed and crossed his arms.
"We're the same person, idiot. Just because I'm usually the warden doesn't mean I can't be a Jester, too."
I stared up at him for a good while, and after a while he clearly started to get uncomfortable. He shifted underneath my gaze and scowled, glaring down at me.
"What the hell is it!? You got a problem with my face or something!?"
"...There's no way you're a jester. I can't see it." He gaped at me and White snickered behind his hand. I grinned, proud of myself, and watched in amusement as Black let out a string of curses.
"Brat."
I shrugged in response, not really caring what he thought of me. I turned my gaze back onto the blonde in the jail cell, and bit my lip, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to form. I know I knew this man... I know he's my brother...
But who is he?
"Wait, why the hell am I in here anyway!? THE CHEESECAKE!" Shit! "Where's the exit-damn it, damn it, damn it-No!" It'll get burnt and-and I can't give Pierce a burnt cake! GYAH!
"Exit?"
"You want to leave?"
Black sounded amused and disbelieving, while White's voice was just curiosity.
It was slightly unsettling, seeing them standing next to each other like that... Two different people, yet one the same. Kinda like a two-in-one deal, but not exactly.
How were they the same person though? That question still nagged at me. Were they split into two different entities when they were younger or something and that's what's happening now, or is it just some weird Wonderland mumbo jumbo going on? He was the Joker, after all.
At least, that's the card I think he's supposed to represent. His name is Joker.
"Of course I want to leave-the cake is going to burn!"
Both Jokers looked startled.
Aw, they stopped fighting. He and White arguing were amusing. He's literally arguing with himself.
Haha! Ah...now I feel better. But... I cast another glance at the blonde, his name on the tip of my tongue. I swore I saw his head turn just a little, and I had the feeling that he was merely an illusion-something cast from my missing memories. Like Xion from Kingdom Hearts.
Man I missed my video games...
...Wait, why am I thinking about this now!? I need to get the cake out of the oven!
Or-Or maybe Nightmare did it for me?
...Nah. He's so weak he'd end up dropping it. Oh man, he still needs to take his medicine!
I hope that Gray gave it to him earlier, or at least tracked him down while I was here and forced it down his throat. If he gets any sicker he-he just might...
No. No, I'm not thinking like that. "GAH!" The Jokers jumped at my sudden enraged scream and I whirled around, storming through the hallways.
"Hey, where are you going?"
"Get back here, brat!"
"I NEED TO FINISH THAT DAMN CAKE!"
"G-get back here!"
"H-Hey!"
I ignored them and the footsteps that were coming towards me. After taking one more step I found myself slamming straight into Nightmare, who looked worried. He also looked a little pained.
...Why?
I wasn't given time to ponder that when I took notice of the obnoxious beeping going off. I jolted and Nightmare stumbled backwards, falling onto his butt as he tripped. I scrambled over to the oven and opened it, crying out in horror at the sight. "No! No, no, no, no, no-God damn it, no!" I used up all the ingredients we had for the cheesecake! I can't make another without making at least one shopping trip! I quickly grabbed the oven mitts and pulled it out, coughing at the smoke it was emitting, and set it down on a cake tray.
I felt like crying again. "No..." It came out all wrong... There's no way I can give this trash to Pierce. "Crap..."
"Alexis-"
"What?" I asked sharply, a bad mood settling in. I-I can't... After a moment I sighed, shoulder slumping. "I-I'm sorry..."
Nightmare frowned, still obviously upset over something. Was I meaner then I intended? I-I didn't think I was that rude to him... he was actually one of the few that I was nice to. "It's fine. How are you feeling? You were...having a panic attack again."
I tensed, realizing he was right. What was I having a panic attack about though? I didn't really remember... I'm blaming Joker. They made me forget. Jerks.
"Joker!?" Nightmare stiffened. I looked at him in alarm when he suddenly moved forward and grabbed me by the shoulder, making me look him in the eye. "What did he tell you?"
"N-Nothing! Nothing important...I think." I have a brother, apparently. Nightmare's face hardened a little, growing more serious.
"And you think that isn't important? Do you even wish to remember him?"
I thought about it. If I didn't remember him... was he even a good brother in the first place? Or did something really traumatic happen that caused me to forget about him? Or maybe-
My thoughts cut off, suddenly remembering what White said. About "who" made me forget. Someone...erased my memory? But who would do that!? Bastard, I'll kick their ass-But what if I wanted them to? God damn it, I have no clue! ARGH!
I felt like slamming my head against a wall again, but held back to the thought of Nightmare breaking his hand. Seriously, why does he do that?
WAIT! "GAH! No, the-Damn it!"
"Alexis."
"Sorry!" I squeaked and flinched, before deciding to just discard the cake.
"Can't you just cut the burnt part off?"
"H-Hah?" I paused halfway to the trashcan with the cake held in my hands. What?
Nightmare looked thoughtful, a hand to his chin. His sweet tooth is probably on overdrive trying to figure out how to save the poor abomination. "Just cut the top layer off. That's the only part that's burned, right? The inside should still be safe."
"..." I had an intense urge to tackle Nightmare in a hug at that moment. He smirked and lifted his chin up, striking a pose.
"But of course! I am rather brilliant, aren't I?"
"I'll just let you think that," I responded, but a smile was still on my face anyway. Oh~ Good mood again! THE CAKE SHALL BE SAVED! W-Wait... "I'm bad with knives!"
Nightmare paused, knowing he was too. Gray was really good with knives, but when it came to food...
"Absolutely not." We spoke in unison, giving each other matching looks and shaking our heads. We weren't that desperate.
Nightmare suddenly snapped his fingers and said, "Wait, what about that one faceless? Er, Leia?"
So tempted to make a Star Wars reference... "She can cook?"
"Yep! She works in the cafe on the first floor."
"...There's a cafe here?"
"It is a hotel, Alexis."
"Sh-Shut up. I know that."
"I'm sure you did."
"I said shut up!"