Disclaimer from the Prologue applies: All characters and the HP universe belong to JKR, we are only borrowing them for our entertainment.
Disclaimer 2: This is NOT MY STORY, it's a translation of Lilyanjudyth's original work written in Hungarian. I'm posting it here with her permission.
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Chapter 10. Solitude; Part 1.
Harry avoided collapsing solely due to Snape's strong grip on his shoulders, while he fought his impulse to cry. He didn't need to add to his misery by breaking down in front of the professor. The man already had plenty of reasons to mock him, and Harry wasn't about to provide further cause for scorn if he could prevent it.
"Take a few deep breaths and calm down," enunciated Snape slowly, but didn't let him go.
"I'm…" his voice was so hoarse that he needed to start over in order to complete his sentence. "I'm fine, just…I just need to be alone."
Snape nodded tersely in response and finally released him. Harry started off toward the stairs with unsure steps, when his teacher called after him.
"Harry, wait."
He stopped to turn desolate eyes back to the potions master.
"I will be in the lab, if you need anything," said the man reservedly. "I shall check on you later. It's not a good idea to stay alone at times like these, only to suppress your grief."
"I don't need your company," said Harry, his voice rough with barely contained emotion.
"Harry, you…" began the potions master only to be interrupted.
"And I don't want you to send your spy after me!"
Snape nodded in acceptance, but his dark gaze followed the boy's steps throughout their ascent up the stairs.
Harry's legs felt like they were filled with lead, and it seemed to take him forever to reach the room he had been staying in since the flood. Opening the door he was about to lay down on the bed, when he noticed the candle on the nightstand.
Stepping up to it, he poked the wax with a finger.
"Trenus, hey! Wake up."
"What? Is the house on fire?" returned the candle not understanding the need for urgency.
"No, it's not," assured Harry grabbing him by the candleholder. "I just want to be alone, if that's not a problem."
"Let me go, now! I can move around fine without you pushing me, in case you haven't noticed."
Harry released his grip, which made the candle tip back with the loss of momentum, but it stayed in the air at the boy's eye level.
"I did notice," retorted Harry pointing at the door. "And now, if you would excuse me!"
As soon as the candle floated out, Harry pushed the door closed and locked it just to be on the safe side. He could hear Trenus complaining outside, but he couldn't bring himself to care. Rolling the covers aside, he laid face down on the bed.
He pulled the pillow over his head trying to calm down without success. Images of a dead Seamus came unbidden to torment him. One of his best friends, and he would never laugh with Harry again, never tell jokes in the common room…
Harry tried to cry, but no tears would come; only an unbearable feeling of loss accompanying the sense of certainty that nothing would ever be the same again.
He clutched the corners of his pillowcase till his knuckles turned white, gasping for air as his chest constricted in pain.
Forcing himself to breathe evenly, perhaps an hour passed before he finally managed to fall asleep.
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His first thought when he woke was that the wards of the house must have fallen, and the roof of the ancient building was finally collapsing on top of them. Alas, no. Merely someone was knocking on his door non-stop, hard enough to break it down.
"Potter, I'm warning you, if you don't open the door at once I will come in by force and drag you down bodily to dinner!"
That answered the question of the intruder's identity. Massaging the bridge of his nose Harry climbed out of bed feeling lightheaded. He made it to the door and opened it just in time to see Snape draw his wand.
"Finally!" he grumbled, appearing to inspect Harry closely. "How are you feeling?"
Harry looked up disdainfully at his teacher.
"Let's just stay with 'Potter' and mocking! This concern-business doesn't become you," he lashed out defensively. "I preferred when you didn't ask about my well-being and didn't pretend to care!"
"Stop this, Harry!" interrupted Snape appearing very angry all of a sudden. "However unbelievable it may seem to you, I won't allow the Boy-Who-Lived to wallow in misery and die of starvation."
"Well, that's much better," commented Harry, but Snape grabbed both his shoulders as he did in the kitchen not so long ago. The professor turned him around and, against all of the boy's protests, he directed Harry smoothly toward the kitchen.
"Won't you at least ask if I'm hungry?" complained Harry whining as he turned to look up at Snape over his shoulder.
"I thought it was apparent that I wasn't interested in listening to your foolish objections tonight."
Harry tried to wriggle out of the man's grip, but it was too strong, and fighting only made his arms ache. Nevertheless, he kept trying to shake off the hands, until they reached the kitchen, where Snape let go of him after pushing him down onto one of the chairs.
Dinner was already served, and there was cutlery laid out for two on the table. The food smelt enticing, and Harry realized that in the absence of anyone else, Snape himself must have prepared it. With this bizarre thought in mind he watched as the professor took the seat opposite him. Trenus sat at the far end of the table wordlessly. Harry was grateful for its silence, and knowing the candle, he was certain that it was under strict orders not to comment or make fun of him.
Snape took the initiative to serve them: taking Harry's bowl he scooped what looked like a light broth into it. He placed the dish in front of the boy and accompanied it with a threatening look. Harry understood the implications, and once the man served himself, he tentatively took a spoonful of the soup. It tasted better than he expected.
They ate quietly and Trenus maintained his silence as well. The second dish was a roast with potatoes and carrots. Harry found it quite good, and though he didn't feel hungry at all, he was able to stomach some of the meal. After all, he was aware that Snape had no qualms about forcing him to eat by physical means if he deemed it necessary.
Strategically Harry served himself only a few potatoes and steamed carrot pieces along the slice of roast, to ensure that he could eat everything on his plate. Snape didn't seem to object.
Once he chewed and swallowed the last mouthful, Harry wiped his mouth with the napkin standing slowly to confirm that he was not glued to the chair this time.
Snape sipped his coffee, but as Harry stood he looked up with raised eyebrows.
"Are you going to lock yourself up in your room brooding again?"
"I don't think it's any of your business," replied Harry.
"Come back and sit," instructed Snape, and as Harry tried to leave he felt an invisible force pushing him back to the chair.
"You bastard!" Harry cried out in frustration as the stress of the evening overwhelmed him. "Why can't you just leave me alone and find something better to do?"
Snape poured another cup of coffee for himself.
"I could deduct at least hundred points for your behavior," he announced coldly. "However, I will forgive you this once, seeing as your frail nerves must have induced you to forget the manners you must use to appropriately address your elders."
"Are you implying that I've gone mad?" snapped Harry at the insult. The professor just smirked coldly in response, and Harry wanted to pour the remaining soup on his head, or at least throw a few potatoes at him.
"I believe we both know the answer to that question."
The words were dripping sarcasm, and Harry felt like he was back in potions class. As the charm was holding him fixed to the chair, he had to wait for Snape to drink another cup of coffee –his usual evening dose.
Trenus appeared to be sleeping as he stood there without having said a word throughout dinner.
"And now, you will accompany me to the lab," announced the potions master after neatly wiping his mouth with his napkin. "I won't let you sit around in your room moping alone."
Harry listened quietly trying to reign in his temper, as he seethed inwardly at the man's audacity to order him around on a whim. Snape cleaned away the dishes with a wave of his wand, and stopped in front of him.
"What do you want, sir?" asked the boy angrily, having to tilt his head back to look at the man's face. "You know I'm an idiot at potions! And you're right; I can't concentrate on anything right now. But if you just want me to blow myself up, sure, I can come."
Harry completely forgot about the magic holding him to his chair, and standing up in the heat of the argument he noted with some surprise that it was no longer active.
"Well, it's time then that you practiced," clarified Snape bitterly. "Had you taken the effort to ask me respectfully, I would have allowed you to continue reading in the corner. But I see that you must take all my attempts of help the wrong way."
Harry raised himself up slightly on his toes, but even that way he stood shorter than the man's chin.
"Yeah, of course," he said impertinently. "you wanting to help me. You just keep me here to make sure I don't do anything stupid."
Oddly Snape simply shrugged in response.
"If you wish to believe so…"
Harry wanted to throw a few more accusations at his teacher's head, but the man got hold of his arm and quietly led him toward the lab. He let go when they reached the door, and opening it he gestured for the boy to enter.
Harry gave one last murderous look before entering and walking to the armchair closer to the fireplace. The blanket was still there along his encyclopedias and parchments. With a painful sigh he picked up the blanket and sat, while Snape walked up to his workbench wordlessly and began to prepare ingredients.
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