An Introduction to Swirl and Daisy: The Non-Romantic Romance

Betas: xsecretxkeeperx, acciodanrad9

Chapter 10: The First Time She Said the D-Word

. . .

"What's a Donkey Kong?"

"Hmm?" Edward asked distractedly.

"What is a Donkey Kong?" I repeated, annunciating each syllable slowly.

Edward looked up from the book he had been reading by the window. "Donkey Kong is a video game. Why do you ask?"

I had been hunched over the computer in his bedroom for about an hour, sorting through a batch of T-shirt designs submitted to MyT-Spot. com by various artists. "This guy sent in a design with a really disturbing image of a monkey on it. He says it's exactly what 'My T-spot' needs."

Edward jumped up from the window seat. "You see?" I said, pointing to the screen. "The tag line says 'It's hung like Donkey Kong.' What does that mean?"

"Ignore it. Delete it. Ban him from submitting anything again," he rattled off, without answering my actual question.

"But what does it mean?"

"It doesn't mean anything. It's stupid and it's not what we sell." Edward clearly didn't want me to know what was going on.

"But-"

"I'm hungry."

"Well then, go get something to eat," I snapped, irritated by his cop out.

"But I don't want to leave you." He twirled a strand of my hair around his finger, clearly trying to distract me. "Come with me?"

I huffed. "I'm trying to work, Edward. You should be working, too."

"But I can't work on an empty stomach." He leaned in to nuzzle my cheek with a sweet kiss. Darn, he was good.

"Fine, look in my bag. I think I have a bag of chips or something in there."

"Thank you!" Cheerfully content that he had distracted me from my line of questioning, Edward walked to where I had dropped my bag by the door and started digging for the treasured snack item. "Hey, can I have this piece of candy?"

"Sure, you can have whatever you want," I said, leaning further towards the computer screen. What exactly was that on the monkey? It took a second for it to sink in that Edward had asked me if he could eat a piece of candy from my bag, another second for me to realize that I didn't have a piece candy in my bag, and a third second to realize exactly what I did have in my bag that he might mistake as a piece of candy.

"DAMN IT!" I cursed loudly, whipping around in the chair. "Edward, don't open that! It's…" But it was too late. Edward had already unwrapped it and was now staring at what he held in his hand in absolute horror. "…a tampon." I buried my face in my hands, drowning in mortification. Was this actually happening? It was a dream, surely.

Neither Edward or I spoke for at least a minute. I was floundering in humiliation, and he was still… feeling whatever a guy would feel when he unwraps his girlfriend's tampon thinking it's a piece of candy. Slowly, as if it were a nuclear bomb, he lowered it back into my bag and carefully placed the entire bag on the floor next to him. I didn't know what to say. How could I say anything? This was positively the most humiliating moment of my entire life.

Apparently, though, Edward wasn't quite as shy on the subject because he said, "It's all right, Bella. The, uh, menstrual cy-cycle is a natural part of any fertile female's body. It, uh, it deposits the ovum or, uh, the egg-"

There was a time in my life where nothing was worse than Charlie talking about sex. That time ended the second Edward started talking about my period. "Please stop," I begged.

Edward shut his mouth, but walked towards me with his hands in the air like I was going attack him if he approached too quickly. He reached out his hand to touch my arm, but changed course midway and started patting my back in that weird way he always did when trying to comfort me. "You know, I'm sure my mother would be willing to talk to you about-"

I stood immediately, and walked over to the door, grabbing my bag on the way. I looked at the wall above Edward's head and fidgeted with my bag as I said, "Um, I'm going to take a few days off of work and, uh, when I return, we'll just... never speak of this again." Without waiting for Edward to respond, I fled his bedroom. First thing tomorrow I would hit up the Thriftway, buy a damn tampon case, and write "DO NOT OPEN" on it with a permanent marker.