"Sleepy?" Opie asks Donna as the fire dies down, amused. Donna cracks an eyelid open, sticks her tongue out at him then looks towards Tara.
"Do you wanna go home?" She asks her. "Cause if you do, I can make Opie drive you." She volunteers and Opie looks at her, affronted.
"I'm fine." Tara says, smiling slightly. She's curled into her chair like a cat, thin legs drawn in and arms wrapped around them. She watches the fire, it reflecting in her hazel eyes.
"Ok." Donna says happily and Opie looks down at her knowingly. Jax is silent, twisting a ring on his hand.
"So Jax, is your mom home?" One girl asks and Jax shakes his head, not looking at her.
"Well, I don't mean to kick you out, but I'm going to bed." He announces, standing and stretching. Slowly, the rest filter out, leaving Tara and an intertwined Opie and Donna.
"You're only slightly obvious." Opie comments. Jax shrugs.
"I don't give a damn, I'm actually going to bed." He says, dumping the rest of his beer on the fire and heading for the house. Opie follows, but Donna lags behind, waiting for Tara to get up.
"You're staying cause you noticed him looking at you too." She says instantly, once the boys have shut the door to the house.
"Noticed, not thinking anything of it." Tara says carefully, folding up her chair. Donna bounces around her excitedly, brown hair messy.
"But you're staying cause you want to see where this goes." She says, clapping her hands.
"And you're staying cause you want to see if you can force this to go somewhere." Tara says wryly and Donna shrugs, opening the door. She hands Tara a toothbrush and pajamas. They lock the bathroom door, brushing their teeth and giggling. When they emerge, Jax and Opie are sitting on the couch, talking.
"You guys can stay in the guest bedroom." Jax says to Donna and Opie, who are already disappearing down the hall.
"They seem to know what to do." Tara says jokingly and Jax sighs, rubbing his face tiredly.
"You let them do it one time…" He trails off, shaking his head. Then he reaches down and grabs a blanket from a large pile in the corner and tosses it to her. "You ok sleeping on the couch?"
"Sure, but I could use a pillow." She asks and he nods, disappearing down the hall as well. She curls up on the large couch, sinking in. Jax returns, a red pillow in hand. He sets it next to her.
"Anything else?" He asks and she shakes her head, pulling the blanket up over her shoulders. "Alright, well, goodnight." He says, awkwardly hovering between the living room and the hallway.
"Goodnight Jax." She says, her smile evident in her voice. He grins and hesitates, shuffling his feet.
"Tara?" He asks and she twists to look at him over the armrest. "Can I ask you something?"
"Sure." She says, sitting up a little ways.
"Why… Why'd you wanna be here for your birthday and not home?" He asks quickly and she draws her knees to her chest, silent. "Shit, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked." Jax says, backtracking instantly.
"It's ok." She says quietly, not looking at him. "I suppose it'd be like any other night, my father drunk and asleep in his armchair, me taking care of him. I guess I wanted my birthday to be different." She admits softly and he sits in the chair across from the couch, watching her.
"Is he really that bad?" He presses and she shrugs, pulling the blanket up to cover her thin arms.
"When I was little, he was different. My mom was the one who let me do whatever I wanted. She was always encouraging me to follow my dreams and my passions and whatever I loved. My dad was the one who pushed smarts over beauty." She says ruefully. "When my mom died, I think he stopped caring. He has no idea how to raise a daughter, that's why he had a wife."
"Do you miss her?" Jax questions and Tara looks at him sadly, remembering that it hasn't even been a year since his father's accident and death.
"Every day." She admits. "I miss how she use to do my hair, how she sang in the car, how even after a long day I could count on her to tuck me in. That doesn't go away, it just stops hurting so much every time you remember it."
"Well, there's a lot more bad than good for me to remember." Jax muses and Tara frowns.
"I always got the impression you were close with your father." She says carefully and Jax chuckles humorlessly.
"I've learned that being alike isn't the same as being close." He mutters and she nods at his point. "I just don't understand why he did what he did, towards the end. The man that died… He wasn't my father anymore. I didn't know him."
"He was your dad, of course you knew him." Tara insists and he looks at her, steadily.
"Are you saying you know your father right now?" He points out and she pauses for a moment.
"I'm saying I know who my father is without my mother and that it's not the same man." She explains and Jax concedes her point with a nod. "But I know somewhere deep down, he'll always love me. He just can't show it."
"Can't show it." Jax echoes thoughtfully. "That was my old man, he couldn't show anything."
"Well, isn't that typical of you bikers?" Tara asks and he rolls his eyes.
"Are you ever going to look past that?" He asks, hardness in his tone.
"I will, once you show me past that." Tara says stoutly and he stares at her, wordlessly. "I saw it once, in my kitchen, and then you returned to being Jax Teller, bimbo lover and biker."
"And those go hand in hand." He says sarcastically. She shrugs.
"I'm just saying, if you never disprove the stereotype, you'll always have the stereotype." She says pointedly and he exhales angrily.
"So you're saying I should just open up to people and show them my soft side, so they can pity me and my dead dad and little brother?" He demands and she blinks once.
"Yes." She says shortly and he's speechless. "It doesn't have to be everyone. You could start with me."
"What do I even start with?" He asks helplessly and Tara shrugs, settling into the couch and getting comfy.
"This is your first birthday without your dad." She says quietly and he sighs heavily, leaning back in his chair.
"No it's not." He mutters and Tara is quiet, listening. "He was in prison, when I was younger. He… He missed a lot." He admits.
"Like what?" Tara encourages and Jax muses on it for a moment.
"It wasn't a big deal that he missed my birthday. My mom made up for it anyways, with all the guys in the club. I hardly even missed him at first, cause it's not like he didn't leave for club shit all the time anyways. But he wasn't… He wasn't there when Tommy… Wasn't there for Tommy." Jax says, his lips trembling. He purposefully avoids Tara's eyes.
"Tommy died while your dad was in prison?" She asks, shocked and Jax bites his lip and looks away. "I'm sorry, I didn't know…"
"It's fine." He says roughly. "I had the club, we got through it."
"Is that when your mom started dating Clay?" She questions and he looks at her, startled.
"They didn't start dating till after my dad died." He says flatly and Tara is quiet, picking at the fuzz on the blanket.
"Do you miss Tommy?" She whispers, so quiet Jax nearly misses it. He doesn't move; gazing out the window, chin in hand.
"I miss what we might've had." He says evenly. "I miss what it would've been like to watch him grow up and figure out life. Watching his personality grow, seeing what he would've liked, what would've made him laugh, fighting with him… Brother stuff."
"I'm an only child, so I've never had that." She says, a faint hint of longing in her tone. Jax raises an eyebrow.
"I didn't know you didn't have siblings." He says, surprised, and she shrugs. "I always pictured you with an older sister or something."
"Nope." She says, shaking her head. "Couple cousins, but it's not like we're close. I've gotten use to being alone. I'm good at it now." She says, trying to sound a little more lighthearted.
"I'm not." Jax admits and Tara falls silent, aware that's he's about to admit something serious. "For the first months after we lost him, I was with Op nonstop. I probably drove him crazy, but I couldn't come home after school to an empty house, with mom at work and dad in jail… I just needed to run, all the time. I'd take my bike and I'd be gone, till the sun came down and I could eat and collapse in my bed. Tried to keep my mind off it."
"That's the worst part." Tara says, looking down at her hands. "When you go to sleep and you're not tired enough, so you stay up, thinking about it, for hours. It just goes in circles."
"I use to dream about him." Jax admits suddenly. "We'd be playing. Sometimes he'd be older, sometimes younger. But I had dreams about him and I use to hope, before I fell asleep, that this time, when I woke up, he'd be here."
"How did he die?" She asks softly, nearly certain Jax won't answer.
"Heart defect." He mutters, one hand covering his own heart. "From my mom. You've seen her scar?" He looks at her and when she nods, continues on. "She got heart surgery when she was a teenager… Her little brother died of it too. She always said she was on borrowed time. She just borrowed some to me. Tommy… Got less of it. His heart…" He breaks off, looking away. "Too much heart for too little of a kid, it couldn't keep up."
"I'm sorry Jax…" She says, scooting forward and reaching out to touch his hand. He watches their hands, flipping his over and intertwining their fingers.
"I remember you." He says and she watches him as he continues to inspect their hands. "We met when we were little. There are just these random memories I have of you."
"At the funeral." Tara fills in and he nods.
"After my dad died." He says and she looks at him, wide eyed.
"I saw you outside my house. I had no idea why you were so upset… But then you broke down…" She says slowly.
"I wondered why you were always there." He says and they look at each other, blue eyes to olive. "Why our paths crossed in those moments."
"Do you believe in destiny or fate?" She asks, her mouth quirking up slightly. He gazes at her for a long moment.
"Something like that." He says quietly and gets up. Tara lets their hands fall apart, looking up at him. "Thank you."
"For?" She asks.
"Letting me talk. Maybe I'll do it again sometime." He says and she leans her head to one side, inspecting him.
"I'll be here." She promises and he nods, heading for his own bedroom.
AN: Vulnerable Jax... I always pictured Tara being the first person he'd open up to. But don't think that he's even come close to redeeming himself, he's got a long ways to go... Let me know what you think please!