Chapter Ten: The Sleeping Heart of the Fox
Hello everyone :) Yet another short chapter before a longer one. If you want to be in the mood, I recommend you to listen to the OST Maisou (Naruto Shippuden) and the song of Gandalf's death (yes I keep listening to that heart wrenching thing but god it is so inspiring...)
Anyway as always, I truly hope you will like it, thank you for following the story :)
"Sensei…"
The rain was pouring so hard it was litterally pinning Naruto down on the ground.
Under him, Kakashi lied completely still.
His clothes were ripped to shreds, and his beautiful hair was spread out in the scattered grass like the battered feathers of a dead bird.
He wasn't breathing anymore.
Utterly exhausted, Naruto crawled on the man and laid his ear on his muscular, unmoving chest.
His heart had stopped beating.
"No…Oh, no…" Naruto breathed out.
His vision was swimming, his head spinning. The rain was harassing, merciless, and the sky was torn apart by violent thunderbolts, illuminating Kakashi's wounded, beaten up shape, contrasting with the silence of his heart. His face was loosely turned on his side, and his entire body seemed to be sinking into the wet ground.
The legendary warrior suddenly looked small, shrunk up, sagged by the hard rain, caved in the immobility of death.
He looked desperately human, ephemeral and vulnerable.
Kakashi…
"What have I done…"
Naruto had hard time thinking, as though he was drifting through a sea of fog. His members felt heavy and numb, and he could see flies dancing in front of his eyes.
His entire body shaking, he fumbled to tear apart the last remains of Kakashi's dark shirt. His white skin seemed paler than usual, and his strong muscles were striated by bloody marks. Naruto put his shivering hands on his heart, and he growled as he focused as hard as he could to summon the last bits of chakra he had.
"Wake up…Sensei…"
His face crunched up in pain, he could feel his hands warming up as small spurts of energy were traverling through his veins. He tried hard to control the stream so that it would stimulate Kakashi's heart and make it start again.
"Come on-ttebayo…"
He tried again and again, but he could feel his chakra reserves had never been so low. He was struggling not to faint, and the vision of Kakashi's impassive, closed eyes was unbearable.
It's a nightmare.
"Sensei…Don't do do this…You can't do this to me…"
He rubbed his hands together and put them back on Kakashi's heart, sniffing as his nose started running. The rain made Kakashi's alabaster skin slippery, and Naruto had to focus hard to maintain his hands in place over his heart. He closed his eyes and gathered his spirits to repeat the operation. Yet the energy spurts were getting fainter and fainter, and Kakashi's heart was still not beating.
Heavy tears started to roll on Naruto's cheeks, and his face distorted as the sobs crawled up his throat.
"I already lost Ero-sennin, I can't lose you too! I'm not losing you too! Sensei, oh God…" he yelled in the storm as another thunderbolt exploded in a dazzling light.
Without thinking, he pulled Kakashi's mask down, yet he didn't even think about looking at his face. The childish concerns of a thirteen-year-old boy were far behind him at this instant, as one obsessing thought kept ringing through his foggy, dizzy mind.
I have to revive him.
He cradled Kakashi's head in his hand with a tenderness he didn't even realize. He lifted his beloved sensei's bare face to his, and put his shaking lips on the immobile ones. Vaguely, he thought that Kakashi's lips were strangely soft, like a mellow secret hidden under an inpenetrable shield. As he hugged Kakashi's smooth lips in his, Naruto started breathing out slowly like Sakura had taught him. Still unconsciously, he started caressing Kakashi's hair while blowing thoroughly into his lungs. His hand tangled and untangled in the thick pelt now drenched in blood and mud, slowly, carefully, as though every hair was a treasure. His other hand clutched the man's heart and kept letting out small, faint energy streams. Kakashi's mouth was full of blood, but he couldn't care less. He turned his head away to spit it out, and then repeated the operation again…
…and again…
…and again…
As the time was passing by, Naruto's eyes filled with fresh tears that spilled on his cheeks.
He isn't waking up.
"Sensei…" he breathed out, holding him tight against him.
Again he took him in his mouth and blew slowly into his lungs, but he started having trouble breathing regularly as his despair was rising and flowing through his veins like a burning poison. He had to release Kakashi's mouth to let out a small sob that was immediately covered by the thunder.
"S-Sensei…!"
He tucked Kakashi's bare face in his neck for an instant, and buried his nose in the damp hair. Hugging him had hard as he could, he breathed deeply and took in Kakashi's scent which seemed to be struggling against the strong smell of blood. His arms tightened around his sensei's muscular body, and he closed his eyes.
"Sensei…"
I have never held anyone that way.
I want to hold that man.
I want to hold him so tight death can't take him away…
Don't take him away from me.
Don't take him.
Don't take him…
Feeling he was going to faint, Naruto pulled away and laid Kakashi down on the ground. He pulled his mask back up slowly, carefully, like a relic, as though he was trying to fix a broken toy by putting every piece back together to lift the curse.
"C-come back, K-kakashi-sensei ttebayo, Naruto cried out, please come back…Open your eyes…Just…Yell at me…Insult me…Punch me…But please, do something…"
He put his hands back on Kakashi's chest and let out a small whimper as he could feel his last strengths were leaving him. Indeed after a few minutes, Naruto felt nauseous and he collapsed head first on Kakashi's chest. There, breathing heavily, his cheeks covered in tears, sweat, blood and rain, he nuzzled Kakashi's bare, wet chest with his nose, like a lost puppy clinging to his dead mother, as the icy rain was transpiercing his body right to his bones.
"You said you would guide me to my dream…You said you would always be there for me…"
He clutched Kakashi's rags, and his nails scraped the man's skin.
"Wake up, sensei….I will be good, I promise. I will eat vegetables everyday. I will always do as you say, and never disobey you again. I will never steal your books again. I will cook for you everyday, and I will clean your home... I will do anything…Anything…Please, wake up… Oh, god, wake up…"
The rain was still falling down endlessly, and Naruto hid his face from the dazzling light into Kakashi's still chest, almost expecting the strong arms to come around him and pull him closer, expecting Kakashi's tall hand to tangle in his hair in order to push Naruto's face deeper in his chest in a tender and protective embrace.
Yet now, Kakashi's arms were as still as stone.
"I can't do this alone, Sensei…You have to survive. We will survive together, all right? Together…We have to survive together…Sensei…After everything we lived together, after all the battles we fought side by side…You can't leave now…Not like this…I…"
Another tear fell down his cheek and came to nestle between Kakashi's pectorals, mingling with the narrow stream of blood that was already running there.
"I need you…I need you so much, sensei…Don't go, please. Don't go…" He whispered, his hands still pressed against Kakashi's heart, his lips crushed against his skin.
He needed more chakra.
He needed to save Kakashi, at all costs.
He needed….
"Kyuubi…" Naruto let out in a small sob.
The demon fox was his last chance.
"Kyuubi…Help me…"
His body was shaking so hard he had hard time keeping his hands on Kakashi's heart.
"Kyuubi, I'm sorry…I'm sorry I blocked your way out…I'm sorry…"
A particularly violent flash illuminated the sky, followed by a powerful, crashing sound that seemed to shake the earth itself.
"You can have my body…You can have my soul…You can have everything. But please, please don't let him go."
He could feel himself be dragged further and further away, and he was struggling to stay awake, but he was too exhausted. He wasn't even thinking clearly. All he could see was Jiraiya's beaten up face, and now Kakashi's.
This can't be happening again.
The small chakra spurts became more and more irregular, but Naruto kept going.
"Kyuubi…Please…Please…I'm begging you…" Naruto gasped slightly as he closed his eyes, on the verge of fainting, too exhausted to even sob properly.
He kept begging faintly for long, endless minutes, but the demon fox didn't answer.
"Kyuubi…"
Naruto was whispering the fox's name like a prayer, clinging to the crazy hope that maybe, just maybe, Kyuubi would indeed help him. He was now too weak to restrain the demon, thus he knew that the latter was in complete capacity to help him.
Yet Kyuubi remained silent, and Naruto kept emptying his chakra reserves.
He was starting to become delusional. He had to close his eyes, for the world around him seemed to be spinning. He kept clinging to Kakashi, burying his face into the jounin's wet torso, casting smaller and smaller chakra shots into his heart.
He was starting to fade away, yet he didn't care.
He couldn't protect Jiraiya three months ago, and his loss was already unacceptable. Now he had to save Kakashi, even if it would cost him his life, because he was certain that if Kakashi died now, he would not survive himself anyway.
"I love you, sensei…I love you…I love you…I love you…" he chanted in a broken murmur.
I love you with all my heart.
That was it. He knew these were his last words. The force dragging him down was just too strong, and the chakra coming out of his hands had almost disappeared. His life was slipping away like a candle struggling in the wind.
What he didn't know was that far within the depths of his mind, an ancestral and lonely creature was watching.
The creature was watching the candle flicker in the storm.
It was listening to the desperate chants.
It was breathing the scent of the harrowing tears.
It was watching the genuine expression of a love so immense it was transpiercing it like a spear.
A love so powerful it made him remember…
"Kyuubi, please…"
Something he used to feel so many centuries ago…
"Kyuubi, help…"
The boy kept calling his name.
"Don't let him go…Don't let my sensei go…Kyuubi…"
An odd feeling started creeping through his hardened and thorny heart, and he tried to push it back down.
The boy had refused his help once. He had shut him deeper in his mind and prevented him from getting out.
He gets what he deserves now.
The boy was emptying his chakra reserves at an alarming rate, and Kyuubi knew he was certainly going to die along with him, but the demon fox realized he couldn't care less. His entire life had been nothing but bitterness and loneliness, just an immense waste of time. Death seemed to be an acceptable fate compared to being locked in a cage for eternity.
…
But does he really deserve this?
The demon growled and shook his head. What was happening to him? Was he becoming sentimental after centuries of imprisonment by human kind? Was he falling for a human? For one of these flawed, rotten creatures that stamped the Rikudou Sennin's teachings? For one of these parasites which sought nothing but might and blood? For one of these abominations which had been chasing and torturing and exploiting and imprisoning him and his kind for centuries?
Uzumaki Naruto is different.
Suddenly, Kyuubi found himself taken back many centuries ago, as he was the young Kurama, sitting among his brothers and sisters and listening to the last words of his father and creator, Hagoromo Outsutsuki. His immense, almond-shaped eyes full of tears, he had listened carefully as the Rikudou Sennin promised them that one day, they would be reunited again. He had promised that one day, one specific human would come and know all their names. That human would love them and accept them as true parts of him, and they would be one again.
Could Naruto be that human?
Centuries later, sealed behind a gigantic iron gate, the lonely, bitter Kurama was observing the harrowing scene of a young, blonde boy clutching the cold body of a man he loved so much he was ready to abandon his soul and his dreams for him.
The power of that love almost frightened Kurama.
It was so pure, so raw, so unconditional that the demon fox couldn't believe it came from a human. Along his lonely years, Kurama had seen the darkest recesses of the human soul, he had seen the unconceivable horrors which only that cursed, sick and savage species could commit. As a result, he had learned how to manipulate humans by playing with their darkest pulsions. He had learned which strings to pull to shed blood, to destroy, to kill and to rape. He had manipulated Naruto the same way, yet Hatake Kakashi had called out to the blonde, and he had saved him with the sole power of his love for him.
Mattaku. This is way too fluffy for me. The power of love is nothing but fiction.
Yet there, under the hard, icy rain, there was a boy whose soul was as clear and pure as the brightest crystal. There was a boy whose love for his sensei was going way deeper than he realized himself at that time.
It's your capacity to love that has that unique power to gather people around you. It's your capacity to love unconditionally that can touch people's souls. Your heart is your greatest strength.
Deep down, Kurama had been troubled by Kakashi's words, because he felt they were so true.
Again, Kyuubi shook his head, growling fiercely and trying to shut his longtime slient heart away. Yet he couldn't deny the feeling of comfort provided by that tiny, tiny nut of warmth that bloody boy had progressively shoved right into his heart. It was a tiny, tiny sparkle, but it was there nonetheless. It was that tiny, tiny sparkle that had always pushed Kurama to watch over that loud and annoying child. It was that tiny, tiny twinkle that had pushed him to talk to Naruto when both of them felt particularly lonely, even though it had mostly been to argue or mock him.
Hatake Kakashi was right. Somehow, Naruto had touched Kurama's longtime dead heart, as he had touched Kakashi's. Along the years, Kurama had every opportunity to observe the silver-haired man. He had felt Kakashi's inner, sombre heart as soon as Naruto had met him, so much that he had felt shivers running along his spine the first time the Copy-ninja had looked into Naruto's blue eyes. He had almost smelled the scent of blood that was drenching the silver-haired ninja's hands, and heard the chiling screams of throats being opened in a swift, merciless move. He had heard the ghosts howling his name, and seen the terrified eyes illuminated by lightening sparks and fading out in the sound of a thousand white birds, under the hard look of a single red eye.
Actually, he had hated Hatake Kakashi immediately.
Yet as the years had gone by, Kurama had felt a change in Kakashi's heart. He had felt it become lighter and happier, as though some light had been progressively dispersing the heavy, threatening clouds that were swallowing it in a tortured storm of anger, sorrow and loneliness.
Like a tiny, tiny nut of warmth.
As Naruto kept calling his name feebly, his face buried in Kakashi's dead chest, Kurama suddenly realized that he had a lot in common with that silver-haired man that was now lying on his back like a dismantled doll. He, too, had been alone for the greatest part of his life. He, too, had felt the burning desire for vengeance. He, too, had wanted blood and violence to discharge the immense pain that was eating his soul away.
And it made him change his mind about that man.
For the first time, Kurama realized that actually, his own suffering had made him share a lot of features with the very species responsible for his misery. When he watched Naruto, he told himself that maybe that boy was the answer to that vicious, eternal circle. For that matter, Naruto, too, had been rejected and hated for his entire life. Yet contrary to Kakashi and Kurama, he had immediately had the strength to forgive the ones who had hated him for so long. He had immediately had that purity of heart and soul that had always pushed him to love rather than to hate. The best proof of that was that even when his own dark side, which he had been repelling for his entire life, had finally got out, Kakashi had stopped it by reminding it that it, too, was loved, and that it had to forgive in order to move forward.
Again, Naruto had chosen love rather than hate.
Yes…Maybe Naruto was the answer. Maybe that Jiraiya kid was right, and Naruto would lead the way to a new era, where people would better understand themselves and learn to accept, love and forgive.
He couldn't let him die, no more than he could let Shiroi Kiba's son wither away. Kurama would never admit it completely, but the tremendous power of the feelings that linked Naruto and Kakashi's souls touched him deeply. It made him remember who he used to be, and what his creator had taught him. It made him remember that he had been created by a loving, peaceful man whose only fault had been to die way too soon to guide humanity.
Maybe Naruto was the one who would one day make up for that fault, but Kurama knew that he needed Hatake Kakashi by his side. Kakashi was his friend, his guide and his family, and to Kakashi, Naruto represented a new beginning. Deep down, Kurama felt privileged, because he knew he was the only one who could see, for now, the presages of a formidable adventure that would cause these two souls to go beyond themselves. For the first time of his long, lonely life, Kurama could see the essence of two interlocked souls that already belonged to each other forever, though none of them knew it yet.
For the first time since an eternity, another sparkle woke up in Kurama's heart, a sparkle that ended up convincing the fox to save both Naruto and Kakashi's lives.
Hope.
That is how, as Naruto was fading away softly, he thought he heard a shallow, deep growl, somewhere inside his mind. When he felt a powerful warmth flood in his hands, he feebly opened an eye to see a blinding, orange light that seemed to be embracing both Kakashi and him. He could hear neither the rain nor the thunder anymore. He let himself be rocked gently by that comforting, powerful light, thinking it might be death coming to take him away.
Maybe it would take him to Kakashi and Jiraiya…
Maybe it would take him to his parents…
Maybe at last, they would be all reunited for ever.
Just before he slipped into unconsciousness, he tightened his hold on Kakashi. As his cheek was pressed tightly against Kakashi's chest, a last thought drifted through his mind like a feather carried away by the wind, as he finally heard something.
Kakashi's heart is beating again.
A small smile appeared on his face, and in a last breath…
…he let go.