Tony sat idly by the pool, his legs hanging in the water, slowly kicking back and forth, and his right hand curled loosely into his shirt. Steve kept a close eye on him. The physical therapist said that the pool can significantly help Tony's balance and get his strength up to walk farther on his own. It didn't help that Tony was reluctant to get in the pool, him simply sitting by it with his legs in the water was the closest Steve had ever seen him. The choice was his, they all had told him that if he didn't want to go in no one would make him.
He had been confidant that he would do it all the way up to the point where they actually walked up to the water. Then he just sat quietly watching the ripples on the surface that appeared each time he kicked his legs. The whole team, minus Bucky because he had gone back to therapy today, was in the pool room, all of them either sitting on the sidelines with Steve and relaxing in the chairs laid out there or they were swimming in the deep end and away from where Tony and his therapist was. They were all ready to jump forward the moment they were needed.
"He's doing alright." Bruce said, laid out in the chair next to him. It wasn't a question, just a simple statement of fact. Bruce was there when Tony was in a coma, when he woke up, and through most of the healing process. That coupled with his medical knowledge, far greater than Steve's, his opinion on this was reassuring. "Is he dressing himself now?"
Steve nodded. "Yeah, he's been relearning a lot of stuff. It's good to see him do things he used to do. He can shower by himself now too, but a chair is in there in case he can't stand for very long." Steve said slowly. As Tony was getting his life back on track, able to do things on his own, he had become more eager to regain his independence. He had no problem with Bucky waking him up in the morning, carefully combing out his hair, and fixing him breakfast. He also had no problem with Steve occasionally carrying him when he was tired or answering all the questions Tony had when he was confused and needed comfort. "He's picking out his own clothes too."
It was obvious that Steve and Bucky didn't help pick out his clothes. Steve always dressed him in light colors that went well together, Bucky always picked clothes that were dark and not too flashy. For their trip to the pool, Tony decided to wear a bright orange t-shirt and blue swim trunks. The outfit clothes clashed terribly, but it didn't look all that bad on him. Tony actually looked great.
"You're doing a great job with him." Bruce said.
Steve sighed, but didn't comment. He didn't feel like he was doing a good job at all. Tony deserved better than him. Steve was going to mess this all up some way if he kept at it, his focus had shifted from taking care of Tony to falling in love with him. Tony didn't need that. Steve tried to shake the thoughts from his head, he would handle it, everything was going to turn out alright for all of them.
Steve had a plan, he was just waiting for feedback at this point. He couldn't continue to have these feelings for Tony, not the bubbling love and affection he felt whenever he held him, or even looked at him. He couldn't fall in love with Tony when he was with Bucky, it wasn't fair to either of them. He couldn't care for Tony when these thoughts about how it would feel to hold him close for hours and how nicely his body fit against his kept popping into his head. It was disgusting. Steve was taking advantage of a situation he had caused.
"Come on, dear." The physical therapist said softly as she stood in the pool just a few feet in front of where Tony sat. "If you don't like it you can just jump right on out. We won't do it again unless you say so."
Steve liked all of Tony's physical therapists. They all listened to him, asked him for his opinions, and didn't make it seem like he was a confused child. The doctors in the hospital had done that, talked about him like he wasn't even there and ignored his every mutter and movement unless it signified an improvement. The physical therapists were all usually great. The one that was here today was just standing in the water calmly, one hand held out in front of her to help Tony into the water if he decided to go.
"I don't wanna." Tony muttered to himself. He kicked at the water again, this time splashing the therapist slightly. It wasn't enough to soak her, or even bother her, but just enough to get his discomfort across. "It's bad."
Rhodey, Clint, and Natasha were in the pool, floating just a few yards away and gradually heading closer to Tony. They looked like they were trying to be subtle, Clint and Natasha were succeeding mostly, Rhodey was actively staring at Tony as they crept closer.
"Why is it bad?" The therapist asked softly. Tony shrugged. "Would you like to get out?"
Tony's eyes widened and he shook his head quickly. "No! It's just bad." He said. He continued to shake his head, muttering 'badbadbadbadbad' under his breath. Things were getting ready to fall apart. Steve stood up from his seat and took half a step towards the pool.
Tony had been okay, they had talked it over before coming down. Tony said he would be fine in the pool, that the water didn't bother him anymore. They all knew it was a problem area, his personal file had stated as much, Tony had even mentioned it on occasions. It was all was brief and he never outright said it, but he had hinted enough.
Steve never made it to Tony, Rhodey got there first. He gently pushed the physical therapist, a really kind woman whose name Steve had never learned, and Rhodey took her place in front of Tony. He didn't touch Tony, instead just held his hand out slowly, palm up and welcoming.
"It's alright, Tones. You're safe. We can go if you want. We'll head upstairs and watch the Princess Bride, you love that movie. Do you want me to help you out?" Rhodey said. Tony shook his head again, this time meeting Rhodey's gaze.
Tony's hand jerked off away from his shirt where he had been holding on tightly and slapped it against Rhodey's waiting palm. All at once Tony slipped into the water. The pool had been drained a bit to prepare for the session, the water only went up to his hips. Tony clung to Rhodey like a life preserver, in this situation he very well could be.
"See, you're doing so well." Rhodey said slowly. "You'll be walking like you used to in no time, loser. Then no one will be able to catch you."
Tony chuckled softly, he sounded a little out of breath, but otherwise okay. Steve was just standing there, halfway between his seat and the pool. He didn't know what to do. At the moment Tony seemed to be holding together alright. He had his arms wrapped around Rhodey tightly with soft whispers of 'bad' that were almost too quiet to hear. He glanced back at Steve to make sure he was still there.
Steve nodded and Tony took a small step further into the pool. Then another. As they slowly walked further away from the edge Tony stopped looking around. His gaze had gone distant, no longer focused, but he gripped onto Rhodey tighter with his right hand, his left, still in its cast, was pinned between them.
Everyone in the room had gone quiet, silently watching as Rhodey and Tony made their way through the pool. They stopped in the center, Rhodey studying Tony carefully with a frown. Tony was staring down at the water, his eyes were still unfocused, but he didn't seem to have checked out. He was still here, his mind hadn't drifted away somewhere else.
"Tony." Rhodey said softly. Tony hummed in acknowledgement. "Do you want to get out of the pool?"
Tony nodded. He buried his face into Rhodey's shoulder and let himself be led backwards towards the edge of the pool. When they reached it they stood there for several more minutes. Tony didn't try to get himself out or move away from Rhodey's arms, instead he continued to watch the water and slowly shifted his weight from one foot to the other. He had stopped muttering to himself, but didn't look at the water any friendlier.
Eventually he pushed himself out of Rhodey's arms and pushed himself up onto the cool cement that circled to pool. It was exactly the same as it had been not ten minutes earlier, Tony sitting by the poolside with his legs slowly moving through the water. The only difference was now his lower half was wet and his body seemed to be shaking slightly.
Steve took the last few steps to the poolside and wrapped Tony in his arms. He could hear the man sigh in relief and push back against Steve's chest. All of Tony's ridiculously tense muscles started to relax, which only caused him to start shaking more. Steve pulled him up into his arms and away from the water, Tony turned around until he was able to bury his face into Steve's chest and somehow wrap his body completely around him.
Tony was light. Still a bit thinner than he used to be, his muscles not as defined. He was easy to carry. They went back to the chairs that were off to the side and Steve sat down carefully as Tony kept his face hidden away in Steve's shift and his right hand buried in the fabric. The physical therapist was now out of the pool and packing up her things, she glanced over to the two of them and gave them a thumbs up and a small smile before leaving. Everyone else in the room had gone back to relaxing, either sprawled out on a pool chair or floating in the water.
"I'm sorry." Tony whispered, his voice slightly muffled.
Steve shushed him and started rubbing his hands up and down Tony's back. "It's okay, sweetheart. No one's upset." He said softly.
"I couldn't…" Tony said, pausing as he looked for the words he wanted. "It's bad. I don't like it. I don't like… drowning."
"You're okay, Tony. You're not drowning." Steve said. "I got you. You're not drowning."
Tony nodded and melted further into his hold. "I want to try again."
"Later. Not right now." Steve didn't want Tony going back in the pool. Tony was clearly shaken, barely holding on and trying to stay as calm as he could. He didn't want Tony to go anywhere near that water.
"I want to try again." Tony muttered.
Steve nodded, reaching up to run his hand through Tony's hair and the other continued to rub slow circles into his back. Eventually everyone else started leaving too. Clint, Rhodey, and Natasha climbed out of the pool, grabbed their towels and left. Bruce followed shortly after. Wanda and Vision were across the room on the other side of the pool, they appeared to be deep in a conversation that Steve couldn't hear and were paying the two of them no attention at all.
Tony eventually relaxed completely and had gone limp in Steve's arms. It had been a stressful day, he was probably just a few minutes away from falling asleep. It would be good for him, to get some rest. It would give them time for Bucky to get home, he would be a great help. Tony shifted his head slightly so his face was now pressed against Steve's neck, he could feel the tickle of his lashes brushing against his skin with each quick blink. It was nice.
"Do you want to go upstairs? Go to bed?" Steve said slowly. Tony shook his head. "I'll wake you up before your next therapist gets here."
"No." Tony whispered, obviously sounding fatigued.
"Okay." Steve said.
Tony was asleep within five minutes. Steve didn't trust himself to be able to stand up and lift him into the air without jostling him awake. Today hadn't been a good day, Tony had worn himself out, but he had tried his best and now deserved to just take an hour to sleep and if he felt safe enough in Steve's arms to sleep there then he wasn't going to disturb him.
His phone beeped softly on the small table next to his chair. It took a bit of maneuvering to reach for it and not move Tony around too much, but he somehow managed it. He hoped it was the response he was waiting for, he really needed this to work out if he was going to make things right again.
It was.
'I found a great live-in nurse to take care of him until he's able to live on his own again.'
Steve sighed, both relieved and disappointed by the text from Pepper. He had to remind himself that this was better, he wasn't good for Tony anymore. He was distracted, he didn't trust himself to give Tony the proper care he needed now that he had romantic feelings for him. Tony needed someone who could take care of him, make sure he was taking his medications on time, went to his doctor's appointments, and help him through the days and nights, not someone who would fantasize about cuddling with him, or kissing him, or taking him out to dinner.
Steve's phone beeped again, another text from Pepper.
'I don't know what made you change your mind, but we should probably talk about it. Or talk to someone about it.'
Steve shook his head. He didn't need to talk to anyone. Sure, Pepper was surprised with the shift in his behavior. He went from determined to care for Tony himself to wanting to pass him off to a professional. Something had changed, they all seemed to know it, but Steve couldn't let them know exactly what had changed. Bucky couldn't know. Bucky had his heart and his love, he wouldn't leave him for anyone. If he found out that Steve had fallen in love with someone else it would destroy him and Steve refused to be just another person who hurt Bucky.
His phone beeped again.
'For what it's worth, I thought you were doing a great job with him.'
This woman had a superpower or something because she obviously knew about Steve's doubts, if not his sickening change in motives. He had promised to care for Tony because it was his duty as team leader and as the man who had hurt him, not because of some silly infatuation. How could Steve care for Tony now that he was feeling something different? Tony was fast asleep on him now and the warmth and comfort of his body against was amazing and Steve just wanted to hold him forever. It wasn't right.
Steve started typing out the response on his phone. Pepper would have found someone fantastic, someone who could do their job without this conflict of interests and do what was best for Tony when it was needed. Everything would be fine.
'Sounds great. Hire them.'