I feel Like I should pre-warn you about this chapter... My mate came round to my house tonight and go me absolutely trashed... I'm not lightweight... but 4 lagers and three quarters of a bottle of vodka is enough to make me catatonic, however, I feel it is my duty to give you all an update, so please forgive any spelling mistakes, any rambling, and if this is completely shit... I am seeing double right now =D lol
Good job I don't get hangovers!
Please do comment =]
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Chapter Ten
It is possibly the strangest situation I have ever been in. When we are together, I don't think about my feelings, but when we are apart it is all I think about.
It's as if simply being with her stops all these painful emotions that equate throughout my body, when I'm with her, I don't think about it, I don't feel them as much.
I suppose, absence makes the heart grow fonder.
When I'm with her, it is as though the past month has never happened, it's as if those feelings that so abruptly made them self known have disappeared, but I still feel them every now and again, but it doesn't matter, because when she is with me, they aren't the most important thing anymore.
We don't have to be doing anything special, we could simply be doing our coursework in silence, but knowing that she is with me, that she is near, my incessant feelings give me a break for a little while, they are satisfied at her presence.
I also suppose that I should inform you all; Its been a month, and they are a bona fide couple, they spend almost every spare minute together, and I spent most of my nights trying to forget about her. Trying to forget about those brown orbs falling onto my blue eyes, I try to stop picturing what it would feel like to kiss those beautiful lips, I try not to imagine what she would taste like, what her skin would taste like.
I guess you could say that for the past month I have been living on an Emily diet. I've survived on the occasional glances, the odd touches, but sometimes I've indulged, lingering a little too long with those looks, finding an excuse to touch her. I've grown greedy, I long for time to spend with her and I hate when she leaves. I hate when she leaves me for her.
Sitting in the canteen at college, I study them. I study how much Anna has changed since she met Emily. The shy girl that hid behind her hair, that cradled her books when in the vicinity of a crowd, the girl that would stutter if spoken to, her green eyes would constantly be frightened, frightened of any contact. That girl is no longer there, and in her place, well...
Her posture is completely the opposite, rather than humping over her books, she stands tall, her head held high, her hair is possibly the most changed, gone is the straggly brown locks that were never tame, and in its place, perfectly smooth black hair with a delicately placed pink fringe, at the minute she has her fringe pinned up into a quiff. Her face that was a complete virgin to make-up is now hiding beneath perfectly applied foundation, her eyes are always smoky which brings out the green in her eyes. She is forever smiling, showing off a perfect set of teeth with were never seen before. But the thing that pisses me off the most, sliding into her imperfect hand is the perfect hand of Emily's, you can't get one without the other these days. They come as a pair.
Emily has never been so happier. She watches Anna lovingly as she places money into a vending machine, her hand is being tightly held by Anna's, but Emily doesn't seem to mind.
She hasn't even noticed that I'm sat here yet. She hasn't glanced anywhere but at Anna. Like a love-sick puppy following its new owner around, I have officially resigned my post as number one on her list.
She hasn't realised this yet, but she's bound to eventually.
I carry on with my lunch as Effy approaches me. "Hey" She says,
"Hey Eff, what's up?"
"Nothing, you just looked a little lonely" She has that knowing smile which annoys me.
"I'm fine, but you're welcome to join me" I smile, hiding my contempt at the girl for knowing absolutely everything.
She sits down beside me, following my line of sight to the happy couple before us, I hear a chuckle come from Effy, and I look at her, my eyebrows rising in a questioning manner, "What?" She asks,
"You chuckled"
"Emily is so happy isn't she?" My head lowers as she delivers this devastating blow,
"Yeah, she is... it's great" I chance a glance, and sure enough, her smile is ever evident.
"Yeah, but you must feel like shit, right?"
"Excuse me?"
"The best friend... being tossed aside for the new girlfriend. Doesn't exactly feeling like a thousand rainbows"
"Yeah, I guess so"
"Say something then"
"No... she's happy, I don't want to ruin it"
"But you're not happy"
"I am" I smile, to reiterate my statement, but that smile is still there, all seeing Effy is well and truly in her element with me.
"Cool" She continues to eat her lunch as the rest of the group gather around, except Emily and Anna who have fucked off somewhere.
"Naomikins"
"Cook"
"Party tonight, you coming?"
"I don't think so Cook"
"Awww, why?" Her starts to pout at me, and I feel a little guilty, he really is an arsehole, but he knows how to play women, "It wouldn't be a party without you" he whines,
"Yeah, come on" Effy nudges me, "Take your mind off things, you know" I hate her sometimes.
"Come on, Naomi" Freddie says, openly chewing his burger, I cringe, and then cave,
"Ok, fine" The group all come out in cheers and I already feel better. I suppose being wanted can do that to some people.
"Emily!" Cook shouts as she makes her way to the other side of the room,
"She's pissing me off now" Katie says, blowing her hair out of her face, "Since that fucking tard came along it's as if none of us exist"
"Katie" I say, softly, "She's happy"
"We aint" We all look at them as they approach, Anna looks less than happy at the intrusion but plasters a smile as she gets closer,
"What's up guys" I try to act all nonchalant as she sits beside me, placing her food on the table, she nudges me, "Hey" She says softly, I smile at her and carry on eating, fucking hypocrite.
Ok, something else I feel I must inform you of... Emily has a tendency of ditching us at a minutes notice for Anna... double standards right? Please tell me you all agree and it's not just me being pathetic?? Anyway, the more she does this, the more pissed off at her I get.
Understandable, right?
"Just wanted to see if you fancied coming to a party tonight" Cook claps his hands together, Emily looks straight towards Anna,
"You don't need to ask for fucking permission Ems, we're your fucking friends" Have I mentioned that I love Katie? Anna looks startled at Katie's little outburst, and Emily looks furious,
"We had plans actually Katie, I was seeing if we could do them another time"
"What ever" Anna nods, and Emily accepts the invitation, getting all the details, when and where, all that.
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Fuck it, I am gonna pull tonight. I say to myself as I'm getting ready. "I fucking need to"
"Need to what, love?" My mum says, scaring me,
"What the fuck!" I say jumping, "Why are you standing in the doorway watching me?"
"Can't a proud mother admire her beautiful daughter?"
"No"
"Well, I'm going to anyway" She smiles, folding her arms, "Where are you going tonight?"
"A party"
"I haven't seen Emily around recently"
"She's been busy" Mother's really know how to drag up shit problems, huh?
"Are you ok?" She asks, her arms uncrossing as she walks towards me,
"Yes, mum. I just need to get ready, I'm already late"
"Right, so if I tell you I'll give you a lift you can calm down and tell me what the problem is right?"
"Wrong"
"Naomi..."
"Yes" I say, turning around to meet her concerned gaze, I put on the fakest smile I can muster at this specific moment in time, and it seems to do the trick, she sighs heavily,
"Fine, don't say I didn't try... let me know when you're ready"
I feel guilty... I know that my mother loves me no matter what, I know that she is always going to be there for me, even if sometimes I don't say that. I know that any problem she will understand, and right now, I really need somebody to talk to, but as per usual, the huge steel wall is up and nobody is getting through.
Nobody.
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Ok, so here I am, at another random party... This time is actually in a house. Granted the house smells like piss and is a complete shit hole, but at least it has a roof. Everybody is trashed, including me. Emily and Anna haven't even turned up yet, but hey, do I care?
Yes, but shhh.
"Naomi!" Cook shouts as he comes bouncing towards me. I grin as he hugs me,
"Is Cooky a little plastered?"
"Fucking wankered!" He shouts back, "You know... I've always liked you Naomikins" Here we go,
"Yeah" I say, and he smiles. Her drunken hands all over my waist, his dilated eyes trying to focus on me, but I don't think it's working, he loses his balance and I grab at his chest to try and steady him, he grins,
"You know what I think you need?"
"I have a pretty good idea" I smirk at him.
"Do you now? I might shock you"
"Nah, I don't think that's possible"
"Try me" he grins, fuck it, why not,
"Go on, then"
"A hug" Ok, I am genuinely shocked,
"Right... so no sexual innuendo, or anything like that" He shakes his head,
"Nope, just a hug, want Cooky to give you one?" I laugh,
"Go on then" I laugh, he can actually be kinda sweet... sometimes...
He wraps his arms around me and even though he smells like weed and vodka, I let myself give into the hug, and he actually makes me feel better... a lot better actually.
As daft as it sounds, it's like when you're a child, you fall down and cut your knee, your mum will lean down and kiss the cut and all of a sudden you feel so much better, even though in reality the pain is exactly the same, it's the gesture that eases the pain, and I guess, with cook hugging me right now, his gesture is easing my heartache, making me feel a little less lonely, so I hold on a little longer.
Now I know what you're thinking, and you'll be completely correct in doing so... 'she's so gonna do something with him'...
His head shifts, moving his lips towards my neck. I don't object, no, I let him. I tilt my head to the other side, allowing him access, he takes full advantage of it. He bites down hard, I gasp, but as he starts sucking I feel my knees go weak a little. My hands grasp at his neck as he continues to suck.
I feel my pulse beating against his teeth, my eyes roll into the back of my head and I clasp at his shirt. He pulls away and looks at me grinning.
I smile back, and as I see him lean in, there isn't a single thought in my head that is telling me to stop him... maybe this is exactly what I need to get over her...
His rough lips touch mine with such force that I'm taken aback. He roughly pushes his tongue into my mouth, his hand lifting to my neck, making the kiss deeper. I wrap my arms around him tighter, pulling him closer, getting lost in this erotic kiss.
I pull away for a brief second, looking up to the ceiling, he catches my drift and smirks like a cat who's got the cream. "You sure?" He asks, obviously not believing his luck.
I know that it isn't me, it's the vodka and the spliff, and it also has a little something to do with Emily, but right now, every single thing in my body is screaming at me to say that I am sure, that I want to go upstairs right now and have angry sex with Cook, why shouldn't I? I'm single... I bite my lip and nod. He grabs my hand and starts rushing me through the crowd. As we are walking up the stairs I glance around the room, and the only thing I see is a pair of dark, dark eyes staring back at me.
Hurt eyes...
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