A/N – Thank you all for your patience. I'd first like to thank bookishqua for our amazing love/hate (mostly love haha) relationship. She pushes me to open up even more possibilities and I thank her for all her help, support and suggestions.

And also to my girlies on the boards. You're equally the reason it's taken me so long to write this, as well as the driving force to crack down. Jami and Shellz enjoy this!

Feedback please :-)

P.S. So we finally have our movie. Let the countdown to the DVD release and New Moon begin hehe

stressedasalways


Previously in Chapter 9 – Broken

Her body began to shake as her sobs grew more pronounced as Carlisle injected the sedative into her IV line.

My worst fear was still true… I had hurt her more then anyone else could…More than James or Victoria… I was the enemy. Not only just me, but my entire family. We had left her to die

Bella's sobs quickly went silent and her breathing became deep and constant as the sedative worked its way through her system.

"I loved you" she whispered slowly.

All hope left my body as I felt the darkness of her words crush me.


Edward's POV

If it were possible for a vampire to blackout that is what is happening to me. All I could focus on was the face in front of me and the echoes of her voice in my head.

"I loved you."

I couldn't see or hear anything else. I was vaguely aware that the room was becoming marginally brighter; the sun must be beginning to rise. My pocket was vibrating wildly, I knew it had to be Alice, yet I couldn't gather the energy to care about her warnings. I could also faintly hear my father begging me to leave the room. It wasn't that I was disobeying him, I honestly couldn't move. My whole self had shut down.

I only partially awoke from the darkness when I noticed Bella was no longer in my sight. Carlisle had me by the shoulders in an almost sideways hug and was walking me down the empty hallways of the hospital. To anyone who saw it would look only like a father comforting his son, in truth he was carrying me. I finally gathered the strength to find my own legs and began to walk on my own. Carlisle's thoughts repeated a mantra that I couldn't begin to believe.

'Edward, we will fix this. She is going to be well again, and we will fix this.'

I looked him dead on and I'm sure he could see the emptiness in my eyes, the emptiness that had overtook me completely. He stopped trying to reassure me but continued to lead me silently to the empty storeroom in the basement I had called home for many days.

As Carlisle opened the door to the dark cold room I was quick to notice that it wasn't just Alice waiting for me, but the whole family. Their faces looked solemn and it was easy to guess Alice had told them what had transpired.

"I…I…oh…ugh…" Alice's thoughts ran in unintelligible circles

'Oh Bella! My dearest Bella.' Esme repeated her face completely blank, her hands locked within each other.

Jasper was having a hard time dealing with all the emotions so rather then facing them; his thoughts went somewhere else entirely.

'Damn Victoria! I've killed hundreds better then her. How did I let her escape?'

I reacted instantly and pinned Jasper hard against the wall.

"How did you let her escape?! I trusted you to be able to get rid of this problem. Now not only does Bella hate all of us she still has this thing after her!" I raged through gritted teeth.

Within milliseconds my family was on us. Emmett and Carlisle pulled me off him and dragged me to the other side of the room. Esme and Rosalie stood in front of me blocking my view of him, and I saw Alice rush to Jasper's side. No one needed to hold him back; apparently I was the only monster in this room. I could hear Alice panicking. Hospitals were not a good place for Jasper. The emotions within these walls were overwhelming on a good day, on a day like today, where his family was also part of the agony, was excruciating. It was taking all of Jasper's will to not emit the powerful emotions that surged within him.

"Calm down Edward," Emmett said sternly.

"Edward we will figure out what went wrong later. For now we need to be calm. We need to continue to keep an eye on Bella." Carlisle whispered in a fatherly tone as he released me and gave my shoulder a small squeeze.

Emmett continued to keep one hand on my shoulder. I stared at each one of my family members and then fell to the ground, leaning back against the cold hard brick wall. I immediately regretted my outburst. Jasper had been working so hard to continue tracking the vile Victoria.

"I'm sorry," I sighed my voice sounding numb.

Esme then moved aside so I could see Alice and Jasper once again. Jasper nodded once slightly, but I think we both knew this was a conversation that needed to be continued later. It was then that Esme kneeled down and took hold of my hand.

"Edward, you should go home." she said deeply concerned

"No," I sighed once again. "I need to stay to make sure no one suspects anything" I knew Carlisle forged the night shift doctor's name when charting that he gave Bella the sedative, but I was the only one who could make sure there was no suspicion when the day shift arrived.

Esme quickly looked at Alice, probably hoping she could convince Alice to take my place, but Alice was falling apart at the seams. I could see the debate in her eyes without even reading her thoughts, which of her children needed to get out of this place, which one of us needed her more. In the end Esme chose a compromise.

"I'll stay with you then." she said as she sat on the floor beside me, still holding my hand.

Rosalie began to leave the room, as she grabbed Emmett's hand he quickly shook no. Apparently he felt I was in no condition to fight if Victoria did show up, and he wasn't about to leave his mother –Esme – to be responsible.

I could hear the anger in Rosalie as she quickly left the room. Not only was she completely upset at me and the entire situation, her husband would not be home with her.

Jasper wrapped his arms around Alice, also completely torn. He wanted to be here to help me, even after our fight. But my feelings were no match for Alice. I was numb, dead for once in every sense of the word. Alice on the other hand was breaking.

'I would stay for you Edward, but she needs me more and I'm not sure I can help you while you're here.'

I knew he was right and needed no further explanation as he pulled his broken wife from the room. Carlisle was the last to leave. I knew he wanted to stay, but he knew now wasn't the time.

'Son' he began in his thoughts

I moved my head slightly to begin to object to whatever reassurances he was about to start. He seemed to take the hint and nodded once before kissing Esme on the forehead and leaving as well.

I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the wall, looking and waiting for someone to enter Bella's room. Thankfully Esme and Emmett were silent, both aloud and in their thoughts.

It wasn't long before the morning interns arrived to do their rounds. I quickly located the thoughts of the one that was entering Bella's room.

'Poor girl' and he let out a sigh. He started with just taking her stats, such as blood pressure, temperature and IV fluids. 'She still looks like such a mess. I wonder if we'll ever know what happened to her. It must have horrible.' He began to examine Bella's arm but when she didn't wake he paused to go and look at her chart. 'Another panic attack in the night?... We are definitely going to need a psyche consult.' I could see him jotting down in the chart that he would be passing the chart to his attending to arrange the consult.

A small growl emitted from my chest.

"Edward, what is it?" Esme spoke softly.

"Don't worry. They don't suspect anything odd with the sedative Carlisle injected." I said flatly

'Edward' Esme spoke to me through thoughts. She knew that wasn't the reason for my growl.

"They're going to get a psychiatric consult for her panic attacks." I kept my voice quiet and even, not letting any emotions through as I closed my eyelids even tighter.

--*+*--

I pinched my nose and shook my head. I knew I had to stop reanalyzing everything that had happened, but I couldn't find the will to stop. I sat in my room overwhelmed by the silence. As I scanned my room it felt like everything was out of place. Of course this was not the case. Within days of my family's return to Forks they had easily restored the house to its original splendor. My leather couch sat welcoming for guests that would never come and my CD's were lined up in the exact order I had last seen them.

Every now and then I would close my eyes and inhale deeply. Bella's scent still lingered here. For a brief moment in time it was like nothing had happened, but reality was always quick to come crashing back at me. The scent was so faint here; it had been a very long time since Bella had been in my room. Sometimes I would debate going to the living room, where her scent was stronger but I could never gather the strength for such torture.

As if my own guilt and feelings were not overwhelming enough, I had to endure the thoughts of everyone else in the house. A few days had passed since I had last seen Bella in the hospital. Although my family's thoughts had stayed the same, hearing them today hurt more. Today was different…special. Today was Christmas.

The house should be filled with laughter. Esme, Alice and Rose always made sure the house could rival any editorial spread on decorations. Jasper, Emmett and I always made sure to get the largest tree that could fit in our living room. For us it a competition who could find the largest, while Carlisle made sure the tree was gorgeous enough for his waiting wife and daughters.

Money was never something that concerned us. There was no need for us to wait for one specific day to get or give something that we wanted. But this was one human ritual we had always enjoyed.

Rosalie was always sure to give an exact list to Emmett of what she wanted. She always acted overjoyed when he actually gave them to her. Esme and Carlisle would always give the most thoughtful gifts. Alice…I almost found enough joy in the memory to smile. Alice always knew what she was going to get. Poor Jasper would try every year to delay his decision but Alice always knew. But Alice enjoyed giving more then receiving. It was never uncommon for the gifts to spill over the entire room. I have the benefit of knowing exactly what each member of my family wanted. Every year I would find the one thing they forgot they had desired and made sure it was waiting on Christmas morning.

Then there was the fashion show that would quickly follow. The girls just liked to show off their gifts, but Alice insisted that every family member take part. Always smug when we looked as 'gorgeous' as she had foreseen in our new clothes. The new electronic gadgets were soon hooked up and being played. And there was always a new toy or two in the garage that would have to be test driven.

I looked out the window as the snow cascaded on the trees outside my room. Ever since we have been a complete family we have never missed a Christmas. Even when Emmett and Rosalie were out playing a married couple, they had always come home.

This year was different. There were no decorations, no tree, and no gifts. Just a silent house of vampires stuck in their never ending thoughts.

Rosalie was in the garage working while Emmett looked on. Emmett was ever the optimist as always. He believed with every fiber of his enormous frame that Bella would forgive us all once she was healed and no longer on heavy narcotics. I wanted him to be right too. But the memory of Bella in her hospital room crying in her sleep would never allow it.

When Rose had first heard about what had happened at the hospital she spent 2 days yelling at me directly in her thoughts. Every word vile, vindictive and….true.

'What you did to her was horrible and despicable. As if destroying her emotionally wasn't enough you had to try and help her get killed!'

Now she had turned her thoughts silent, concentrating on anything but the situation. First she read any book she could find but soon grew bored. Now she had moved on to describing what she was doing with the cars. Her mental silence was even worse as it only made my guilt grow.

Esme sat alone in the living room. She was the only one other then me that seemed to know the importance of the date. Her thoughts were sad as she saw her family falling apart at the seams. She included Bella in her mind as part of her family. As far as she was concerned Bella was, and forever will be her daughter. Although she would never think it outright as a mother, I believed she had already considered Bella her favorite. Leaving Bella in the first place had been gut wrenching for her. But she along with others in my family always thought it was only a matter of time before Bella would be a family member again. And now Esme felt like she had failed. Bella was hurt, not only physically but emotionally. As a mother – as Bella's mother – as my mother. She couldn't help but feel helpless. Bella was hurt emotionally because her son – me – had left her for her own good. She was hurt physically because the whole family had left her. Esme didn't have a mean bone in her body, but she didn't know how to use the new emotions that coursed through her. It wasn't anger, but there was something she felt towards me. To feel that emotion towards her own son hurt as much, if not more then the pain she felt over Bella. Esme may have not been able to cry out load, but within her thoughts she had been sobbing for days.

Carlisle had sat motionless in his study, his book open to the same page for close to a day before he took a shift keeping a watchful eye on Bella in the hospital. His thoughts had jumped around quickly, concentrating more on the past. Looking for what went wrong, what other options could have been explored.

Carlisle walked down the familiar hallway of the hospital. His vision instantly locked on Charlie at the end of the hall.

"Chief Swan" Carlisle greeted.

Charlie looked up at Carlisle like he was shocked he was there. It took a second for him to regain his composure.

"Dr. Cullen" Charlie stated flatly, with an obvious anger buried weakly under the surface.

"How is Bella doing?" Carlisle asked, trying intentionally to not sound like a Doctor and more like a fellow father.

"I'm sure you already know" Charlie said sternly. Before Carlisle could respond Charlie stood up from his seat. "Look Carlisle" Charlie continued with heavy emphasis on his name "I appreciate your concern but I would much rather you and your family stay away from me and Bella. I can't help but find it highly suspicious that you and Alice were the ones that found her on the side of the road. How coincidental that you two just happened to be going down that quiet road, and then spotted Bella."

It was easy to see Charlie was in full police mode.

"I know how suspicious this may seem…as a father I can understand." Carlisle was quickly cut off by Charlie.

"As a father you should have taught your children right. I understand you moved for a better job, but that is no excuse for the way your son ended it with Bella." Charlie shook his head obviously pushing many thoughts through it. He was back to being a father again.

"Bella has finally started to move on. And I can't help but question the timing of your family's return with what happened to her now. Just please do me and her a favor and stay away from us"

And with that Charlie walked away, headed to Bella's room.

Carlisle had then snapped out of the memory and began to analyze everything about it. What he could have said differently, if he should have even let it be known that he and Alice had brought Bella into the hospital. It wouldn't be the first time in our existence law enforcement had grown suspicious of our family. But for that law enforcement to be Charlie – over Bella – was indescribable.

There were so many variables, but as a father, he could always appreciate Charlie's point of view, see where Charlie was coming from. Carlisle seemed to stray away from the thoughts that this could have all been resolved just as Charlie had said. Had I not had been so hasty with my decision. With all my decisions. If I would have thought it through and stayed, or at very least allowed the family to keep in contact, Alice especially. This situation would be no where near as dire. I longed for Carlisle to think about it, to mention it. But he would never do that in my presence and I understood that. Still Charlie's words echoed in my head.

"…but that is no excuse for the way your son ended it with Bella."

Carlisle was now at the hospital. As far as they were concerned, he was using the holidays to get his office and other miscellaneous things in order to prepare for his return. In reality, while partially true Carlisle was the easiest way to keep an eye on Bella. The whole family took turns keeping a careful eye on her, being sure to stay out sight of Charlie. But Carlisle took the greater percentage of this task. Half of me knew it was out of concern for Bella and the easy explanation for him being there, but the other half knew it was a safe place for him to think about the situation without me being able to hear.

Jasper was the only person who I tried my absolute hardest to not see or hear his thoughts. Being in this house with everyone in pain was bringing him to his breaking point. But no matter how much he wanted to get out of this house he was always held back. Trying as hard as he possibly could to help her…

Alice sobbed dryly into her pillow in her room. She had seen what had occurred just a few moments before it happened. No one could hurt as much as I was, but Alice, poor Alice was a very close second. Her mind ran through all the times she had seen Bella. Her broken tear drenched face when Alice had first returned, to her anger when my family tried to explain how we – I – had left for her own good.

'I should have known. I knew she wasn't stable. Too much had happened to her. I should have stayed behind with her. I'm such an idiot! I'm supposed to be her best friend, her sister. I knew leaving her the first time was a mistake, but I saw what damage that had caused to her. How could I have left her again? She thought she was all alone, she thinks I don't care. I should have never listened…'

I tried hard to block out her thoughts then. Her guilt only intensified my own. This whole situation was of my own doing. It was meant to protect Bella and my family. And when that had failed horribly I just wanted to right the wrongs. But I had misunderstood everything. My mind went back to another time….The time I had misread Bella completely.

--*+*--

"She's going to come…I'm almost sure of it!" Alice assured me

I tried hard to smile lightly, but I doubt it came across. Nothing made any sense. No matter how many times Alice assured me it was going to work out in the end, I just couldn't wrap my head around it.

Over a century of being on this earth, and over 90 years of being able to dissect peoples thoughts did nothing to prepare me for how Bella's mind worked. She was always surprising me, doing the opposite of what I would expect someone to do.

Bella believed I was some horrible monster haunting and tormenting her. Not that I didn't deserve it. I had left her is such a horrible dishonest way. I might as well have handed the plan to…I grit my teeth even when thinking her name…Victoria.

"What do you see?" I sighed.

"I told you already, I don't see much of anything. Bella has only barely made up her mind that she's coming, she hasn't even begun to think about what she is going to say." Alice said calmly.

"You saw her today…" I said flatly. Alice had been reciting inconsequential things in her mind ever since she had returned from seeing Bella. I knew she was hiding something. Alice looked at me with a small smirk.

"It doesn't concern you." she practically sang as she skipped her way lightly to wait for Bella on the porch.

I wish I could be as sure as my dear sister Alice. In her mind we were already a happy family once again. Victoria was barely a speckle of dust on her radar. Bella and her were already the best of sisters once again, hiding things from me, 'girl talk' she had said.

I was jealous of Alice for that. She was so used to seeing the future; the pain of the present was nothing as long as she knew where it was leading. She could waltz through this day, this week, and this month and not let it get to her because she already sees the happy ending.

I, on the other hand, was a wreck. Waiting for Bella…to see my broken angel once again. No longer held back by childish spectators that watched her every move in the schoolyard the last time we met, she could finally unleash the pain I had put her through. I would see first hand what I had done to her. Then I would have to try and explain, explain how I was truly only doing this for her own well-being. Yes, it had back-fired in the worst way I could have never even imagined. But it was true all the same.

Then I would open my own heart; tell her how I was such a fool. The words were all lies and my feelings if anything had only grown over our separation. I would make sure she understands I'm not going anywhere.

Yes, Victoria will now be an issue that I'm back. She will have to change her plan of attack. I wasn't sure when this moment with Bella would arrive, so my family had continued the charade that we believed Bella was seeing things. I hoped that it would maybe give Victoria a boost to come out of hiding and we could once and for all rid of this problem for Bella. Unfortunately, now Victoria was waiting for us to leave Bella again.

I had managed to catch her thoughts briefly as she had come close enough to see if we were really back. After the shock wore off that Bella's protectors were back she was quick to rally and shift her strategy. Hearing some of my family's charade about Bella's well being had given her confidence that her mission could still be completed.

'Ha! Even her dear vampires believe she is losing her mind." I could hear an excited laugh in her thoughts. "I can't wait to come back and continue playing with Bella!'

A growl escaped my chest as I recalled how close Victoria had been to the house but we still couldn't find her. I pushed Victoria out of my mind. I was getting ahead of myself. First I needed to make things right with Bella, then, together with my family we would deal with Victoria.

That's when I heard the rumbling. Bella's truck was only a few miles away. I took an unneeded deep breath and waited for her to arrive.

"You had me guessing right until the very end." I heard Alice greet Bella.

'I told you she would come!' Alice chirped happily to me.

Thankfully Alice was not trying to block me from her thoughts and I could see Bella through her eyes. If I had a heartbeat, it would be racing. Bella had stopped in her tracks outside the house, collecting herself I was sure. That's when I saw Alice grab her hand and drag her to the house. Bella seemed dazed as she noticed she was now in the house. I gave Alice a dirty look.

'Just speeding things along.'

I would deal with Alice later, for now my eyes were locked on Bella's as she stared at me from across the room. It was finally my chance to right my wrongs, and I was struck with silence. I didn't know what to say, where to start.

Bella took a step forward but stopped herself. Her face was pained and torn. For a fraction of a second it felt like she was coming to touch me, embrace me. No, I knew that was not possible. I had to start; I could no longer bear to know what she thought of me.

"Bella?" I said softly trying to break her out of her thoughts.

She seemed to flinch at the sound of my voice. I had to wonder if it due to it being my voice, or just that we had stood in silence for so long. Her eyes were now closed tightly, and I once again found myself begging to be able to hear her thoughts. Her face looked so pained and I couldn't recall a time I had seen it look this way before. Confusion, anger, fear and sadness seemed to touch all her features at the same time.

"Bella please look at me" It was bad enough her thoughts were closed off to me, but having her eyes closed off to me was just impossible. I wouldn't be able to do this with her not looking at me.

Her eyes opened hesitantly.

"I just want to explain…" I began but was quickly cut off by Bella.

"No" she whispered. I could hear the infliction in her voice and see her eyes begin to pool – she was angry. Before I could even say another word she was running out the door.

Before her truck had even left the driveway my family came down the stairs, Alice in the lead. A plan formed quickly in my head. It wasn't the situation I wanted, but it was a good opportunity to rid us all of Victoria now rather than waiting.

Bella was full of surprises. Instead of being terrified of the monster, of me, she was angry. We could leave for a few days and track and hunt Victoria without her even being the wiser. I didn't like this plan, I would much rather be using this time to repair the mess I had made with Bella. But Victoria was like a dagger over both our heads, and as much as I didn't like it this it seemed like our best option. With Victoria on the run Bella would be safe in Forks for the few days – if it even took that long – to rid of Victoria. With seven to one odds in our favor I knew we could handle the situation quickly.

Bella was so angry she probably wouldn't even want to see my family for the next few days anyway. What would be the point sitting and wallowing waiting for Bella to be ready? We could use this time to our advantage, and then not only could I beg for forgiveness the next time I saw Bella, I could assure her the horror was over once and for all.

I pinched the bridge of my nose trying to calm my anxious feelings.

"It's time." I said once my family had gathered in the room. Alice of course saw my plan unfold before I even spoke it out loud.

'No! No Edward we have to able to do something else to help her!' Her thoughts screamed at me panicked.

"There's nothing more we can do." I said with a sigh. As much as I wanted to stay, we had to take this opportunity to get Victoria.

Once I had explained the plan to the others, they all reluctantly agreed. Luckily Jasper quickly saw the logic in it and took over the planning and explaining in detail how it could work. Jasper, Emmett and Carlisle worked over logistics as the rest of us quickly packed two set of bags. I had made sure to scan the surrounding area and Victoria's thoughts were no where to be found. We packed bags of supplies for our tracking, and we packed bags of clothes and other personal items to confirm to Victoria we had once again left.

My mind suddenly focused on Alice's thoughts. She was scanning Bella's future. She made it to two days from now before I had to stop it.

"Stop Alice, please" I said as I headed to her room. The vision quickly vanished. When I entered her room she was sitting cross legged on her bed, sadness washed over her usual perky features.

It seemed her visions had only confirmed my own thoughts. Bella was angry and would continue to be angry for the next few days.

"I won't look anymore…I just needed to be sure." she sighed.

--*+*--

A growl slowly erupted out of my chest as once again I recalled what a fool I had been. How could I have not seen what was really going on with Bella? I was so focused on trying to read her, on expecting her to surprise me. A natural reaction would not be anger. And anger would not cause her to cry and run away.

My whole time with Bella, since the moment I set eyes on her. I always waited, waited for realization to sink in for her, waited for her to scream and run away from me. And there she was crying and running away and I didn't see it. She had finally seen what I always expected, the monster I was. I was the monster who tore out her heart and left her to die. It wasn't anger that chased her out of our reunion, it was fear.

My growl had sent Alice on another wave of guilt.

'I should have seen. It's my fault.'

I couldn't take her guilt anymore as I quickly headed to her room. On the way I had to pass Carlisle's empty study. During these past few days that room had seen so much agony. I tried to not catch a glimpse of the walls I had spent clinging to life to, while I narrated for my family the play by play of Bella's surgeries. Watching her still body being opened and worked on was pure torture. My family was so concerned they wanted to know every detail. It was excruciating to not only have to watch it myself, but to then have to say out loud every cut, suction and stitch. My mind hopped from doctor's and nurses trying to find a quiet place to witness. But all of them couldn't help but comment on Bella's shocking condition. How the sweet and innocent daughter of the police chief could have had this happen to her. I pushed all those crystal clear memories aside as I continued my way to Alice's room.

Jasper sat beside Alice on the bed, rubbing her back. As soon as I crossed the threshold of her door I was hit with a strong wave of calm. I enjoyed it for a fraction of a second before I heard Alice dryly sob again. I locked eyes with Jasper and saw the pain in his eyes.

'No matter how hard I try, I'm just not strong enough…If only I had better self control. Edward would have never left in the first place and Alice would not be in such pain'

I knew the last thought had not been intended for me to hear. Another family member finding ways to blame them self. Jasper slowly turned Alice around and locked eyes with her. I turned away, giving them a moment of privacy. Their strong emotional connection never ceased to amaze me.

'I hope you can help her. I can't bear this. I need to get out of the house for a while anyway. I'll go to the hospital and relieve Carlisle.'

I nodded to Jasper as he left the room. He deserved an opportunity to get out of the house. How he endured the emotions in the house for as long as he had seemed impossible. The hospital would be no better for him, but at least the emotions he felt there were from strangers.

Alice for the first time I could remember looked fragile. For once her small frame looked weak and broken. Seeing her this way made me question why I had even entered this room. There was nothing I could say that would take away her guilt. I knew this because there was nothing anyone could say to take away my own guilt. Well there was one person, and that person could help Alice too, but now was not the time to bring the future up.

"Alice." I whispered as I sat beside her on the bed. She instantly curled herself into me as I instinctively wrapped my arms around her. We sat motionless and in silence, basking in a rare moment of feeling nothing.

The moment was soon broken as I felt Alice shake her head against my chest.

"It's all my fault." she whispered and her voice actually cracked.

"Alice." I began, my lips almost curling into a smirk at the ridiculous thought of any of this being her fault. "None of this is your fault. It's entirely on my shoulders." I felt her let out a deep sigh.

"I feel so useless Edward. I should have seen what had happened to her when we first left. I should have seen what happened when we left to track Victoria." She paused briefly before continuing in a whisper so faint I myself had to concentrate hard to hear her. "I should have seen Victoria, helped track her. Instead she's escaped again. Not only is Bella still in danger, she hates me." I grabbed her small hand and squeezed hard.

"Oh Alice," I tried to keep my voice calm as I spoke. It was true that in a moment of anger I had blamed Alice for not seeing things. It was foolish of me, like so many other things I had done. My family was too forgiving, too selfless. There was only one person to blame in all of this, yet every member of my family chooses to focus on how they were to blame. No one except Rosalie placed the blame where it truly belonged. But even then, Rose had once thought about why she had listened to me in the first place. Although her thought went no further than that, I could see even she felt a guilt that wasn't her burden to bear.

"My sweet sister," I whispered into her ear. "None of this is your fault. No one places any blame on you. I asked you not to look into her future. That is a decision that has haunted and will continue to haunt me for the rest of my existence, but you cannot for a second believe you are at fault for it. You tried to tell me otherwise, you tried so hard.

"I couldn't…" I paused and took an unneeded breath. I knew my sister needed to hear my reasoning, no matter how much it hurt to say out loud. "I couldn't even fathom bearing witness to her life through your eyes. No matter how far I ran, I knew if you were seeing her future I would never be able to leave the range of my gift. To see her grief and pain after I left her would have been impossible. And then what would have become of me when you would have seen her move on?"

I heard Alice let out a small sigh. I knew she understood where I was coming from, but I still had more to explain

"I honestly and truly believed there would be no danger for Bella once we left. I was the most dangerous aspect of her life. Victoria was an obligation of mine, but I never actually saw her coming after Bella. I thought I was just being overprotective and paranoid when I tracked her. I never even considered the possibility that your sight could protect Bella."

Alice then remembered that fateful night I decided to leave Bella. Her begging and pleading with me not to leave. Telling me Bella wouldn't recover – that I wouldn't recover. I flinched at the memory and continued on.

"Victoria is very skilled at eluding pursuers. I'd almost say she has a gift at it. She also has the advantage of knowing our abilities too. The Denali clan put a lot of trust with Laurent; he knew every detail of our gifts – of your gift." I amended.

A small growl came from Alice before she sighed once again, "Laurent"

I couldn't help but echo her exact emotions. None of us even suspected him until we saw him in the woods. How all of us had been fooled into believing Victoria was working alone. And then to have her partner be Laurent! After he had made such an impression with our sister family in Denali.

"None of us knew." I reassured her.

"But Bella." her tiny voiced cracked.

"We'll deal with that when the time comes." I said as I hugged her closer.

It was at this moment when I knew what I had to do. If it took me the rest of Bella's life, I would try to convince her how I was a fool. If anything I need her to know that Alice was not involved. As much as my cold heart broke at the thought of Bella hating me, I couldn't fathom knowing that her hatred extended to the rest of my family, Alice especially.

--*+*--

Bella's POV

I had been awake for a few minutes but had yet to open my eyes. The familiar beeping of the machines next to me confirmed I was still in the hospital. I took a few more moments to remember everything when I felt a new pain in my left arm. That's when it all came flooding back – the surgery.

I opened my eyes and saw Charlie sitting beside me with a weak smile. He looked absolutely dreadful, it was hard to believe looking at him that I was the sick one. I smiled weakly and noticed that for the first time in a long time I could feel myself moving. My body no longer had that detached feeling, but now I felt a dull throb everywhere.

"The surgery was a success of course." Charlie gestured at my arm. As I turned to look at my new cast I felt the muscles in my neck strain at the movement. This extended period lying in bed was not helping any.

"Ow." I sighed.

"They're starting to take you off the major painkillers. They said they may need to play with the dosage to help with the pain. Do you want me to call the nurse?" He said slightly panicked as he began to get out of his chair.

"No, No!" I stuttered quickly. He sat down, but still looked at me questioningly.

"Are you sure? If you're in pain they can give you something to help you sleep?"

At the mention of sleep I felt the familiar tug of my heart. Sleep was definitely something I didn't want to do anymore. Especially on heavy medications. All the dreams had been so lucid so real. Just the memory of them caused my brain to question whether or not they had happened. And I was tired of questioning my sanity. I'd rather stay awake so I could figure out what had happened and prepare for the worst.

I took a quick and silent inventory in my head. I was still alone. The Cullen's were gone; there was no one here to protect me.

"No Dad. They give my nightmares, I'd much rather stay awake."

Nightmares? Was that what they were? If anything the realization that they were dreams was the real nightmare. The here and now was the nightmare. I could have sworn Alice had been in this very room, telling me how sorry she was and it was all just a big misunderstanding. Instead I lay in this stark white room with my father holding my hand feeling completely alone.

"Merry Christmas." Charlie whispered as he squeezed my hand.

My mind flashed to when I was in the hospital in Phoenix. Edward had been there holding my hand as I woke up. He was there to answer all my questions, to make me feel safe. But there was no safe feeling here. No one to comfort me and fill in all the holes my mind couldn't figure out. The hole in my chest exploded then and I wanted to scream. Instead I smiled and looked my dad in the eyes and whispered, "Merry Christmas Dad".