It's Always Been You

by kimee0479

Bella grew up with Jasper as her best friend. When Bella meets Edward Jasper realizes that he let the love of his life slip away. When Edward turns out to not to be the the man she thought he was. Jasper is there to pick up the pieces of Bella's dreams!

10. Chapter 10

I am so sorry this took so long to get to you! There was never a good stopping spot so 35 pages later I finally did find one! I don't own Twilight but it is sure fun to play with!

Rose POV (this begins the morning of the 13th.)

Em and I are sitting on the porch of a house waiting on the realtor to show us around. It is just across the field from theirs.

"Last week I was excited about living here. I felt I was coming home. I was thrilled to be near Bella and Jaz again. Now I just... I don't know." I huffed.

"DO you regret the transfer? We could always go back to..." Emmett started quietly.

"NO. We're here. I like my job here. I want to stay." I said. I knew he was excited to be back. I missed his family terribly but if he thought I wasn't happy he would move away again. It bothered him that I was angry with Bella. I am still not really clear on why I am so pissed at her. Is it because she is too forgiving of Edward? Is it because of what she said to me the last time we talked? I heard Edward tell Em it was pregnancy hormones but I'll be damned if I will let him be right. (Sigh) Ok, the truth is Edward was right and now I just had to apologize to Bella.

The realtor pulled up. She was a petite little Strawberry blond woman. she power walked over up to the house with keys in hand. Em and I stood and greeted her.

"I am so sorry I am late. I am Tanya Denali." She smiled unlocking the door.

"I'm Rose and this is my husband Emmett." I said.

She led us through the house and it was perfect for us. It was a 2-bedroom, 2-bathroom home with a large basement. The bedrooms where fairly large but the bathroom upstairs was tiny, the kitchen was huge although it was outdated, the living room was nice sized however I felt like I had stepped into a time warp with it's orange shag carpet and faded yellow walls, the dining room was a little bigger then a closet and left me feeling a little claustrophobic, the ad boasted about a full sized basement and was an unfinished bare cinder block room the size of the entire house that was empty except for the other bathroom. There was also a washer and dryer hook up down there. To say I as disappointed would have been an understatement. Emmett thanked Mrs. Denali and we left. Almost as soon as we were in the car my phone rang and I froze. It was Bella. Emmett answered it. I zoned out while he talked.

"Ok. Maybe we shouldn't live so close to Bells and Jaz." Emmett suggested pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Em, I'm not mad at her. It stung when she called me on my bullshit. I hope she will forgive me." I told him.

"I think you are already forgiven. Bells just called you to invite us to a party. Ali's adoption is now final. Ali is now Bella and Jaz's daughter. She said to come on over." he said

I nodded. I was still a little uncomfortable about being there after the way I left things with Bella and then I really didn't want to be around Edward. Emmett told me about what he did when we were kids and then everything he pulled with Bella. I just can't see him changing. I was so lost in thought I didn't realize that we had reached their house until Emmett opened my door. I got out and walked up to the porch just as Edward was carrying two huge watermelons out to the picnic table. I held the door opened and even smiled politely in response to his thank you. Emmett took the other watermelon and followed him. I walked into the kitchen to find Harry laying out food and Charlie headed out with a big bowl of baked beans. I sent Harry to go sit down and took over laying out food and frying the chicken.

Once everything was done I wandered out to the porch swing and watched the guys horsing around. I wish I could forgive the past like the others. I think it was because Edward had me so fooled. I had genuinely liked him. I had considered him a good friend until I found out what he was capable of. It hurt that I was fooled so easily. I wish I could just erase it all and have my friend Edward back.

When Bella and Jaz got home we had lunch and they all hung out and I played with Ali and Esme. I wanted to visit and have fun with everyone but I just couldn't. So here I was playing with the girls. I kept an eye on the group and wished I could just go be part of it. Jaz caught me watching them and made his way over.

"Can I talk to you?" he asked.

"Yeah!" I said. We walked into the house. He sat down on the couch and patted the cushion beside him. I sat suddenly feeling very nervous.

"What's really going on here? Bella told me that you were trying to hurt Edward the other day. She said she was a little harsh with you and for that she feels bad. This isn't you! Rosie, why are you so angry? You are angrier then Bella was with him." he asks softly.

"I just... I don't know. He was my friend. I never thought he was capable of..." I sighed and broke off.

"You do know that he didn't mean to hit Bella, right? He was going to hit me. It was a fight between brothers," he said.

"How do you and Bella forgive him so easily?" I said.

"It isn't easy. It took time. I know he messed up bad but I got to thinking. What if that first punch he threw had of hit me? I would have been just as angry as he was. There's no doubt in my mind that I would have swung back. What if Bella would have stepped in the way? What if I had been the one to accidentally hit her? Would everyone have been as angry with me? Or what if he had just hit me? I know I wouldn't have pressed charges and I am sure no one would have been as pissed at him." he said.

"But you wouldn't do that. Everyone knows you love her." I said.

"He loved her. He didn't hurt her on purpose. It was a terrible accident. He paid an awful the price for it. I think you need to talk to him. He hates that you hate him. He understands but it still bothers him." he said.

"I don't hate him. If I could just forget the past I would. He used to be my friend when we were younger. I genuinely cared about him. I miss my friend. When he was married to Bella we hung out alot. I have told him things about me that even Emmett doesn't know." I said willing the tears in my eyes not to fall.

"He's right outside, Rosie. He made a mistake but he's still Edward. Do you want me to send him in? You two could talk. I know he misses his friend too." he said.

"I wouldn't know where to begin. I am pissed at him. I don't hate him but I'm just so pissed. I just... I don't know. What would I even say?" I ranted.

"Tell him that, talk to him. You might feel better." he said wiping a tear off my cheek.

"Not yet!" I said, "I'm going to go wash my face and then I will be out.

I watched as Jaz walked to the door and saw Edward carrying a sleeping Ali inside. I washed my face and then made my way to Ali's room. He had just laid her down and turned to see me. I stepped back into the hall and then followed him down the stairs.

He paused to look at me then hung his head, "I'm sorry. I let you down, Rosalie."

At that moment it clicked with his words, tears flooded my eyes and I couldn't speak. I walked over to the couch and sank into it. I couldn't hold back the sobs that erupted.

"Rosalie?" Edward asked.

"I...I -m...just...so..." the words faded into sobs.

"I am sorry. I just... Please don't cry. I will do what ever you want me too. Rosalie, please." he pleaded as he sat down beside me.

I leaned into him and continued to sob until I couldn't cry anymore. He wrapped his arms around me and held me while I fell apart. After my sobs subsided I was exhausted I looked up at Edward to see his face was tear streaked too. He gave me a sad smile.

"I don't hate you. I am pissed off and hurt. I miss you. I wish I could just forget what you did but I can't. I'm trying though. I don't hate you though. It's important that you know that." I sniffled.

"Thank you! What can I do to make it up to you?" he whispered hoarsely.

"I don't know." I said, "I guess give me some time."

"I can do that," he said. I got up and went to the bathroom again. My face was red and splotchy and my eyes were swollen. I pressed a cold rag over my eyes until the swelling went down and then borrowed Bella's makeup. When I came out of the bathroom Em was standing there.

"Edward told me," he said.

"I think we should go. I'm so tired." I said.

"Edward said you might not be feeling well so everyone except Jaz, Edward and I thinks you are sick." he said. I leaned heavily on him as we left.

"Edward told me that you talked to him." Em said.

"Yeah. I told him I was pissed and needed time." I said.

"He said you didn't hate him." he said.

"I told him that to." I said.

"I'm glad! He really is trying to make amends." he smiled.
Then as we drove past the house we looked at said, "There's our house."

"You're not serious, are you!" I screeched.

"Well, I was. It needs alot of work I'll admit but I could finish out the basement and make a master suit with it's own bathroom and walk in closets. There's potential for a laundry room down there too. I was thinking of doing away with the dining room and making the kitchen an eat-in kitchen and bathroom bigger. The living room has hard wood floors under that hideous carpet and I plan to paint the walls throughout the house. I also want you to design your updated kitchen." he grinned.

"Okay!" I said smiling at his enthusiasm. He drove straight to the real-estate office. We signed alot of paperwork and dealt with a loan officer from the bank that I work at. Two hours later we had keys. Em dropped me off at Charlie's because I was exhausted and then headed out again.

Jaz POV

About three hours after Em and Rose left as the party was winding down Em pulled back up.

"Howdy neighbor! We just bought the old Stattler place." He said as he hopped out of his car.

"Wow! That's great!" Bella said engulfing Em in a hug, "Where is Rose? She's still mad, isn't she?"

"No. She's just tired. She spoke with Edward this afternoon and it took a lot out of her. She misses her buddy. She's working on forgiving him it's just going to take some time." Em said.

"That's why. I could have swore I saw a tear when Edward said he had to go check on Maisey." Bella said.

"Maisey?" Em asked.

"His pup. She is recovering from being ran-over and starved." I said. He nodded probably remembering Bella's story of the poor pup.

"I have got to get all this cleaned up and Esme in the shower. Ali is passed out on dad. I'll see you later." Bells said excusing herself.

"The Stattler place needed alot of work when they moved. Do you need help?" I asked.

"I could use some help. I need on pull up the carpet and paint. I am going to do alot of remodeling. I have to start those apartments on Monday so I am headed over to the house now to start ripping carpet up. Tomorrow I'm going to have Rose go pick out paint. I called a couple of my guys to come help me tomorrow and they are going to help me take out the dining room and make the kitchen and bathroom bigger." he said.

"You know I could call Edward and we could knock out a big chunk tonight. We work cheap! It'll only cost ya a case of beer." I grinned.

"I would appreciate it. I'll go grab the beer and meet ya there." He said.

"Hey Bells?" I called as I entered the house; "I'm going to help Em with their house tonight."

"Oh good! They are driving dad crazy." She smiled.

"Who's driving me crazy?" Charlie asked.

"Em and Rose. They bought a house and I am going to help get it livable. I'm also calling Edward to see if he wants to help." I told him.

"I'm in too. Where is it?" he said.

"It's the old Stattler place." I told him. He nodded and we headed out the door. I called Edward and he agreed to meet us there. I called Em and let him know that Charlie was going to help too. We met at the house and Emmett showed us what all he planned to do. Edward and Charlie started taking the carpet out and Em and I started knocking down the walls of the closet sized dinning room. Three hours later the kitchen and bathroom where one room and all of the rubble was hauled out. Tomorrow Em's guys would put up a new wall and divide the rooms. Edward and Charlie had the carpet up and were almost done with removing the tack strips. By nine o'clock we were through. We all agreed to meet back here in the morning and Em asked if Bella would go with Rose to pick out paint. I told him I would ask her.

Pops and Bella where playing cards when I got home, well actually my wife was hustling Pops in poker pretending not to know what she had. She kept asking 'are these good cards?' and saying phases like "Are these cards good?" "Must be beginners luck." I chuckled from the doorway. Bella looked up with a guilty grin.

"How much do you owe her Pops?" I chuckled.

"Six weekends of babysitting and two weeks of laundry. Beginners luck can only take her so far." he said.

"Pops, you've been hustled! Bell's has been playing poker since we were kids and she's good at it! That sweet, innocent crap she pulls is her game. She won Emmett's car for a month the summer of his senior year. She's so full of it!" I chuckled.

"I'm out!" Pops chuckled good naturally, "Well, played kiddo! Well, played."

I went and took a shower and lay down in bed with Bella and fell asleep almost as soon as my head hit the pillow.

BELLA'S POV

I woke up a little before the alarm hearing a car pull up so I hurried down stairs to find Bree, Rylie, and Victoria piling out of the car. I stepped on to the porch and was engulfed in a hug.

"I hope you don't mind. When Jaz called to let us know Ali was officially my grandbaby I had to come." Victoria bubbled.

"Not at all come on in." I said lead them inside to the kitchen and started fixing coffee and then sat down at the table.

"So how long are you down for?" I asked. Smiling as I heard the alarm and Jaz groan. We all looked overhead. "He'll be down in a few minutes."

"We're not sure. Vic was so excited to get here she barely let us finish work and studying. We just jumped in the car for fear of being left." Rylie teased. We heard Ali start babbling her morning song and Jaz talking to her.

Victoria's eyes lit up and tears welled in her eyes. "I've missed you all."

"We've missed you too." I told her. I spent the next ten minutes filling them in on the craziness that was our life until Jaz walked in with Ali. Victoria made her way to them and threw her arms around Jaz and Ali. Ali squirmed and wanted down so Jaz set her down and hugged his momma tight.

"God, how I've missed you." he said.

Ali didn't even notice the guests she just continued to the fridge she was a girl on a mission. I followed her and handed her a sippy cup of milk and scooped her up. The coffee was ready and Bree and Rylie were fixing everyone coffee. I walked over to the table and sat down with Ali nestled into my lap. When Victoria finally let go of Jaz she sat beside Ali and I. Ali regarded her carefully.

"She doesn't remember me." Victoria said sadly, "I'm not around enough."

"Mom she's only met you twice." Bree reassured her. Jaz took Ali and I began making breakfast. I knew Emmett and Rose were coming over this morning. Emmett was dropping Rose off here and Jaz was going with him to help with their house this morning. Rose, the girls, and I are going to go pick out paint for her new house. I made up a giant platter of French toast, and fried a platter of bacon. I had a suspicion everyone would be here shortly because that's how it always goes. Soon I heard another engine coming down the driveway and soon after Edward came with Maisey in his arms.

"Can I leave Maisey here today? She needs some company!" He asked.

"A PUPPY!" Esme shrieked as she bounced to Edward, "Can I hold her?"

"Now be careful she's still alittle sore." He said gently placing his new "baby" in her arms.
Esme carted Maisey off to the living room where she sat on the couch and crooned sweetly to the puppy.

"Yeah! You can leave her hear. Getting her back from Esme might be tricky though." I chuckled at the worried look that momentarily crossed his face. He headed into the living room to sit beside Esme.

"Hey Essy. How would you like to puppy-sit today? If you do a good job I will even pay you." he said.

I listened to his and 'Essy' (I'm not sure were the nickname came from or if I even like it) visit while I finished up breakfast. I was starting to put the food on the table when Emmett pulled up, followed by dad. Dad brought a pan of cinnamon rolls with him.

"Here ya go, kid! I figured you would be invaded this morning." He said kissing my cheek.

We sat down to eat and I watched my insanely big family. Victoria who had finally won Ali over had her sitting on her knee letting her feed herself French toast that she had drowned in syrup. Ali was covered in syrup and bits of French toast. Essy was fussing over the puppy curled up in her lap slipping her tiny pieces of bacon. Edward was scolding her for feeding Maisey from the table. Dad and Pops were discussing going fishing this week. Emmett, Rylie and Jaz were discussing the house. Rose and Bree were visiting animatedly about Rose's new house. My kitchen was buzzing with happy conversation. I had everyone who mattered most to me under my roof. I sighed happily and visited with the crazy crew sitting in my kitchen.

Rylie decided to go with the guys to work on Rose and Em's house, Pops was staying home with Ali, Esme opted to stay with Maisey at the house, leaving Rose, Bree, Victoria and I to go shopping. I thanked Pops for watching the girls and he assured me that he loved watching them.

Rose, Bree and Victoria piled into my car and headed out. We when to the hardware store and looked at paint. Rose found the perfect shade of cornflower blue. We bought it and then went to the furniture store. Rose and Em lived in a tiny little studio apartment. The only furniture they had was a futon, an entertainment center and TV Plus kitchen and bathroom stuff. We helped Rose pick out furniture except for the master bedroom furniture since the bedroom wouldn't be ready for a while. We then went to the baby department and she picked out a white crib, dresser and changing table. She paid for it all and said she would call them with a delivery date and address. We stopped for lunch and then headed over to Rose's new house. She loved the changes and we were all amazed that it was almost finished so quickly. Emmett's crew had already framed and put drywall up between the bathroom and kitchen. They were going to paint this afternoon and then Rose and Emmett could move in. She called to have her furniture delivered the next day. All of their furniture from the old house was already here. Emmett had the futon in a bedroom along with the end tables.

Jaz followed me home in his truck. Where Pops and Esme were sitting on the porch. Edward had asked us to keep Maisey for the night and Esme was excited. She had fallen in love with Maisey and she had already asked for a puppy of her own. I told her Jaz and I would have to talk about it.

That night Jaz and I did talk about it. We decided that we would let Esme get a puppy and it would come from the local animal shelter. When we told her the next morning she was excited. She loved the idea of rescuing a dog. Jaz and I discussed getting a dog that was already housebroke. She practically danced with excitement. I called the shelter to see how late they were opened and explain a little about Esme's situation. The lady said she would be there for an hour if we wanted to come now. Esme and I jumped in the car and took off.

When we pulled in Esme dragged me through the door. The lady behind the desk smiled and greeted us.
"You must be Esme" she smiled.

"Yes, I am. I am here to rescue a puppy." Esme said excitedly.

"Well then follow me." she smiled leading us back to several dog runs housing barking dogs. The first one we came to was a hyper little Jack Russell Terrier. He was bouncing around yapping. His tag said her was not good with small children so we moved on. There was a beagle that was aggressive with other animals. Next was a Silver Great Dane who ate chickens. At the end of that run was a seven year old red Blood hound with sad eyes who was laying quietly an the back of her run. The lady explained that her owner had passed away and that the poor dog was morning the loss. She was housebroken, she was previously a farm dog, and had a sweet nature. We walked to the next run were there was a little border collie whose tag said adoption pending. Then we came to the puppies. Esme was quiet now, deep in thought as she turned to me.

"Mom, would it be ok to get an older dog?" She asked.

"Yes. Esme you can pick any one of them you want as long as it will get along with the family and our animals." I said.

"Can I see that Blood Hound? She needs rescuing more then the rest of them." Esme said.

"Why don't we take her outside? She does need a nice family. I think she will perk up once she is in a new home." she said. We made our way to the old dogs pen and once the gate was opened she wagged her tail watching us. Esme crouched and called to her and the old dog rose and walked slowly to her. Esme rubbed her ears and stood calling her with her. The dog lumbered along beside Esme. We walked out to a fenced yard were Esme sat in a chair. The dog sat in front of her. "What's her name?" Esme asked.

"Her name is Daisy." I read off the tag attached to her collar. The dog perked up at the sound of her name. Esme scratched the old dog behind the ears. Daisy closed her eyes and leaned into Esme tapping the ground with her foot and groaned.

"Mom, she's the one I want." Esme laughed.

"Alright! We will do the paperwork and them we'll take her home. Although if I had known you where going to get a horse I would have brought the truck." I joked.

"She's not that big." Esme giggled then really looked at her dog, "Maybe a pony but not a horse." Daisy was every bit as tall as Shadow. Esme walked around happily with Daisy while I stepped inside to fill out the paperwork.

"Most people would have probably gone with a younger dog. Daisy is sweet but she is already 7. Most big dogs don't live very long after that." the older lady said.

"She picked her. You can't let the fear of future pain keep you form living now. Death is a fact of life. My family will love her long after her life ends. When that time comes and she dies. I'm sure we will be upset because of the loss but we will have alot of loving memories to look back on." I said to her.

"I'm glad you all picked her. I hope she lives a long happy life with your family." I smiled warmly and handed her the paperwork back and she ushered us out to my car. Esme rode in the back seat with Daisy to the local feed store. Esme walked beside Daisy with her hand resting on her back. We picked up a leash Esme clipped the leash to Daisy's collar and then we went to get a raised water and feed bowl. Daisy nudged a worker with her nose.

"Daisy?" she asked looking to Esme.

"Yes, we just got her from the animal shelter." I told the lady.

"I wondered what had happened to her." she said rubbing her ears.

"Do you know what brand of food she is use to?" I asked.

"Yes I do. She is also due for her flea treatment in a couple of weeks." She said leading the way to the feed isle, "Did the shelter know about her skin allergies?"

"No." I said.

"She is allergic to ragweed. Mr. Coal use to give her a bath in Colloidal Oatmeal shampoo every week to keep her hair from falling out." she told me and she pointed out the Pedigree dog food. I chose the 50lb bag given Daisy's size.

"Do you have the shampoo here?" I asked.

"Yes. It is right next to the Frontline." she said once again leading the way. I picked up the Frontline along with the shampoo she pointed out and she led us to the front pf the store. The cashier recognized the stench of the animal shelter that hung in the air around poor Daisy and complimented the fact that we had rescued an older dog.

Once we were situated back in the car we headed home. The first order on business was to bathe the stink of the shelter off of Daisy. As we drove I watched as Daisy lay down in the seat and propped her head on Esme's lap. Esme rubbed the old hounds ears as she lovingly smiled down at her.

When we pulled up Jaz strolled onto the porch. I laughed at the look on his face when Esme brought Daisy out of the car. We made our way to him and he laughed and watched as Esme carrying the dog shampoo ushered Daisy past him telling her that she was going to get a bath.

"She always wanted a Blood Hound." he grinned.

"I remember!" I smiled back as I grabbed the rest of the bags and Jaz grabbed the Pedigree and headed inside.

"Em and I where talking." He started.

"Uh-oh!" I joked.

"Hey!" he complained playfully. We laughed. "But seriously! We were thinking about finishing our basement for pops. Maybe put a long ramp down there and giving him more space." he said

"That sounds great. Pops was so upset when his landlord rented his old apartment when we moved his stuff. Maybe this will make him feel a little better. We need to get those windows fixed and take the plywood off. He might like some natural light." I said.

"Since his birthday is coming up I thought it might be nice to surprise him." Jaz smiled, "Em wants to help to. He said he would help us free of charge as a thank you for helping him with his house and a birthday present to Pops. Edward wants to split the cost of supplies. He and Pops have really bonded lately. He said he's come to think of his as a sort of father."

"Kinda like someone else I know." I grinned, "That sounds wonderful. Pops is worried about being in the way. I also want to put a ramp off of the porch. Pops sits in the rocking chair on the porch and stares at the pasture. You remember you and Dad helping him maneuver the steps and how hard in was for him. He won't ask for help for fear of inconveniencing someone. So he is trapped inside or on the porch."

"That sounds like a plan. I will make that our top priority. They are all coming over tomorrow after church. I will go pick up the lumber to build the ramp before the hardware store closes." He smiled leaning the dog food against the house, kissed me softly then fished out is keys. I smiled as he hopped in his truck. I continued into the house. I heard giggling from the bathroom where Esme was giving Daisy a bath. I peeked through the door to see Esme as covered in soapsuds as Daisy was and smiled relishing in the fact my family was happy. I walked in to the kitchen to find Bree cooking lunch.

"Where is Victoria?" I asked.

"Fishing with your dad and Pops. I think there maybe a budding new romance beginning she's awfully friendly with Pops." She giggled.

I chuckled, "From what I remember she hated fishing."

"I know!" She giggled.

"What are you girls gossiping about?" Rylie teased as he came into the room.

"Mom and Pops." Bree said.

"Are you playing matchmaker?" He chided.

"No! I am just paying attention." Bree retorted.

The three of us laughed and talked until Jaz got back and swiped Rylie to help him unload lumber. Bree and I finished supper and Jaz, Rylie, Bree, the girls and I sat down to lunch. The conversation was light until the girls went to play and then the conversation turned to Pops and Victoria. Bree filled Jaz in on the new relationship that she suspected. Jaz furrowed his brow but kept quiet. Bree rambled on oblivious to her brother's worried expression. I kept quiet too. I would visit with Jaz later. Jaz asked me if I would 'give him a hand in barn' code for I need to talk to you privately, if he would help my clean up the dishes.

"I'll clean up, Bella. Go help Jaz!" Bree smirked. I blushed but went with it because at least it disguised Jaz true reason for taking me to the barn and ensured that no one would be down there.

"Thanks!" Jaz told her placing his hand on the small of my back and guiding me out the door. Jaz laced his fingers though mine as we walked to the barn. I could see the tension and worry rolling off of him I gave his hand a gentle squeeze. He smiled uncertainly at me. Once the barn door was closed we climbed the latter to the hayloft and sat on the hay staring out the west window.

"Is it true?" He blurted out, "Are they together?"

"I don't think they are together. I can see that there is something there. Dad and Pops invited her fishing and she went." I told him.

"But she hates fishing." Jaz said.

"That's why Bree thinks she likes Pops. She hasn't strayed to far from Pops since we returned from shopping. She watched a movie with him in the living room, then they played cards, they doted on Ali, sat on the porch swing and watched Esme play with Daisy. She likes being around him." I told him.

"I just... what if..." he stammered and then groaned, "What if she runs? What if..." he sighed and broke off.

"Jaz," I said gently laying my hand on his supportively, "you know why she ran last time. She's not going to leave you. Pops would never do anything like what happened to her. Pops seems to know just how to deal with the skittish and emotionally injured. He wouldn't do anything to hurt you or her." I was silenced by Jaz crashing his lips to mine.

I was starting to get light-headed before he pulled back," Thank you!" he grinned sheepishly.

"For?" I asked.

"For being there for me! You know just how screwed up I am and you're still hear." he said wrapping me in his arms tightly.

"And I'm not going anywhere!" I told him kissing his neck.

"So what do you think about them?" he asked.

"Well, I think that they deserve to be happy. And if they make each other happy then that's great." I said.

"You're right." he sighed softly.

"Aren't I always?" I teased.

He kissed the top of my head and chuckled, "Usually."

"I have been meaning to talk to you. You've just been so busy. You mom wants to move back home." I said.

"Is this because of... It's too soon..." He started chattering.

"JAZ!" I said sharply to shut him up, "This was discussed while we were shopping before she spent any time at all with Pop's. She talked about you staying with Bree and Rylie at her house and her finding a small place here."

"What about her Job?" HE quipped.

"She writes novels for a living. She was thinking about living in the apartments Emmett is renovating after they are finished." I told him, "When Bree and Rylie leave tomorrow she wants to stay with us until you go to check in at the college. Then she will pack the rest of her things and come back. The first floor apartments will be finished by then and she can move in." I said, "She hasn't said anything to Bree yet. Rylie kinda walked in on our talk. He agreed to keep his mouth shut and let your mom tell Bree herself."

"Why now?" he asked softly.

"To spend time with you and Ali. Jaz she missed alot of time with you. She wants to be part of our lives." I replied gently.

"What about Bree?" he asked.

"Bree is moving to New York as soon as she finishes law school. There is nothing holding her there! You can stay with your sister and Rylie and not have to pay rent and she gets to spend time with her granddaughter." I said, "This means a lot to her. She's worried about how you and Bree will take it though."

"So mom was afraid to talk to me? Is that why she told you and Rylie first?" He asked with a snarky tone in his voice.

"Jaz! STOP! That's not it at all, your mom thought you would be happy so she wanted me to talk to you first and then tonight we will all talk. I told her the 3 of us would go riding after supper. Jaz why are you so upset?" I told him although I wanted to turn him over my knee and wear him out since he was acting like a petulant child, "She was talking to me to see if she could stay with us until her apartment was ready to move into."

"I thought you said she talked to you on your shopping trip, How did Ry walk in on that?" he challenged still disgruntled and ignoring my question.

"We did talk on our shopping trip. Then again later at the house. When Ry walked in she came clean with him. He agreed to let your mom tell Bree..." I was cut off.

"I'm sorry. I know I'm being an ass." he said hanging his head.

"Yes you are." I agreed, "What is going on? You were fine until I mentioned your mom staying with us."

"I don't know, I guess part of me is still that little boy that she left all those years ago. I know its crazy but I keep waiting for her to disappear again. I worry that if we let her in again that if she does disappear again it will not only effect me but Ali too." He sighed and slumped his shoulders, "I get why she left up here." he pointed to his head, "but I just can't make it ok in here." he pointed to his heart.

I pulled him to me, I totally understood what he was saying. I knew both his and her stories. I knew she ran to protect herself and Bree but I also know the devastation it caused for Jaz. The way he tortured himself wondering if he could have done something to make her stay. I cried with him so many times and even hated Victoria for making him feel that way. I know now my anger was misplaced and I was beginning to form a relationship with her. For Jaz the emotional turmoil was worse then ever. He started to sway gently and in a choked and shaky voice began singing the lullaby he had when we were kids. My heart sank with the knowledge that he only did this when the pain was too much for him and he was trying to calm down? His tears fell on my shoulder for an hour. He was shaking uncontrollably and clinging to me for dear life. I knew from past experience that any efforts to calm him would result in his bottling his feeling and truing to be strong for everyone and that as hard as it was to see him like this that all I could do was be there for him, let his hold me, cling to him and just let him get this out. I watched as he weeping transforming before my eyes into the little boy that was abandoned years ago. My silent tears streaming down my face as I witnessed his pain. I hated Carlisle with everything I had in me for the hell he had put Jaz through. I was angry with Victoria at this moment for not finding a way to fight for Jaz. I hated the pain that Jaz felt. We stayed in the barn long after Jaz managed to calm himself. We watched the sun sink beneath the horizon silently letting Jaz calm down.

"Jasper? Bella?" we heard Victoria call into the now dark barn.

"We're in the loft." Jaz answered in a raspy voice.

"Should I leave you too be?" she asked undoubtedly recognizing the hurt in his voice.

"No, We'll come down." Jaz croaked.

Jaz and I went down the ladder to find Victoria sitting on the bale of hay outside Diesel's stall. She looked sad. "I'm sorry. I should have said something long ago. I have been here for awhile now." she said.

"How long?" Jaz whispered.

"I know what I did to you. I'm sorry! I knew we would have to deal with this eventually." She said tears welling in her eyes.

"I can't right now, mom. I just can't." Jaz whispered, "You are welcome to stay with us. Maybe we can deal with everything later but right now I just can't." he said, "I'm going to go take a shower and go to bed." he said gently hugging his mother. As he walked away I saw her silhouette shake with silent sobs. I sunk to the ground in front of her and asked her what she had heard. It turned out she had only walked in to hear Jaz say "I don't know, I guess part of me is still that little boy that she left all those years ago. I know its crazy but I keep waiting for her to disappear again. I worry that if we let her in again that if she does disappear again it will not only affect me but Ali too. I get why she left up here but I just can't make it ok in here." and hear him completely break. While she understood that she had hurt him she never saw (heard) it first hand. She told me she tried to leave the barn but just couldn't. She had gotten upset and had gotten light headed so she had sat down on the nearest thing to her. I sat with her until she calmed down and then we went to the house. Jaz was just coming out of the bathroom as I walked into the bedroom. I sat down on the bed waiting for Jaz.

"The girls are already in bed." he said softly.

"I know." I said.

"Take a walk with me?" he asks pulling on his favorite beat-up blue jeans and a t-shirt. I nodded as he slipped in to his boots and grabbed my hand. I popped into the kitchen to tell Bree we were going for a walk and then we where off. Jaz and I wondered aimlessly until we came to the old fallen tree. We both loved this spot. We sat down on it and leaned into each other. I could feel him start to relax against me.

"I love you." He said softly into my ear before placing a soft kiss on my forehead.

"I love you too." I said.

We sat there for hours until the horses came to see what we were doing. We headed back to the house trailed by two nosy horses. Jaz chuckled and fed then once we got back to the barn. The house was completely dark and all was quiet except for Pops snoring. We went upstairs and I took a shower and Jaz went to bed. When I came out of the bathroom I heard soft sobbing from downstairs. I walked down stairs to find Victoria and Pops on the couch. Pops had a comforting arm around her as she sobbed into his chest. Pops looked up and mouthed 'Good Night' to me. I quietly made my way upstairs to find Jaz sleeping soundly he was exhausted from the emotional evening. I lay down beside him and felt his arms curl around me and pull me into his strong, cozy embrace. I fell asleep feeling safe, secure, and loved.

Jaz POV

I could hear her sobbing and went to check on her. Just before she came into view I heard Pops soothing her. Telling her that I would just need time and that she needed to understand that I went through hell when she left and it was something that still affected me today. I retreated back to the bedroom my chest feeling like in could burst. I feigned sleep when I heard Bella come into the bedroom. I could hear sobbing from down stairs and I refused to let Bella see me break again today. She lay down and without a second thought I had her in my arms. She would never know the strength I drew from her. I would have never been able to hold back the sea of mixed emotions I was feeling without her. I have always felt stronger with her around. I buried my face in her hair breathing her calming scent in. She fell asleep quickly. I lay there holding onto her warring within myself. I wanted to forget the pain and loneliness I felt when my mom had left. I hated that she was hurting. I felt like such a rotten excuse for a son for not being strong enough to be able to take her in my arms and tell her that I'm ok. I desperately wanted to be ok, to be able to tell her that I understood why she left and it was ok and mean it. I hated the lost feeling that I got when I thought about her. Even now having her here still gave me that lonesome feeling. I love my mother and I really do want to get past all of this. I know it hurts her that I am not able to sit down with her but the excitement of finding her has faded and now the wounds from the past have been reopened and the pain was just as fresh. A traitorous tear escaped and rolled down my cheek into the crook of Bella's neck. She immediately rolled to face me and wrapped me in her arms. The loving embrace opened the floodgates and for the second time today I wept. She held me silently understanding what I needed. I didn't sleep much that night and woke feeling terrible. Thankfully Bella took everyone to church and left me to sleep.

I spent the day in my room and with exception of Bella checking on me and bringing my lunch everyone left me alone. I dozed of and on. I kept having strange dreams there was alot of banging that I never could find. Bella gently shook me and ask how I was feeling.

"What time is it?" I asked her.

"It's mom, Bree and Ry are getting ready to leave." she said quietly.

"Mom's leaving? I thought she was staying with us for awhile." I rambled.

"She thinks it might be to soon. She wants to give you all the time you need." she said looking me in the eye searching for my thoughts.

"I want her to stay! We need to talk. I want to build a relationship with her. I need her here!" I stammered feeling panicky as I stumbled out of bed not realizing mom was standing at the bedroom door and Bella leaving the room.

"I'll stay then." she said in a tight voice as she crossed the room to me. I wrapped my arms around her and she began to cry. We sunk to the floor and wept with each other. I needed her to be here for me now, to prove that she loved me and wasn't going to run off again.

"I'm so sorry, Jasper!" mom sobbed and strangely the pain faded just a little bit.

"Mom, I," I started.

"Jasper, please let me finish." mom said, "I know it will take time for you to forgive me and that's ok. I hurt you and I don't expect you to trust me over night. I know I have a long road ahead of me and I am willing to work on it! I should have fought for you then and I failed you. I will fight for you now Jasper! You are worth the fight son." she choked out. Then we pulled ourselves together, dried our eyes and went down to tell Bree and Rylie goodbye.

It was a tearful goodbye for Bree. This was the first time in Bree's life that she wouldn't be in the same town as our mother and she hated leaving my family. She cuddled a sleeping Ali and hugged Esme. (Whom every one was now calling Essy. pronounced Izzy) Essy had become quite fond of my sister. We walked out to their car and waved them off and I noticed Pops hobble back up his ramp. It finally hit me what the banging was that I had been searching for in my dream they had built the ramp. I would have to thank the guys.

The afternoon was quiet. Essy played in the playroom with Ali, Mom and Pops disappeared outside, and Bella and I just lounged around on the couch. It had been a crazy weekend and I had a feeling that life was about to get crazier until school started.

We chattered on about our day tomorrow. Bells was going to take Ali and go grocery shopping while Esme met with Dr Black. I was going to call the Boarding house that had the small apartment I was going to stay at and let them know I would no longer need it. We talked about the worry we both felt about when school started. Essy was still not thrilled about my leaving for school and any time it was brought up she would throw a major fit and ignore me completely. Deep down I feared that my relationship with her would suffer. Bella ask me if I would take Essy to pick up a pizza and let her pick a movie.

When we hopped in the truck and started down the driveway I could see something was on her mind.

"What's the matter Essy?" I asked.

"You're leaving in a month to go live with Aunt Bree." she whispered.

I pulled the truck over and put it in park, "School does start in about a month. I will leave Tuesday afternoon so I can get settled in at Aunt Bree's and then go to classes then I will Come home Wednesday evening to spend time with you, Bella, & Ali then I will get up Thursday and take you to school and then head back. I will be home Friday and get to spend all weekend with you all before I go back Sunday and then be back Monday night. I will take you to school on Tuesday morning and then I will go back again. I will only be gone Tuesday and Thursday nights. Think of it like this, you know how you spend the night with Edward sometimes?" I smiled as she nodded, "Well, I am going to have a sleepover with my sister."

"But I need you for my dialysis appointments." she said shakily.

"Essy, Bella takes you to those." I gently reminded her.

"WELL I DON'T WANT MOM TO!" she shouted then softer, "I want you there, daddy!" The doctors warned us that there might be a period of time after each dialysis appointment that Esme may be angry with the one of us who took her to her appointments. She did seem to be passive aggressive towards Bella all evening after an appointment and stayed in her room the rest on the evening only coming out to tell Pops, Ali and I good night making a big production of not telling Bella goodnight. The following morning she always made up for it though by giving Bella a huge and telling her that she loved her the best.

"I will skype with you in the evenings but I have classes so I can't be here Sis" I said sadly

"WHY? Why do you have to go?" she shouted.

"I am going to school so that I can provide a good life for us. Essy, I want to be able to give you girls everything. In May after I graduate I will become a lawyer and we will never have to be apart again." I said.

She folded her arms acrossed her chest and stared straight ahead.

"You know. How about we just enjoy the time we have together and not waste a second of in fighting?" I said hoping to soften her up.

"Fine" she sighed.

The ride into town was quiet she was upset. I pulled into Blockbuster and asked if she would like to pick the movie. She nodded and we walked in. She combed the shelves and finally came up with an old Elizabeth Taylor movie National Velvet. I should have known she would pick a horse movie. We picked up the pizza and headed home. Essy was trying not to be mad at me but she was still visibly upset. I shot Bells a quick text from the driveway to warn her then carried in the pizzas.

When we got in the house Bells and Ali were snuggled into the over-sized chair, Daisy was snoring on one half of the couch. Mom and Pops were on the loveseat. Essy went and sat beside her dog. I sat the pizza down and watched as everyone fixed their plates then fixed Bella's and my plates. Essy had to move to fix hers so I took a seat where her feet had been. She sighed and sat next to me. We watched the movie and she began to forget her anger and leaned into my shoulder. I smiled as she laid her head on my shoulder and whispered, "I love you dad. I'm sorry." I hugged her and told her I loved her too. After the movie I took Ali to get her ready and Bella helps Essy get ready for bed. Mom and Pops retreated to Pops bedroom. I was not pleased and debated going and telling them that the door stayed opened and mom needed to sleep in her room tonight. I would have told them that too if Bella hadn't argued that they were adults and that if I didn't leave them alone I would be sleeping in the guestroom. Like I said I wasn't pleased but I knew Bella meant business so I left them alone.

The weeks before school flew by. Mom and I were taking baby steps to a good relationship. Mom and Pops got closer and closer. She had not spent a night in the guestroom all month. Pops was getting around better and so they went for long walks, horseback rides and even dates. She had even asked him to move into the apartment with her and he decided to. They talked to me about it and I said I was ok with it but I don't think I am fooling anyone. Mom has kinda adopted Edward as a son too just as Pops did. Everyone seemed happy.

It was currently Monday August the 6th Essy was excited. It was her first day of school. Bella and I drove her to school and dropped her off. As we headed back home I sighed.

"I need to tell you something." I paused "Edward kind let it slip that we where married last night when he was at Emmett and Rose's. She called me and wasn't pleased so everyone knows." I said remembering the scathing tongue-lashing I had received from Rose.

"Oh God! I had a call from Rose this morning but was busy with Essy so I let it go to voice mail. We need to go over there and smooth her ruffled feathers." She said.

Just what I want to deal with today!" I grumbled.

"I know." Bells said softly, "We knew they would find out eventually.

"I just wish we had more time." I said.

"How about we take Ali riding after we deal with this. Then after we pick Essy up lets go to dinner and just be us." I said knowing that everyone would be there tonight as always. It seemed that everyone congregated at our house and visited. Most nights I loved it but tonight I wanted it to just be us.

"Jaz, you're mom wanted to have a dinner for you tonight. she asks me about it while you were in the shower this evening. I was going to tell you but with Essy's excitement there wasn't time." she said.

"Oh" was all I could muster. I was glad that I had such a big family and that we where all close but I really just wanted to spend time with Bella and the girls tonight.

"We can go take the girls to the park and spend time just us then we can go home and spend time with everyone at dinner." she said gently.

"Riding sounds great." I said.

"Good. So, what are your plans for tomorrow? I asked.

"I will spend the morning with you until you leave. Edward is going to take Ali and keep her till dinner and pick up Essy from school. So I think I will go grocery shopping and maybe pick up some new ridding boots for Essy. Her birthday is coming up and she saw a pair of boots that she loved while we where picking up feed the other day. After that maybe take Diesel out for a ride. I have been re-evaluating what I want to do with my life. I love my life now. I get to write books and hang out with the kids and I have to wonder where I would find the time to squeeze that into my schedule if I went to work teaching. My schedule wouldn't be flexible. I have changed from who I once was and I don't want the same things any more. A year ago if you had asked me I would have said I didn't want kids, I wanted to be a teacher and an author. Now I can't imagine going to work and not having the girls. I want a house full of kids to love and spoil." she smiled.

"You want more kids? How many?" I asked, "I am fine with that! I don't care what you decide to do with your self as long as you are happy and with me."

"I wouldn't mind having one or two more." She smiled.

"When do you want to start having these babies?" I asked her, hoping her answer would be now.

"Well, I'm not sure. We haven't really discussed it." she said.

"Do you want to start soon? We could start now and then the baby would be born around the end of May." I said.

"You want more kids too?" She said searching my face.

"Yes I do. I have always wanted four or five kids. You know that. You have always said you didn't want kids so I didn't want to push you." I told her.

"Lets, get things settled. You're starting school, mom and Pop's are going to be moving out and that will take a while for the kids to get use to and then once things settle down we will add to our family." she said.

I sent Rose a text to let her know we were coming over to talk. She replied back, 'Fine'

When we pulled up Emmett was waiting for us outside and said gently, "Keep in mind that she's hurt."

I nodded and we followed him. Rose sat on the couch with her feet tucked under her and wore a sullen expression.

"Why didn't you tell us." She spat, "We were the only ones who didn't." tears spilled down her cheeks and Emmett gently pulled her into his lap.

"Rose, It started out as the lawyers said it would solidify our case to adopt Ali. We did a quiet little wedding with a judge." Bella started.

"Everyone knew but us!" Rose interrupted her.

"Dad and Pop's where witnesses. Then we found Victoria and Bree and I'm don't remember which of us slipped but one of us did. They agreed to keep quiet." she started again.

"And Edward?" Rose spat.

"I'm getting there." Bella said annoyed, "When it was decided that Esme would live with us there was a meeting. It came out that Jaz and I were legally married. Edward has hurt and we had to explain the whole thing to him too. We should have just had a big wedding when we got married but it was complicated." Bella finished.

"When?" Rose said softly.

"June 15th" I said pulling Bella to me.

"We knew it was close to your wedding and we didn't want to distract from that and plus I was only going to propose to Bella this summer until all hell broke lose. I thought maybe we would get married next summer. It was nothing against you. It was just a crazy mixed up mess and it all happened really fast. We had planned to have a real wedding next summer." I told Rose.

"Wow! Congratulations guys." Emmett smiled.

"Next summer?" Rose sighed, "Why not sooner? Like fall break? I could help you plan it! You're place is gorgeous in the fall?"

"I could do sooner!" said Bella, "What do you think Jaz?"

"Sounds good to me as long as you are happy!" I grinned. We were forgiven and if Bella was happy that's all that mattered to me. Rose and Bella rambled on about the wedding and Emmett and I slipped off.

He showed me the basement remodel. He had finished it all except the laundry room. He still had to close in the laundry shoot. They had their bedroom set up and Emmett had built a nursery adjoining their bedroom and everything was waiting to see if the baby was a boy or a girl. Emmett was secretly hoping for a girl but giving Rose a hard time about it being a boy. She hoped for a girl. She would get riled up and tell him to stuff it. She just had a feeling it was a girl.

Once Bella and I got home Ali toddled over to me and I scooped her up. Edward was helping Mom and Pops with their packing Pop's things to take them over to the new apartment. No one ask for my help in this it was understood that I was having a difficult time with this. I felt childish but I couldn't help it. Edward did ask to barrow the truck which of coarse I let him. I went to saddle the horses while Bella visited with them.

I tacked up the horses in record time and rode up to the house leading Diesel. Shadow pranced along beside us. Bells handed me Ali and mounted up. We rode through the hey meadow and then decided to check out the south pasture that neither Bella nor I had ever had time to ride out. The whole pasture was mostly timber and the trails where quite brushy. I decided that this weekend We would come riding as a family and I would clear these trails because I could see that Bella Loved these trails. She was excited to see more. Bella said she may bring some pruning shears out tomorrow after I left and clear up these trails a bit. She also wants to widen these trails and use the trees for firewood. We do need to cut more firewood before it gets cold. The trails and wide enough for an ATV to pass through but I would love to widen these trails so you could drive through them in a truck. The trail we were on started to go up hill and opened into a small clearing with a pond that looked like it was made of glass it was so still. We continued on the path around it to the timber again. There where so many trails that Bella and I hadn't got to ride them all before it was time to head back to go pick up Esme. We rode back and put up the horses.

The house was empty when we returned as Pop's and my mother were spending the night in their apartment tonight. Ali had fallen asleep during the ride so I carefully laid her in her bed and Bella and I took full advantage of having an empty house then grabbed a quick shower. Once we were dressed and ready to go Bella woke Ali so she would sleep tonight and we went to pick up Essy. We played in the park for an hour and then headed home to find supper and out large family waiting on us.

Dinner turned out great. Emmett and I discussed firewood. He needed some to but didn't have any extra trees he could cut. I told him of Bella and my plans to widen out the trails and told him he could cut wood there. Then we discussed the little pond in the clearing. Rose and Bella included Mom in their wedding planning.

Bella's POV

I loved planning the wedding with Rose and Victoria. I had complete control and veto power. We would be married on the edge of the pond on farm. I would wear the white cotton sundress and Jasper would wear boots, jeans, and a new straw cowboy hat. My bouquet would be daisies and other wild flowers. I saw no need to go fancy because Jasper and I were simple people.

It would be an intimate ceremony with just our family, a few friends, and our pastor. After the ceremony we would grill hamburgers and hotdogs with our family. The only thing Jasper insisted on having fancy was a wedding cake made by Angela. Much to my delight Jasper chose a chocolate cake with fudge icing and dark chocolate embellishments. I knew he chose it specifically for me because while I am a chocoholic because he's not a big chocolate fan he would rather have had strawberries and ice cream I would make sure he had his favorite too.

At the end of dinner Rose and Victoria helped Essy and I clean up. Essy was in a mood because tonight Pop's and Gram (what Essy and Ali will call Victoria) where moving out. I hated the timing too but there was nothing to be done. I couldn't ask them to put their life on hold. Then Tomorrow Jaz left. She wasn't doing well. She burst into tears when it was time for everyone to leave and ran to her room with Jaz following her. Gram and Pop's hung around until everyone left.

"This is too much change, isn't it?" Pops asked me as I sagged against the couch.

"She is just worried everyone is going to abandon her." I said softly.

"Would it help if we stayed tonight?" Gram asked, "Rylie can help pack my stuff and I can drive it back, we could stay in the guest room until the first night Jaz comes home."

"It might. But I can't ask you to do that!" I sighed.

"Bella, it's the least we can do!" Gram said.

"I'll go talk to her. I may stay a little while longer to help settle things." Pop's said looking worried. He knew what Essy had been through and knew that this transition would be hard on her, "I will stay in the guest room for a couple of weeks. Jaz is leaving tomorrow and Victoria will leave with him tomorrow. When She comes home we will stay here until Jaz gets back and then Victoria can move into the apartment. I will spend nights that Jaz is home with her and then the next week I will stay on Thursdays until Essy goes to bed then come home." as he headed up stairs to talk with Essy.

The next morning I was awakened to Daisy's large wet nose rooting out my knee. I got up and let her out to do her morning patrol. I fixed a huge platter of French toast and bacon and even had the coffee done but no one was up yet. I took a cup of coffee and sat on the porch swing and watched the sun paint the sky with color. Finally Daisy came back and wanted in. She cocked her head to the side and whined softly. She seemed to sense the impending change Esme's unease made the old dog uneasy too. I called her to me and stroked her shine fur. She seemed more alive the longer we had her. She played and followed Esme everywhere.

I heard movement from inside the house and knew it was Essy due the happy bay that erupted from Daisy that disturbed the silence of the morning. Essy walked out to the porch and threw her arms around the old dog.

"Breakfast is ready! Can you set the table and I will go call everyone for breakfast." I said knowing that Daisy's bellow had woke everyone all I had to do was grab Ali and holler Breakfast to have everyone up and around. I heard Jaz and Ali chattering down the stairs along with Gram laughing.

"I think Daisy called everyone for breakfast!" Essy laughed as she headed inside. I went in to help Essy and get the food on the table. Everyone was in a subdued mood today. No one wanted to talk about the impending departures but no one really knew what else to talk about so we just ate in uncomfortable silence. The proverbial elephant standing in the room went on being ignored. Essy finished eating and went to gather her things for school day and Jaz took her to school. Pop's and gram took Ali out to play on the swings while I cleaned up breakfast. No one was really in to mood to visit. After the kitchen was cleaned I packed the last of Jaz's things into my car and then went to the basement to start cleaning it up for when Jaz started to renovate it.

I dusted, swept, and mopped out the empty space that ran the entire length and width of the house. They're where pillars to support the weight of the house but for the most past it were a wide-open space.

"Hey." Jaz's said in a soft voice from where he was standing at the bottom of the stairs. I walked over and he pulled me into a hug, "I hate leaving!"

"Don't do this!" I said pulling away slightly, "If we are going to make this work then we have to look forward to the day you come home. You will be home Wednesday. So you will get settled this afternoon, go do your orientation for the new classes, go to classes on Wednesday and then study in the library until 5 then you will come home to us." I said hiding the fact that I wanted to bawl very well.

"Your right. I just worry about you. The girls can be a handful and I won't be here to help you. I am going to miss so much." he sighed.

"We will skype this evening so you was still read Ali a bedtime story and have your evening chat with Essy. I'm sure she will have so much to tell you. This is going to be good for us in the long run even though it maybe hard now. We just have to think about the end result." I said sounding braver that I felt.

The morning went too quickly and I wasn't ready to say good-bye but the time had come! I opted not to follow him out side to wave from the porch as Pops did. I said my good byes and then threw myself into cleaning house vigorously. Pops went to the apartment and I packed Ali a bag for the day refusing to let myself think of were Jaz was. Edward came to get Ali and we visited for a few minutes. He seemed to know I would need a little comic relief so he told a few corny jokes and made me smile before whisking Ali away.

I walked through the house. This was the fist time in a long time I had been alone in the house and the silence was maddening. I quickly changed into my boots and retreated to the pasture where Diesel was grazing. As I approached the gate he and Shadow lumbered over. I put on his halter and lead my big boy to the barn with Shadow skipping along beside us. I quickly saddled him up and grabbed the pruning shears that Jaz had laid out for me then swung into the saddle and we were off. I had all day to myself today. Edward would get Essy and they wouldn't be back till suppertime. I quickly rode to the trails in the south pasture leaving the gate opened since there were no animals in there. Diesel stood like a good boy as I stood high in my stirrups to trim over grown branches and tossed the to the left side of the trail. It took nearly all morning to reach the clearing with the pond. I decided to give Diesel a break and hopped down. I took his bridle and hung it hung on the saddle horn and walked back down the trail dragging brush out of the trails to the open pasture in the south pasture piling them into a bonfire type structure to be burned at a later time. then I realized how tired I was and that I had to walk back up the hill to where I had left my horse grazing. I decided to whistle for him first. I whistled and heard him nicker in response and head down the trail. I saw Shadow barreling down the trail and trotted around me nickering softly. I saw Diesel trotting carefully down the trail to me. I was grateful that Diesel was such a good horse. I put his bridle back on and rode him back to the barn. After he was put up and fed I went to the house to shower and change.

I decided to shop in peace. I picked up the boots for Essy's birthday at the feed and tack store along with my weekly feed order and then stopped at the small bookstore that I had ordered Essy the next in the Saddle Club Series and the first Thoroughbred Series then I headed for the grocery store. It felt odd not to have Ali with me. I finished shopping in record time. On my way out I saw Maria. We visited for a few Minutes and then she suggested we go to lunch and catch up. I suggested the farm since I had groceries. She accepted and followed me home. I was in wonder that she was even back here. Last I heard she had married a big shot CEO and was off living the dream somewhere.

I pulled up to the house and was met by Daisy who walked dutifully by my side. Maria grabbed the last two of my shopping bags and followed me in to the house. I quickly put things away and made us 2 huge mugs of coffee. We sat in the living room and visited.

"So I hear you and Jasper finally quit fighting your feelings for each other." Maria grinned as she took a long drink of coffee.

"Yeah! It took a while but we finally gave in." I chuckled.

"I'm glad. You two where meant for each other." She smiled.

"Well, thank you!" I said, "So, how are things with you?"

"Uh! Well, I.. a," she hesitated.

"You don't have to answer that! I had a situation I really wasn't comfortable talking about here a while back too." I sat there for a minute thinking. I saw her gaze on a picture of Ali and decided that was a safe topic.

"That's my Ali girl. Jaz and I adopted her after the whole mess with Carlisle." I said.

"I heard all kinds of crazy stories about that. What actually happened?" she said sadly, "Is Jasper ok? I have been hearing some crazy stories around town. They said Esme is living with you and Jasper. And I could have swore someone said Victoria is back."

"Yes, she is." I said.

"Wow! Poor Jasper!" she said sadly.

"Actually her being back is a good thing! There was so much Jaz didn't know. He's actually attending law school with Bree. It's crazy they where in the same school and didn't realize it." I told her.

"He found Bree. That's great. He missed her so much! How did he find her?" She asked.

"I hired a private investigator. It went really quick. Carlisle knew where they where the entire time and didn't say anything. Victoria wanted a divorce and full custody of the kids. Carlisle told her that she could have Bree. He told her to take Bree and disappear. He said that if she tried to have anything to do with Jasper he would drug her keep her so drugged that she didn't know what was going on and put her in a nursing home. He then told her that he would sign away Bree to the state and let someone else adopt her. He wanted Jaz to carry on the family name. So Victoria took Bree and ran to protect her. Carlisle signed his rights over to Bree. He even went so far as to pay the private detective that Dad hired not to find them. When I hired Mike Newton to find them he had no trouble finding them." I said.

Wow!" she said, "Is that what happened to Esme?"

"Pretty much." I said grimly, "Esme had lost touch with reality. She didn't know her boys and didn't remember having Ali. Esme was deemed a danger to Ali so Carlisle signed her over to the start. Jaz and I where in the process of adopting her. We took her with us when we went to meet Victoria and Bree. When Victoria saw her and heard the vague story that Jaz told she pieced together who she was and what had happened. Jaz called the judge and got a court order to test Esme's blood and deny Carlisle access to her. It wasn't 20 minutes later that we got a call saying that Carlisle had been arrested for drugging Esme and Jaz was named her guardian. Esme is living here with us. She is mentally a preteen right now. When we started with her it was like having a five year old. She loves Ali and plays well with her like a sister but still doesn't remember that she is actually Jasper, Edward and Ali's mom. She asked to call Jaz and I mom and dad like Ali does so that's what she calls us. It's been trying on the boys although they won't admit that it hurts."

"WOW! That's sad." She said, "Bella, not to pry but what happened between you and Edward? I have heard horror stories about him nearly killing you."

I drew in a deep breath and then began, "Edward and I were married for a brief time. I caught him cheating on me and so he moved in with Carlisle and Esme and I was going to move out of the farm and back in with dad and Jaz told me that I could stay. I loved the farm so I stayed."

"Wait a minute! What?" She asked, "Is Jaz paying your rent?"

"No. Jaz owns this farm and Edward and I were renting it. Jaz had came home for the summer was going to stay with us until the whole split up thing. I was going to move out so he could have his home back but he told me I could stay. So I stayed and he moved into the guestroom he had been planning on staying in for the summer. It was just like old times. Jaz and I started having to fight feelings hard. He was my moral support through my divorce from Edward. It all came to a head right before the forth of July." I paused, "Jaz and I finally gave in and talked about our feelings. I decided not to attend the annual party and Jaz decided to skip it too. Edward was pissed. He came over and caught the tail end of our talk. Jaz and I went to the door and Edward threw a punch at Jasper. Jaz didn't realize that I was behind him and stepped out of the way. Edward missed him but his right hook caught me. I was knocked out and apparently hit the marble table in the entree way on may way down. I was out for a couple days. When I woke up Edward was in jail, Carlisle was in the process of drugging Esme so her behavior was very bizarre and Jaz sat and held my hand through it all. Poor Jaz would have fallen apart if it hadn't been for Harry Clearwater. Things are good now though. I know Edward wasn't trying to hurt me and we are all working to build new relationships. This has been a whirl wind." I said.

"Well, I saw Edward the other day while I was at the park with my daughter Clair and he had Ali there. We talked and he had asked me to have coffee with him sometime. So yesterday on my morning break I met him in the hospital cafeteria and we did have coffee. I really think I might like him the nurses where all a buzz and told me to stay away because he was a woman beater. They told me to "just ask you". He didn't seem like the type but I wanted to be sure. I really liked him but the more they insisted, I knew had to find out. If for no other reason then for Clair." She finished.

"He's not a woman beater. He was going after his brother but Edward has never given me reason to fear him. He is in anger management classes as a court ordered condition of his release. But it was a dispute between two brothers. He still feels terrible about what happened to me." I said.

"Is it safe to get involved with him?" She asked me.

"Maria, if I thought there was any danger of him being violent, he wouldn't have Ali right now." I said honestly.

"You heard that I married James, right. We traveled the world and things where wonderful. I tagged along with him while he conducted his business. He treated me like a princess and I was happy. When I found out I was pregnant we decided it was time to buy a home and settle down. So he found a beach house with a private beach below. We bought it and moved in. We had decorated the nursery all in pink when we found out Clair was going to be a girl. When I was in the hospital after having Clair James had an early meeting so he spent the night at home. It was a really wet rainy season and the side of the cliff leading down to our beach gave way. James was going down to the beach when it happened and had buried in the mud, rocks and remainder of the staircase. He only held our little girl once. I tried to stay but there where so many memories I just couldn't. So I moved back home and let James' parents have it. They said they felt closest to him there." She told me her voice heavy with the pain that her memories brought. "I am staying in James' Mom and Dad's old place. I am working as a scrub nurse in at the hospital. I work from 4am to noon." She smiled, "I know you are here for me."

"Maria, I'm so sorry! If there is anything you need..." I started in shock at what I had just heard.

"I know Bells. All I need is a good friend." she told me, "It happened over a year ago. I have learned how to live again although it was tough! Hey, What is there to do around here?"

"Not much unless you're a kid." I said.

"What do you and Jasper usually do?" She asked.

"Well, Jaz is at school and won't be home till Wednesday but I usually have a house full of family in the evenings or if I find myself with a free afternoon or morning I ride." I told her, "Hey? Are you free for dinner tonight?"

"Yes." She asked.

"I will have Harry and Victoria, dad, Rosalie, Emmett, the girls and Edward over for dinner. Why don't you come join us?" I suggested.

"I don't know?" She said. "I don't want to intrude."

"Maria, You are my friend and I really would like it if you and Clair joined us tonight. Clair and Ali are around the same age I bet they would get along well." I said.

"Well if you're sure I won't be intruding then I will come." she relented.

"What can I bring?" She asked me.

"Just yourselves. I bought everything I would need today for Lasagna, salad, garlic bread and an Italian Cream cake." I told her.

"Can I at least help you cook? I need to go pick up Clair from Daycare and then I can come back and help cook." she asked a little flustered, "The daycare thought it best for her to visit today before she started full time."

"You don't have to help cook but if you want to you can come back and help." I told her.

I walked her to the door and then went to check my email. There was an email from my publisher requesting a new book. I skipped over that one. There was one from the university that I had taken online classes from I skipped over that one as well. I was thinking seriously about not taking any more classes. I had a successful career as an author and always had more then enough work thanks to my brilliant publisher. I had time now to hang out with my family and take time off while completing each book before the deadline. If I went back to school then I would have to give up something and it would most likely be my time off. I wouldn't dream of cutting family time out and I couldn't stop writing because that helps out with bills. I doubt I will ever work outside the home now that I have grown to love being home and taking care of my family.

There was an email from Dr Black so I opened it. It was Essy's Class schedule and a report of how well she was doing. I was please to get a good report. Essy was thriving in her occupational therapeutic school and I was thrilled. Dr. Black was pleased that Essy was mentally a preteen although that was all the progress she was making. I let her do as much for herself as possible and getting Daisy made her a little more responsible. She would never be an adult mentally again but at least she was able to care for herself and enjoy a little freedom.

I looked up as Maria came back in and noticed that she looked upset. Then I noticed the huge bite marks on her daughter's hand and cheek. "I don't know what I'm going to do! When I got there Clair was screaming. The worker said that their "resident biter" had gotten to her twice before and she was terrified of him. I told them that she wouldn't be back but now I need to find childcare." She said almost in tears.

"I can watch her if you want. On Thursday's Esme had dialysis so I will have to bring her to you and I will need a car seat in case I need to go somewhere." I offered.

"I couldn't ask you to do that!" Maria said.

"You didn't ask me, I offered. Alice gets bored just playing with me and I'm sure she would be thrilled to have another little person to play with." I said.

"If you are sure you don't mind. I would need to drop her off at 3:30am and she can be a little bear when she first wakes up." She warned.

"That's fine." I said leading her into the play area in the kitchen. Clair squirmed and when Maria put her down she headed straight for the kitchen set. "I bet she and Ali will get along well!"

"If it becomes too much just let me know." she said, "I was going to pay that daycare $30 a day. Will that be enough?" She asked.

"That sounds fine. Just keep me stocked up on her diapers and wipes. This will work out well." I said, "Will you need me tomorrow?"

"Yes. I work Monday through Friday. Thank you so much. I didn't have a clue as to what I was going to do. Mom was down last week so she kept her and I would have had to take time off to find Clair someone to take care of her." she rambled. We lapsed into silence when we heard Edward bring the girls in. I noticed that she seemed almost nervous.

She blushed and ducked into the pantry as Edward carried Ali in. Ali squealed happily as she caught sight of Clair. Edward sat her down and she and Clair regarded each other cautiously then sat side by side and began playing. Maria come out of the pantry and shyly smiled at Edward.

"Hello Maria. It's good to see you!" he said tenderly.

I grinned as she blushed and awkwardly said, "Hi."

I grabbed dishes and went to the dinning room. Since Pop's had moved his stuff out he had put the table back in the dinning room. I started setting the table giving Edward and Maria some time alone. Esme come in to help me. 'Who's that in there with Edward?" she asked me.

"That's Maria. She is my friend. I haven't seen her since I was in high school." I said.

"Why aren't you in there talking to her?" she asked.

"Well because she has been here all day and Edward works at the hospital with her. So they are friends too." I explained.

"Oh." She said curtly clearly not pleased with Maria's presents.

Everyone started trickling in and everyone was there except for Gram and Jaz. Rose and Emmett visited with Maria and Rose snuggled Ali and Clair on her lap after dinner on the couch. Edward had offered to help clean up since we had cooked. I gratefully agreed and grinned as Maria told him she would help. I think everyone had the same idea as I did in letting Edward and Maria be alone together because it was out of character to leave the table and not offer to help clean up. Everyone started trickling out slowly just before 7:30.

When Jaz called the only ones left were Pop's, Edward and Maria. Maria had rocked Clair to sleep on the porch swing as she and Edward visited and Pop's had retired to the guest room. I set the girls in front of the computer and busied myself with laying out clothes for tomorrow and getting things ready for tomorrow. Ali fell asleep while chattering to Jaz and Essy had a million things to tell him. I scooped Ali up and took her to bed while Essy talked to her dad. It still felt strange for her to call us mom and dad but it was what she needed. I changed Ali into her pj's and laid her down. When I went back down stairs Essy was ready take a shower. I shooed her off to get ready and sat down to briefly talk to Jaz. We had decided before he left that he would call and talk to the girls and then after everyone was in bed or gone that he would call back and talk to me. I quickly told him I loved him and good-bye and then disconnected.

I went and helped Essy get around and in bed and told her good night and went to see whom if anyone was still here. Pop's kissed my cheek on his way past promising to be back for breakfast and then he would drive Essy is school then he hopped in his truck and was gone. Maria had already gone but had asked Edward to tell me that she would be here tomorrow at 3:30. Edward sat on the porch swing lost in thought.

"Are you alright?" I questioned.

"Yes. It's odd, that's all." he said looking at his feet.

I sat down next to him, "What's odd?"

"I feel like I am cheating on you, with her. I really like her but being here, in this house with you, having her here. Its just odd." he rambled leaning his elbows on his knees and grabbing two fist fulls on hair.

"Edward, I just want you to be as happy as I am with Jasper." I said putting a hand on his shoulder.

"I know you do but being with someone else just seems wrong. I still..." he paused rethinking his words, "I'm still working on getting over you. I thought that if I was with someone else it would help but I can't use someone like that. I do like Maria but I am not ready to jump into a relationship." he said.

"I think you should be honest with Maria. Tell her that you aren't ready for a relationship and while you do really like her you don't want to rush into anything and risk hurt feelings. I think knowing her she will understand." I said.

"I will Bella! I wouldn't hurt her like that!" he said, "I won't use you as a reason not to be with her either. I remember hearing about how Jaz broke up with her and what it did to your friendship." Edward said.

"Well, thanks for that." I said.

"Well, I'm going to go so you can get ready for bed." he said as he walked away then turned and called, "Hey, Bells?" I looked over at him, "If you need me I will be here!"

"Thanks Edward! Now get outta here so I can have some peace and quiet!" I said.

"Alright!" He chuckled, "I'll be here in the morning to take Essy to school!"

"Yeah, Yeah! Essy just let it slip I was making Apple Fritters!" I laughed.

"Oh alright! Fine! I am coming for the fritters!" He laughed.

"See ya tomorrow! I'll have breakfast ready." I chuckled.

I waved him off and ran up stairs with computer in hand and changed into my pj's with a minute to spare.

Jaz popped up on my computer screen and I clicked accept.

"Hello Darlin' How was your day?" he drawled softly.

"Good. Did you get all settled in?" I asked.

"Yeah. We packed all of mom's stuff and moved Bree and Rylie into her old room and me into Bree's. Mom headed back this afternoon. So she's probably there with Pops in their apartment be now." He said sounding alittle irritated. I let it go. I knew why he was afraid of their relationship and although his fears were unwarranted I still understood.

"Tell me about your plans for tomorrow." I said.

"Well, I plan to get up early and go for a run, then head to the school for that mandatory breakfast mixer, pick up my schedule, and then I plan to get the books I need downloaded to my tablet. Wednesday I will go meet with the study group By the way I will be home at 5 on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday but I will have to leave by 8:30 Tuesday and Thursday mornings. I can't wait to hold you in my arms." he said softly.

"I love you. Just keep in mind why we are doing this." I said summoning all of the strength I had keep from getting sad.

He smiled knowingly, "So what did you do today?"

"Well, I cleared that trail we rode on the other day and then I picked up the boots for Essy's birthday at the feed store along with the feed order and then stopped at the small bookstore and picked up some books for Essy then to the grocery store. On my way out I ran into Maria. We I invited her over to visit and to supper to night with the family." I recounted.

"Wow! I haven't thought about her for years. She married James right? How are they doing?" he asked.

"She is fine. James was killed in a mudslide at their house. She brought their daughter back here. She traded houses with James' parents. One that reminds me. I am going to be keeping her little girl, Clair form 3:30 in the morning till noon while she works." I said, "She and Ali seem to get along well. They sit side by side and play. It is adorable."

"What about Essy's dialysis?" he asked.

"I will take Clair with be to the hospital on Thursdays and hand her off to Maria there." I said, "Is it ok that I am watching her?" I asked hoping that this wasn't going to be an issue.

"Of coarse! Babe, you can do what you want to. I was just trying to figure out your schedule." he smiled at me, "Wednesday when I get home loading my three favorite people in the world up and taking you all out."

I feigned a look of disappointment and asked in the most dejected tone I could muster, "So what time will you be home?"

"Bella!" he groaned and I grinned, I will be home at 5! Be ready!"

"OK!" I giggled.

We visited till 11:30 neither of us wanting to say good-bye. Ali beginning to fuss interrupted our small talk. So with that the call was ended.

I made my way to Ali's room and picked up my fussy little girl. I took her down stairs and rocked her. She was fighting sleep and squirming to get down. I held her firmly and told her it was bedtime and she had to go to sleep. That opened a floodgate and she began wailing for her daddy, who was a pushover and would have taken her to the playroom and played with her. I took her out to the porch to rock her so Essy could sleep. I rocked Ali on the porch swing for close to two hours before she settled into a fitful slumber. I rocked her a little while longer and finally she settled into a deep sleep. I carefully took her back to bed and then headed for my bedroom. It was 2:30 already so I made my way to the guest bedroom and quickly set up the port-a-crib and got ready for Clair. By the time I got back to bed it was 3. I decided that I wound be better off to go lay on the couch until Maria dropped Clair off.

It seemed I had just nodded off when I heard Maria pull up. I quickly got the door opened and escorted Maria to the guestroom so she could lay her sleeping little angel down. Then followed her back down stairs.

"She didn't sleep well last night. Just let her sleep till she wakes up today. It was alittle before three so she will probably sleep till 11 or so." She said.

"Ok! Have a good day!" I said and she left.

"I went upstairs and fell into bed. And slept until 6. I got up and made coffee and then started of the apple fritters. By 7 I heard Esme coming down stairs fully dressed.

"Morning Essy!" I said cheerfully.

"Morning mom. Mom, do you think Edward likes that Maria girl?" she said.

"I don't know Essy. Why?" I asked.

"If they become a family then he won't have time for us anymore!" she pouted.

"Oh Essy! Edward will always have time for you." I reassured her giving her a quick squeeze.

"No he won't." He said stomping her foot.

"Who won't what?" Edward asked as he came in. Essy flew at Edward and threw her arms around his neck and chocked on a sob.

"Hey. What's wrong?" he crooned brushing her hair back. He looked at me.

"She is afraid of all the changes lately and that no one will have time for her anymore." I explained.

"Essy, I will always have time for you!" he started.

"NO YOU WON'T! YOUR GONNA MARRY HER AND THEN FORGET ABOUT ME!" she wailed.

"What?" Edward said confused as Esme ran to her room.

"What's going on?" Edward asked.

"She wasn't pleased with Maria being here yesterday. She kept asking why she was hanging around you. This morning she said that you were going to marry Maria and not have time for her. With all the changes going on she is just having a hard time adjusting." I said.

"Can I go talk to her? I would like to just take her and spend the whole day with her. I don't work till three." He asked.

"of coarse go talk to her. I am going to call Dr. Black and see what he thinks about you taking her for the day." I said ass he bounded up the stairs.

After my talk with Dr. Black I went up to tell Edward and Essy that Dr Black would be here around nine and then they could go play all day. Essy was tear soaked weeping on Edward's shoulder and Edward was having a hard time holding it together too. I escorted them downstairs and told them that Dr Black was going to be here at nine. I fed them breakfast and Edward followed Esme around the farm. She let Shadow out to follow her and he and Daisy frolicked in circles. Edward was terrified but stayed by Essy's side even when Shadow came to stand by him insisting on having his ears scratched.

I sat on the porch swing watching them until Dr Black arrived. He went out to them and the three of them visited for a minute then Essy nodded and went to put Shadow up and Edward and Jake came to the porch. Edward was going to spend the day as Essy's guest at school. I waved them off and went to lay down until the girls woke up.