I do not own the concept of the running gag, Quodpot, or the Dallas Cowboys.
Special: Neville Gets Hurt
As a special thank you to my readers, I've put together a special chapter about Neville getting hurt. This has absolutely nothing to do with the plot. This is here only because I like to write about Neville getting injured.
1. Neville is sitting down to breakfast. Errol, the Weasley family owl plows into the tea pot, spilling it on Neville's lap. Neville cries out in pain.
2. Neville is in Herbology and is tending a mandrake. He forgot where he put his earmuffs and uses earplugs instead. He can't get them out, and spends the whole day unable to hear anything.
3. Neville takes too large a bite of sausage and chokes. Dean punches him in the gut, dislodging the sausage. Neville vomits.
4. Neville is on the astronomy tower when he spots his Remembrall in the gutter. He stretches out an arm to grab it. He slips, falls, slides down the side of the roof, and his robe catches on a spike. He hangs there all night. Professor West dislodges him with a broom the next morning, and he falls the last twenty feet to the next tier of roofs.
5. Neville slips on a banana peel and falls on his arse.
6. Neville trips and falls down the stairs in the entrance hall.
7. Neville makes an accidentally flirtatious comment to Pavarti Patil. She knees him in the groin.
8. Neville encounters a boggart in the potion room. It turns into Snape. Neville imagines Snape dressed in his grandmother's clothes and shouts "Riddikulus!" The boggart turns into Snape wearing his grandmother's clothes. The real Snape docks Neville five hundred points.
9. Neville finds a cage sitting in the middle of the Care of Magical Creatures classroom. No one else is around. The cage seems to be empty, aside from some old blue blankets. He opens the cage. A swarm of Cornish Pixies fly out of the sheets, carry him out the window and drop him.
10. Neville sees a pair of cupcakes sitting on the banister in the entrance hall. He walks up the stairs, eating one. At the top, the sleep potion in the cupcake takes effect, and he falls backwards down the steps.
11. Draco is throwing chalk at the other students. Neville gets hit in the back of the head with a piece. He turns and throws the chalk at Draco, misses, and hits Snape. Snape throws the chalkboard at Neville.
12. Neville is eating lunch. Ron leans back on the bench and Neville falls backwards, cracking his head on the Ravenclaw bench.
13. Neville is in the library looking at a book. He stubs his toe and cries out. Madam Pince takes the book and slams it shut on his nose.
14. Neville is kicking rocks when one goes high and hits Crabbe's arm. Neville turns to run, trips over the railing and falls off the balcony. Crabbe never notices and goes on eating his ham sandwich.
15. Neville is juggling cabbages. Hagrid drops his barrel full of flesh-eating slugs. The slugs, attracted to the cabbages, swarm over Neville.
16. Neville is collecting water from a well when a grindylow hitches a ride in the bucket. It attempts to strangle him. Neville struggles with it and falls into the well.
17. Neville is sitting in the common room when a coal leaps out of the fire and lands in his lap. He brushes it off quickly. It lands on, and incinerates, his recently completed homework.
18. Neville is locked out of the common room and sleeping in the hall when the Bloody Baron floats by. Neville screams and runs away. He trips over a shrub and tumbles down the stairs.
19. Neville is in transfiguration. Seamus is attempting to turn a log into a salamander. He misses and sets Neville on fire.
20. Neville is helping the house elves carry meat to the larder. They forget about him and he is accidentally locked in. Four hours later, Snape retrieves a sausage from the larder. Two hours later, Snape tells Filch that Neville is locked in the larder. Three hours later, Filch tells McGonagall that Neville is locked in the larder. An hour later, McGonagall tells Zacharias Smith to get Neville out of the larder. Zacharias forgets. A house elf goes into the larder to get some roast beef an hour later, finds Neville, and carries him out.
21. Neville is buying chocolate in Honeydukes and buys an acid pop. He gives it a lick. It melts through his tongue. Neville has an allergic reaction, and what's left of his tongue swells up.
22. Neville is taking notes in History of Magic when his quill tip breaks. He swaps it out and accidentally breaks the nib on his second quill. He pulls out a third quill. This one snaps in half when he picks it up.
23. Neville is being fitted for robes in Madam Malkins when Draco Malfoy walks in. He swaps out the material in the request for hot pink fabric with lace. Neville is embarrassed when he receives his new robes.
24. Neville drops his toad Trevor and stoops to pick him up. He cricks his back and can't stand back up. Neville stumbles around a corner after Trevor and collides with the back of Lavender Brown's knees. She sees him bent over under her skirts and kicks him in the face.
25. Neville throws a rock. He accidentally hits the window in the Transfiguration room. Professor McGonagall leans out the window and turns him into a donkey.
26. Neville is in Defense Against the Dark Arts when Professor Quirrell has one of his incidents.
27. Dumbledore is putting nail polish on his toenails. Neville has agreed to help clean Fawkes. He pulls a loose feather on Fawkes' tail and the phoenix bursts into flame. Neville's robes catch fire and he runs around the room tripping over kooky instruments.
28. Neville tries to do a jig, offends a leprechaun and finds himself stuffed into a chamber pot.
29. Neville is writing answers on a test, saying the words under his breath as he writes them. He writes confringo, and his back pocket, where he had stowed his wand, ignites. Not only that, but the correct answer was aquamenti and he failed the test.
30. Neville is participating in a spelling bee with fourth graders and misspells the word gorblimey!
31. Neville is reading The Catcher in the Rye and is assaulted by psychotic censors.
32. Neville is drinking butterbeer at a bar when he spots a pretty girl with pale skin and dark hair. She is petting a vampire bat and drinking from a glass full of a red liquid. Neville walks over to talk to her and is attacked by a giant spider. Didn't see that one coming, did you?
33. Neville is buying books at Flourish and Blotts when a swarm of Gilderoy Lockheart fans trample him.
34. Neville is peeling an orange when the he cuts his finger with the peeler. Thestrals, attracted by the scent of blood, soar down out of the sky and trample him.
35. Neville has decided to go with Bill Weasley for Job Experience day. They are investigating an ancient Mayan temple. Neville finds a golden idol and picks it up. The ceiling begins to collapse. Neville and Bill flee from falling rocks, poison darts, spike pits, and giant, rolling boulders. They escape the temple, but Neville gets mauled by a black leopard.
36. Neville is writing a Harry Potter parody and doesn't admit that the copyright belongs to J.K. Rowling. She takes him to court and successfully sues him for half a million dollars.
37. Neville is eating some chips when Goyle spots him and roars. Neville drops the chips and runs. Goyle bends over and begins eating the chips. Neville is panting for breath when McGonagall grabs him and drags him off to Physical Education.
38. Neville is attending a Smashmouth concert and gets crushed when the lead guitarist jumps off the stage.
39. Neville drops a Knut off the Eiffel Tower. It lands in a blind beggar's coffee mug. An alien drops a manhole cover out of their flying saucer. It hits Neville, knocking him unconscious. It keeps falling and lands on the blind beggar. His buddy, the deaf beggar shoots the UFO with an RPG. Everyone in France LOL.
40. Neville is brushing his teeth and drops the floss in the toilet. He swaps his floss for Dean's. Seamus sees this and tells Dean. Dean puts a drunken koala in Neville's bed. Neville doesn't notice until about 4 AM.
41. Neville is watching the Quidditch match. Quirrell falls forward out of his seat and knocks Neville over. Neville spills his hot cocoa on his robes. A flock of passing seagulls swoop down and begin to peck Neville.
42. Neville is playing cribbage with Ernie MacMillan. Ernie loses and Neville stands up to cheer. He bangs his head on a bookshelf. The shelf breaks and the heavy books sitting on it fall on Neville. Neville's great expectations are crushed by the Complete Works of Shakespeare.
43. Neville is eating a roast badger when French officers arrive to arrest him for consuming a citizen of France.
44. Neville is drinking plasma tea when Luna sits down on his lap and takes his tea. She drains the cup, then has a quick nip from Neville's neck.
45. Neville is playing the fiddle when a passing cuckoo, offended by his music attacks him.
46. Neville is helping Hagrid take care of some Blast-Ended Skrewts. Hagrid leaves Neville in charge while he visits the outhouse. Neville does what he does best and in short order Hagrid's hut is on fire and one of the Skrewts has him halfway into its mouth.
47. Luna is sitting on the roof, petting thestrals. She decides to go to the library. First, she cleans up the mess the Thestrals made and dumps the bucket full of droppings out the window. It lands in the courtyard below, just as Neville is rushing to Gryffindor Tower. He doesn't smell very nice in Potions.
48. Neville, Draco, and Theodore Nott are on the roof for Astronomy class. It's stormy and lightning is striking everywhere. Everyone else has headed back in. Malfoy is munching popcorn under an umbrella held by Nott. Neville is looking through a telescope at the small patch of sky that can be seen. Lightning strikes the umbrella, electrocuting Nott. Neville is unharmed.
49. Neville, horrified at what has happened to Nott goes over to help. Malfoy and Nott stumble down through the trapdoor. They close it behind them. Neville is locked outside in the rain all night.
50. Neville is sitting in Potions class. He does something. Something both disastrous and hilarious happens.