Songs About Me

Rated M due to potential language, violence and/or adult subject matter.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Titans or Paramore or any lyrics.

Chapter 10: The Only Exception

"And I've always lived like this / Keeping a comfortable, distance / And up until now / I had sworn to myself that I'm content / With loneliness"-The Only Exception, Paramore

At their lunch table, everyone is talking. Rachel just listens as usual. She usually doesn't say much except to insert an occasional sarcastic comment. Sometimes she reads or listens to music. The fact that it irritates some of her friends like Terra is just a bonus.

While reading Rachel feels like someone is watching her. She looks up, scans the cafeteria, and finds his brown eyes. A small smile and slight blush creep onto her face. When he leaves, she looks back down at her book and smiles. 'He snuck out of class to see me?'

Rachel doesn't realize Kori saw their interaction across the crowded room. Rachel tries to go back to reading but she keeps thinking about Jason. Again, Rachel feels like she's being watched. When she looks up, Rachel sees Kori's wearing a large grin and looking at her. Kori is giddy and almost dancing in her seat. Rachel creases her brow, "What?"

Kori just giggles and says, "Oh nothing."

When Kori keeps (unsuccessfully) trying to stifle her giggles, Rachel slams her book shut. She glares at the giggling redhead. "What? What's so funny?"

"Sorry." Kori tries to suppress her smile but her eyes still twinkle with excitement. "Um, Rachel would come with me to the hall? I want to talk with you."

Rachel looks at the others at the table wondering if they know why Kori's acting stranger than normal. Everyone's talking and not paying attention to them. Sighing, Rachel says, "Fine. If it'll stop this laughing fit you're having."

Kori claps her hands. "Wonderful. Everybody, Rachel and I will be right back. We have to …go use the bathroom."

The two girls go to the restroom across from the cafeteria. Kori brushes her hair while she waits for a girl to leave. She checks to make sure they're alone. Rachel leans against a sink with her arms crossed. "Okay, Kori what's this all about?"

"You like him do you not?"

"What? Who?" Rachel's taken aback. How could Kori know? Does anyone else know?

"Jason Xavier, the new guy, the guy you danced with. You like one another, am I not right?"

Wide-eyed Rachel asks what she's been wondering, "How did you know?"

Kori claps and jumps up and down. "This is glorious. You two will be a very cute couple."

The raven-haired girl puts up her hand to stop her animated friend. "Wait, Kori stop, calm down. How do you know we like each other?"

On her fingers Kori checks off her evidence, "One, you danced with him when you would not dance with any of your friends."

"That's not true. Towards the end I came out and danced with you guys."

Kori continues, "Two, you have been spending a lot of time after school with him."

"He's new here and I'm just showing him around." Rachel realizes how lame it sounds as soon as the words leave her mouth.

Kori knows she's right. "Three, I saw the look you gave each other a little while ago."

"You saw that?" Rachel's worried, "Do you think the others saw it too?"

"No, they did not see anything. So it is true. You like Jason?"

Rachel wonders if she should lie to her jubilant friend. She doesn't want Kori going crazy about this and telling everyone. Even though this is all new to her, she wants to share her newfound happiness. With a small smile she says, "Yeah, I think I like him."

"Marvelous!" Kori spins around with her hands clasped in front of her. "He is your boyfriend, right? Oh, I know, if Richard ever asks me out on a real date we can go on a double date. Will not that be the most fun?"

"We haven't gone on an official date yet but we have, um …we've kissed."

"Oh how spectacular!" Kori grabs Rachel into a tight embrace.

"Uh, Kori …let go …air …need …" Rachel tries to push away the ecstatic girl.

With a sheepish grin, Kori apologizes, "Oh sorry, I am just so happy for you. Oooh you are like that Taylor Swift song, 'Mine'. You are the guarded girl until you meet the guy." Kori gasps and whispers, "I wonder if he is the one?"

"'The one' what?"

Kori wraps her arm around Rachel's shoulders. "You know the one you are destined to be with, your soul mate."

Rachel pulls away. "I'm almost sixteen. I highly doubt I'd find my soul mate in high school."

"My parents met in high school." Kori is noticeably sadder. "They were each others first love."

Rachel feels bad for Kori. Her friend's excitement is too much for Rachel but she doesn't want her friend sad. "I possibly have a boyfriend so stranger things have happened." Kori cheers up some.

As they go back to the cafeteria, Kori gets an idea, "You should come over to my house. We could share in girl talk."

Rachel is running late for her next class because she had to get her history paper from her locker. Deciding to take a shortcut, she goes down a different hallway. This hallway only consists of lockers no classrooms. It's a rather short hallway but Rachel tries to avoid it whenever possible. She's had more than a few run-ins with Kitten and her friends in this hallway.

Starting down the corridor, Rachel spots Kitten making out with football player Fagen, also known as Fang do to his fascination with spiders and snakes. Rachel hopes she can get by them unnoticed. She's just passing them when Fang puts his foot out, tripping Rachel. Kitten and Fang laugh as Rachel's books scatter on the floor.

Rachel groans, "What do you want Kitten? I have to get to class." She kneels down to pick up her books.

Seeing a teacher come around the corner, Kitten flashes a smile and picks up a book. "I see you've got a boyfriend." The teacher passes by them and Kitten drops the smile and the book. "Aren't you so special?"

"He's not my boyfriend, not that it's any of your business. Why do you care anyway? Aren't you with Fang right now?"

Kitten huffs, "Yeah, so. I'm with Fang but that doesn't mean I won't need another boyfriend. How'd you do it anyway? How'd you get the new guy to notice you? What did you do?"

"I don't even know what you're talking about. Move out of the way, I need to get to class." Rachel tries again to step around them but they block her.

"I don't get it." Kitten paces in front of Rachel and repeats, "How'd you get the hot new guy to pay attention to you. Sure, the night of the dance you looked almost …human; not like some freak."

Rachel grumbles, "Gee, thanks."

Fang gives Rachel a slight shove. "Shut up while she's talkin'."

Purring thanks in Fang's ear, Kitten turns her attention back to Rachel. "Okay so you looked 'normal' at the dance but that doesn't explain things now. Shouldn't he see you as a loser? I mean look at you. It's not like you're pretty. You have that unattractive pale, pasty skin. Your hair just hangs there; it's so straight, almost stringy. Don't get me started on your hideous clothes. You have no sense of style but what else would you expect from a loser like you? I just don't see what he sees in you. You're never even close to being happy, who'd want to be around that?"

Rachel rolls her indigo eyes. "I don't have time for this."

When she tries to leave, Fang shoves her hard against the lockers. "Kitten asked you a question. She's not done with you."

Rachel glares up at him. "Ooh, aren't you tough? Picking on a girl, especially a girl in a cast. Talk about real losers."

While holding Rachel against the locker Fang turns to Kitten. "Want me to make her shut up?"

Kitten takes one of Rachel's notebooks. She goes over to the trashcan and drops it in. In a bored tone Kitten says, "Naw, I've wasted enough time with this loser." They leave Rachel alone in the empty hall.

Rachel reaches into the trashcan, trying to get her notebook. It's just out of her reach. Her cast doesn't make it any easier; it keeps getting in the way. She tries tipping the can some but it's no use. The notebook gets closer to her but never close enough. Rachel checks the clock; she's late for class. She considers leaving the notebook and coming back for it later. She can't do that. She realizes the notebook in the trashcan has her history paper in it.

Frustrated, Rachel kicks the can. Noisily, it clatters onto its side. Red faced, Rachel looks around. No one seems to have heard that. She reaches in and grabs her notebook, pulling out trash in the process. Most of it is just papers but it still made a mess. She shoves the trash back in and with some effort she gets the can upright.

Rachel runs into class very late. Everyone turns to the door as she enters. "Sorry, I forgot my paper in my locker. I had to get it."

Mrs. McKee looks at Rachel suspiciously, "It took you over twenty minutes to get your paper from your locker? Your locker is in this building isn't it?" The class laughs until Mrs. McKee turns around. "Enough. Return to taking your test." She turns her attention back to Rachel. "Miss Roth, you expect me to believe it took that long to retrieve your paper. It seems to me, you weren't finished and took some extra time to finish it."

"No, it was done, I just forgot it."

Kori raises her hand, "Excuse me, Mrs. McKee?"

"Yes, Miss Anders?"

"Um, Rachel had her paper done. I saw it yesterday. We proofread each others paper."

"Thank you, Miss Anders. Everybody continue with your test. Miss Roth, we'll discuss this in the hall." Rachel resists the urge to sigh and roll her eyes as she follows her teacher into the hall.

"Care to explain what really happened." Mrs. McKee, as well as most of the facility, is aware of the rumors that Rachel has had trouble with bullying.

Rachel's never told any adult about Kitten and the others and she's not going to do it now. "It's like I said, I forgot my paper." Sensing that her teacher's not going to let it drop so she tells an altered version of what happened. "Somebody bumped into me and I dropped the notebook it was in in a trashcan. It took me awhile to get it out."

"Somebody just bumped into you, that's all?" Rachel nods. "Did you see you it was?" Rachel shakes her head. "Why didn't you find somebody to help you?"

Rachel just shrugs, "I dunno, I didn't wanna bother anyone."

The older woman sighs, "Okay, hand me your paper. You're too late to take the test, so your grade will have to be lowered."

"Mrs. McKee," Rachel protests, "I'm just a little late. I can still take the test I'll be quick. Please don't lower my grade."

"This test is a significant part of your grade. If you had been absent today, I would be able to give you a make up test."

"I could stay late and take it. Please Mrs. McKee, I can't get bad grade; I can't make my dad upset." She's never brought home bad grades, unless you count P.E., which she doesn't. She's afraid of what Trigon would do if she did.

Thinking she detects some panic in her student's eyes she says, "Okay, if you can stay after school then you can take a make up test."

Rachel almost smiles, "Thank you." For the first time, she's relieved to take a test.

"Wait out here until class is done, then you can take the test."

After her teacher returns to the classroom, Rachel sits on the floor. She has about a half hour before class is finished. She tries to study and ignore her itching wrist under the cast. She's startled when the bell rings.

Kori's the first one out of class she helps Rachel up. "What really happened before you got to class?"

Rachel shakes her head, "I'll tell you later." 'Maybe.'

"Do you wish for us to wait for you?" Mrs. McKee calls for Rachel.

"No, it's okay. You guys go; I don't know how long I'll be."

"Okay, you can call me when you get home. There is much we can talk about. Good luck on the test." Kori waves good-bye as she walks down the hall into the crowd of students.

After taking her make up test, Rachel is sitting on the steps of the school. She tries not to let it bother her but Kitten's words keep creeping into her mind. She knows Kitten was just trying to make trouble; her words weren't true. But Kitten had said some of Rachel's doubts aloud. Now Rachel is trying to reason her doubt away.

Richard's just finished practice and heads for his truck. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees someone sitting at the front of the school. He looks over and sees it's Rachel. He decides to go over and see if she needs a ride. "Hey Rachel, need a ride?"

He startles her, "Oh, hi Richard. Thanks but no, I'm just waiting for the city bus because I didn't feel like walking."

"You sure? I've got my truck so it's no problem. I just got done with practice. Why are you here so late?"

Shifting her backpack Rachel says, "Yeah, I'm sure. I had to stay late to take a make up test. I'm fine you go ahead and go. I'm sure the bus'll be here soon."

"Okay, if you're sure. See ya tomorrow." He turns to leave.

A thought pops into her brain. "Wait. Could I ask you a question?" Richard sits down next to Rachel and nods. It takes a moment but she continues. "Why would a guy like a girl?"

Richard's surprised by her question. "Um, I guess it's probably kinda the same reasons why a girl likes a guy."

Rachel thinks for a second. "You like Kori, right? Well why, why do you like her?"

Richard starts to turn red. He stammers, "Um, uh yeah, I uh guess I kinda like her. How'd you know?"

Rachel raises an eyebrow. "Come on, you two are pretty obvious. You're always sitting or standing next to each other. You two light up when the other one enters the room."

"I didn't know we were so obvious."

Rachel laughs quietly. "So why do you like her? How did you know?"

He shrugs, "I dunno, Kori's pretty and outgoing."

"So a girl should be pretty for a guy to like her? That kinda limits my chances."

Richard says sternly, "Rachel, you are pretty. You shouldn't put yourself down so much."

"Okay, fine, whatever." She waves her hand as if to drop that subject. "We're not talking about me. We're talking about you and Kori. There are tons of girls who are pretty and outgoing, why Kori?"

Richard repeats, "I dunno. That's part of it, I guess. I also like her excitement, her enthusiasm for life." He sighs, "We both went though a hard time at different times of our life. Losing both your parents is very hard on a kid."

He studies his hands as he speaks. "You could be like me and hate God, the world, life, everything. But seeing my parent killed put a lot of hate inside me. It wasn't healthy. It ate away at me.

"Whoa. I, I didn't know all that. I'm sorry; I hope you didn't think I was pushing you to share that."

Richard shakes his head. "Kori went through the same type of thing but didn't let the darkness consume her. I'm not saying she's not sad or angry about what happened. She told me once she was very angry after her parents died. But she realized that her parents wouldn't want that for her. She decided to live her life for her parents. That's when she became her cheerful self again." He stops and studies the sky for a few minutes. "It's because of Kori, Vic and Gar that I was able to climb out of the darkness."

"So you basically like Kori because she helped you?"

"That and I like how I feel around her. I wanna be my best."

They are both silent for a few minutes. When Rachel speaks, she's fiddling with the zipper on her backpack. "Okay so that's why you like Kori but why would a guy like someone …like me?"

Richard chuckles, "You're asking why would a guy like you. Why wouldn't he? You're pretty, smart, funny …"

Rachel interrupts, "…a freak who's closed off to everyone. Why would somebody be interested in that?"

Even though he and the others have tried to tell Rachel she's not a freak, she doesn't seem to be hearing them. Richard tries a different approach. "You lost your mom when you were in junior high, right?" Rachel nods. She wonders where this is leading. "Kids at that age can sometimes be cruel. Maybe they sensed you were different so they lashed out on you. To protect yourself you threw up walls. When you moved here, you still had those walls up. Here, people like Kitten saw that and decided to torment you. They thought you were a freak. I suppose after hearing it enough times you started to believe them."

He takes her hand. She resists the urge to pull her hand away. "But Rachel that's far from true. Listen to me you are not a freak. If anybody's a freak, I was."

"What? You? No way were you a freak. Seriously, you're one of the most popular guys in school."

Richard explains, "I put up the same types of walls and I was destructive. Good or bad, I tried to destroy it. I even hated Bruce for trying to help me."

They fall into silence. The city bus pulls up to the curb. The door opens, waiting for them. Rachel considers leaving but she doesn't think their conversation is over. She shakes her head and motions to the bus driver to move on. They watch the bus drive off without gaining any passengers.

"So this is all about you and Jason? You like him, don't you?"

Rachel turns away trying to hide the color creeping onto her face. "Yeah, I think I kinda do. I just don't know why he likes me."

"We've already gone over that. Why are you questioning it?"

"Oh, it's nothing. I just heard somebody say something."

"Is that somebody Kitten? You know not to believe anything she says. She's just being a bitch."

"I know," She rolls her eyes. "Kitten like to make trouble but …" Rachel closes her eyes and let out a deep breath. "…but that doesn't mean she didn't give voice to some of my fears."

"Rachel …" He's afraid she didn't hear what he said, again.

She interrupts him, "I like how I feel around him. I'm …happy, I guess. I don't wanna mess it up. I don't wanna push him away but I'm kinda scared to let him in."

"You've let us in, we're your friends. Don't fake it, be yourself. It may sound corny but I'm sure if you listen to your heart you'll be fine."

Rachel smiles, "Thanks for that. And thank you for letting me talk."

"No problem. We don't often get to see what's going on in that dark, pretty little head of yours." He repeats, "We're your friends. Don't be afraid to speak around us." Rachel nods her head and shrugs her shoulders at the same time.

"Guess I missed my ride."

"You want one? I could give you one."

She laughs softly, "Thanks, but I think I'll walk. I have a lot to think about. Thanks again and see you tomorrow." Pulling her backpack onto her good arm, she starts down the sidewalk. She stops and turns around. "Oh, uh, Richard, just ask Kori out. She'll be over the moon."

Jason and Rachel walk over to her house after school later that week. Kori had mentioned that Rachel does some art and he wants to see it. Rachel doesn't understand why he wants to see it; she doesn't think it's that good. She offers to bring some to school to see it but he insists on going to her house to view her artwork.

When they arrive at her house, Rachel's somewhat relieved that her dad's not home. She doesn't want him to make a big deal about Jason. However, she's also nervous about having a boy in her room. Kori is the only person she's ever had in her room and it was just that one time.

Jason notices Rachel's nervousness as they enter her room and comments on it. "What's wrong, Bubbles? Afraid I'll find something embarrassing?"

"No. I just don't want my dad to find you here."

"Is your dad protective of his adorable little girl?"

Rachel says flatly, "Yeah, something like that."

Jason wraps his arms around her waist. "So it wouldn't be a good first impression if he came in and found me making out with his daughter in her room?" He kisses her sweetly.

Reluctantly Rachel breaks away from him. "Do you have a death wish?"

Jason laughs, "That bad, huh? I'd prefer to think I have a great sense of adventure." He checks out her drawings and paintings. He tells her she's good, she should enter some things in the art show but she just blows him off.

"I'm not that good. I just kinda doodle or whatever. It's just something to pass the time while my dad's working. It helps take my mind off things."

Jason wants to cheer her up. He jokes, "Bet you write in your diary about me." Rachel raises an eyebrow. With a very high-pitched, girly voice he says, "Dear diary, I just met the most dreamy guy in the world"

Rachel questions, "Dreamy?"

Jason, "Okay, how about the hottest?"

Rachel repeats, "Dreamy? When did we step into a 50's black and white sitcom?" Now Rachel uses an overly girly voice and flutters her eyelashes. "Gee golly, Sally, I just met a swell guy. He is so dreamy. Too bad he only has eyes for Bob."

Jason laughs, "Hey, I do not. I was only talking to that guy cuz I liked his car."

Rolling her eyes Rachel says, "Yeah, right."

"The only person I'm interested in is my Bubbles."

"I've been meaning to ask you about that. Why do you call me 'Bubbles'?"

"It's for your bubbly personality."

"So you like sarcasm too? Guess it's more original than the 'sunshine' I usually get."

Jason takes her cast-free hand, "I'm not being sarcastic. I think you don't wanna get hurt so you put up barriers. It takes awhile for you to let people close to you. Most people when the first see probably think you're apathetic or aloof." He laces his fingers with hers. "When I met you, I saw a sparkle in your eyes. I knew I had to get to know you."

"That's kinda what Richard said the other day," she sighs. "For years I've worried about getting hurt, so I have trouble letting people in. I'm sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry about. You're slowly letting me get close. You'll tell me your secrets whenever you're ready. I'll just enjoy being with you." He leans his forehead against hers. "I case you didn't know I like you Rachel Roth."

Rachel's frown turns to a small smile. "I like you too, Jason Xavier."

They kiss again. Rachel pulls away once more. "We should go. We've spent more time here than I planned. I don't want my dad to find you here. He'd kill me if he did."

"So your dad's overprotective of his little girl? He wouldn't do that."

"No, you're right. He'll probably kill you first then me." Jason laughs at how serious she is. Rachel thinks, 'You think I'm joking, but it's not far from the truth.'

They are starting down the stairs when Trigon comes home. Rachel freaks out a little. "Omigod! My dad's home early. I am so dead if he finds you here. I can't sneak you out right now. Hurry. Go back to my room. Hurry." She pushes him into her room. She harshly whispers, "Keep the door closed and don't touch anything. I'll try to distract him. If I can get him to leave …"

Jason whispers back, "I know what to do. I've had to sneak out of a girl's room a time or two." Rachel narrows her eyes and shakes her head in disbelieve.

They get Jason hidden just in time. Trigon's coming up the stairs. Rachel eyes her door before she goes to greet her father. "Hey, dad, how'd work go?"

"More of the same. It's amazing how stupid some people can be." He looks over his daughter's head to her door. "Did I hear something in your room?"

"Um, I have music on. Maybe that's what you heard? I, uh, I wanted to ask you something?" Trigon nods for her to continue. "I was wondering if I could, um get an after school job?"

"What, don't I make enough for you? I didn't think you were so selfish. The way you dress sometimes it sure doesn't look like you care about money." Rachel inwardly cringes at his comment.

"I just thought it might be a good idea for me to make my own money so I don't have to ask you for it all the time."

"Don't you baby-sit for those brats down the street sometimes? Shouldn't that be enough?"

"I'm not very good at it and their mother only picks me when she's desperate."

"Why?"

"I heard her say I was a 'creepy, Satan-worshiping goth' and that I will 'corrupt' her children."

"What does that bitch know? So, you want an after school job? Don't you have to be sixteen to get a job?"

Rachel's a little hopeful; he's at least listening to her. "I could work in the library after school. There age isn't an issue; I just have to get good grades. There's also a job at a nearby café. A friend's mom works there and she told him about an opening. With a parent's permission, a person within six months of their sixteenth birthday could work there. It would just be every other day after school and every third weekend." Rachel's kind of surprised that she's talking so much, especially with her dad and she started it. "I promise, if you let me get a job, I won't let it interfere with my grades."

He looks unsure, "I don't know. You should probably just focus on school."

"It might look good for a college," she suggests. "It might show that I'm responsible."

"I'll think about it."

"Thanks, that's all I'm asking for."

They each turn to their own rooms when a noise comes from Rachel's room. Rachel starts having a coughing fit, distracting her father from her room. "Are you all right?" he asks.

"Yes." Cough, cough "I guess I" cough "swallowed wrong." She goes into her room that is now appears empty. She checks under her bed and the closet. She can't find Jason anywhere.

The doorbell rings and Trigon answers it. He sees a dark haired teenaged boy.

The teenager says, "Hello, Mr. Roth, is Rachel home?"

"Who are you? What do you want?"

Jason's surprised by her father's largeness. "I go to school with Rachel, I'm Jason Xavier. I wanted to talk to Rachel."

Trigon sighs, "Fine, wait here, I'll get her." Trigon goes to the base of the stairs and calls his daughter down.

"What did you want?" She's still wondering about Jason.

"Someone's here to see you. He's at the front door. I'm going to get supper ready." He turns and goes to the kitchen.

Curious, Rachel goes to the front door and is surprised. "Jason? What are you doing here?"

"I thought I'd ask you if you wanted to go out tomorrow night."

"I'll have to ask if I can but yeah I'd like to go out." After asking Trigon for permission, she's excited about her first official date. She goes back to Jason. "Yeah, I can go. Um, how did you get here?"

He whispers, "I climbed out of your window and down the tree."

"That must've been the sound we heard. You need to be careful or he'll figure it out."

"Don't worry, I've never been caught and I'm not gonna start now."

Rachel rolls her eyes. "Okay, so you'll pick me you here tomorrow night?"

"Yeah, tomorrow at 6:30." He starts to laugh. "I never really thought of you as a Taylor Swift fan."

"What are you talking about? You went though my CDs? I told you not to touch anything."

"I was alone in my girlfriend's room, how could I resist? "

Rachel's surprised by his words; one word in particular. 'Girlfriend? He thinks of me as his girlfriend?'

"Bubbles, you okay?"

"Yeah, I guess I can forgive you for looking though my stuff. You didn't look though anything else did you?"

"Naw, just your CDs. I wanted to see if we like the same stuff. You have pretty much what I thought you'd have. The Taylor CD just confused me."

"Kori gave me that. But she's not too bad. She writes a lot of her songs and I can appreciate that. It's not always easy to write."

Trigon calls Rachel to dinner. She gives Jason a quick kiss before going back inside.

Throughout the evening, Rachel thinks about what Jason said. 'Girlfriend? I can't believe he thinks of me as his girlfriend. Richard's right, I shouldn't waste another thought on Kitten. I have to figure out what to wear tomorrow night. Should I call Kori? I'll probably hear her scream all the way over here. I can't believe this is happening to me. Ugh, I can't wait to get this cast off, it's driving me crazy.'