Chapter 10Denial: friend or foe?

Lily woke up that morning feeling sick. She didn't know what was wrong with her, but her head was splitting and her stomach was cramping and she had the hardest time just getting out of bed. The headache was excruciating, and combined with a throbbing stomach it was getting to be unbearable. Thus instead going to her morning classes, she threw on the Hogwarts robes over her pajamas and marched straight up to the Hospital Wing.

On the way there, she began to replay the previous day in her mind. Lily was so happy that James and she made up that she tried to put the fight that they had less than ten hours ago completely out of her consciousness. It didn't matter anymore, she reasoned. As long as they remained together, all the fights were worth it. All couples fight, that's the rule of life. Every happy moment has ten not-so pleasant ones leading up to it. She and James were no exception. They were in love and to her – that was all that mattered.

She couldn't see that all they were doing these days was fighting. Fighting became their default relationship. But she really did not want to see that. Lily was happy to continue living in denial. It was the easiest way. Denial is the best defense against the human pain. It is the only option for the sane, who loathe repression and displacement and external attribution. It's so much easier to just pretend; pretending can be done quite consciously and willingly, whereas the rest goes on so deep inside the mind we rarely know it's there.

With such thoughts on her mind, she finally reached the Hospital Wing. She fixed her robes to make sure that the pajamas were not showing, and slowly opened the infirmary door.

Stepping through the threshold, she quite unexpectedly found herself face to face with Narcissa Black, who seemed to be pleading with the nurse about something. Unfortunately Lily didn't get to hear what it was, because Narcissa stopped talking the second she heard the door open and stared at the newcomer with hatred in her eyes. Seeing that it was Lily Evans, she immediately softened her expression and said the friendliest 'hello' she could muster with a forced smile on her pretty face. Lily did the same, and after standing in silence for a few more seconds Miss Black turned back to Madam Pomfrey and said that the old healer should attend to Miss Evans right now and that she would come back to finish their conversation later. Madam Pomfrey didn't look too happy about that and quickly opened her mouth to protest, but Narcissa was already striding away.

She paused at the doorsill when a sudden thought occurred in her pretty little head. A mischievous grin escaped her lips while she stared at the door for a few seconds, thinking about it.

Deciding to seize the opportunity, Narcissa turned around and addressed Lily in a sweet little voice – "I do hope that James was a gentleman when he broke the news to you, Lily. I'm very sorry. I thought you should know."

And with that she swirled around and disappeared behind the door, leaving Lily to gape open-mouthed at the spot where she had been.

Looking very pleased with herself Narcissa walked down the hall; the argument she had with Madam Pomfrey gone from her mind. She couldn't believe her luck - running into that girl at the Hospital Wing was very fortunate. And causing havoc in her life was turning out to be not only easy but even fun. Such a simple, meaningless sentence, but what power it held within it! Lily was bound to run straight to James and raise such hell that the entire castle would probably be able to hear it. Nothing could please Narcissa more than to come out a victor in this very special game of hers. She was even beginning to lose interest in James himself, and gaining more interest in the game and the process of getting him. She still wanted to win him, that was not a question, but when she finally had him it would be more as an amazing trophy, not as a desirable guy. He was going to be a consolation prize for all her efforts. It wasn't about a boyfriend or a relationship anymore - it was now about the win.

Several corridors back, behind the closed door of the infirmary Lily was screaming.

"What the hell did she mean!?!"

Getting no reply, she stomped her feet and grabbing a lamp off the nearest nightstand flung it at the door. "What was that about? What was James supposed to tell me and what's it got to do with HER??"

The marbles in her head were loudly clicking. Every jealous thought she ever had came flying back. It took next to no time for Lily to figure what the conceited blonde was getting at. Although she couldn't believe it at first, she was forced to accept it as a fact fairly fast. After all, how could she have been so stupid? It was obvious to everyone but her. The poker night came swimming in her memory, the girl, the wolf, Petunia, Sirius, Narcissa. She should have known.

Suddenly she exploded with rage. Anger took over her entire system. Magic was seeping out of her now, her hair seemed to be rising upward and her eyes were changing color while she breathed faster and faster as she comprehended Narcissa Black's words.

All of a sudden she yelled - "THAT WHORE!" and with a simple wave of her hand, the bed near which she was standing rose into the air, performed a flying salto and landed with a crash ten feet away from where it used to be. Yet Lily didn't seem to notice and only paced the room with a quick step.

Madam Pomfrey however, noticed very much. The storm that the young girl was raging was a display of some pretty powerful and advanced magic to be done without a wand. The muggle-born witch possessed extraordinary power, and that scared Poppy almost as much as the look on Lily's face. That hideous expression frightened Poppy Pomfrey more than any kind of ugly wound she ever ran across during her years as a healer.

As Lily inadvertently moved on to another bed, and was about to destroy the living hell out of it, Madam Pomfrey jumped so high she might have hit the ceiling if it wasn't magically enchanted to always stay five feet above the tallest human in the room. She landed awkwardly and stumbling backwards ran for cover, away from the raging girl. She had never seen a student lose it like this before. Silently she wished the headmaster was there to tell her what to do in such an extreme situation. But she was all alone, and the pressing problem needed to be fixed no matter what, so she decided to try a peaceful approach before turning to desperate measures.

"Miss Evans, please calm down! What was it that you needed to see me about?" She feebly tried to change the subject and draw attention to herself, but to no avail. Lily turned around, but she didn't seem to notice that there was anyone else still in the room. Her eyes were full of anger, and her mind was somewhere else – she was desperately searching for something in her memory and wasn't finding it. She stared blankly in front of her. Silence enveloped the empty room like a protective cocoon.

Braving herself up, the healer addressed Lily again - "Miss Evans, are you alright? You don't look well, my dear… Why don't you lay down and we can see what is wrong?"

"Leave me alone," – Lily spat at her through gritted teeth and spun around to face the exit. Her stomachache forgotten, and her head now hurting endlessly non-stop, she flicked a wrist – the door flew open and the girl walked off without a word.