A/N: Yes, I'm updating. Surprise, surprise. I'm doing Charlie now! Oh, yeah. This'll be fun. Ready or not, here it comes!

CPOV: I danced in the clouds, my giant fluffy wings fluttering joyfully. "Yay! Fluffy marshmallow clouds! Hey, I wonder if they're edible. I think I'll eat one and see."

I sank my teeth into the marshmallow-like substance.

And began choking.

"AAAAGGGHHH!! Fellow angels!! HELPETH ME!!"

Mr. Angela's Dad, my good buddy angel (who claimed to have died with Mr. Angela's Dad and a bunch of other random people in a car crash at a wedding between a lizard and Jacob Black-who went to hell-), walked up and stared at me. He raised an eyebrow.

Mr. Jessica's Dad walked up and grinned at Mr. Angela's Dad. "He tried to eat the poisoned one again, didn't he?"

"Yup."

"Should we help him?"

"Nope."

"Gotcha."

"-insert sounds of choking here-"

They walked away.

"Needeth some help there, mate?" a small Australian voice said. Must have been an angel that recently transferred from Australian Heaven to Crackfic Heaven.

More choking noises that sounded slightly like the word yes.

"Alrighty then," the voice said.

And I was magically cured! "HOWETH DIDETH YOUETH DOETH THATETH!?"

"Umm…. Modern medicine works miracles."

"Oh. I thought we weren't allowed to haveth any of thateth type of stuff here. The lasteth personeth to have some was senteth to hell… eth."

"Oh."

I looked up to see that my rescuer was a green… LIZARD!! Holy crapeth!! "I know you! You're that freaky gecko from the commercialeths!"

"Yes-siree. And I'm here to tell you that we now not only insure cars, but hot-air balloons, motorcycles, airplanes, helicop-

"OMFG!! HELL-icopters?? Unclean, unclean!! RED ALERT, RED ALERT, PEOPLES!!"

"Shut up, idiot."

Then there was a big, booming voice that reminded me strangely of the voice at the end of Geico commercials that screamed, "everyone, there seems to have been a mistake. Will all the werewolves, Charlie Swan, Mr. Angela's Dad, Mr. Jessica's Dad, and the rest of the people who died at a gay wedding gone horribly wrong report to hell immediately? You were all assigned to the wrong afterlife. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause you."

The gecko chuckled and then disappeared.

I suddenly found myself in a mall standing next to Jacob Black and the rest of the wedding guests.

"Where am I?" I said timidly, scared. My wings caught fire and fell to the ground, burning into a smoldering pile of ashes.

"HELL MALL!!" screamed Jacob, smiling maniacally.

"Hello, my name is Alice's Evil Twin, and you'll be shopping with me for the rest of eternity," a perky, familiar voice squeaked excitedly. I turned to see a red eyed Alice with devil horns, a pointy tail, and a pitchfork smiling at us.

OH NO. ETH.

"Geico. Buy our insurance or you'll go to hell."

A/N: Well, there you have it. Chawlie and his constant use of the word "eth". Sorry if that offended anyone at all. Really, no offense intended. Lol, I didn't have as much sugar this time. Sorry. We ran out. –hops in car to go buy more- Alright, well, review and updates will come soon.

Deranged disclaimer:

Me- Okay, I don't care what these household pets say! I OWN TWILIGHT!!

Canary Edward- Tweet.

Translation- Moron.

Me- Beep you, you little beep! BEEP! Shut the beep up!

Translation: I just cursed a lot. –smiling-

Geico Frog: Eh, as long as ya don't own me.

Me- Pfft. I own you, too. Beep.

Carlisle- I'm sorry, Kitty. But you don't own any of us.

Me- When will you people learn?! YOU HAVE TO BE AN ANIMAL TO BE IN THIS DISCLAIMER!!

Carlisle- Crap. What if I just stop talking? WAIT N- –turns into a lama-

Canary Edward- Tweet tweet tweet tweet!!

Translation: Hahahahahahahahaha!!

Emmett Kitty: MMMMMMEEEEEEOOOOOWWWWW!!

Translation- AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Me: -laughing and gasping for air- Oh wow. Okay, that made saying I DON'T OWN SQUAT worthwhile. I repeat, I don't own crap. –bites lip to hold back little sob-

A/N: Well, there you have it. I don't own anything. Okay, well, review and you won't go to heaven and then be reassigned to hell. –thumbsup- Oh, and the gecko will stalk you. Which usually means a deranged and majorly OOC Edward will visit with a sledgehammer, too. What could possible be better than that? No, srsly. Review.