"I couldn't find a cab but I found a bus going in the general direction." I explained as we got onto the bus. Phil sat next to me drinking a bottle of water.
"Can we just go over this one more time? You got the beer from.?" Stu asked Phil.
"The hotel bar. They gave me a sealed case." Phil explained as I took the bottle of water from him. Bangkok was a very hot place. I sunk down into my seat and closed my eyes.
"Right but who gave it to you?" Stu asked.
"The bartender." Phil said getting frustrated.
"Look I don't think it was the beer ok." I explained still with my eyes closed.
"Right ok. And then you brought them out and I opened them." Stu said ignoring what I had said.
"Yeah, and Doug had one and he was fine, so it's not the beer." Phil said. I let out a groan and decided to take a nap. I smacked Phil and muttered a 'wake me when we get there'. He put his arm around my shoulders as I cuddled into his side and just relaxed.
I could faintly hear everyone talking and laughing. I still couldn't believe this had happened all over again.
"Hail, wake up." Phil said nudging me. I had actually fallen asleep. "Were here." He helped me up and off the bus. We stood in front of some ornate doors as Phil paid the bus driver for actually stopping where we needed to go. Phil and Stu opened the doors to the monastery and it was so beautiful I was speechless.
"Wow." Phil muttered next to me as we continued walking.
"What is this a P.F. Chang's?" Alan asked. The man child still surprised me sometimes on how dumb he actually was.
"Ah, they're meditating. Such a peaceful people." Stu said as Alan did the sign of the cross.
"Yeah." Phil agreed as we walked over to them.
"Guys I don't think we should interrupt." I whispered.
"Knock, knock. Hello." Alan said. I held my head in my hands feeling embarrassed for the first time in years.
"Alan, Alan show some respect. Don't get up guys." Phil stated. I smacked him. He looked at me confused as one of the monks stood up.
"We brought one of your guys back. He's really funny. He's nice and cool too." Alan said.
"Guys shut up." I said sternly. Phil put his hand on my shoulder.
"Hi, how are you doing? Uh, are you the one in charge?" Phil asked the monk. The monk smacked Phil in the face with the stick he was holding. I grabbed Phil as he went to hold his head. Stu and Alan began talking and saying words and kept getting hit.
"It's because you're talking dumbasses. Just stop." I said as the monk hit my leg. I wanted to say ow but held it in as it stung. Phil started mouthing words to the monk in protest not making a sound. Stu mouth asshole as the monk walked away signaling for us to follow.
"I get it now, I get it." Alan whispered to us. We followed the monk to another one of the pagodas. We walked in to see an older monk to whom the other monk was whispering to him. He turned around to look at us.
"Late last night, you climbed the walls of our monastery, shouting out question about love, marriage and the meaning of life. Poor brother Han was meditating alone in the garden and you took him." The Monk said.
"Oh my god." Stu said. We all bowed our heads in shame, except Alan of course. "We kidnapped a monk."
"Uh, we live and alternative lifestyle." Alan said. I shook my head.
"Except for you. You were not there." The monk pointed at me. I let out an involuntary sigh of relief.
"We are so sorry about that, but we weren't ourselves last night." Phil explained.
"Yup, things kind of spun out of control a little bit." Stu elaborated. "But there's a boy who'd missing and hurt. Can you find out if he knows where our friend is?"
"Brother Han took a vow of silence many years ago. It would be useless to try." The monk said.
"Well, maybe he can write down what happened on a piece of paper." Phil said getting frustrated.
"Phil, calm down." I said.
"Actually, that would be cheating. Right, Grand Wizard?" Alan said. I wanted to cry at this point wanting Alan to shut the hell up.
"Alan." Phil said sensing my unease.
"I'm afraid fatty is right." The monk said and like a drop of a hat I went from wanting to cry to trying not to laugh.
"See? What?" Alan said realizing the insult.
"None of us will ever know what Brother Han knows." The monk said.
"Oh right, oh well. So much for holy people. Bunch of bald assholes. Come on, let's go." Phil said as he turned to walk away. "Hey, you know what? FYI, you may wanna put some signs up that say "no talking" before you unleash your dragon."
"Phil, shut up." I said in disbelief of how he was acting.
"Yeah, that was a little rough." Stu said.
"And you're welcome for bringing him back safe. You know, we found him in a drunk tank." Phil said.
"We did take him in the first place." Stu said.
"Come on lets go." Phil said walking out.
"Wait." The monk said. The Buddha teach: Every memory lives somewhere deep within. Perhaps you should bring your question to the garden of meditation."
"Did you understand a word he said?" Phil said from behind me.
"We couldn't ask for that, after all they have done." I said as the monk addressed me.
"About two thirds. Something about the garden of meditation?" Stu said.
"No, he said he's farting because of his medication. I get that." Alan said. I shook my head at them all and looked to the monk.
"Please I insist." The monk said walking over to me and grasped my arm.
"I am so sorry for the way they treated you all." I explained as he walked us out to the gardens.
"Please, meditate and the answers will come to you." He said as he led us to the place we were before. He bowed his head and walked away. I sat down as everyone else sat around me. I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing.
"I know where to go." Alan whispered behind me. I turned and looked. We all nodded and got up and walked out of the monastery.
As we walked down the road waiting for the bus to pass by I walked in front of everyone ignoring their conversation behind me. At least I hadn't been a part of stealing the monk. Even though I was probably on the other side of the wall with the monkey.
"Hail." Phil said as he caught up next to me with said monkey still on his shoulder.
"What?" I asked him.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
"Nothing."
"Hail, talk to me."
"No." I said as he walked faster and stood in front of me making me stop.
"Are you mad because of what happened in there?" he asked.
"Of course I'm mad Phil. You don't walk into a monastery acting like that. We stole a monk last night. We don't waltz on in and treat everyone like shit and say 'Oh hey here's your monk back.'" I pushed past him and continued on still livid on how things went. Thinking back on it, it was pretty funny when they all got hit with the stick though.