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S&M

His living room was too damn blue. Mercedes couldn't deal with the circus in her mind surrounded by all this blue. Mercedes had really messed up. If she thought life was complicated all those months ago when she split with Shane she was kidding herself. As she lay on in a ball, she remembered when having dinner with her ex-husband was the most insane thing ever. Holy bloody hell that was nothing to what she was dealing with now.

It killed her to admit it but her mother was right. She was a mess, a total Nicole Richie circa 2001 but worse cause she wasn't even rich. Salt and Pepper where smothering her with kisses but she could barely notice their doggy tongues. She was cursed, in a pass life she must have been a murdering cult leader for her to be suffering like this now.

One positive was that she had a job; she was totally embarrassed about the way she had carried on about Quinn. Mercedes knew that she was right with her character assassination, Quinn was a cow but she had child. Things like someone being a bitch was a non-issue when she needed to feed her son.

Shit, Shane.

The tears came thick and fast when she realised that Eli was going to have to stay with Shane till she worked herself out. She needed somewhere stable to live. Eli couldn't live here with Sam. Damn, she shouldn't even be living with Sam. She was such a damn failure.

The TV flickered and she watched the shapes move across the screen. Sam had turned it on, most likely out of habit. She tried to focus on the show or ad, but she couldn't. Her son's face was the only thing she could see. Her poor little son.

Mercedes wondered what it meant to be a good mother. She always thought she was one, but clearly after tonight she realised that she had never really had a good role model so how was she to know? She thought about the Mum's on T.V with their bright smiles and college degrees. Regret wasn't hard to feel when all she could remember was just a list of mistakes. She should have established herself, built something for her son to be proud of or at the very least keep in safe.

"Cedes?"

Sam was standing in the door room of his bedroom. He was in totally hero mode. Saving her from her mother, saving her from homelessness, saving, saving, saving because Mercedes seemed to never be able to save herself.

"Yeah?"

She responded half heartily, unable to really connect his words to their meaning.

"You want to come to bed? I think you need sleep"

Sleep, huh

Yeah maybe she did. If Sam said she needed to sleep, then he was probably right. Everyone was always right.

Everyone but her.

She knew she was a kimono and martini away from being a total and utter drama queen but she couldn't help it. She could sense Sam approaching her and he tugged on her sleeve. She couldn't break the darkness that seemed to capture her.

"C'mon Mercedes"

Her feet hit the ground and she allowed him to lead her to his bedroom. A fold shirt and track pants lay on the bed, clearly for her but she bypassed the clothes and la on the bed.

She was a horrible, hopeless person.

As she laid there, lifeless she could feel Sam changing her clothes quietly and the tears fell again. She was so tired and so over it all. He slide beside her and grasped her hand and she focused on the warmth of his skin. It would be so easy to just stay here forever.

S&M

It was three am when the taxi pulled up at the Tinsley residence. It was dark and cold and she knew she looked like a crazy person, wearing Sam's clothes and her mustard blazer over the top. All the lights were off and she wondered whether she should ring Shane's mobile. She stood at the door debating and then just took the plunge and rang the doorbell.

She had left Sam asleep and alone and knew she was doing exactly what he hated. She was running away from him and not including him, not taking him seriously. This wasn't the behaviour of someone who claimed she loved him, but she hardly loved herself. Sam would have to accept that they were a nice idea but in reality a waste.

"Mercedes?"

Shane looked so confused and was half asleep and there was something about the look in his eyes that made her burst into tears.

"Shane, I've fucked everything up"

He ushered her into the house, he had never been good at coping with her when she was sad. She said at the old dining room table and rubbed the wood lovingly.

"What did Sam do? Did he hurt you?"

Poor Sam

Even now as she sat here, trying to do the right thing every pore in her body wanted to be with Sam.

"No…Shane…am I a good mother?"

Shane seemed taken back by the question and dropped beside her

"Of course you are Mercedes. That little boy up there is amazing and it that because of your help"

"Mum said…"

"Your mother is a bitch Cedes, she always has been. I knew this was a bad idea from the start!"

When Shane was tired he was his most honest. When they had been married she sometimes wakes him up at awful hour to ask his honest opinion of an outfit. It had been the source of some of their greatest fights.

"But, I mean she made some good points. I have nothing to offer my son, I don't even have a roof for him"

"You're working; you'll be back on your feet in no time. Look, stay here. I don't want you with your mother anymore and I'll be damned if I let Eli into that house"

Mercedes chewed her lip

"Sam kind of offered me a place at his"

Shane's eyes lit up

"Even better! Yes stay with him. He is great"

Didn't Shane see the point of her rambling? What if she and Sam broke up? She would be back to square one and there was no way she allows Eli to get close to him if it wasn't forever.

Her phone rang just as she was about to reply to Shane

"Where are you?"

Sam voice was urgent and she was tempted to just hang up.

"With Eli"

She replied softly and he hung up.

Shit.

"Sam is it for you Mercedes stop being scared and just accept the inevitable"

"Stop trying to be a mind reader Shane. The turban doesn't suit you"

"I'm right though"

Mercedes didn't respond and could feel herself shaking. She had no idea what Sam was going to do.

"Mum?"

Worry and pain left her body at the sight of her son. He was rubbing his eyes and walking towards her and then crawled into her arms. Her beautiful, beautiful son. The only real purity in her life.

Shane's phone buzzed, interrupting the moment between mother and son.

"Um Sam's outside. I'm going to let him in"

Of course he was, Mercedes thought sarcastically.

In moments, Sam was standing in front of her still in his own pyjamas.

"Mr Evans?"

Eli asked curiously, half asleep

"Hey dude"

"Did you want anything Sam? Tea? Water? Juice?"

Shane started offering and Mercedes side eyed over the top of Eli's head. Could the man be crushing any harder?

"Nah I'm fine man, just wanted to be with Mercedes"

If her heart could explode it would have. The only thing that ruined the moment was Shane smiling smugly in the corner.

"I'm just going to put Eli back to bed"

She said, avoiding everyone's eyes as she stood up.

S&M

So just a regular sleep over at her ex-husbands house then.

Ok, why not.

Sam was waiting for her in the bed in the guest room, smiling unnaturally.

"I don't want to fight about me running away"

He shrugged and pulled back the blankets, inviting her in.

"I understand, you needed a hug from you son and I followed because I needed a hug from you. I'm not mad, just worried"

She slipped into his arms

"Even if you not mad, I'm sorry"

He nuzzled her neck and she closed her eyes

"What happened with you your Mum tonight, is a reflection of her; not you. You scared me being all quiet and stuff. I missed your special brand of conversation"

He hadn't bought up the whole 'I love him' declaration and she wondered if they ever would. She eyes slipped close and she felt at peace. In the arms of her boyfriend, a door down from her son and under the same roof of her ex-husband but she was at peace.