Perpetual Existence

Chapter Ten—The Battle of Lusts

The Place In Between

Edward

"Unbelievable," Bella moans from across the dark space.

Using my limited vision, I can just make out the shape of her. I regain what little sense I have and make my way toward her, crawling over her soft, warm body, and take note that she's significantly warmer than the last time we were here.

It makes no sense to me, but then again, none of this does.

"Are you all right?" My question comes to a stop on a whisper; her answering look clearly says not to ask something so stupid ever again. Of course, she's not okay, not since she first laid eyes on me.

She moans again, her hips undulating under my own, though it seems far from pleasure. "Can you please try not to make this pain," she makes a motion toward herself, "about yourself, please?"

I'm in shock, having never noticed I do that, and I have quite a bit, if my limited memory serves me right. How can she read me so easily?

Sheepishly, she looks up at me, finally stilling enough to meet my dark gaze. "What? You get this look on your face that says, 'woe is me' or 'this is all my fault' or even 'how can she love me,' every time I show even a hint of pain here."

My brow furrows as her words hit me. She's right; she's the one hurting, and my first thought is how I'm the reason we're here. Then her last part of her little speech makes me freeze. "Are you holding back, Bella?"

Her eyes widen as her hand lifts up to hold two of her fingers an inch apart. "Only a little; I promise."

I gather her in my arms, rolling us until she's draped over my body. Beneath me, the ground softens and the space grows warmer, infinitely better than the cold concrete. There is no missing the smile on her lips as I manage to transform the area into something resembling a bedroom in some grand hotel.

"You're learning." Her body contorts in pain for what feels like forever, but she eventually relaxes. "I'm sorry I've kept how much I'm hurting from you."

I understand why she's kept it from me. "If you had been honest, I would've stayed away from you much longer."

She nods and hums her lullaby; the tip of one her fingers traces patterns on my chest. "How long does it take for the transformation?"

Once again, I freeze at her question, unsure how to proceed considering my thoughts during the end of the last cycle. "Transformation?" Clearly, she's remembered the fight we had a few loops before, where I refused changing her to save us from this perpetual hell, in front of my entire family.

She shrugs, but soon sighs hard. "I may have been a bit out of it as I lay gasping in your arms, but I do remember our fight."

"Are you always so dramatic?" I deadpan, hoping to lighten the tension between us.

"Asks the emo vampire." She tries to stretch above me, but doesn't seem satisfied and shifts until she's sitting up, her arms rising high over her head. Her knees tighten along my hips, but there is no helping my reaction. Not with her looking the way she does, and all that warmth that surrounds me.

She smiles as if she's reading my thoughts again. "The pain is always there, but if I'm thoroughly distracted, I feel it a little less." A finger taps her chin in contemplation, a tiny smile on her beautiful face. "What should we do to distract me?"

I have some ideas.

Instead of acting on those, I sit up quickly and roll her beneath me again, eliciting a squeal of surprise and a few giggles. "How about we get to know each other some more?"

Her arms come up around my neck, her smile a little unsure. "Why won't you answer my question about transformation?"

I sigh and keep as much of my weight off her, pressing kisses along her cheek and neck in an attempt to distract her. "My transformation lasted for seventy-one hours, thirty-three minutes, thirteen seconds of the most excruciating pain of my existence. It's not something I like to think about."

Her eyes soften, her fingers tracing the area under one of my eyes. "I know, but the more information we have, the better the chances to break the loop." I nod and shudder, making her breath catch. "You're scaring me, Edward."

Scaring her is the last thing I want now, but she needs to understand what she's asking of me.

"The venom in my bite burns through your blood, killing and changing you at the same time. The change goes down to the molecular level, your DNA actually transforms, but the process is excruciating, most wish for death and scream through it all. I did. You feel like you're on fire. You even expect to see your flesh burning, but it's not." I shake my head, my body shuddering at the horrific memories.

"You don't have to keep going."

I can hear the tears in her voice, but do not dare to look at her. "I had a thought in the last loop." She encourages me to continue, her fingers running through my hair. "If I initiate your change, you'll live for at least three days."

"Past our window of time that we seem to have in the loops. Which was why your family insisted it was the only answer to breaking this bullshit." She shakes her head, giving me a watery smile. "I don't want you to change me to save me. You have to want it, me, forever, Edward."

I close my eyes, already aware this would be her condition. The choice in the end will be mine. Unless…I pull away to look at her. "Do you want forever me with me?"

"Endless power, endless time with someone I love, why not?"

I roll my eyes and shift to lie on my back, leaving her on her own. "It's not that simple. Do you have any idea what you're saying? What you'd have to give up?"

She turns to her side, propping her head on her hand. "Why don't you explain it to me then? Or is this because I'll be different? Not as appealing?"

I scoff. "Don't be ridiculous, Isabella Marie Swan. This has nothing to do with how different you'd be as a vampire. Will I miss your softness and warmth? Yes, but it would be nicer not to want to kill you as much as I want to kiss you."

She smiles and presses a kiss to my lips, gentle little nips excite me, but she swiftly pushes me away.

One thing I've learned about her is once she sets her mind to something, she's going to find a way to get what she wants. And at the moment, she wants answers.

She explains that Carlisle and the others have told her about the Volturi and the consequences of breaking our most sacred laws in a previous loop where they've tried to stop me from boarding a plane at the airport. I spend quite some time telling her the complexities of my race.

Bella absorbs the information quickly and comes to a conclusion that has been bothering me since she asked how long we've been in the loops. "If the phenomenon comes to an end the moment of my rebirth, we'd have to leave Forks immediately. There would be no saying goodbye to my father and even my mother."

I take her hand in mind. "When we awaken, our hunger is instant, and the instinct to quench the thirst is strong. Imagine your throat and mouth dry, now times it by thousand, then add a burning sensation when we come close to a blood source—that's how it would feel the moment you wake up from the change. It wouldn't be safe to remain anywhere close to humans."

She swallows hard. "If people outside of us are unaware of what's happening, could we leave without detection?"

There's no avoiding my family; the moment we're clear of the phenomenon, Alice will likely see our intent to leave Forks and create some kind of distraction, despite not knowing why.

"Other than my family, I have no idea, Bella. Were people aware when it happened to you before?"

She'd mentioned the fall out of a tree as a child, even the car accident she'd been involved in with her mother and Phil, but changed it so that she'd avoid it, but at the cost of her mother's and stepfather's injuries.

"After the fall from the tree, my mother seemed confused, swore she lost time."

I sigh and shake my head. "We have to assume people will know something strange has happened."

Bella's lip twists slightly under the dull bite of her teeth. "But do we go based on how long it's been in the loops or include the time in the space between death and life?"

"Considering that we have no control how long we're here, that's another question we don't have an answer for."

Neither of us says another word for several minutes, darkness soon intruding on the fringes of the space. Our time here is coming to an end.

"What are we going to do?" She looks up at me, tears in her eyes.

I've made my decision. "I don't think I will leave you alive once I bite you." I have to be honest; a bite to her finger is nothing like her neck or wrist. "It's going to take some time to temper my reaction and allow the change to happen. I'm not strong enough yet, but know this, I love you."

The tip of her finger slides along my bottom lip, pushing up to kiss me with a fever I come to love. Groaning and moaning, we continue until the darkness encompasses everything around us.

.

.

.

Another Monday

"So you explained to your family and they all agree that it'll take a few times to acclimate to my scent and taste of my blood."

Upon entering this loop, I tell my family everything, and though, they are worried about the consequences of changing Bella, they understand it may be the only answer. Other than my own demise, though that is still up for debate.

"Try a lot more than a few since you're apparently my singer."

She makes a face, provoking a laugh from me. "Singer? I know you haven't heard me outright sing, but I can tell you right now, I'm nothing to rave about, Edward."

"La tua cantante, loosely translates to my singer, meaning that your blood sings to me."

"Okay, so because of my singing blood, they believe it'll take some time to get it right."

I nod. "My father asked for us to visit after school to discuss it more and what we can do in each loop to desensitize myself to your blood."

"How long did it take you to explain all this to your family?" She fidgets with the heat control of my car, unable to meet my eyes.

"Less than ten minutes, then I came straight to your house to pick you up."

She sighs. "We didn't get to discuss how soon we'll try the biting thing."

I take her shaking fingers in my hand and wait for her to look at me. "We were thoroughly distracted in the end before restarting the day."

She looks at my lips, licking her own. She really shouldn't do that while I'm driving or while she's human and I'm a vampire. There's very little I can do about it in reality, not without risking her life.

"Are you nervous about trying now?" I understand, considering the numerous times I've bitten her in the previous loops. "My father suggested he could do it him—"

"No." She shakes her head hard. "We've been through all of this for a reason; it has to be you, Edward. I'd rather die by your hand a hundred times than have someone I don't know do it." She's adamant it needs to be me for us to come out of this together. "Can you honestly live for eternity with another man's mark on me?"

My reaction to her question is instinctual, brutal, and nearly animalistic. The car revs hard under the pressure of my lead foot as I maneuver with ease through the school traffic and bypass the parking lot to head out of town. I sense Bella's trepidation, but offer her nothing other than a low growl when her hand reaches for the handle. As if she's willing to jump out and start over today again. "Don't even think about it."

Her heart rate picks up in speed as my odometer climbs higher and higher. "What's wrong?"

I don't bother answering as the area comes into view. The brakes squeal as I glide off the road and into a previously cleared dirt road. An accident had occurred only last month; the large truck had decimated several trees before an ancient oak finally proved too much. It created a tunnel made of trees, dark and perfect for our needs. Darkness soon surrounds the car, and I can smell the fear and adrenaline in her blood mixed with something else just as potent.

Her desire for me.

"Only you, only you." She pounces before I can push back my seat, straddling me, her hands in my hair as she pulls my mouth to hers. There's nothing gentle about this kiss; it's all consuming and passionate, threatening to snap what little control I have left. My nimble fingers keep her from nicking herself on my teeth, need has me gasping, and she takes advantage of it. Her tongue slides against my own.

Her taste here is incredible; the warmth of her mouth, of that slippery tongue is the start of my undoing. My hands grab hold of her hips, pulling her hard against mine. We both groan as the hottest and softest part of her meets the cool, hardest part of me. She pulls her lips from mine to gasp and writhe on my lap.

She tugs on my hair, eliciting a hiss and another low growl. "I only want your mark on me."

"Fuck." I curse under my breath, continuing this tenuous hold on my control. It's difficult to care of such things when she's so close and so damn warm. When she feels good and perfect in my hold. Minutes pass in the same manner, every thrust of her hips sending us closer and closer to the inevitable edge.

Suddenly, she cries out, trembling in my arms, her head thrown back. Leaving her neck exposed. Unable to resist as my body gives in to the pleasure, my teeth nick into her shoulder, my tongue lapping at the blood that flows out of my bite.

Between her enticing blood, her warmth, the scent of her arousal, and the tightening of her hips around mine, I explode.

And as I've predicted, I can't hold back and sink my teeth into her neck, where her pulse throbs against my bloody lips.

AN: Yeah, we knew it wouldn't work the first time his lusts battled and he had her on his lap. Thanks to Midnight Cougar for getting this back to me quickly. Any mistakes are mine, I tinkered as usual. Anyway, we'll be skipping loops soon. Only because it's going to take time for Edward to control himself and not give in to his bloodlust enough to allow the change to happen. Also, we'll have another look at what's happening outside of the phenomenon area. Busy month ahead, I'm going to need every ounce of good vibes or prayers to remain sane throughout it.

Thanks to sticking around XOXO