Chapter 10 - What is wrong with us?
It had been almost a week since Claire and Alex slept together, and none of them had dared to make the first contact. They both knew they had to do something, they couldn't just act like it wasn't a big deal, because it was - and with the business and everything, they simply had to talk.
Claire shut the gate to the stables after running her third check up on Blaze's foal, Phoenix, that day. She was about a month old by now and she grew so incredibly fast each day. She smiled as she took one last look at them but the smile soon disappeared and was replaced with a worried expression, as she thought about what she was about to do.
She turned her focus to the ute and made her way over there. With a moment of considering everything one more time and a deep breath she got in, ready to make her way to Killarney. Her and Alex needed to talk. She knew she had told him to pretend it never happened, but they couldn't do that - she couldn't do that. She had to tell him how sorry she was, for everything.
"I'm gonna be gone for an hour or so" Claire called out the window as Meg walked by the back entrance to the kitchen. "Where you off to?" She asked and stopped her walking. "Just Killarney" Claire said, feeling no need to express why. Meg waved her hand and gave Claire a quick nod on her head, before she disappeared into the kitchen.
With another deep breath she started the ute and slowly started to drive out of the driveway.
The whole way to Killarney, she had thought about what to say and how to say it. They hadn't seen each other since that day, and it was bound to be at least a bit awkward. She sighed and got out of the ute. She never did things like this, so she wasn't sure what to say in a situation like this. She knocked on the door and waited nervously for some to open. But nobody did. She frowned and looked around. Maybe everyone was out?
She sighed and made her way down the porch again but half way back to her ute, the door opened behind.
"Claire?" Alex's voice sounded. He hadn't expected to see her here. "Sorry, I was just taking a nap" he continued, knowing he had taken a long time to open the door. She gave him a nervous smile and started to walk back to the porch. "What are you doing here? Is everything alright with the foal?" He asked a bit worried. Claire rarely stopped by, cause of Harry and Liz - they could be a bit too much at times.
"We need to talk" she said and stopped in front of him. He felt a weird feeling rush through his body, reminded of what had happened between them. "We can talk in here - There's no one home" he said and moved from the door, so she could step inside.
They walked down the hall and into the living room. Everything was as she remembered it the last time she was there. "You want anything?" Alex asked and pointed to the kitchen. "No, I'm good thanks" Claire said and gave him a smile. She walked to the window overseeing the backyard, not sure what to do with herself. She nervously walked around, trying her very best not to look at him - She knew she had to, but she still hadn't found the strength to actually do so.
"You wanted to talk?" Alex asked just as nervous as her. He placed himself on the couch, waited on what Claire had to say, she had been the one in favour of forgetting everything after all. She turned around and made her way to his side. "Yeah" was all she said before she took a seat next to him. "I thought you said we needed to pretend it didn't happen?" Alex asked a bit defensive, after a couple of minutes of silence. Claire shook her head, feeling a bit annoyed by his defend - She couldn't blame him though, it wasn't okay what she had done. "It doesn't really work out that easy" she said and looked at him all Claire like. He snorted - It definitely didn't. The room went silent again. Both trying to think of what to say or more like, how to say it. They both knew what they needed to talk about, it just wasn't easy.
"Claire"
"Alex" they both said in unison, drawing out a small smile on both their lips. "You first" Alex said and kept his smile. Claire nodded and looked out the window again, before turning her focus to him. "I think I need to give you an apology" Claire said and bit her lip. "You know, last time .. it shouldn't have happened. I was drunk and I shouldn't have lead you on like that" she continued and desperately waited for him to say something.
"I'm not sure you lead me on Claire, it just, sort of happened" Alex said and move around on the couch. "Well, I should have stopped it" Claire said and cleared her throat. "It was a mistake, and we both know it" she continued making Alex turn his head.
"But a good mistake right?" he asked, trying to lighten up the mood. Claire frowned at him and shook her head with a small smile. "How would I remember? I was drunk" she said and watched how a big grin started to form on his lips. "Oh yeah" he said and pushed to her shoulder. They went silent again, both still feeling weirded out from this whole conversation. "But seriously. I'm really sorry Alex" Claire finally said, making him turn his head to her again. "I'm sorry too" Alex said, feeling only regret from the way it had happened and not that it did. He just hated the fact, Claire obviously didn't share his feelings about it.
"Can we forget it happened?" She asked and he quickly replied with a nod on his head. "Are you sure?" she asked, seeing his eyes change. It was almost like they reflected a tiny bit of hurt or regret, something like that, but she couldn't put her finger on it.
Alex smiled, trying his very best to put his own feelings aside. "We can forget it never happened" he said with the same old smile. Claire breathed out deeply, relieved that they got through this conversation without much damaged caused.
"I need to get back out there" Alex said and got on his feet. "Oh yeah" Claire replied and joined him in their walk back to the door.
"Claire?" he suddenly asked as she had one foot out of the door. She turned around with a yeah and a smile on his face. "I'm glad we talked" he said and took a step closer to her, pulling her in and hugged her tight. Claire smiled for herself and tightened her grip around him. They rarely hugged but it seemed right to do it, and it felt so right in this moment.
As they pulled away from each other their eyes met. They kept glancing at each other, Alex still holding Claire in his arms. It was like none of them could move, like a invisible attraction started to cover them. With no control over it, he moved his hand and gently stroke away a lock of hair from her face. His heart was starting to beat faster, and so was hers. Both thinking of that night. Even though none of them could remember much about it, a unexplained feeling of warmth still ran through them.
Alex tilted his head slightly and moved his hand to her cheek. He was still looking at her, as his thumb gently caressed her skin, exploring her lips and fine lines. She closed her eyes, trying to find a reason to end this moment, but she couldn't. It felt so right, in a way she knew it shouldn't. She opened her eyes again and slowly she started to lean herself towards him, leaning on the tip of her toes as she planted a soft kiss on his lips. He kissed her back, feeling all sort of emotions run through his body. He craved for more of her.
He tightened his grip even more and pulled her closer, closing the front door behind her. Their kisses was getting stronger from each kiss and it was only a matter of time before his logical sense would be long gone. He pushed her up against the light wooden sideboard and knocked down a couple of pictures, as he rested his hand behind her. They continued to share the craving kisses until both of them was out of breath and then they stopped. But it didn't take long for Claire to seek his mouth again but after a few light kisses, Alex stopped and looked at her. "Should we stop?" he asked and without feeling the need to think it through, Claire shook her head. He gave her one more deep kiss before he pulled away, and started to lead her to the stairs holding her hand. As they reached the top of the stairs he pulled her back in and started to kiss her again, long and deep. Their mouths continued to explore each other, as he kept walking forward, forcing her to walk backwards with tiny steps, until she bumped her back against his bedroom door. With a quick move he opened the door, making sure not to break their kiss.
Claire was lying on her side looking around his room. She hadn't been up here for years and it looked the same but yet, very different. She closed her eyes as a feeling of regret washed over her. She just slept with Alex, again. And this time they weren't even drunk. What was she doing?
"Are you okay?" Alex asked concerned. None of them had spoken for awhile, even looked at each other after the moment of heat had passed. "No" Claire said and sat up. "What the hell are we doing, Alex?" she asked. They couldn't just go around and sleep with each other like this, it was so wrong. Alex joined her, and thought about her question. He had no good answer. Well, he knew why he was doing it - he was attracted to her and he loved her.
"It's really bad" Claire said and rested her head in her hand. She couldn't shake the feeling of doing something wrong but it felt so right, in the moment. In the moment it felt right and she loved how he made her feel, everytime she was in his presence. Which she hated herself for - In some way, she felt like she was using Alex, well-knowing his feelings for her. She couldn't deny the fact, that she would have ended things with Peter a long time ago, if Alex had told her how he felt - but he hadn't and things wasn't the same anymore. She wasn't the same anymore. Alex kept looking at her, he didn't know what to say but the woman in front of him was obviously in pain and all he wanted was to take the pain away. Claire shook her head and looked at him. "We can't do this" she said and felt a lump in her throat. As much as wanted to, she couldn't. Alex sighed and made himself comfortable using his pillow for support against the headboarder. "Claire …" he said with a low voice. He wanted to tell her, he was ready but Claire cut him off. "No" she said with a soft gentle voice, almost as she knew what he was about to say. She didn't, but she had a feeling and she couldn't hear that right now - it would make everything much more complicated than it already was. He gave her a comforting smile, accepting she wasn't ready to hear him out. She sighed and looked away from him and out the window.
She had to go but a part of her wanted her to stay - She knew she couldn't, so she shook that feeling off and swung one leg out of the bed, still wrapped in one of the sheets.
"Don't go" Alex suddenly said and grabbed her gently by the arm. She turned her head and met his eyes. Without saying anything she kept glancing at him, feeling the same exact feeling as downstairs. Alex moved closer to her without breaking their stare. "Please" he said and moved his hand to her cheek before he planted a soft kiss on her lips.
Claire felt drawn to him once again and it was a fight she had no intention to fight. The feeling of everything being much better with him, started to consume her and she allowed herself to feel better again, at least for a little while - As wrong as it was, that feeling won.