Results: Interlude Seven and A Half

Cologne In Space

This interlude is dedicated to stupidity and its consequences. This interlude is also dedicated to my mother, who is forcing me to write this at gunpoint. Yeah, mom, this is for you and your bullets.

This interlude is also dedicated to everyone but Slacker, out of spite.

This may or may not be the VERY LAST INTERLUDE. You heard me. Enjoy it. After this, the pattern of 2 chapters, 1 interlude will be over.

(Scene Change)

"Zombie girl." Cologne said, head tilted to the side.

Shampoo remained on the ground, weeping.

"Zombie girl." Cologne repeated, head tilted the other way.

Shampoo moaned, dreading what was to come.

(Scene Change)

Cologne held a clipboard before her. "So, you wish to be teleported where I sent the others in a fit of insanity?"

"Yes, matriarch." Tsubasa said, honestly. "Without Ranma, Ukyo is depressed. I must get him back!"

Cologne nodded, understanding. With a swipe of her staff, she beheaded the cross-dresser. "You shall join your comrades in death." Cologne said, solemnly.

Shampoo was horrified. "You mean you killed all of them?" Shampoo asked, cautiously.

"What? Huh?" Cologne answered, before turning back to Tsubasa. "Oh well. He died before I could teleport him. Pity, that."

(Scene Change)

"Tom Walker." Cologne said, pointing her staff at Konatsu.

Konatsu attempted to use his "Kunoichi Skillz" to escape.

"Tom," Cologne said, holding Konsatsu around his neck, "You're come for." With a puff of fire and brimstone, Konatsu was gone, leaving only a giant blood stain on the floor.

(AN: Grats to anyone who understands this. I didn't, and I've read The Devil and Tom Walker.)

Ukyo rushed outside her Okonomiyaki shop to see Konatsu disappear. "You... You bitch! Where are you sending my friends! Where has everyone gone?" Ukyo knew the futility of drawing her weapon.

Cologne shook her head sadly. "The love train has only one more stop, and it isn't yours." With a puff of smoke, Cologne did not actually go anywhere. After a second or two, she blinked, looked both ways, and then bounced off on her staff in the direction of the Tendo Dojo. Shampoo was left behind, shaking from fear, while Ukyo could only watch at the speed Cologne departed.

(Scene Change)

Akane was terrified. More terrified than she had ever been before. Cologne, the destroyer of her family and defeater of Happosai and even of Ranma stood before her father, making small talk over tea.

Honestly, she was actually acting pretty normal. That is, until she saw Akane.

"It's you!" Cologne yelled, throwing a net over Akane and trapping her in place. "Finally, my quest nears completion."

"What do you want with me?" Akane asked, almost not wanting to know the answer.

"Age, dear. Age is what I want from you." Cologne shuddered as she lifted her hand and reverted Akane to the age of 10. Cologne herself reverted to the tender young age of 304 (previously, she was 310). "And now, begone!" Cologne stuck her tongue out, wiggled her ears, and tapped her foot.

Predictably, nothing happened. Cologne bit her tongue, and waved her hands, producing a light beige smoke. She then reared back and went forth into a mighty headbutt, smacking Akane so hard that her sisters felt it.

Kasumi suddenly felt a painful knock on her forehead. "This enemy shinobi is more dangerous than expected. I must use the pressure point techniques that Dr. Tofu gave me to complete this mission."

Nabiki groaned as another wave of pain crossed her headache. "Note to self: No more victory liquor."

Akane was perplexed. Why did she now know advanced level calculus? And why did she have a complex understanding of the history of some place called the Fire Country?

Cologne looked at Akane once more. "You are resilient, my foe. But you will not last." Cologned tapped Akane lightly on the forehead with her staff, smearing a little of Tsubasa's blood on the age-reduced Tendo. With an ear-rending screech, Akane was gone. "That's not what I meant to do. Oh, well." Cologne then hopped into the air, landing on the forgotten Soun Tendo, weeping in the corner, before launching herself into the sky.

As Cologne hurtled through the air, she made a series of complex hand signs. With a puff of smoke, her and her staff disappeared into the Aether shortly before her upwards momentum ceased in the upper atmosphere.

(Scene Change)

Cologne popped into existence millions of miles from Earth, in orbit of the sun. Staring into its burning depths, she tried to sigh, though the lack of air prevented her. 'Its beautiful,' she thought, 'now if only I wasn't about to die.'

She stayed there a long time, watching the endless burning of the celestial figure.

(Scene Change)

Ukyo helped Shampoo to stand, holding her under the opposite arm as she supported her walk into the Okonomiyaki shop. Too emotionally drained to exert herself, she had to stop in the middle of the floor to kneel and catch her breath. She caught Shampoo in a comforting hug, tears of the amazon warrior rolling down her back to join Ukyo's own tears cascading behind Shampoo.

THE END (OF THE INTERLUDES)

I LOVE BIG BROTHER