Title: Leaving

Author: PapayaK

Category: Romance, Angst

Spoilers: 1969, Divide and Conquer

Summary: Jack/Sam ship with some adventure thrown in. Rated T for some violence and sexual reference. And a couple strong words.

Disclaimer: Don't own 'em. Just having fun.

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Leaving – Chapter 10

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Janet looked at them all one by one, tears in her eyes, "I'm sorry, he didn't make it."

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"What?" Sam asked.

Daniel and Teal'c just looked at her.

"I'm sorry, He coded three times. The third time, we just couldn't bring him back. It was finally too much for him. I'm so sorry!"

"No. You're wrong. He's fine. You know that, Janet. He's fine. He's always fine."

"Sam" Daniel had recovered from his own shock enough to reach out to her. "Sam. I'm so sorry."

"Janet. You're sure?" She knew it was a dumb question, but she just couldn't quite believe it.

Janet nodded, causing her own tears to spill down her cheeks.

Sam's eyes were dry. She looked as if she was searching for something, looking around, but her eyes were not seeing. "Then, - I'm a widow."

Janet looked at her sharply.

Daniel explained softly, "That's what happened when they were gone. It's a long story."

Janet's face showed new respect for her friend's sadness. "Would you like to see him?" She asked gently.

Sam paused, thinking.

They waited respectfully; Daniel wiped at his eyes and hugged himself. Teal'c stood stiffly, his jaw working. Janet looked as if she wanted to reach out to Sam, but wasn't sure if she should.

"No." Sam finally answered, and began to walk away. "I have work to do."

Janet stared after her in surprise. Daniel started to go after her, but Teal'c placed a restraining hand on his arm. They looked at each other. What would the SGC be without Jack O'Neill? What would life be like?

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Six months later Carter stood on the ramp before a shimmering wormhole, a neat white envelope in her hands. She was nervous. She was using yet another solar flare to send a message into her past.

She fidgeted with the paper, lost in thought. Daniel and Teal'c should have been here for this, but they weren't.

Teal'c had been killed when caught in an ambush shortly after they had returned to active duty. He had been scouting the area while she and Daniel had explored some ruins. He had defended himself well, but there had been just one too many Jaffa. She was sure it wouldn't have happened if Jack had been there.

They had lost Daniel last month. Colonel Cummings had allowed him to go into an abandoned city before it had been completely explored. Jack had known how to handle Daniel's enthusiasm and keep him safe.

She thought back to the huge memorial service they had for all 22 members of the SGC who had been slain in the foothold incident. The flag from Jack's coffin had been presented to her. His was the only actual coffin there since he had no family anymore to hold a service for him. She thought of all the families who had.

It all still seemed so unreal.

She looked down at the envelope in her hands and thought again of the letter inside. She had written, deleted, re-written, torn it up and written it again. She had read it so many times she had it memorized:

Dear Jack and Sam,

It's a beautiful day isn't it? And you are both so very happy. I remember that day so clearly, it seems like yesterday. But it isn't. The day you are now experiencing happened for me over six months ago.

Sam, you don't know yet what he has planned, but he will soon tell you that you can go back in time and get married so that you have a preexisting marriage to use as defense against any frat reg. accusations. I am hoping, okay, I'm demanding that the two of you reconsider. I think you will after reading this letter.

Although it worked; and we had two wonderful days of wedded bliss; since then I have been a widow. Jack is dead. He was killed during a foothold situation I believe we inadvertently caused by our time travel.

Teal'c was killed by a Jaffa ambush a month later. Daniel was killed in an accident last month. I believe both their deaths would have been prevented by you, Jack. That's not wishful thinking. That is based on my personal knowledge of your extensive experience and abilities. We also lost twenty-one other souls in that foothold situation.

I did extensive research into the possible causes of the foothold. I started the day you died and continued for these past six months. Last week I presented my findings to General Hammond and he agrees with me. We both know I should be court marshaled for our actions, but he is willing to let me try sending this letter instead.

When we activated the stored gate in Washington D.C. we encountered a Private Cummings. Apparently he was inspired by the sight of the gate and eventually joined the SGC. We now believe it was directly due to his actions alone while on a mission that drew the aliens to Earth.

Coincidentally, He was also in command of the mission where we lost Daniel.

Without our interaction, I can find no other way for him to ever find out about the SGC. And, believe me, I tried. I wanted to be wrong. I wanted our marriage to be right. But even more than that I want you to be alive. I want Daniel and Teal'c to be here with me, too.

I miss you terribly. I still love you. I'll always love you. I could never say that for one stupid reason or another, and neither could you. Don't worry; you don't have to say it. You never have to say it. I know. I knew long before Nadeela. I knew before the armbands. It's okay. You have other ways of telling me.

It's like you told me shortly after we were married, "EVERY moment we get will be a stolen one." Well, we're just going to have to go on stealing moments.

Enjoy these few days. Make the most of them. And Sam, please, always remember that at least you have him. You can see him, touch him, breathe in the scent of him. He's real and he's with you.

Oh, and just in case, remember to check in over the next few days and make sure the SGC hasn't been overrun by cloning aliens. And if the aliens do show up, watch your back!

I don't know what will happen when I send this. I hope I will no longer know what it is to lose you. I hope I never will.

I had better stop writing and seal this. The flare occurs in less than an hour. It's just that I feel closer to you now than I have in months.

I'll see you soon.

I love you.

Your Carter

"Fifteen seconds until solar flare, Major" Walter's voice came over the loudspeaker.

She nodded in response and stepped closer. Slowly, she held out the envelope and let the wormhole take it. Her heart was filled equally with both hope and sadness; Hope for her future – and her past, and sadness for the marriage that could, now, never happen.

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As soon as the wormhole snapped shut she was overcome with dizziness. She closed her eyes and concentrated on not falling down.

Her mind was filled with conflicting images. She saw Jack dying as she applied pressure to his wound. She saw him laughing in the surf. She saw him glaring triumphantly at Kinsey who was holding their marriage certificate and looking like he wanted to tear it and Jack to pieces.

She saw them together at his cabin. She saw him with Daniel and Teal'c on a mission she had no other memory of. Then she saw Teal'c's dead body. And Daniel crumpled under the debris that had taken his life. It didn't make any sense.

It was all so confusing and she couldn't get her head to stop spinning long enough to figure it out. For some reason she thought she heard the sound of the blast doors closing behind her, but she couldn't open her eyes to check.

Then she felt a hand on her elbow.

She stopped breathing.

Could it be?

Dare she hope?

"You okay, Carter?"

"Ohh - Jack" She whispered as she turned and fell into his arms.

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A/N One more chapter. (gotta love the epilogue) And I really think that maybe - just maybe - this is all going to make sense.