A/N I'm back with another chapter, even though I didn't get as many reviews as I'd hoped…
I'll be replying to all reviews via PM from now onwards. Apparently it's against FFN regulations to include review responses in chapters.
And for crud's sake, SOMEBODY READ AND REVIEW MST3003. THE ONE-SHOT IS GATHERING DUST IN MY FREAKING PROFILE AND IT REALLY WOULDN'T KILL YOU TO HAVE A LOOK AT IT AND DROP IN A WORD OR TWO, YA KNOW. Sheesh.
Anyways, on with the story!
By the way, this seems to be my shortest author's note for this story. Anyone care to count?
Story:-
The Pokemon were starting to get quite used to the drill that occurred when the theater was fried. They would all lounge around in the central living room while Sceptile, Charizard and Steelix busied themselves in the projection room to find out how much damage had been done and whether it was fixable.
Seven Pokemon, more bored than the rest, were now exploring the ship to see if it had anything besides DVDs and popcorn. Four of these intrepid explorers were Glalie, Psyduck, Umbreon and Squirty the Nut. The other three tagalongs were explorers, no doubt, but had different motives.
Pikachu had joined the gang in order to chummy up to Umbreon. Skitty had then joined in order to ensure that nothing happened between Umbreon and Pikachu. She regretted this later, since the only thing that could have happened between Umbreon and Pikachu was the latter's murder. The worst part, though, was that her joining the group had prompted Meowth to join as well. Skitty just couldn't stand that stronzo.
[A/N: Stronzo is an Italian word.
Meowth was thinking of a good pickup line. Last time he had tried asking out Skitty, his advances had been to aggressive ─ as had been Skitty's response. So now, Meowth had decided to refine his approach and use a guaranteed-to-succeed pick-up line, or rather, pick-up story. Meowth was running over the details of the story in his head: "I was backpacking through Western Europe along the foothills of Mount Tibidabo in Barcelona…"
[If you got the above joke (yes, beloved readers, the "story" above is actually a rib-cracking joke), tell me in a review and I'll give a preview within a day. Hint: Go to my profile page and see what I'm obsessed with!
"Hast thou espied anything of note?" inquired Billy the Turtle.
"Why yes, I have just seen a blue nutcase masquerading as William Shakespeare," said Glalie.
Squirtle Shakespeare flared up at that. "An imposter! Where hast thou seen so-called 'nutcase'? I bid thee lead me to him at once, even with a thought!"
"Then follow me, thou bard!" laughed Glalie. He split off from the rest of the group and went through a gap between two shelves, closely followed by the Balmy Bard.
Pikachu, Skitty and Meowth immediately brightened up. Now that two Pokemon had left them, they could each proceed to get rid of the others and be alone with whomever they wanted to be alone with.
This was a lot trickier than it seemed.
Pikachu walked up to Psyduck and whispered in his ear. "If you could come up with some sort of story and leave with Skitty and the mouth-with-a-tail, that'd be great, Psyduck." Pikachu winked at the duck, before falling back in step with Umbreon. Umbreon was trying her best to ignore the goofy yellow rat bouncing in a really annoying manner beside her.
Psyduck began to ponder, but before he could come up with a plausible story, Skitty came up and whispered to him surreptitiously, "Scratch whatever Pikachu told you. Come up with something so you can leave with Umbreon and the cat with nine mouths." Skitty flicked her tail ever so subtly to remind Psyduck what horrors awaited him should he dare to refuse to comply.
No sooner did Skitty move away from Psyduck than Meowth come up to him. "Oy need ya ta take away da twerpster and da oversized Eevee soy oy kin have a liddle chat wit me dame."
Psyduck didn't exactly follow what Meowth was saying, but was willing to bet he wasn't reciting a Spanish ballad. With a withering look at Skitty, Pikachu and Meowth, he turned around and stomped away without a word.
The four remaining Pokemon then just looked at each other awkwardly. The seconds stretched into a minute. They wondered how exactly to break the ice (or, in Meowth's case, mentally recite the Barcelona story) when suddenly, a huge chunk of ice came out of nowhere and crashed on the floor, showering the quartet with ice chips.
"Well, that's one way…" said Pikachu, though no one heard him.
The four of them, finally finding something to do, ran in the direction the ice had come from.
What they stumbled upon was something they least expected to see.
Glalie and Two-cokes-short-of-a-six-pack were both standing next to a treasure chest filled with fancy dress costumes. Squirty was wearing Shakespearean clothes, complete with a frilly collar thing around his neck and a judge's white wig. Glalie was using various ice types attacks on the clothes.
"Check this out!" said Glalie delightedly. "Dee-sis has a costume stash! Who'd have thunk it?"
"Not I, for certain," said Squirtle. "I had resigned myself to believing that this land of loons could not possess attire fit for a fashionable rhymester such as I."
"Who's he ta be callin' anywun a loon?" asked Meowth.
"What are you using all the ice attacks for?" asked Umbreon.
"I'm shrinking the costumes so they'll fit," explained Glalie. He peered into the now-frigid chest. "Hey, mine is ready!" Glalie dived into the chest, momentarily disappearing. When he re-emerged he was wearing an eye patch, a black hat and a fake wooden arm strapped to his side. The arm had a hook at the end of it.
"Ahoy, mateys! Welcome aboard me ship, the ship of Captain Hook!" said Glalie in perfect Pirate.
"I just had a great idea!" said Skitty. "Let's everyone wear the costumes! We can call it "Act Like the Psycho Day'!" Skitty pointed at Squirtle to make it clear who the Psycho was.
"I think it's dumb," said Pikachu.
"I don't. I'm going to tell everyone," Umbreon began to walk away.
Pikachu grew wide-eyed. He lunged after Umbreon, but was tripped by Skitty. Pikachu fell flat onto his face while Skitty said loud enough for Umbreon to hear, "Don't attack Umbreon just because she disagrees with you!"
"I ─ no, I didn't ─ wait!" Pikachu desperately lunged once more after a running Umbreon, but was tripped up a second time, this time by Meowth.
"See?" said Meowth, as Pikachu sat and stewed on the floor. "We share similar interests. We kin have a lotta fun if ya went out with me!"
Skitty did not deign to reply, but turned around and walked away. Meowth followed. "Say, did I ever tell ya about the time oi went backpacking throo Wistern Europe…"
"What do I do?" sighed Pikachu. "I need to win Umbreon's heart."
"Arr, don't sweat it, Romeo," said Glalie.
Pikachu's eyes widened. "THAT'S IT! Captain Hook, do me a favour and search for a Romeo costume!"
"Ahoy, ya swab!" thundered Glalie. "Do it yarself, ya landlubber!"
"Please?" said Pikachu, making cute puppy dog eyes.
Glalie winced. "All right and aye aye, matey, but just because I can't stand that face." Glalie dived into the trunk.
Pikachu turned to Shakespeare in Turtle. "Canst thou writ me a speech from thy play, Romeo and Juliet?" said Pikachu, trying to get Squirty in a good mood.
"Fellow, it shall be done," said Squirtspeare, bowing.
Pikachu grinned. "Excellent."
(((((((((((((((((((((This beeth a Page Break thingst)
Glalie had been busy tailoring outfits for all the Pokemon. Eventually, everyone had found a costume of their liking and was assembled in the hall to celebrate "Act Like Squirtspeare Day."
Bulbasaur, like Glalie, was wearing a pirate outfit, only without the hook. He swaggered drunkenly and spoke in a loud voice to attract attention. "Everyone, say hello to Captain Jack Sparrow! Where's me rum?"
"The rum's here, with the real Captain Jack Sparrow!" Bulbasaur turned around to see Charizard swagger drunkenly with an empty rum bottle in his hand. The fire lizard was wearing a costume identical to Bulbasaur's, only larger.
"Well, it looks like we have an imposter!" said Charizard, looking down at Bulbasaur. "What do you say we do with him, Will?"
Sceptile, standing next to Charizard, was dressed up like William Turner. "Let's make him walk the plank!" he cried.
"WALK THE PLANK! WALK THE PLANK!" chanted the onlookers.
Bulbasaur groaned. "I should have gone with Alice in Wonderland…"
Ludicolo, wearing a jester's hat, walked up to Torkoal, who was dressed up like Shruikan, the evil black dragon from Eragon. "What do you think?" asked Ludicolo excitedly. "I'm a court jester!"
Shruikan frowned. "It's not quite crazy enough for 'Act Like Squirtspeare Day'."
Ludicolo frowned. "I was afraid of that. So…" Ludicolo switched to Plan B. He tilted his jester's hat, wearing it at an angle, before putting on sunglasses, folding his arms and leaning to the side. "Yo, dawg, I'm Da Jesta Rappa! You dig?" asked Ludicolo.
Shruikan stared.
"Peace out, yo," said Ludicolo. "Why da long face, dawg?"
Shruikan kept on staring.
Skitty was dressed like Cleopatra. She was chatting with Togetic, who was dressed like cupid, when Meowth sidled up to them.
Meowth was wearing an ogre costume. He looked fat and was wearing a worn brown-and-white shirt, tattered brown pants and had weird ears.
"Hello, my love. How're ya today?" said Meowth in an Irish accent.
Skitty and Togetic stared.
"What?" said Meowth, still with an Irish accent.
"What the heck are you supposed to be?" asked Togetic.
"Why, I'm Mark Antony, the love of Queen Cleopatra," said Meowth, Irish accent thicker than ever. He extended a green hand towards Skitty.
"You're Shrek!" blurted Togetic.
"No, I'm not!" said Meowth. Guess what accent.
"Yes, you are!" said Togetic forcefully.
Skitty had said nothing and had been standing still until now. No longer able to contain her laughter, she exploded into rib-cracking hysterical hee-haws.
Shrek's confused expression transformed into one of anger. "That ruddy Glalie! When I asked for a Mark Antony costume, he gave me this and told me to talk with an Irish accent."
"So, how's Far Far Away?" asked Skitty, chuckling.
Shrek stomped away.
Suddenly, a great shout rose up amongst the Pokemon. People began to cry, "WALK THE PLANK! WALK THE PLANK!"
Cleopatra and Cupid looked over to the centre of the living. Apparently, Steelix, Sceptile and Charizard ─ That is, Davy Jones, William Turner and the real Captain Jack Sparrow ─ had made a small makeshift wooden ship, complete with a plank. Bulbasaur was lying on the edge of the plank, tied up with ropes.
Swellow was dressed up like a pirate parrot, complete with green feathers and an eye patch. He cackled evilly. "Walk the plank. SQUAWK!"
"Go stick your head in a bag of crackers!" Bulbasaur yelled back.
There was not much of a danger in being pushed off the plank and onto the floor. An infant could have survived that fall.
Unfortunately, Captain Jack Sparrow and pushed a vat of boiling water under the plank. This was why Bulbasaur was having second thoughts about diving headfirst into it.
"What are you waiting for?" asked Davy Jones, chuckling. "Jump before we push you off!"
"Cant we just let the water cool down a bit?" asked Bulbasaur.
"That would be a no," said Shrek.
Gyarados was wearing a monocle, a black top hat and had a Sherlock Holmes style pipe in his mouth. He observed the scene with an expression of quiet contemplation. "My, what a sordid spectacle of savagery."
"Savagery's the word, thou hast put it well," said Squirtspeare.
"Quite dilly-dallying and jump off, Barbosa," said Jack Sparrow with a laugh.
"Oh, I'm Barbosa now?" asked Bulbasaur.
"Wait a tack, Jack!" said Sceptile. "We've forgotten the pistol with only one bullet!"
"Right, how could I forget? Could you arrange for that, Polly?" said Jack Sparrow.
Polly did a double take. "Polly? No way I'm being Polly. It's Paul. SQUAWK!"
Davy, Jack and William all turned around slowly and fixed Polly with intense gazes. Polly gulped.
"Polly's me name. Pistol-fetchin's me fame. Squawk." Polly flew off to find a pistol.
"You get a few extra minutes to cool off after all," said Sparrow to Barbosa.
"Ya know," said Davy Jones, "We can just chuck him into the locker now and throw the pistol whenever it comes."
"But… that's unconventional," said Barbosa lamely.
"Whatever," said William Turner.
Jack Sparrow blew Bulbasaur off the plank with a massive flap of his wings.
There's a sentence I never thought I'd write.
Barbosa fell through the air, screaming madly. He fell into the boiling water with a loud splash and a gurgle. After a few short seconds, he leaped out and landed on the floor with a splat.
Polly flew back into the living room at high speed. "Man, I missed it! SQUAWK!"
Foretress, Crobat and Donphan walked up to the half-conscious Barbosa. Their faces and some body parts were blackened and they were wearing belts of hay and straw in some places.
Crobat sniffed Barbosa. "Meat cooked."
"We eat," said Donphan.
Foretress prodded Bulbasaur. "I'm afraid this meat is burnt and unfit for consumption."
Donphan and Crobat did anime facefaults.
"You didn't speak tribesman!" said Donphan.
Foretress frowned. "Um… this meat unfit for consumption, chugga chugga?"
Crobat and Donphan groaned.
"Let's go back to the original plan of eating the babies," suggested Crobat. The three tribesmen turned around to look at Bonsly and Azurill, dressed in Turkey costumes, sitting in a frying pan and laughing.
"Everyone, I have to make an announcement!" called out a voice.
The revellers all turned towards the source of the sound.
Pikachu was dressed in a ridiculous outfit. He was wearing a multicoloured toga as well as blue tights. Apparently, the look was intended to be Elizabethan.
Glalie ─ er, Captain Hook chuckled to himself.
Pikachu began to read a speech from a list. Squirtle had written it down for him, though Pikachu didn't understand a word. "Umbreon! Till thou dost not banish thy presence from here, domestic fury and fierce civil strife shall cumber all parts of this spaceship! Blood and destruction shall be so in use, and dreadful objects so familiar, that all pity shalt be choked! Away, slight man!"
Pikachu looked up at the stunned faces of all the Pokemon.
"Um… what did I just say?"
"You said that until Umbreon leaves this ship, there will be civil war," said the Intellectual, a. k. a Gyarados. "You also said some stuff about blood and gore that I will NOT translate. And what you said was lifted almost word for word from Julius Caesar."
Skitty looked down at the floor to hide her grin. She had swapped the two speeches early on.
Before Pikachu could make any sense of how this could have happened, Umbreon reacted. She directed a powerful Ground Type Hidden Power at Pikachu. The very metal floor split with the force of the attack. Pikachu stood no chance.
Bulbasaur smirked. "Glad to know I'm not the only one being picked on."
Suddenly, without any forewarning, three sharp beeps cracked through the air. Captain Hook sighed and pressed a button. Deoxys' image materialised on the ceiling.
"Greetings, imbeciles!" he boomed.
"Hey, Dee-sis," the others replied automatically.
Before Dee-sis could respond with his usual "IT'S DEOXYS!!" Ludicolo spoke.
"Yo holla ho, it's mo' fo', Deoxo!" he said.
Everyone turned to Ludicolo and stared.
Davy Jones whispered to William Turner, "Maybe we should have made him walk the plank instead."
"Don't… ever… talk like that… ever," said Deoxys.
"Peace out and chillax the anthrax, homes," quipped Da Jesta Rappa.
Deoxys turned away from the Rappa. In the process, his eyes fell on a small metal case lying in the corner.
William Turner saw Deoxys see the box. "Uh-oh…"
"IS THAT MY PERSONAL FAVOURITES DVD COLLECTION???!!!" bellowed Deoxys.
"Oopsies!" said Jack Sparrow, pushing a button to terminate communication. The ceiling went dead.
Jack Sparrow flapped up to the mast of his ship. Every eye followed him.
"Ahoy, mateys!" Sparrow cried. "Since the ruddy theatres' smoked out like a bottle of rum bashed into a gas lamp, we're gonna be seeing movies in here on the bigger ceiling screen!" A cheer followed these words.
"And we got Deoxys' personal collection to watch. It's not locked," added Davy Jones.
"I wanted to be the only pirate," said Glalie sadly.