A lot of people had questions about the whole Dimitri Tasha thing. I HATEher as much as you do. I would never put them together. It would have made sense later, but I now feel obligated to address this, so here it is.

Rose POV

"There were a lot of rumors after you left," I say as soon as we're alone. Dimitri's looking at me with his stone cold, unblinking Guardian face. "Some of the Guardians said you went home to be with your family. Others said you got reassigned to some very important Moroi who needed the extra protection that only you could offer. Some Novices were going around saying you were fed up with the monarchy so you left to live with humans. There were whispers in the halls of a Strigoi so strong that it captured the great Dimitri Belikov and Awakened him. They said you took over some Strigoi empire in Russia." I start to stare into his eyes. "But you know what? I didn't believe them. I would have known if any one of those happened. And that's why the truth hurt so much." Emotions start to pass through his eyes.

Sadness. Pain.

I don't stop. It needs to be said. "It was a few days after I had Vlad. It was a complicated birth and I was so tired." I remember that night so clearly. Vlad was barely hanging on and I was a complete mess. Sometimes I think the last 16 years has just been a dream and I'll wake up and be in there again, my beautiful baby dying and me feeling so helpless and alone.

You never forget that kind of pain.

I push past my thoughts and carry on. "My walls were down because I was so tired. Lissa… I was in her head. She was thinking about me so much that it just happened. And that's when I saw found out. Tasha was visiting Christian and there you were laughing and having fun." I take a deep breath in a sad attempt to calm myself. Surprisingly, it works. "You made your choice. You did what you felt necessary. I don't blame you for it." And I don't. He's a grown man. He made his own choices just like I made mine.

"You think I…" Dimitri begins, "you think I'm with Tasha?" I say nothing and avert my eyes. "Rose, I- I could never…" His eyes find their way to mine. They hold so many emotions… "I went home after I left you. My mother was happy to see me, but when she found out I was running from my sou- you- when she found out I was running from you, she kicked me out. She told me I could never come back, not without-" he takes a pause and just looks at me. He's beginning to frown. "I came back to the States, ended up at Court. I was up for reassignment. Tasha was pushing for a Guardian and somehow convinced someone to assign me to her. But that's it, Rose, I swear. She tried… but… I couldn't. Not when my heart belongs to you." I… I don't know how to respond. I want to scream or cry or, or…

I don't get the chance to do anything.

Dimitri's arms wrap around me and pull me closer to him. We're so close I can feel his breath as he looks at me. His lips crush against mine and for a few moments the entire world failed to exist.

And that's exactly what terrifies me.

I don't need this right now. I can't… I can't do this. Not now. I don't think my heart could take it.

So I decide to do what I do best. I choose to ignore my feelings because they come first- my son comes first. I put on my Guardian mask and say, "You need to be careful with him," which leads to a very confused Dimitri. "Vlad's… special. He isn't like a normal Dhampir. He's a fucking Strigoi magnet." He nods as he realizes what I've done. His puts up his own mask. "He's gotten my Shadowkissed genes. His DNA…" I look at my feet, "it's different and the Strigoi can smell it. If there is a Strigoi anywhere within a couple of miles they will notice him. Almost every time we've been out of wards it's happened. If you're going to take him you've got to be prepared."

"I promise you, Roza, I will keep him safe."

I know he will. I'd never doubt Dimitri's skills. But I can't take the risk. Not with my son. "He can go on two conditions." He raises one eyebrow. "One: two other Guardians go with you. It'll help ease my sense of mind."

"And the other condition?"

"Vlad checks in every few hours so I know he's alive."

He laughs. "Is that all? I thought you'd ask me to sign a contract in my blood or something."

I ignore him. "If anything happens, and I mean anything, you call me. He gets a paper cut I expect a phone call."

"Okay." I nod as I push back my feelings. Everything's going to be fine, Rose, just fine. "I know this is hard. You don't have to be so nice about this. You're his mother. You can say no if you want."

"I know." My words come out barely louder than a whisper. They both deserve to know each other. I can't stand in their way. I look at my son's father, and I mean really look. I take in every aspect of him both inside and out. In this single moment I can see everything I've ever learned about him; everything I've ever loved about him.

It makes my heart ache.

This is the man I was made for. We were meant to be together, but look at us now! He's looking at me with his eyes full of nothing but admiration and love and I can't handle it. No matter how badly I want to be with him, how badly I want the world to know I'm his, it just can't happen. It's just going to hurt both of us again.

He needs to stop looking at me like that.

It's for his own good. For all of us.

So I do what I have to do. I protect them because they come first. "Love fades, Comrade. Mine has." Each word is like a stab straight into my heart. The twist of the knife is the broken look on Dimitri's face. It's better this way. It has to be.

A/N Before anyone yells at me, there will be a lot more chapters. This is a Rose/Dimitri story. Make your inferences based on those two facts.