HEE. SO. Since the APUSH test was TODAY...I'm here to celebrate my EPIC FAIL. Because the DBQ choice was LAME. I decided I would post this and then do some more, you know, not studying. Since I have nothing to study for. :D

Oh and this is completely random. By the way. It's not your imagination.

J is for Juicy

...

"MMM," sighed a voice from behind a stack of crates, "I am in peach heaven!" I quirked a brow, I would recognize that voice anywhere, even when the owner's mouth was full of food. What was Neal doing behind a pile of wooden boxes? Obviously not seeing to his Healer-ly duties. And as commander of this lovely dirt-hole of a camp, I would have to be the one to fix that.

"Why do peaches get to be so juicy?" Neal demanded. I snickered. Sometimes Neal can be so random. "I mean, it's completely unfair!"

"Compared to what, Nealan?" I responded, leaning around the crates. "Surely not yourself."

Neal started at the sound of my voice, and whipped around, an annoyed expression on his face.

"Of course not!" Neal scoffed, "How could a peach be compared to a heavenly being such as myself? I was merely commenting on the un-juiciness state of--other fruits," he finished with as much dignity as a man can possess while slathered in peach juice. "And vegetables, for that matter."

I rolled my eyes. Again with the vegetables. "Ah, I see," I commented, giving him a once-over. It was then that I noticed his clothes, smeared with dried blood and other unidentifiable substances. The ground around him was strewn with pits and half-eaten peaches. "How long have you been here!?" I demanded after counting a good twenty or more peach pits.

"Uh," Neal began, a look of deep concentration clouding his features, "maybe a couple hours?"

"Are you asking me?"

"Well, what time is it?"

"Just after midday," I replied, becoming a trifle annoyed myself.

"Midday!?" Neal cried, his voice coming out as a high pitched squeak, "Are you kidding me?"

I gave him a look that clearly said: Do I look like I'm kidding?

"Shoot!" he muttered, lurching to his feet while even more peach pits fell out of the folds of his clothes. He scrambled around the crates and saluted me before turning around and attempting to prance off.

"Hold on just a second there, Queenscove," I said, grabbing a fistful of his tunic. I turned him around to face me, adopting a stern expression. I was about to open my mouth, but Neal beat me to it.

"Before you give me a lecture, let me explain," he began, holding his hands up. I sighed and gave him a nod. He grinned before continuing. "You see, I was on my way to the loo, trying to get a break. You would never believe how many people we had in the infirmary today. Loads! With nearly every non-life threatening injury imaginable! They'll use any excuse to get off work, I swear every single one of them--"

"Yes, Neal, and they will keep coming until you stop examining 'every single one of them!' Get on with it!"

Neal glared and pursed his lips. "Anyway, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted...I was on my way to the latrine when I saw these two fellows fighting over a peach. And so, I, being the godly person that I am, resolved the argument by agreeing to accompany them to the peach stores to get another one."

I raised my eyebrows, but Neal kept on talking.

"When we finally found the place where they keep the peaches and when I gave the guy his peach and sent them on their way, I remembered that I hadn't had a peach yet this year. So I figured I would, you know, eat one. And it was so delicious and juicy that I had to have another. And then before I knew it, you showed up."

"That is a really weak argument."

"I know," Neal said, hanging his head in mock shame. "Did it work?"

"Um, no," I said, "it did not work."

"Drat. Well it was worth a shot." Neal muttered. I didn't say anything. "Ehem. As commander of this--establishment--you are well within your rights to punish my naughty self." To this I nodded. "But, you wouldn't, would you?" he asked.

"Why wouldn't I?" I demanded with a quirked eyebrow.

"Because you love me too much," he replied. I scowled. "And I'm older than you."

"That's irrelev--"

"And," interrupted Neal, "you can't deny that I have been working very hard in that hell-on-earth," he said with a gesture towards the infirmary. I sighed; he did look exhausted. Neal leaped, sensing an easy victory. "And 'cause I saved the best peaches for you!" He whispered as he reached into his pockets and drew out two of the most beautiful peaches I had ever seen. How unfair! He was bribing me! I looked back up at his grinning face and back down to the peaches before making my decision.

"Fine!" I snapped, snatching the peaches out of his hands, "But get back to the infirmary before I shove these peaches somewhere unpleasant!"

"Hm, testy," Neal teased, "Be careful when you do that though, you wouldn't want to--" he broke off, ducking as one of the perfect peaches went soaring towards his head. "Such a waste," Neal sighed mournfully as the peach splatted into the dirt, "It was probably so juicy, too." He ducked again as the second peach came flying at him. "You need to work on your aim," he said, fluttering his fingers and flouncing out of range before I could get my hands on more ammunition.

"Gah!" I screamed to the air before stalking off in the opposite direction. You can never win with Neal.

This was inspired by the peachy-scented soap in my bathroom. AND the fact that it STILL isn't peach season yet...-pout-

And 100+ reviews!! -squee- I am UBER happy. Thanks to everyone! You are all way too nice. (But keep going, I LIKE reviews)