It's so much fun looking up different words in the good ol' thesaurus for angry when describing Eddy.
DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING I OWN NOTHING I WON SOMETHING I OWN NOTHING I OWN NOTHIN
Chapter 9Some obnoxious squabbling woke me up from the lovely dream I had been having. It consisted of a merry-go-round at a carnival where I rode a giant chicken and ate cotton candy. With the overwhelming urge to consume sugar clouds, my eyes snapped wide open in disgruntlement.
What I saw included Eddy sitting up next to me in his bed in only a scorching bright pair of purple boxers. He was facing one mortified Edd and they were both yelling at each other.
I ripped my eyes away from the offending undergarment and focused my attention on whatever the hell they were going on about so early in the morning. Looking back on the scene, it was an amazing feat that I was not questioning why on Mother Nature's Earth I was even in Eddy's bed to begin with. As an excuse, I was spiraling in that strange vertigo between awareness and dream world.
"Why the hell would you even ask that?" Eddy was shouting besides me in his own dulcet tones that I have come to love (note sarcasm).
"I have to be positive about these things, Eddy!" reasoned Edd. "Unprotected amorous activities are not something to laugh about!"
"Who said I was laughing?" Eddy grounded out in mortification. "It's not at all what you're thinking, Double Dee! AT. ALL."
Edd did not look convinced.
Now what on Earth were they going on about?
"I find the two of you in bed and you are telling me that nothing in that nature happened?" asked Edd with heavy skepticism. Eddy nodded furiously.
It was then that it all came back to me like a giant snowball to the face. That's right. Yesterday the police had come calling to inform my parents that my sister was seen around this area and to stay alert in case she tries to pull anything. I had had a terrible dream that night and woke up feeling completely alone. I had thought it over long and hard and had decided that I would rather bother Eddy than try and fail to go back asleep in my oppressing bedroom. Little did I know that this small complication would crop up. I was still surprised that Eddy had let me in at all, let alone in a (in his own way) caring manner let me sleep with him. It was actually quite decent of him.
So I figured I kind of owed Eddy a favor considering how it was my fault that Edd was looking at him like he was some sort of molester. And if Edd's interrogation kept on, we were going to be late for school.
"He's telling the truth, Double Dee," I said with a small stretch as I sat up and peered at him over Eddy's shoulder. "I had a nightmare last night and Eddy very nicely let me stay awhile until I felt better. I guess I accidentally fell asleep in his bed."
I couldn't blame Edd on thinking the worst case scenario immediately. It did look kind of bad to someone walking in on the two of us in the same bed.
Edd gaped openly at me. "He… really did that?"
"Yes, he did," I said firmly as I climbed off the circular bed. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get ready for school." I hesitated at the door and turned back to look at Eddy who was glaring at me with a bright red face as Edd continued to stare at him like he had just pooped out a leprechaun.
"You'd better hurry up and get ready too Eddy," I said. "I'll meet you two outside in fifteen minutes." With a quick nod, I exited Eddy's bedroom and stealthily make my way over to my own house and in through the window. After a quick shower, I took careful planning in my attire. Having such a high profile at school, showing off a little was sometimes a necessity. Plus it felt good to look good. So I donned on a snug fitting stripped blue and green sweater with dark brown pants and slippers. When I felt that my hair was up to par I left the house with backpack in hand.
Ed, Edd, and Eddy were already waiting for me in front of Eddy's house. As I shuffled to Ed's side, I noticed Eddy look away with a bright red face that made him look like a maraschino cherry but without the delicious flavor. This look was not lost to Edd.
Trying to cover up the action, Eddy growled a quick "Come on!" and swiftly made for the school with us in tow.
Halfway to school, Eddy decided to get over whatever it was conflicting him (who knew when it came to boys?) and said, "We haven't had a scam in a while, whattaya think we should do?"
"Well school just started," I said. "Which means homework, so why don't we set up a tutoring clinic or something and get Double Dee to do people's homework or whatever?"
Eddy gave me an extremely irate look. "Haven't I already done that?"
I glared back at him. "How the hell should I know? Did you?"
"No, no Eddy," piped up Edd. "You did that with Ed after the disastrous event that was the spelling bee last year."
"Oh yeah," laughed Eddy. Confused and feeling out of the loop, I said, "What? What happened?"
"Perhaps we should change the topic, shall we?" Edd beseeched while Eddy laughed harder.
"So should we do it?" I said, reiterating the original subject.
"I guess so," Eddy grumbled. "Unless someone's got a better idea?"
"Wait a minute," said Edd with deep suspicion. "If we're doing this then shouldn't I be getting all the money?"
"Say what!" yelled Eddy.
"I should be getting in on the cash because I came up with the plan!" I disputed.
"And I own you!" yelled Eddy.
"And I'm Ed!" shouted Ed.
"I can't believe he totally ditched us," grumbled Eddy morosely as it was just me and him walking to class now.
"And why did he feel the need to take Ed with him?" I wondered out loud.
"I don't know, but I'm beginning to think he's up to something… And I have a feeling that I won't like it."
"I can honestly say that I truly never ever possibly thought I'd agree with you on something, but well… I agree with you," I conceded. "He had that creepy knowing smile that gives me chills."
Eddy nodded gravely as we entered our homeroom together. The teacher wasn't there yet and the class was buzzing with noise. That is, until we trudged in.
"Dork couple alert!" Kevin yelled immaturely and the class laughed.
Eddy looked ready to bust a vein. As I gazed on, too appalled for speech. I swallowed my retort though, thinking I had just scrapped by without a detention yesterday and the principal sure as hell wouldn't be happy to be seeing me in his office again so soon.
With great power of restraint, I grabbed Eddy's arm, who did not look like he was liable to move for a while, and dragged him over to our seats. I glanced over at Ed and Edd's seats and wondered at their tardiness. That was so unlike the prompt and punctual Edd! I contemplated asking Eddy where he thought his two friends were, but he looked busy sulking low in his chair with bright red cheeks.
Just when I was beginning to become concerned (and where was our teacher?) Edd and Ed rushed into the classroom and sat down next to us.
"Eddy, what on Earth are you doing?" Was the first thing out of Edd's mouth. Eddy was so low in his chair now that you could only see the very top of his head over the desk.
"He's upset because Kevin," I explained promptly. "He called me a dork. Can you believe? Me, a dork." I scoffed.
Eddy finally emerged from his burrowing with an angry snap. "No! That's not why I'm angry!"
I gazed at him passively. "Well why not? You're always angry. I don't have time to guess at what got your blaring purple boxers in a twist at the moment. Some of us do have a life you know?"
Eddy gave me a long look filled with loathing towards me I guess (whatever) and then turned to Edd.
"He called us a couple! A couple! Like we're together or something!" he said, voice shrill from pure indignity.
"There's a frightening thought," I murmured, rifling through my bag for my notebook.
"Well Eddy, you two did kiss the other day," Edd said pointedly.
"What!"" Eddy rounded on me. "So this is all your fault!"
"Ed, do you have a pen or pencil I could borrow?" I asked, blatantly ignoring Eddy who then graced my presence with an enraged expression.
"Here ya go!" Ed said cheerfully as he handed me a little chewed up nub of a pencil that looked as if it had been used to pick Ed's bellybutton of lint.
"Fine then! If that's the problem then I know the perfect solution!" said Eddy triumphantly, whispering to us as the teacher began her sermon.
"Carry on and ignore the gossip?" suggested Edd as he pulled out a handy-dandy wipe and used it to take the dirty little pencil from my hand, wiped my hand, and replaced it with a freshly sharpened pencil of his own.
"Come out of the closet and confess your undying love for cute hot boys?" I inquired.
"Get bitten by a radioactive walrus and turn into a glowing butterfly to live and rescue the helpless little moles of-"
"No, no and NO!" whispered Eddy in frustration, interrupting Ed's many crack-brained theories.
"I'll just ignore her!" he said with a quick finger jab towards me.
"Eddy," whispered Edd in apprehension. "I don't think-"
"Just think about it Double Dee!" Eddy interrupted again. His eyes were bright and he looked like he'd just discovered the solution to world hunger. "If I ignore her, then everyone will know that I have absolutely no interest in her so we couldn't possibly be a couple!"
Ouch.
Not that I wanted everyone to think we were together entirely or anything, but did he really have to say it like that? Like I'm some unwanted political issue that was just an eyesore. I mean, I thought we were actually starting to get along (baby steps, baby steps). He had even, in a round-about sort of way, comforted me.
It had come as a complete shock when he had grabbed my hand and dragged me into his room last night. It was so awkward at first, lying in the same bed as Eddy of all people. But slowly, the accompanying warmth and the sound of Eddy's gentle breathing put me to sleep like a lullaby. And I was able to forget about that horrid dream, of being so alone…
"Like you could even ignore me, Eddy," I scorned, obstructing my own musings. "You wouldn't even last the whole day!"
"What makes you think that?" he retorted. "Ignoring you will be a piece of cake."
Ed perked up at the mention of cake.
With a suggestive rise to the eyebrow, I said, "You wanna bet?"
Eddy smirked, "You're on."
He hadn't mentioned anything about restrictions.
And I was putting everything in my repertoire to good use.
"Oh Eddy!" I squealed in exaggeration in lunch later on that day. "They gave you way too much pudding! That's not good for a healthy growing boy at all is it? In fact, if you're not careful, you'll stunt your growth! And we all know you can't afford that!"
So much to Eddy's overgrowing displeasure, I swiped the pudding cup right off his tray and set about eating it all up with loud yummy sounds.
Eddy opened his mouth to yell at me, but quickly retreated and reverted to glaring at a point over my shoulder in intense dislike.
So far I had gotten away with eating most of the food off his plate without incident, but I would get a rise from him as God as my witness!
And by the looks of the increasingly incensed and vexed look on Eddy's face, that wouldn't be too long at all.
I decided it was high time to bust out with my finishing move, something to truly break Eddy's resolve.
"Oh Eddy," I tried for my most sensual sounding voice. "Would you like a… strawberry?"
I picked up a strawberry from my fruit cup and waved it in front of his face.
"It's really sweet and ripe," I encouraged huskily, playing the sexual innuendos on thickly. Perhaps I was playing it too much, but I got such a kick out of seeing that sucked a lemon look on Eddy's face.
His face was noticeably heating up and he snuck a quick peek in my general direction where I was cheerfully sucking on the end of a strawberry. If this didn't crack his resolve I don't know what would.
"Man there's so much juice_"
"Oh my God!" Eddy exploded, twisting in his seat to face me. "Would you cut it out already?"
"Nope," I said whimsically, taking a slight bite from the bright red fruit. "Can't a person eat their fruit in peace?"
"I don't know! Why don't you answer that one for me considering you've been doing nothing but ruining my peace while eating my fruit!" he complained.
"Hey, I was just helping you out! You really could do with fewer calories. Getting kinda chubby there, ya know?" I said while eyeing his tummy.
Eddy flushed. "Are you callin' me fat?" he demanded in a high pitched voice that grated on my ears.
"Did the word fat even cross these lips?" With emphasis, I puckered said lips in his direction. "You're about as sensitive as a girl about these things Eddy."
"You didn't say fat, but that's what you meant!" he said. "And I am not like a girl! I'm very manly!"
"Who are you trying to fool here, me or yourself?" I asked. "And you're chubby which is a cuter word for fat."
"Hah! There! You said it! You are calling me fat!" Eddy yelled and jabbed a finger in my face.
I sighed and rolled my eyes. "If it makes you feel better than fine. You can be as fat as you want to be."
"I am not fat!" argued Eddy heatedly.
"Oh my gawd, make up your damn mind!" I said in exasperation and then promptly punched him in the gut.
Eddy doubled over with a hiss and grounded out, "You bi-"
"Eddy!" reprimanded Edd. "And do you not realize what you have done?"
Eyes still watering in pain, Eddy scowled across the lunch table at Edd. "What are you going on about Double Dee?"
"You and Charlotte's bribe?" he said slowly as if talking to a five-year-old. (A huge offense to five-year-olds everywhere.)
Eddy stared at Edd blankly for a minute then his eyes widened in realization.
"Shit!" he moaned face palming.
"Hah!" I exclaimed in victory. "I knew you wouldn't be able to ignore me! And school isn't even over yet!"
"You cheated! Eatin' all my food and that strawberry… And callin' me fat!" complained Eddy.
"Hey, you didn't say nothing about friendly interference!" I said. "And I never called you fat!"
Eddy opened his mouth to begin another pointless argument about his little baby fat that I may or may not find endearing, when Kevin walked by.
"Aww, the dweeb couple are having a little lover's tiff!" he said with a snide smile. "How cute!"
The cafeteria erupted into derisive laughs and cat calls. Eddy glared down into his lap in acute embarrassment.
"Wow Kevin, no need to be jealous," I said quite clearly, going back to my strawberries.
The cafeteria immediately quieted.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Kevin tried to keep up his aloof visage, but was slipping.
"Do you even have a girlfriend?" I asked, voice dripping with contempt. "Making fun of us when you can't even get laid? Huh, Mr. Super-cool-football-star?"
Kevin jerked back as if struck. Everyone in the room had gone silent, avid eyes all pointed either at him or me.
Don't get the wrong idea. It wasn't like I was defending Eddy or anything. No. God no. Kevin was just pissing me off with his I'm-a-star-athlete-worship-me attitude. Not to mention the many offenses of accusing me and Eddy of coupling. I mean, how big was the bong he was smoking from?
As I munched on the rest of my fruit and watched Kevin become red and fidgety all over, I only prayed that he was wise enough to not make a scene. I had enough on my plate as it was.
God on my side, before Kevin could shriek anything indignantly, the bell ending lunch rang, awakening the room to their senses and a cacophony of chairs scrapping back accompanied the students as they left the cafeteria.
"Don't think you've gotten away with this, dorkette!" Kevin snarled at me.
"Oh shove off, Kevin. No one here wants to listen to your lame ass threats," I said loftily.
I think he left after that, I'm not sure. I was more interested in gathering my things together to go to art class.
As the four of us left the lunchroom, Eddy sidled over close to me and rudely bumped into me.
"Hey," he mumbled staring straight ahead.
"What?"
"You owe me some pudding," he said with a smirk. I rolled my eyes and elbowed him in the side.
"I won the bet, so you should owe me."
"And what would I owe you?"
"I'll think about it."