Book One: The Avatar's Guardian/Winter
Chapter Nine: A Step Back in Time
"An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. 'A fight is going on inside me,' he said to the boy.
'It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.' He continued, 'The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.'
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, 'Which wolf will win?'
The old Cherokee simply replied, 'The one you feed.'"
-I'm not entirely sure where I got this quote from. But it's not mine.
"Can't sleep?"
Xena made a noise of affirmation as she leaned against the balcony railing.
"Nightmares?"
"Isn't it always."
"What about the smokeleaf I gave you?"
"I don't need a drug to help me sleep." Her hands tightened into fists, smoking slightly.
A heavy sigh came from behind her. "I am worried about you, Xena."
"Worried about me or worried that I'll be too exhausted to protect Aang properly?"
"I meant exactly what I said and no more. I may have only known you for a short while, Xenia, but I have come to care for you as I care for Aang."
She bowed her head and unclenched her fists, before turning to face the kind elderly monk that had raised Aang and was always there to offer her a listening ear. "I'm sorry, Monk Gyatso. I know you care it's just that. . ."
He placed a hand on her shoulder when she trailed off. "You are trapped in a downward spiral that may one day consume you if you are not careful. I am happy to support you, but only you can set yourself free."
"I don't know if I can," Her voice wavered on the last sentence, tears running down her cheeks as he enveloped her in a hug.
"I have faith in you. It may be difficult, but try and remember that there are people that love and care about you."
They stayed like that for several minutes before Xena stepped back and wiped her face on her sleeve. "I should probably go back to bed. We have a long day tomorrow."
"Sleep well," He folded his hands into his sleeves, turning to stare up at the night sky. "And Xenia?"
She paused in the doorway, looking back at him over her shoulder.
"Remember it is our choice what wolf we feed."
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Xena was unable to fall back asleep and had spent the night tossing and turning before giving up and choosing to meditate by candlelight. Now sitting in a warm patch of sunlight with the background noise of Aang and the other airbender boys playing, her eyes drifted shut. The thin carving knife slipped from her fingers to land with a clatter on the ground beside her. She jolted back to awareness and rubbed her aching eyes as she stared unseeingly at Aang. A few moments later her eyelids began to drift closed again and she finally surrendered, lying back on the ground and basking in the warmth of the sun.
She stirred again a few minutes later, disoriented for a moment at the loss of sun on her face. Opening her eyes, she tilted her head to the side to look at the group of elderly monks whose shadows now fell across her body. Only Monk Gyatso was looking at her, the others focused on the group of playing boys. She dragged herself up right at the concerned look in his eyes before he turned to the young boys.
"Aang, come with us. We need to speak with you," He called.
"You should come with us as well, Guardian," one of the other monks said.
Unused to hearing her title, Xena hesitated for a moment before standing and brushing dirt and wood shavings from her clothes. Aang bounded over to them with a bright and curious smile, glancing at Xena who shrugged at his unspoken question. The two followed the monks to one of the meeting chambers and waited politely for their elders to sit before sitting as well. Monk Tashi wasted no time in explaining to Aang that he was the Avatar.
"How do you know it's me?" Aang asked unsurely, twisting the fabric of his shirt between his fingers.
"We have known you were the Avatar for some time," Tashi informed him, using airbending to push a rolled up cloth over to Aang. "Do you remember these?"
The cloth landed and unrolled to show four different children's toys Aang picked up the propeller with a smile, "These were some of my favorite toys when I was little."
"You chose these from among thousands of toys, Aang. The toys you picked were the four Avatar relics. They belonged to Avatar's past, your own past lives."
Xena had always found the idea ridiculous that these so-called relics were used to test the Avatar. Any child could have taken a particular interest in these exact four toys whether they were the Avatar or not, and it was as equally as likely that the next Avatar in the cycle might have different likes and interests than their previous past lives.
"I just chose them because they seemed fun," Aang said, pulling the cord on the propellor to send it spinning into the air.
"You chose them because they were familiar," Monk Tashi corrected.
Xena snorted and ignored the irritated glares from some of the monks at her disrespect. Aang glanced at her but turned forward as Gyatso spoke next.
"Normally, we would have told you of your identity when you turned sixteen, but there are troubling signs, storm clouds are gathering."
"I fear that war may be upon us, young Avatar," Head Monk Pasang said. "And I deeply regret that we must call upon you and your Guardian so soon."
"My Guardian?" Aang asked. Despite the mention of war, Aang was still just a child and it came to no surprise that this was the bit of information he latched onto. The possibility of meeting the first Avatar's Guardian, his Guardian, filled him with excitement. "Are they here? Do I get to meet them?"
"You have already met her. Guardian Xenia came to join you as soon as she had finished her training."
Xena closed her eyes with a quiet sigh, shoulders falling. She opened them and locked eyes with Gyatso whose expression was filled with concern and perhaps a small amount of pity. She turned her head to Aang. The hurt in his eyes hit her like a blow to the gut and already through their bond, she could sense Aang's feelings of betrayal.
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"You knew this entire time!"
"Yes," She answered Aang honestly.
"And you never told me."
"I wanted to." She can feel Gyatso's stare on them were he lingers by the door, not wanting to interfere.
"Are you even my friend or was that just a lie? Or how about when you said I was like a younger brother to you? Was it all just a lie."
"What? No, Aang. Of course not," She stood and reached out a hand, feeling strangely flustered and startled by the direction he had taken this.
"Don't touch me," He snapped.
"Let me explain, please," She begged.
"Get out of my room!"
She staggered back and shot Gyatso a desperate look. He seems just as unsure of how to handle this conversation as she does. Her shoulders dropped as she curled in on herself and left the room. The elderly monk placed a hand on her shoulder to stop her from going too far.
"I'll try to talk to him."
She nodded once without meeting his gaze and walks off down the corridor. She stopped when she turned the corner and rubbed at the wetness running down her face. With a harsh swear, she slammed her fist into the wall, startling a monk who'd just stepped out of a nearby room. He shrank back at the sight of her aggravated expression and retreated back into the room.
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Aang was ignoring her and it hurt more than she thought it ever could. The first few days after the truth was revealed, she took to following Aang around the temple just as she once had. She left a much larger gap between them than usual and resigned herself to the fact that she was no longer following the boy around because he was her only friend in the temple, but because he was her charge. So as his Guardian she watched and felt his pain as the other airbender boys refused to play with Aang because it would be unfair now that he was the Avatar. The elder monks watched on and would either bow and treat Aang with a respect they felt he deserved as the Avatar or they tried to force him to train and complained when he acted like the child he still was. The more hurt that Aang got by everyone's rejections, the angrier Xena got until she was walking a thin tightrope of control. So when Aang decided to give her the slip, she left him be and took to exploring the temple by herself.
She found a small hidden clearing in the gardens where she could sit and relax in the shade of a moon peach tree. The only thing that would come to disturb her was the winged lemurs. One particularly bold lemur, who she nicknamed Buddy, took to curling up in her lap right away. The other lemurs watched with their large round eyes for the first few days before they decided she was no threat, and they would pick peaches from the tree to hand to her while clambering over her and begging to be petted. When their attention would get to be a bit overwhelming, Buddy would screech at them and they'd flee to the treetops.
"There are studies that say petting an animal can greatly reduce stress."
Xena was unsurprised that Monk Gyatso had found her. She hummed in response and continued to scratch Buddy behind the ears. The young lemur lying atop her head pricked its ears up to watch the newcomer with curious distrust, its tail curling around her neck almost possessively.
"You know Aang has always been quite the animal lover, but he's never had the affinity for them that you do," He remarked and took a seat across from her, setting up a Pai Sho board between them.
"Probably because he's always trying to ride them," she remarked. "And to high energy."
"You're probably right. Tea?"
"No, thank you."
"He is still angry with you." It wasn't a question. "You may have the first turn."
She moved a piece. "He has a right to be."
"True, but that does not make his disregard for your feelings right."
"Nor is everyone else's disregard for his." She pulled her carving knife from her pocket and cut into a moon peach, offering half to him. "They should have waited."
"There are dark days ahead of us. Telling him now will serve to make him more prepared for what is to come." He accepts the peach and moves a piece on the board.
"It's also all the more reason to let him enjoy what's left of his childhood," She retorts, taking a bite out of her peach, juice running down her chin.
The lemur on her head decides to lick it off, practically assaulting her face. Letting out a startled cry, she knocks Buddy out of her lap as she tries to fend it off.
"Ew. No. I don't want your tongue in my mouth. Stop laughing, old man, and help me."
The Pai Sho board is knocked aside as the commotion draws all the other lemurs to them and soon Xena is buried under a mound of fluffy bodies seeking attention. Gyatso continues to laugh and Buddy takes the opportunity to steal both his and her half of the moon peach disinterestedly.
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"Aang needs to have freedom and fun. He needs to grow up as a normal boy."
"You cannot keep protecting him from his destiny!" Xena clenched her hands into fists as Monk Tashi scoffed at Gyatso.
"Gyatso, I know you mean well," Monk Pasang spoke softly. "But you are letting your affection for the boy cloud your judgment."
"All I want is what's best for him."
"But we need what is best for the world," The Head Monk stated firmly. "You and Aang must be separated. The Avatar and his Guardian will be sent away to the Eastern Air Temple to complete his training."
Pain and disbelief radiated through the bond at his words. Xena closed her eyes as she sensed the eavesdropping Aang flee. She clenches and unclenches her fists, trying to hold back her anger at the situation.
"And as for you, Guardian Xena. I know you are young and unused to responsibility, but your behavior this past week has been shameful. When you are at the Eastern Temple you will remain at Aang's side at all times and you will also begin his waterbending training."
"No."
"Excuse me."
"I said no," She repeated, silver eyes flashing open as she squared her shoulders and looked the elderly monk straight in the eyes. "You claim that I am not used to responsibility, but you are wrong. My entire childhood was spent training to protect your precious Avatar since Roku died. I was told that it was my role in life to protect the Avatar even if it cost me my own life. I was given no say in the matter as my childhood was ripped away by old fools like you-"
"Xena!"
"- that thought they knew what was best - not for me - but for the Avatar."
"Enough!"
"Aang is a child," She raised her voice. No more. She refused to back down to these men who claimed to know what responsibility was. "He is a twelve-year-old boy who is scared and overwhelmed by the knowledge that he's expected to save the world. He is lonely because his friends refuse to play with him anymore because someone he's suddenly a different person now that it's been revealed that he's the Avatar. His teachers, those he once looked up to, try to force him into training from morning till night all because you want him to save the world."
She paused to suck in a breath of air before continuing. "He is a child, but you are adults which means it's your responsibility to preserve his child and allow him as much normalcy as possible before he is forced onto a pedestal where he will be treated as if he's some sort of infallible spirit with no real emotion on his own. The only one here who's actually fulfilling that responsibility is Monk Gyatso. And since you'd rather throw your weight around to force a child into a role he never asked for, you leave me no choice but to throw my weight around. As his Guardian, I get the ultimate say in Aang's safety and I say that Aang is safest here with Monk Gyatso. He will train a reasonable amount of time and while be given a reasonable amount of free time in which he can spend however he wishes without me constantly hovering over his shoulder and infringing upon his privacy.
I want it to be made absolutely clear that I am Aang's Guardian. Aang's not just the Avatar's. I protect him because I love him, not because I have been told to. I will continue to protect him for the rest of my life and I will shoulder as much as his burden as I have to so he can remain both physically and mentally healthy. I will make decisions that align with that, but I will also respect his wishes as a human being with his own emotions and desires because no one knows what's really best for him but himself. Is that clear? Good."
Without waiting around for their responses, she turns to go after Aang. Gyatso catches her eyes before she leaves, a proud smile on his face as he dips her head to her. She dips her head to him respectfully and strides from the room. Tension slips from her body as she relaxes and lets out a shaky laugh. She runs a hand through her bangs and drags in gasping breaths between laughs. Had she really just told off a room full of Monks over four times her age?
She had to find Aang and let him know they weren't going to take him from Gyatso right away. Her bare feet slapped against the ground as she took off. Monks scattered out of her way as she flew through the halls and she called apologies over her shoulders.
"Aang, you'll never believe. . ." She trailed off as she rushed into Aang's empty bedroom. ". . . it. What?"
Aang's room was often a bit messy, but Xena had never seen it this bad before. It was almost as if someone had ransacked it. She looked through the mess, noticing that there were quite a few things missing, including his travel pack. Eyes wide in shock, she tapped into their bond and reached out to sense Aang's thoughts. She took a step and fled into her room, grabbing her travel pack with its attached bedroll before taking off once more through the temple to where the bison were kept.
She arrives on the walkway above the bison field just in time to see a saddled Appa ready to take flight. "Aang!"
He ignores her and she swears under her breath before throwing herself off the balcony in a running jump. Aang jumps as she lands in Appa's saddle with a thump. She takes a stumbled step to recover from the sudden landing and almost topples over Appa's side.
"Go away, Xenia!"
"Aang, wait. You don't have to-"
"I don't want to talk to you."
Frustration wells in her chest. With a massive exhale, she allows her shoulders to slump in defeat before and allows her legs to buckle beneath her. "Fine I won't talk, but I'm not letting you leave alone."
He doesn't say a word in response only waves the reins and gives Appa the command to take off. Hopefully, if she gives him some time, he'll calm down enough so she can explain everything to him. Whether it takes a week or a month, she'll give him all the time he needs to process everything that has happened.
What about 100 years?
So this chapter started out a bit difficult to write, but it needed to be done. There's a major change from when I first did this chapter which is that instead of Xena accepting the Monk's order, she actually spoke her mind. The thing I loved about this show was the fact that despite being this powerful being that could control all four elements, they made Aang still act like a kid. A lot of the characters get so wrapped in the fact that he's the Avatar that they seem to often overlook the fact that he is still, in fact, a kid. And since Xena never really got the chance to be a kid, she would constantly be trying to fight for Aang's right to still have a childhood and to point out to everyone that yes, he's the Avatar, but he's a twelve-year-old first. There are a few other scenes where I hope to have Xena enforce this fact, especially with Zuko.
And as a note to all those who are adults reading this. As adults, it is our job to look out for children and treat them with kindness and compassion. And not belittle them or abuse them or even neglect them.
Don't forget I have a new Facebook page called WolfheartWrites at /AvatarWolfheart. It's late and I'm tired, so I'm off to bed before I ramble anymore.
Mogor, Momochan77, Sagicknight, Znkp- Thanks for the reviews. I really appreciate them.