Never Be Mine

By: Michelle Rose Landau

Summary: The only way she'll notice me, the only way I'll know she's interested either way, is if I just talk to her...Love, sex, marriage, and family in 12.

Genre: Romance/AU; there's still Hunger Games, but Katniss and Peeta won't be Tributes.

Pairing(s)/Characters: eventual Peeta/Katniss, Gale/Katniss, Gale/Madge, OC/Tributes

Disclaimer: I do not own The Hunger Games series. They are the sole creative property of Suzanne Collins.

A/N: Thank you for all the reviews, favorites, and follows! I know some of you have commented on Peeta and Katniss' behavior with their respective others, and it may have vexed you, but the interactions and attitudes were intentional. To answer your comment Sue Ellen, Gale and Katniss' relationship is complicated and intimate. They just know what the other needs. The confrontation scene at the festival was completely intentional because of that "sixth sense" they share. I suppose I should have added some parts where Gale was off doing his thing at the festival to thwart the impression that he was just hanging around Prim all night while Katniss was hanging with Peeta. I wanted to emphasize that even though they're close, they are still individual. In my mind, and as I was writing the scene, I saw Gale doing his own thing. I did not picture him with Prim the whole evening, only going to retrieve her because he counted on the fact that it was getting late, and Katniss' usual: going home with him. I hope that cleared some things up about that scene. To answer your point about your side-eyeing Peeta, he can't be all noble all the time, and he's a sixteen year old boy. Hopefully the conversation between Zulee and Peeta in the previous chapter brought him back into your good graces! Thank you for your review, and you gave me something to think about with the direction of the story. Thanks to all who are reviewing. Enjoy.

~ten~

The pull between Katniss and I seems stronger now that Zulee-Mae and I are no longer going together.

I just want to be near her again, I want to talk to her more, and hear her voice, her opinions, her thoughts. I want to be able to look into her eyes up close, and smell her natural scent, and see her smile.

It takes Katniss a good week to be sure, it seems, that Zulee-Mae and I are no longer a couple. In the meanwhile, she has managed to extricate herself from Gale's company. She still walks home with him everyday, but she doesn't spend as much time with him during the day.

When we look at each other, I think we both realize that we are about to begin something that neither of us can or will stop.

I can't temper the craving I have to be in Peeta's company again. I've never felt this way before. I always feel this flutter whenever I think about him. It's foreign to me, but I don't dislike it.

I recognize that I feel different around him. He brings out this part of me that I always keep hidden, that I don't feel like I can't be.

I've been feeling the urge to gravitate to him, but I knew I had to be careful and precise with it, especially knowing that he and Zulee-Mae were still going together.

Rumors have been circulating around school, and of course that gave the Merchant girls something to peck at for weeks on end. I've gotten stares from people who have heard, I've heard snippets about what people think happened between me and Peeta when we stayed all night at the festival:

"I think they fooled around..."

"She probably found some dirty alley in the Seam and let him fuck her..."

"What a bitch to be with him like that knowing he's going with Zulee-Mae..."

I want to be more offended, I probably should be, but I've been called worse, and I've heard worse about me before. It doesn't bother me, but if I need to, I'll call bullshit. Otherwise, I could give a shit.

It's lunch time, and I see Peeta coming outside onto the schoolyard with his friends.

There aren't as many older kids outside because of the cold. The little kids don't care, they'll play in a thunderstorm if you let them, and my sister is included in that bunch.

I see Peeta settling in on the dried up grass.

His eyes meet mine, and I begin to walk over to him.

Katniss takes long, bold strides, and suddenly, she is before me, blocking the bright sun, and her obstruction creates a crown of fire and illuminates her dark brown hair.

My friends fall silent, and I stand up.

"Hi Katniss," I say, trying not to seem too eager, and trying not to give away my excitement.

"Hi," she says. "Um...do you want to..."

She gestures a circle with her pointer finger.

"Walk around the campus?"

She nods, looking nervous.

"Sure," I say.

We begin to walk, and Katniss crosses her arms across her chest.

She asks me about Zulee-Mae.

"It was cordial," I explain. "We're still going to be friends."

"That's good," Katniss comments.

"Yeah," I agree. "I mean, she was kind of pissed at first, but I think telling her the truth made her feel better."

Katniss looks at me. "You're honest to a fault."

I shrug. "It's not a bad thing, is it?"

"I don't know yet," she says. "If I ask you something, are you going to tell me the truth?"

I nod. "Yes."

She stops and faces me.

"How long have you been in love with me?"

Jeez, she went right for the damn jugular.

Kill me...

I take a long minute to ponder her question, trying to decide just exactly how long I've just admitted to myself that I'm in love with her, and when I decided that I'm in love with her.

"I've had a crush on you since kindergarten," I begin.

She raises her eyebrows. "Kindergarten?"

"Yeah," I chuckle. "My dad told me who you were. It was the very first day of school for us, and I remember we had the music assembly. Our teacher asked if anyone knew the Valley Song and your hand when right up. She was impressed when you told her that you knew the whole song word for word.

When you sang, you...mesmerized me. I've been mesmerized ever since, Katniss. I fell in love with you when...I saw you in the back of the bakery, rummaging for food. I saw that you were about to...give up completely, and I burned that bread because I knew that I wouldn't have anything to live for if you died..."

Katniss tilts her head to the side. "Peeta..."

"I knew my mom was going to be pissed, but I didn't care," I continue. "I couldn't bear the thought of not ever seeing you again. I cared so much about you, and when you looked at me, huddled under our tree, you looked so beautiful, even in the state you were in. I fell for you so hard then...I fell in love with you, and I've been in love with you ever since."

She opens her mouth to say something, but her lips form no words, and she closes her mouth, looking away.

"Jeez," she sighs.

"I-I'm sorry to just dump all that on you at once," I apologize and she shakes her head.

"No, I asked, and you answered," she says.

We continue to walk, and we fall silent. I can tell that she's thinking about all that I told her.

"Katniss, I'm not looking for you to feel the exact same way," I tell her.

"What I feel is...complicated," she says. "What I know for sure right now is that I want to be around you."

"Me too," I say.

"I just want to take it slowly," she says.

"Sure," I say. "Yeah...slow is good."

We continue walking.

"You know that people are going to talk," she says.

"I know," I shrug. "But I don't get in to that...I don't care. I think it's stupid, the rule."

"My mom broke the rule," she explains. "Married my father. I don't think her father ever forgave her. He died when I was really little."

"From what I heard, your dad was a good man," I say.

She nods. "He was...the best dad. Dad was my best friend. I know that sounds weird..."

"No, it doesn't..."

She continues. "He taught me so much. He loved my Mom...they were truly, truly in love. I could see it in their eyes. Losing him nearly killed her...nearly killed all of us."

Katniss pauses and wipes at a tear that escapes, then she looks at me.

"But then you saved me," she says quietly. "That loaf of bread that you gave me fed us enough for me to think. For me to come up with a plan. I found hope that day, Peeta. And even though it took me so long to actually talk to you, and for us to get here, I never forgot that. I've always been so grateful to you. Thank you."

Her words make my heart race, and I want to hug her, I want to feel her in my arms, but I resist the urge.

Boundaries mean a lot to her, and I know that I'll set her back if I violate those boundaries.

Instead, I look at her.

"You mean everything to me, Katniss," I say. "You give me hope too."

I can tell by the look on her face that she's doubtful of that, but she doesn't say anything.

The bell rings, and we both head back inside.