Hi!!!!! Only 18 days till Christmas! Really!!! Finally this fic is IN SEASON!!! And to celebrate—intangible refreshments for everyone!
Here you all go—another chapter for you to enjoy, Shy Neko… (And yes Mistress DragonFlame, I know 9 was kind of a boring chapter, but 10's better. Really.)
Chapter 10: In which Zelgadis gets "Changed Back"
Eris slammed the brake pedal down in front of Filia's house, and she and Kopii grabbed everyone's presents and jumped out of the vehicle as it skidded into a neighbor's hedge. Eris held her breath and prepared for a deafening explosion, but luckily the car held out. The neighbor's hedge was another story.
"Oh well," Eris said to herself. "Not my lawn, not my problem." She grabbed Kopii and the presents and the two of them made their way toward Filia's house. Unfortunately as they were doing so, some other car zoomed around the corner at an illegally high speed and rear ended the spiky black Pinto, which exploded upon impact. Kopii winced and Eris kept walking along like this sort of thing happened all the time. She walked up to Zelgadis (who was still a snowman, by the way) and her eyes turned into little hearts.
"Awww, what an ADORABLE snowman!!!" She squealed. "Just looking at this cute widdle snowman reminds me of that song…you know what song I'm talking about, don't you Rezo?"
Kopii stood there like an idiot.
"REZO!" Eris yelled.
"Uh…what?" Kopii finally answered, remembering whose identity he was stealing.
Eris repeated the snowman sentence (I just don't feel like writing it again, okay?)
"By song…you don't mean that insurance commercial they kept playing on the ride over here, do you?" Kopii asked skeptically, having learned that Eris's definition of music included anything and everything that was played on the radio.
Eris slapped herself in the forehead and exclaimed, "NO I MEAN 'FROSTY THE SNOWMAN!'" She sighed. "Rezo, you're lucky you have me around. Without me and my superior intelligence you'll never get anywhere in life!"
Kopii groaned. "You have an IQ of 7." He muttered under his breath. "The only person I can think of who's more of an idiot than you is Gourry Gabriev, and I'm beginning to wonder if he even counts."
"But as I was saying, I wonder if putting a magic hat on that snowman's head will bring him to life, you know?" Eris said like she was some sort of ditzy moron (which she was, don't get me wrong), having not listened to a word Kopii had said.
"Maybe Gourry IS smarter…" Kopii pondered as Eris pulled a random top hat out of the bag of gifts she was carrying and stuck it on Zel's head.
Coincidentally, at that very moment Zelgadis decided to regain consciousness. He looked around and saw…snow. Zel poked his arms out and screamed bloody murder, wondering what the heck was going on and wiping the snow out of his eyes. Eris freaked out.
"ACK REZO IT REALLY DID COME TO LIFE AND IT'S SCARY AND IT THINK IT'S GONNA EAT ME!!!" Eris screamed, dropping all the presents and running inside.
"REZO?!" Zelgadis cried. "REZO CHANGE ME BACK AND GET ME OUT OF THIS HORRIBLE BODY!!!"
"All right." Kopii said with a shrug. He grabbed Zel by the arm, hoisted him a couple of feet into the air, and shook all the snow off him (and very violently, might I add). "There you go."
"Huh?" Zelgadis questioned. "I'm still a chimera. Please explain."
"Well, you WERE a snowman." Kopii told him with a cheesy grin. "I changed you back from a snowman into a chimera! Merry Christmas!"
"What a rip-off…" Zelgadis muttered as he picked up all the presents. "Don't expect me to cure your blindness after THAT." He entered Filia's place, and Kopii followed him inside.
"Frankly I couldn't care less." The Red Priest impersonator muttered.
Zelgadis stared at Kopii. "What did you just say?" He asked.
"Did Filia remember to buy cheesy poofs?" Kopii quickly asked, changing the subject.
"I think Zangulus has…wait a minute, stop beating around the bush! Are you or are you not going to change me back into a human like you promised???" Zelgadis demanded, grabbing Kopii's robes and smacking him on the head a couple of times with a piece of celery from the vegetable platter.
"Sylphiel, look!" Gourry cried. "That Red Priest guy made Zeldigas mess up the pretty vegetable thing!"
"HE WHAAAAAAT????" Sylphiel cried, having just come downstairs and finished healing Lina. "But…I thought Rezo the Red Priest was a kind, benevolent humanitarian who wouldn't DARE mess up a vegetable platter!!!"
"Oh yeah, that spiky lady over there brought soup too!" Gourry said, pointing to Eris. "It's a little chunky, but still pretty good. I'll have to get the recipe."
"Competition for you, Gourry dear?" Sylphiel repeated, stunned. "I'd better go set things straight before it gets out of hand." She sauntered over to where Eris and Martina were complimenting each other's skimpy outfits. "AHEM!" She said, tapping Eris on the shoulder and frowning.
Eris turned around. "Merry Christmas, Sylphiel!" She exclaimed with a grin.
"Don't play dumb with me, Eris!" Sylphiel snapped. "What's the big idea bringing SOUP to the party? Only I can bring soup for Gourry dear!"
"But…but I wanted to make Rezo possum stew for Christmas!" Eris whined, "Even though he can't stand my cooking, I had to do it as a gesture of thoughtfulness…in case you STILL haven't got a clue yet, I wouldn't try and steal your precious 'Gourry dear' if he were the last sword-slinging idiot on the planet! I like REZO!!!"
"How dare you insult my dear Gourry!" Sylphiel defended her item of idolatry, who'd run off and begun to play with the soap again.
"Cat fight!" Valgaav announced. Amelia and Prince Phil immediately ceased their rants of JUSTICE and crowded around Eris and Sylphiel to egg them on with cheers of JUSTICE. Everyone else ignored him.
In the kitchen, Filia suspiciously eyed Eris's pot of possum stew. "Where did that woman get a pot that's been studded with spikes?" She wondered out loud. The golden dragon tiptoed over to the pot and lifted the lid. "Ugh!" She cried, turning green and holding her nose. "This stuff smells AWFUL!"
All of a sudden Gaav and Phibrizzo stampeded into the kitchen. "IS THAT WHAT I THINK IT IS???" Phibrizzo cried. Filia stared blankly at the Mazoku lord as if to say, "Get out of my house."
"It is!" Gaav exclaimed, lifting the lid and taking a good, long whiff of the stuff (which looked like it could have come to life at any given moment).
"POSSUM STEW!" They cried in exultation, pouring heaping bowlfuls of the foul-smelling soup for themselves. Filia gagged on the stench and made a beeline for the bathroom.
"That Eris lady made MAZOKU FOOD???" Filia thought as she barfed up everything she'd eaten that day. "She seemed so nice on the phone too…she'd better not be a Mazoku or I'll have to kick her AND that Rezo guy out!"
"FLARE…carrot?" Sylphiel cried as she botched another spell.
"Yeah, yeah, go Miss Sylphiel! Beat Eris in the name of JUSTICE!" Amelia and Phil cheered in cheap cheerleader costumes.
"Eww, gross! Phil's legs are all hairy!" Martina cried. "I think I'm gonna be sick!"
"Don't look at it, Martina my dear," Zangulus said as he and his wife started making out…again.
All of a sudden, Gourry walked up to Eris and dumped the whole shipping crate of soap on a rope (without the rope) onto her head. "Your stupid soup gave me indigestion!" He complained, "and you're dumb and…uh…spiky! Sylphiel's better than you!"
"Yay for Miss Sylphiel and JUSTICE!" Amelia and Phil cheered.
"Phil, you look really ugly in that dress." Valgaav commented.
"I FEEL SO INSULTED!" Phil cried as he began to bawl like a four-year-old for the second time in this fic.
Gaav and Phibrizzo walked up to Eris eating heaping bowlfuls of possum stew. "This is the best possum stew we've had in centuries!" Gaav exclaimed, slurping up a stray possum foot that had ended up in the soup somehow.
"Why thank you…" Eris said from underneath the 500 or so bars of soap. "No one's EVER complimented me on my cooking before…I got that recipe from a man who called himself 'Xellos the Mysterious Priest.' I'm glad you like it!"
"Xellos???" Phibrizzo asked. "I never knew he was such a good cook!"
"Speaking of cooking," Amelia noticed, "it's getting late. When exactly was Miss Filia planning on having dinner?"
"Actually, dinner begins in five minutes!" Filia announced, opening the kitchen door and calling everyone to attention.
"You don't look well at all, Miss Filia!" Amelia commented. "Do you want Miss Sylphiel to heal you?"
"I'll be fine." Filia muttered.
All of a sudden, Lina stampeded downstairs toward the kitchen. "FOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" She cried. Everyone heard the noise and assembled in the dining room, anxiously waiting to be served.
Hehehe…Chapter 10 complete! Stay tuned—I'll post the next chapter once I reach the 35-review mark!