Moping Hermione

The last few weeks have been the worst time of Hermione's life. She was really a terrible person. This whole time Ron and her have been dating, but she has been hiding her real feelings from him. She knew deep down that he deserved better, but she couldn't bring herself to tell him that she didn't have any feelings for him…she was using him. She wanted to make Draco jealous. Ron didn't seem to notice and that is what hurt her the most. He was ecstatic to be her boyfriend and to finally have his heart's desire. She was completely miserable. It's not that she didn't like Ron as a friend; she didn't love him, like she did Draco. She couldn't just forget how Draco kissed her; bulls frogs formed and jumped around her stomach when she was near Draco. With Ron…she felt safe; his kisses were warm, but there wasn't any electricity or heat to them.

Ron was in heaven and she was in hell. It was as simple as that. Harry and Ginny were happy that Ron finally made his move; it did take him three years. He liked her since fourth year, but he was too scared. Ron was always holding her hand, blowing in her ear, and kissing her neck when they walked from class to class. Since, Hermione was taking advanced Potions; he would walk her to her class and run off to make his, blowing kisses around the corner. She could hear Draco snickering behind her as he kissed up Pansy's neck. She couldn't believe that he was back with that atrocious little brat. Whenever Draco did that she would storm into her class, but 'accidentally' push Pansy into Draco as Pansy always had her back turned, looking at Draco.

It disgusted Hermione. She was mad that Draco had moved on and decided to get back with that little bitch. She realized that it was all over and that Draco was a liar and an indecent prick. And to think that she actually loved him. Well, she didn't love him. Urgh! Who was she kidding? She loved him with all of her heart and she didn't think she would ever get over it, even if he didn't love her in return. She realized how Ron must feel.

She hated to see Ron so lovesick; she couldn't help that it was all one-sided. He was completely oblivious to his surroundings and didn't realize that Hermione was becoming a recluse.

"Hermione? Earth to Hermione," Ron snapped his fingers in front of Hermione's distant eyes.

Hermione was in her own little world and not listening to Professor McGonagal in Transfiguration. They were I supposed /I to be turning their desk into a full working muggle lamp. Hermione didn't realize how far off she was, until Ron brought her back to reality. She was thankful for that because she might have failed. She shook her head and blinked a few times.

"Umm…sorry Ron. What are we doing?" she asked innocently, trying to hide her disinterest, which was so un-Hermione-like.

Ron gave her a slightly confused look, but thought better not to ask. Hermione was a very hard book to read. Anything could trigger a fierce temper and he didn't want that to happen.

"Yea…we're supposed to change this desk, but I can't seem to do. Will you help me?" he fluttered his eyelids and put a cheesy grin on his face.

Hermione laughed at him and told him to bugger off. "It's not that hard Ron. All you do is point your wand at the center of the desk, say the incantation and flick your wrist forward and spin it to the right two times. Watch."

Hermione picked up her wand and pointed it at the center. Following her directions carefully, she flicked her wrist then spun her wand. The desk jerked a bit and then a soft pop was heard. There stood half a lamp attached to half a desk. It was quite funny, but it wasn't funny to Hermione. She never screwed up in Transfiguration…why was she now?

"Ms. Granger? I see you have--" Professor McGonagal's voice trailed off as she saw the catastrophe in front of her. She put her hand on her chest, trying to find an explanation for Hermione's mishap.

Hermione always nailed Transfiguration assignments. People around the room started to snicker and say 'miss-know-it-all' has finally been conquered; she should go back to the loony bin where she belongs.

Hermione should have done well, considering her memory was fully back. She could remember magic and all her time spent at Hogwarts. She remembered all of Draco's wise remarks. She remembered punching him, which would be great to do again right about now. She recalled being made fun of and that was happening now. She was a particularly strong person and could handle people's stupid remarks, but the stress of the last month was piling on top her, guilt was overcoming her good-judgement, her school work was becoming sloppy and she was slowly starting lose her sanity. It was worse than before when she couldn't remember anything. Now that she could, she knew what she was losing.

"I'm sorry Professor…I don't know what came over me…I am a bit tired," she lied. She knew perfectly well that her emotions were messing her up.

Professor McGonagal gave Hermione a wary eye, not fully believing her. Girls could be interesting creatures, so she decided to let it go and move back to her desk, wondering why her best student just failed an assignment.

A few moments later the bell rang, signaling the end of the class. Hermione grabbed all of her books and hastily left the classroom, leaving a puzzled Ron behind.

Instead of going to the Great Hall for lunch, she went to the girl's lavatory on the second floor to be alone and to let out some of her pent up emotion.

--

Draco was sitting in the back of Transfiguration class trying to ignore Pansy annoying chatter. She kept going on about how she hated people that weren't pureblood and how she and Draco would make a great pureblood family if they ever got married. He would rather build his own bridge and jump off it, muggle-style.

He was spinning his quill between his fingers and staring off into space, not listening to a word Professor McGonagal was saying. His thoughts were on a certain brown-eyed girl, who sat only four desks in front of him. Merlin was she the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. He didn't know why he didn't notice her before. His ignorance and father played a very big role in that. He was too blinded by blood, money, and politics; he never got the chance to know someone for who they were only what they were. Now he was in love with someone that he could never be with.

He watched Hermione stand up and illustrate something to that red-haired boyfriend of hers. It made him sick to the stomach to see them together. Her going out with someone else proved that she no longer was his. He made it worse by going out with Pansy, trying to make Hermione jealous. Hermione didn't show any sign of envy. Now he was trapped with Pansy and it sucked money butt.

She made a mistake and the whole class turned into a wild commotion. They couldn't believe that miss know-it-all finally made a mistake. This was the day for everyone.

Draco believed it was crap. Hermione was human, like everyone else and was entitled to make her own mistakes. She wasn't Merlin. This made Draco mad, to hear people making fun of Hermione's name. He watched McGonagal go over to Hermione, trying to understand what just happened. This was shite. Everybody was acting as if Hermione was really supposed to know everything, when in fact she didn't. It wasn't fair and his heart went out to her. To tell you the truth, she already had his heart, so he couldn't really hand it out to her if it was already taken.

He watched in admiration as Hermione ignored the sly comments coming from around the room and continued to stay calm. Any girl he knew would run off in shame or embarrassment. She remained calm and collective.

He could see the hurt in her eyes. She seemed so forlorn and lost. He wanted to pull her to him and give her a long hug. To tell her that everything would be all right. He wanted to hold her, kiss her, and love her for all eternity. That wouldn't happen…it would never happen.

"Drakie Poo. Look at that Mudblood Granger…she's practically going to cry," Pansy sneered and started to laugh at Hermione's red face.

Pansy had finally crossed the line. He couldn't handle her remarks and stupid antics. The bell rang and he watched Hermione leave the class. He felt his heart leave as well.

"Why don't you shut your mouth," he growled through gritted teeth.

Pansy gawked at him. "What'd you say?"

"You heard me. Pansy, we are over and I mean it, so don't come running to me. You are a parasite that never leaves. Take it from me when I say that I don't like you. I never did and never will. In fact, I pity you. Look around and see the real world," he explained and ran off to find Hermione

It was true. It took too much energy to hate someone. Pansy was lost in her own little world of lies. She didn't have true friends. People used her either for her money or for her body. She needed to wake up and face reality herself.

--

Hermione walked into moaning Myrtle's bathroom, hoping to find some peace.

She heard a loud wailing sound as Myrtle came flying out of a bathroom stall.

"Who goes there? Are you here to tease me? I am not fat, ugly, or mo--" Myrtle stopped when she saw that it was Hermione.

"Oh, it's just you. Did you bring Harry along?" her face looked hopeful.

"No…he had class," she lied. She knew that he somewhere snogging Ginny, but she wouldn't tell Myrtle that because she didn't want to hear the wrath of a ghost.

"Why are I you /I here?" her squeaky voice inquisitively asked.

"I just want to sit and think for awhile…is that okay with you?" Her voice seemed lonely.

Moaning myrtle thought for a moment and decided that it wasn't a bad idea. She left Hermione to herself and dived back into her toilet. Most likely going to the prefects' bathroom; it was always a load of fun for her.

Hermione sat in the corner on the other side of the toilets; she lowered herself to a sitting position and put her head on her knees. She started to rock; she tried to keep her tears in, but they seemed reluctant to stay behind her eyelids. There in the silent, cold, and dark lavatory, she let her tears spill. She cried for everything that she could remember. The war, Lupin, her parents, losing her memories, betraying Ron, losing Draco, letting everyone down…most of all herself.

Draco ran out of the classroom and looked left and right to see where Hermione went off to. He could see that she was hurting. She would have never left Ron in hurry like she did moments before if something wasn't obviously wrong. Ron was oblivious to Hermione's problems.

To his right, he saw her. She made a right at the end of the corridor. He ran to catch up. He followed her to an abandon lavatory on the second floor. He stood outside debating whether or not he should go inside and to talk to her. He wanted to tell her how he felt and that he wanted to be with her. Maybe, she would say yes…maybe not. She did have a boyfriend. He couldn't just ask her to leave Ron. What if she loved Ron and not him? It was always worth a shot. What did have to lose if he went inside and told her that he loved her? His dignity, integrity (never had any), his heart. They were already lost.

He decided to give it a shot. The worst that could happen would be rejection. Seeing as he was already rejected...he didn't know if he could withstand it again. In the end, his stubbornness made him walk to the door and push it open gently.

He walked into the dark room and opened his eyes wide, trying to locate Hermione. He found her in the corner, crouched into a sitting position on the grimy floor. She had her head down and didn't notice that he was there. He walked over to her, but stopped when he heard sobs coming from her.

She was crying. His heart broke. He wanted to know what was bothering her and why she was crying. He cautiously walked up to her, trying not to frighten her.

"Hermione?"

Her head popped up at the sound of Draco's voice, the one voice she was hoping to hear. Her face was tear-stained and red from crying. Her eyes were blood shot.

"What do you want?" she croaked. She didn't mean it to come out so harsh.

Draco cringed and stepped back from the cruelty in her voice. He was starting to think that coming here was a bad idea.

"Er…I wanted to see if you were all right," he truthfully said. Her eyes lit up in confusion.

"Why would you want to talk to me? I thought you hated me," she muttered. New tears were starting to form.

Draco was taken aback. She thought that he hated her, but he thought that I she /I hated him. Oh this whole situation was too darn confusing.

"I would never hate you," he replied. He stepped forward and sat next to her. He turned his body, so he was facing her. She refused to meet his gaze, knowing that she could get lost in their warmth.

A new tear streamed down her face. Draco leaned forward to wiped it away with his hand. She didn't cringe at his touch; instead she leaned into it. Draco hand cupped her cheek; she closed her eyes and nuzzled her face in his hand.

"Please tell me why you are crying? Did somebody do something to you?"

Hermione pulled away from Draco and wiped at her eyes. "It's none of your business."

"It is my business, especially with someone I am in love with…" he realized his mistake.

"What?" Hermione was in shock; he said he loved her, but how was that possible, she thought he hated her and that he was in love with Pansy.

Draco knew that it was too late to take back what he said. "Hermione, I've always loved you. The first day I saw you back in our first year, I fell in love you. I had to hide those feelings because of my father. I was scared that you would get hurt, so I did the only thing I could think of…I was mean to you. I'm sorry, but now that my father is dead, I don't have to hide any longer. I'll understand if you don't feel the same way." He had finally told the truth for the first time in his life.

He loved her. Her heart exploded in joy. She felt the same way, but she couldn't get herself to say it. She was too overwhelmed by his confession that she continued to stare and didn't say anything.

Draco started to shift uncomfortably. Maybe, she was thinking of a way to escape. He knew this was the wrong thing to do. She was probably happy with Ron. Why did he have to ruin everything?

"Hermione, say something," he pleaded.

Hermione didn't know what she was doing. This was her chance to tell Draco that she had always loved him too. She had been to blind to see it. Part of her wanted to tell him, but another part didn't want to. She wanted to protect herself; she didn't want to get hurt again. She was irrational and did the only thing she could think of…to save herself.

She stood up. "Draco I can't do this again." She walked away and of the door. She walked clear out of Draco's life. Pure instinct told her it would be better off. Her heart was telling her different, but she let logic take over once again.