The next month passed agonizingly slow for Sayuri and Fumiko. Masa doted on his mate, telling her how beautiful she was, how she glowed already from her pregnancy and it made both women feel awkward. And guilty. The baby may or may not be his and Sayuri felt awful for allowing the old man to act so foolish over it. He had already given her many gifts, including new kimonos with extra space in the abdomen, and little toys for infants.
Every night as she lay beside the man believing her lies she comforted herself with the knowledge that soon she could see her beloved Sesshomaru. He would know what to do and help her figure out the next step to take.
Finally, the morning of their journey arrived. Sayuri shook with nerves as she double checked all of her belongings. Fumiko checked her own things and nodded to her mistress, signaling she had everything and was ready to start their trip. It would take a week for them to make it to the West with so much stuff instead of a few days. Suddenly Masa entered from their shared room into her personal chambers with a look of sadness on his face. Sayuri shifted nervously afraid he had somehow sniffed out the truth already.
"My dearest Sayuri I'm afraid I'm not able to make the journey with you right this moment," he cooed sweetly. He stepped closer to her and reached a hand out, caressing her cheek. "But I know you greatly looked forward to revisiting your friends and homeland and I cannot bear to make you unhappy."
Sayuri stared at him trying to hold in the childish fit she could feel pushing its way up her throat. "But.." she started but Masa raised his hand to cut her off.
"Please my lady, go forward without me. I do not wish to leave you alone in your.. condition.. but there are matters here I must attend too. I trust Fumiko and my guards will keep you safe until you reach the West." He reached forward and laid his large hand on her belly, though it was so tiny she doubted anyone could tell she was with child.
"Thank you Masa!" she exclaimed before throwing her arms around his neck. She may not be in love with him but he truly was a kind man. It just made the entire situation even harder for her to swallow.
After their exchange the group began the journey to the West with Masa waving them off and not stopping until he became nothing but a small dot. The days passed slowly and Sayuri felt painfully restless. Forests in the area were thin and dull, lacking in both interesting foliage and animals. At night she tossed and turned with thoughts of amber eyes in her head. She just wanted to see him and waiting 4 more days seemed out of the question.
"Fumiko, what if I went ahead?" she asked hopefully on the fourth morning of their journey.
"Ha no my lady I don't think that would be wise. What would everyone thing you showing up there with no escorts? Lord Masa would surely be displeased." Fumiko had responded with a small laugh, dismissing her mistress as she poured water over their fires.
Sayuri moved directly next to her and leaned into her ear,"Yes, but it would give me a better chance to talk with Lord Sesshomaru alone. Many Southern servants are accompanying us and I'm afraid they will notice something amiss between us."
Fumiko eyes Sayuri and rolled her eyes. But she had to admit the young woman had a good point. By leaving, their companions would think she just couldn't contain her excitement anymore. After a few more moments of finishing up the morning's work, Fumiko nodded. Sayuri flashed her a smile in response and calmly walked from the camp, trying to be inconspicuous. Fumiko would enlighten everyone to the situation when they finally noticed her absence. A smile graced her lips as she was far enough a way to use her demon speed to cover ground more quickly.
By nightfall she saw the castle, lights glowing from within. She breathed out a sigh of relief. She was beginning to tire and felt nauseous from her lack of sustenance. By afternoon she had decided getting back to the West was more important than eating. Closing the distance to the front steps she trudged up them. The guards looked shocked to see her but bowed deeply and led her inside to wait for Jaken.
The bumbling green imp rounded the corner, his eyes already bulging out and his mouth turned in a disapproving frown. "Lady Sayuri! Where is your mate? Your servants? Your guard? Did your new lord send you here completely alone and unprotected? Lord Sesshomaru will not be happy about this!" he finished flailing his arms to relay his unhappiness.
"Jaken, calm down. They are coming. I simply wanted to arrive as quickly as possible so I ran ahead. Please, where is Lord Sesshomaru?" she inquired with a hopeful smile. Jaken eyed her, the annoyance still glimmering in his large eyes, but he relented after a moment.
"I will tell Lord Sesshomaru you are here. But don't expect him to be happy about it!" he yelled behind his shoulder as he walked towards his master's study.
Sayuri let out her breath which she had unknowingly been holding in anticipation. But she quickly sucked it back when she heard angry footsteps and a groveling Jaken approaching. She straightened her body and put on her most regal and gracious face as she saw Sesshomaru stalking towards her with Jaken trialing behind.
"Sayuri," Sesshomaru boomed, his tone making her eyes widen slightly. He now stood directly in front of her with a disapproving frown, much like Jaken's. "Why do you arrive with no one else? Where is Masa?" He demanded, glowering down at her.
"My lord," she said faintly, offering a deep bow. "My mate had other business to attend to before arriving to the festival. He sent me ahead with my servants and guard but-" she hesitated. She couldn't speak the reasons for her early, and lonely, arrival out loud, and she wasn't sure of what excuse to put in it's place.
Sesshomaru continued to glare at her. But he felt her worry and fear rolling off of her and sensed something troubling her greatly. "Jaken, see that quarters are prepared for our guest." he directed. Jaken jumped, surprised when Sesshomaru's words were directed towards him instead of Sayuri. The little toad scurried off to bid his master's wishes.
Now the demon lord turned to his guards and waved them back to their posts. He and Sayuri stood alone in the entrance of his home. How fitting she had arrived early, he thought. He beckoned for her to follow him and she trailed behind him until they arrived at his study.
Once inside he called for a servant to bring them a meal, realizing his old friend must be hungry after traveling such a long way. Once their food was set down before them, he looked at her more closely. Her eyes were wide, face gaunt, and her beautiful skin even more pale than normal. She sat before him staring off while nibbling on her food, a pensive look upon her features.
Was her new mate not treating her well? Was she that miserable with the old fool?
Sayuri hadn't even noticed Sesshomaru's study of her as she sat lost in her own thoughts. She had wanted to be here so badly with him but now that she was a fear had crept into her head and heart and she felt unable to look at his handsome features, let alone speak to him about her.. possibly their.. situation.
Finally, the lord broke the silence. "Explain the meaning of this Sayuri." he demanded, authority dripping from his words. Apparently he wasn't in the mood for games.
Casting him a sweet smile she responded,"I missed you."
He seemed taken aback at first but gave a slight nod. "I want to show you something." he said, moving towards a shelf. He pulled a small, rolled piece of parchment down. He unrolled it gently and then handed it to her. She took it from him, their hands brushing against one another's, and held it to her eyes. She began reading it, her heart sinking with every word.
Lord Sesshomaru,
I wished to inform you that Lady Sayuri is already with child. We will come
to the Winter Festival. But none after it. We will arrive in two weeks time,
ahead of the other courts. I know my mate will wish to visit with her old
home before it is overrun with strangers.
Lord Masa
She let the paper slide from her fingers onto the tray of food before her and turned to Sesshomaru using her eyes to plead with him to listen to her before getting angry. But she saw no anger in them. In fact, she really didn't see much of anything in them.
"Why are you here, ahead of everyone else? You carry his child, little girl. Do not come here saying you miss me." Sesshomaru spat out. Sayuri stood, feeling anger rising through her body.
"Why not? What does it matter if I carry a child. My feelings for you are still there!" she yelled at him, not caring who heard anymore.
"What we had is over. I did not expect you to get pregnant so quickly. You must attend to its needs, and the needs of its father." he said calmly as if that were the end. "Go to your quarters, Sayuri, and await the arrival of your mate." If she didn't know better, she would think he was hurt.
Well hadn't her mating made it clear she would one day bear children for her new lord? It was only sensible and she felt herself becoming angrier and angrier at his tone. What was she supposed to do? Ward off all contact from her new mate forever and make him suspicious? A sudden urge shot through her and she couldn't stop herself before she had slapped him across his face.
"What the fuck Sesshomaru?" she screamed out at him, surprising herself, and him. "Are you seriously mad? I didn't even want this in the first place, you're the one who wrote him and agreed to this marriage in the first place. So don't try to guilt me." she turned from him haughtily and crossed her arms over her chest.
Though just as quickly Sesshomaru had gripped her shoulders and spun her around to face him again. He bared down on her, moving his face inches from hers, before biting out darkly,"You will not take that tone with the Lord of the West. You will not raise your voice. I can say what I want and do what I want, your feelings on it do not matter."
The girl stepped back from him, placing her small hands across her stomach protectively. She knew he could be violent, and it seemed his feelings for her had dissipated, so who knew what actions he might take. He was back to being the cold elusive man who had taken her lover's place once before.
Witnessing her protective moves, Sesshomaru felt a pang of guilt. He reached out for her and lightly slid his finger across her cheek.
"You don't understand, Sesshomaru," she mumbled softly. "I conceived this child long before Masa sent you that letter. We have known for over a month."
Sesshomaru lifted his broad shoulders in a slight shrug, not sure what her point was. Seeing his indifference the girl sighed, exasperated.
"This child was conceived right around the time of our mating ceremony. We have only consummated our union once, 2 days after the ceremony." she gave him a look hoping he would catch on.
His eyes opened wider in understanding and he took a step back. "What are you saying, Sayuri?" he asked, wanting her to make it clear, in hopes he was misunderstanding her suggestion.
"The child may be yours." she said plainly, simply, and blankly. She had cried over this revelation enough that no more tears spilled from her eyes.
Sesshomaru took a step back from her again and stared at her, evaluating her expression, soaking in her words. She seemed to be telling him the truth from what he could tell.
"I came early and alone to tell you in hopes you would know what to do." she explained, holding her hand out to touch his chest. He grabbed it and pulled her in close, holding her against him.
"If the child is mine we will break the news to Masa. He will not be happy nor understanding. You are far enough along with this child that soon I shall be able to scent if he is mine." Sesshomaru told her, seeming slightly pleased about the child possibly being his.
"IF it's a boy." Sayuri mumbled to him.
Sesshomaru shook his head and let go of her slim figure. He wandered over to the window and thought about their situation and the grave danger it put Sayuri and her child... their child?.. in. They should have been more careful to avoid this from happening. But in their lust and passion neither had given a possible pregnancy much thought.
"And what if it is Masa's?" the girl asked him, breaking him from his reverie.
"What if it is?" he asked, not sure on her meaning. "Then you will return home and allow him to be a father to his child, and his future children."
She nodded, half expecting that as his answer. She would be trapped permanently if it were Masa's. Kami how she hoped it wasn't, war or no war, she didn't care anymore.
"Go and rest Sayuri," Sesshomaru said softly, coming to her and cupping her face in his warm strong hands. "We will worry about this in a few days."
She nodded, understanding that nothing could really be done until they knew who the father was. Sliding the door of his study open, she gave one last look at him, and then walked towards her old rooms.
Upon arriving there she found them to be left unchanged, save for fresh sheets and pillow that had seemingly just been put on her bed. Whether or not Sesshomaru had meant to leave the room alone, she wasn't sure, but glad none the less. Snuggling into the bed she let herself drift off into a peaceful slumber, glad to be home.
Over the next few days Fumiko and the rest of their party arrived. Sayuri had relayed the conversation with Sesshomaru to Fumiko and the older woman had nodded in agreement with him. They were severely limited in their options. The two lovers rarely came in contact, avoiding each other, and avoiding suspicion. But the first week had passed and Sayuri could no longer wait to know the truth.
She felt she could smell Sesshomaru's scent faintly emanating from her womb but thought it might be her mind playing tricks on her. So finally, she crept into his room one night, when all others were asleep. He immediately sat up in his bed and watched her come to him. Climbing atop the bed, she sat across from him, waiting for him to make the first move.
Sesshomaru grabbed her and pulled her to him, placing his face in the crook of her neck. He breathed in deeply, placing his hand on her stomach. His sensitive demon nose did not betray him. Nor did his intuition.
He looked into her eyes and sighed,"Yes, the child you carry is mine." They sat there frozen in one another's arms, neither sure of what to say.
It wasn't good that it was his but they both felt an overwhelming joy. Maybe this was Kami's way of bringing them back together. They were never meant to be apart and now they had no choice.