Chapter 10

Since Allison had worked two hours over Friday night, Marie allowed her to take off two hours early from her Saturday shift. Allison was anxious to get home. She wasn't sure what was going on in Daniels' head, but he was acting funny. She couldn't imagine what she'd done wrong, but she needed to find out. Soon. Her nerves were frazzled. When she got home, she was surprised to find the door locked. She fumbled through her purse to find her house key and accidentally dropped her purse, it's contents spilling onto the ground. Allison bent down to gather her things. That's when she saw all the prescription bottles laying on the ground. Had she taken her medication today? Did she take it yesterday? She couldn't remember. She hurriedly picked them up and stuffed them back into her purse. She didn't want Daniel to see them.

In fact, Daniel was the reason that she was walking around with all those bottles in her purse. The night he'd called her and said he'd needed a place to stay, her heart lept into her throat. She'd raked all the neatly arranged bottles out of the medicine cabinet and into her purse. She couldn't let him see them. He'd be sharing that bathroom with her now and she couldn't take the chance of him going in there and finding them. She didn't want him to think that she was weak like her father. She hadn't exactly been honest with Daniel about the rough time she'd had after finding her father dead. The truth was, not long afterwards, she'd been hospitalized for a couple of weeks. For the first week of her stay, there had even been talk of institutionalizing her. The psychiatrists' on her case had called it Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. She was treated with a host of medications for Anxiety, Depression and Insomnia. Allison could remember how alone she'd felt. She'd had frequent panic attacks for weeks following her fathers' suicide. If she found herself alone for more than an hour, she would have one of those horrible attacks. She'd felt like she was going to die. She'd become so depressed, there were moments when she had wanted to die. The only person in the world that she felt she had was Daniel.

The use of the antidepressants had actually started shortly after they'd moved from Murphys to Boston. She was heartbroken to leave him. She loved him and her heart ached for him every minute of every day. Shortly after seeing Dr. Randall, her psychiatrist in Boston, she'd been put on the medication and slowly had been drawn out of that depression. The doctor had even given her a job in his office as his receptionist. Slowly, she got better. She realized when the letters and phone calls from Daniel had become fewer and farther between that he had moved on. She realized that she would have to do the same. Slowly, she did. She was finally feeling strong again. Her mood was much better and she felt that she finally had a new lease on life...Then, her father put that gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger. A few short lines scrawled on a piece of notebook paper to Allison was all he'd left behind. She'd called Daniel. She couldn't remember too much of their conversation but one thing he'd said stuck with her. "I love you Allison. I'll always be her for you!"

Everything after that was a blur. The panic attacks had started. Trips to the Emergency Room. Inpatient treatment, outpatient treatment...It had all run together in her mind. But, she'd been strong enough to make it through all of that. Even though her psychiatrist/boss had warned her that her therapy needed to continue, she'd told him she was fine and she had to go back to California. She'd lied and told him that her boyfriend was there and he'd known all about her condition. She'd requested her records be copied for her to take with her because her boyfriend was waiting there to take care of her and he'd had her a new doctor lined up in Sonora. It had worked like a charm. Dr. Randall had bought every single lie she'd told him. He had written out ninety day prescriptions to control her anxiety, depression and insomnia. He'd stressed to her that she needed to make sure and take them exactly as prescribed and to start therapy immediately upon her return to California. She'd thanked him and promised to do just that.

The truth was, Allison had intended to find a psychiatrist as soon as she'd gotten home, but as soon as she'd laid eyes on Daniel, she'd convinced herself that she'd never felt happier or more stable in her entire life. She hadn't realized that it had actually been the right combination of prescription medications that was actually making her feel normal again. She'd continued to take it as prescribed and decided that once it ran out, she'd be fine. After all, she had her life in order. She wasn't alone anymore. There was nothing to be afraid of. She was with Daniel.

But now she wasn't feeling normal. She was scared and confused. She was worried about the way Daniel had been acting, especially since he'd moved in with her. Her routine had been disturbed. She'd had to hide the medications from him and quickly lost track of what pills she'd taken at what time. She'd tried to count the pills in the bottle in an effort to remember if she'd taken the correct dose of each one, but she'd given up on trying to keep up with it. She didn't have time for it anyways. She was always fearful of Daniel walking in and catching her with the medications spread out across her bed. When she remembered to take them...she did.

She unlocked the door and hurried inside. "Daniel?" She called for him. "Why did you lock the door? "Daniel!" She yelled his name louder. She hurried through the cabin, looking for him in each room. She ran back outside and around to the back yard, but found it empty. Her head started to spin. Her knees got weak and she began to feel that familiar throbbing in her chest. It was getting harder and harder to breathe. Oh God! Where is he? He's left me...He must've gone back home. She rushed back into the house and opened the bureau that she had put his clothes in. They were still there. His duffels were still in the closet. Where could he be? The room began to spin. She desperately tried to remember what she'd been told to do whenever she had a panic attack. She sat down, put her head down between her knees and tried her best to take slow, deep breaths.

After about fifteen minutes of sheer agony, Allisons' breaths were coming much slower and easier. She reached into her purse and found the prescription of Valium. She couldn't remember taking it today. She'd decided it would be a good idea to take two, to make up for her missed dose. That was probably why she'd had the panic attack. She got up to get some water. Crap, what's wrong with the water? She turned it on but nothing came out of the faucet. She went into the fridge to grab the milk. The jug was empty. Allison became irritated. She grabbed one of Daniel's beers and popped off the lid, put the pills on her tonge and took a big swig. She laid down on the couch and stared at the front door. Where is he? How could he leave me here by myself? Doesn't he realize by now that I don't like to be alone? He must know that. He has to see how much happier I've been since he started living with me...How could he just leave me here. She buried her head into the couch cushion and began to sob.

to be continued...