A/N: A don't own Glee. Ryan Murphy & Co do.

MERRY CHRISTMAS! Hope you guys enjoy this! I have a few days off coming up so I'm hoping to get going on this more :)

Chapter 10

They did make it to the beach that day...eventually. She couldn't get enough of her husband and had made love to him again before finally unwrapping herself from his trim body and got redressed. They reapplied each other's sunscreen before they gathered their things and headed out the door to enjoy the warm Aruba sunshine.
Finn smiled as he watched her spread out her towel she had brought with her to lay out on. From his vantage point, he got the best view of his wife. He grinned when he watched her strip of the white gauzy cover-up she had worn down to the beach.
"You checking me out Mr. Hudson?" She laughed as she caught his gaze.
"Maybe I am" He laughed back at her as she plopped down carefully onto her towel. "What are you going to do about it?"
She giggled. "Not a thing" She leaned over and placed a kiss on his cheek before laying down on her towel.

They just laid there. There weren't many people on the beach with them, and if there were they didn't notice them or they weren't close enough for either Finn or Rachel to hear them. The only sounds were the gentle lapping of the waves on the beach. Sometime over the course of the time they had been laying there on the beach, Rachel had leaned over and took his hand. And they just laid there. Neither of them speaking, both of them just soaking in their surroundings and each other.

Finn was just putting his ear phones in when Rachel turned to him.
"We need to do this with Melody. Even if it's just going to a beach at home. Like Coney Island or something..." She said softly, lifting her sunglasses to look at her husband. "She would have loved it..."
He nodded in agreement. But this trip was for them though, to get their groove back. "I agree. We'll plan it when it gets closer to the summer. But I bet she's having a blast driving Kurt crazy though."
"Burt's probably loving it" She giggled, smiling at him. He rolled over onto his side more to look at her more closely.
"She's being spoiled. Don't worry about her" He said softly. He reached over and let his hand graze her cheek. "Just relax. I love you."
"I love you too Finn." She sighed a little as she looked at him. "And I am relaxed. I haven't felt this relaxed in...months. I just miss our little girl."
"Maybe we can Facetime Kurt tomorrow morning. They'll still be in Ohio and we could talk to Mel then" He smiled. "And I'm glad you're relaxed. I think that was our parents goal...to get us to just...I don't know, chill" He smiled his half crooked smile. Their conversation trailed off and Finn rolled back onto his back and plugged one headphone into his ear so he could listen to music. He left the other one open to hear the waves, and more importantly Rachel.

Rachel felt blissful. She couldn't really put her finger on it, it was probably the sunshine, the atmosphere and some altogether amazing love she had made to her husband over and over that was doing it to her. But she wasn't going to complain. She needed this, she needed to feel like this. She could only pray (and pray she did) that this feeling would continue long after they'd returned to New York and their everyday lives. She just hoped so badly. This is what life was supposed to be like.

New Years Eve fell on their fourth full day in Aruba. They had decided they were going to participate in the resorts celebrations, a big dinner and dance was being held in the main hall with food, music and fireworks. To Rachel that felt like the perfect way to say goodbye to 2028 and welcome the new year. A new year, a new start. Rachel was determined that 2029 wasn't going to swallow her whole like the previous year had. She would try harder at therapy and just try and live. But that was tonight, and currently they were taking a walk down the beach, enjoying the quiet sounds of the water crashing against the shore. They were enjoying the quiet of the morning before heading into town to buy some souvenirs for the family. Rachel clutched Finn's hand in both of hers as she leaned into him as they walked.

There was something that had been weighing on her mind a lot, more so lately than ever. Maybe it was brought on by this newfound relaxation and calm, maybe it was from a deeper yearning. "Can I ask you something?" She asked softly as they walked. She linked her one hand with his and squeezed his fingers.
"You can ask me anything baby. You know that" He looked down at her, the sunglasses hiding his eyes from her gaze. He gave her a soft smile. She stopped walking and pulled him to a halt.
"Do you think we'll have another child?" Her heart thumped in her chest, as did his. She pulled both his hands into hers and held them, letting her gaze stare up at him before falling down to the sand under her feet. Her heart continued to thump as she waited for him to answer. Minutes passed and she felt her anxiety rise. Maybe he didn't want to talk, maybe he didn't know the answer. But she needed to know how he felt. It was a recommendation of her therapist, that they talk about this stuff, the future and such. But she'd never paid her any mind because she was so deep in her own head. But she was feeling good so why not now? She was so lost in her own rambles, that she didn't realize he had dropped one of her hands and used the free hand to place a few fingers under her chin and tilt her head to look at him. He had lifted the sunglasses from his own eyes and was staring down at her with his amazing amber eyes.
"Rach. I want to have another child with you, more than anything. Another living, breathing part of me and you" He said simply. He let go of her chin and lifted her sunglasses as well so he could look in her eyes. He brought the free hand down to her hip. She felt like there was a but coming, except it never did. "Melody is perfect. Everything we could ever want in a child..." He pulled her closer to him and wrapped his arms around her waist. Then the but she had been expecting, came. "But part of me is so scared..." He whispered as she looked up at him. She let her arms wrap around his waist. "Because I can't go through this again...these past few months have been so hard on me, because they've been so terrible for you...and I just don't know if I'm strong enough to go through another heartbreaking loss..." He felt tears rise in his eyes as he looked down at her, the same tears reflected in her eyes. It felt good to finally let this go, let her know how he felt. "And we're just starting to get back on our feet. Like literally just starting. I don't know if I'm strong enough to put us back together again."
Rachel let a tear roll down her cheek and felt his heart break for her husband. He was right, he had to be so strong for them. For all three of them for the last few months. He'd had to shoulder all the responsibility that should have been both of theirs. He had to be, at times, both mother and father for Melody. And he had done it. Simply because he had to, because she had been so vacant for a good chunk of time since that fateful day in July. That was just the kind of man he was, a leader, a provider. Her man. He had always been all of those things, to her and everyone in their lives. It didn't surprise her when he stepped up when her and Melody needed him the most. She felt him pull her closer to him and she laid her head on his chest as tears rolled down her cheeks.
"I'm sorry." She whispered.
"You have nothing to be sorry for. None of what happened, before during or after was ever your fault." He kissed the top of her head and sighed. "I just, I love you so much, I love Melody so much. It was what needed to be done. I had to do it, for us and for her. Because I couldn't let us fall apart. But I just...Rach, do you want to have another baby? Take another chance? Try again?"
She was silent for a minute, letting his question to her sink in for a moment. Did she? She'd always thought she would have more than one child when she was younger, she had hated the thought of having her and Finn's child be an only child.
"I do." She said quietly after a few minutes had passed between them. "I need...I want to try one more time." She felt his grip on her waist tighten. "I need to just try" A silence befell them for a few minutes. "For me. For us."
Finn sat down on the sand, dragging her down with him and pulling her into his lap. He held her there for a minute and she buried her head in his chest.
"I do want another child. I just need to be sure it's what you want Rach. I just..."
"You're scared. I'm scared too Finn. But this is what I want. I need to try."
He just nodded. At least they were on the same page with their feelings.

They sat there for a few minutes, letting everything each had said sink in. They both wanted another child. But, even under all of the words about strength and being able to handle it, they both could tell the other was scared.
"Okay" He said after a few minutes.
"Okay?" She looked at him.
"We can try for another baby" Finn looked down at Rachel and watched as her eyes lit up like he hadn't seen in months. Maybe they were turning a corner. But would another pregnancy, maybe even an unsuccessful one ruin that? He couldn't think like that. Not when she was looking at him like that.
"Oh Finn" She breathed out.
"You're right. Our family just doesn't feel...complete. Like we're meant to have more than just one perfect thing..." She reached up and pressed a kiss to his lips, feeling him reciprocate all of the love she was feeling in her heart. Love might just be all they needed.

They danced. They ate. They drank non-alcoholic sparkling cider, neither of their medications allowed them to drink in excess. And the closer to midnight it got, the more elated Rachel felt. After their talk on the beach this morning, she had felt...lighter. Almost more at peace. Sure, she knew the darkness that she had felt for so long was laying just around the corner for her to find but she felt like maybe she was turning the opposite corner and closer to moving on with her life. She had the support of her family back home and more important than anything she had the support of her wonderful husband who was behind her 100% on whatever it was she wanted to do. She knew he wanted another child just as much as she did. She just hoped she could, metaphorically speaking, deliver. She just hoped to God it would be easy and successful and this bliss would continue. As the song they were dancing to on the outdoor dance floor came to an end and another one started up, Finn pulled her closer to his body and placed a few light kisses on her neck. She giggled at the feeling.
"Oh Finn" She whispered. He wrapped his arms tightly around her waist, keeping her close to his body. Her own fingers found the back of his neck and wrapped her fingers in the little hairs she found there. He stared down at her, his amber eyes locking with hers. "I love you"
"I love you too" He sighed, leaning down to place a slow kiss on her lips. When he pulled away from her, the music halted and the countdown to the new year began.
"10...
9...
8...
7...
6...
5...
4...
3...
2...
1...HAPPY NEW YEAR!"
Finn leaned down once again and pressed a kiss to Rachel's mouth, one that held so much promise, so much hope. 2029 was going to be their year. He could just feel it.